Ahhh, on my recent trip back to Japan I realized that I had become accustomed to my anus being cleansed with a strong stream of warm water immediately following defecation. Now, it seems like just the standard American paper wipe is no longer sufficient. I just can't get all the shit off my ass and I've even bloodied my asshole with my overly enthusiastic or even downright aggressive techniques. I can feel little uncomfortable turds crusting up and irritating my sphincter even has I type. How long must America stay in the Stone Age? Fucking Luddite plumbers! Die you fucking cunts!

AssKissinger wrote:I just can't get all the shit off my ass and I've even bloodied my asshole with my overly enthusiastic or even downright aggressive techniques. I can feel little uncomfortable turds crusting up and irritating my sphincter even has I type.

:rofl: You're such a 'beatnik' coffee-house fag..

If you pay retail price and shipping, I'll send you a Japanese 'washlet'..

GJ

[quote="GuyJean"]:rofl: You're such a 'beatnik' coffee-house fag.. ]

How can AK be into washlets and dingleberries at the same time?

scrub the ass good boy !

I can sympathise with AK... Oh how pleasant it is to have a sparkling clean anus...

Damn waste-of-time sandpaper bulkbuy "save the planet" recycled bullshit prehistoric ass paper.

You can always shit outside, and use a regular garden hose as an anal scrubber. The effect should be nearly the same.

Big Booger wrote:You can always shit outside, and use a regular garden hose as an anal scrubber.

Or keep a turkey baster in the bathroom..


GJ

http://www.bidetseatwarehouse.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWCATS&Category=2

Can be easily bought desho?

By the way, looking at the poll, those who 'spray then wipe' must be those who don't need to clean the toilet bowl...

tinateoh wrote:http://www.bidetseatwarehouse.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWCATS&Category=2

Can be easily bought desho?

Tina your new avatar makes me think you must love American cock which makes me love you.

As for easily bought...

this is what frightens me

Call for Pricing ***

I have a feeling that it's one of those things where if you have to ask then you can't afford it. Anyway, I got a special FG detective on the case with an honest deal in store for my anus and my wallet.

AssKissinger wrote:Ahhh, on my recent trip back to Japan I realized that I had become accustomed to my anus being cleansed with a strong stream of warm water immediately following defecation. Now, it seems like just the standard American paper wipe is no longer sufficient. I just can't get all the shit off my ass and I've even bloodied my asshole with my overly enthusiastic or even downright aggressive techniques. I can feel little uncomfortable turds crusting up and irritating my sphincter even has I type. How long must America stay in the Stone Age? Fucking Luddite plumbers! Die you fucking cunts!

Howard Stern used to complain about getting "anal fissures" from wiping his ass too hard with toilet paper. The solution: use baby wipes. It's like washing your behind without taking a shower!

AssKissinger wrote:Tina your new avatar makes me think you must love American cock which makes me love you.

As for easily bought...

this is what frightens me



I have a feeling that it's one of those things where if you have to ask then you can't afford it. Anyway, I got a special FG detective on the case with an honest deal in store for my anus and my wallet.

For that new avatar, it is a pic taken from Disneyland. I think it is not meant to be American cock ..but I can't help thinking it is American cock either.

As for washlet, how about buying here, send and fix there. Is the toilet shape (U shape/O shape) and size the same? (Japanese asses maybe smaller...)

Japanese asses maybe smaller

No doubt about that.

As for my john, it's a kind of an 'O' shape, just slightly oblong.

Kamome, that baby wipes idea might be a decent solution, with a light pat down from some dry paper at the end to dry it up.

To those of you who spray before wiping: Doesn't that get kind of messy?

If you really want to prevent asshole burn, use a misting bottle and pre-dampen the toilet paper before applying to the bum burrow.



That should provide a pleasant experience for you, at least until you can dish out some dough for a new toilet bowl.

AssKissinger wrote:Ahhh, on my recent trip back to Japan I realized that I had become accustomed to my anus being cleansed with a strong stream of warm water immediately following defecation. Now, it seems like just the standard American paper wipe is no longer sufficient. I just can't get all the shit off my ass and I've even bloodied my asshole with my overly enthusiastic or even downright aggressive techniques. I can feel little uncomfortable turds crusting up and irritating my sphincter even has I type. How long must America stay in the Stone Age? Fucking Luddite plumbers! Die you fucking cunts!

Christ, AK. You know perfectly well what the solution to this problem is. You're just too much of a cheapskate to cough up the cash. Don't tell me you've forgotten about the Toto Portable Washlet.

And for those of us who need a little help visualizing, watch "Portable Washlet: The Movie" (Windows Media, Quicktime, RealPlayer)

Once you have experienced the luxury and comfort of a Toto Washlet in your home, you won't want to do without when you travel. Toto designed the portable Washlet for just such situations.

Damn, omae mona, you may be joking but that looks like the answer to my prayers!

AssKissinger wrote:Damn, omae mona, you may be joking but that looks like the answer to my prayers!

I never joke about the serious topic of anuses and rectums.

By the way, it's cheaper at Bic Camera. Do you need somebody to send it? The downside is that it's a litlte backordered, and you may have to pay some duties on it.

I have one and love it. But a few years ago when I was travelling through Detroit on the way home, I put it in my carry on. When I got to security the guard saw the little machine and wanted to know what it was. I tried to explain to him, but this was the time when you had to demonstrate that all electronic devices you had in your bag would work. So I had to get some water put it in and demonstarte in front of all these onlookers how my personal bidet works. A little embarrasing to say the least. But still a god send.

canman wrote:I have one and love it. But a few years ago when I was travelling through Detroit on the way home, I put it in my carry on. When I got to security the guard saw the little machine and wanted to know what it was. I tried to explain to him, but this was the time when you had to demonstrate that all electronic devices you had in your bag would work. So I had to get some water put it in and demonstarte in front of all these onlookers how my personal bidet works. A little embarrasing to say the least. But still a god send.

It seems like it might be a little awkward to use though. I don't know maybe no harder than wiping your ass. What do you think? Is it ok for a cheap home substitute? How's the pressure? I like to crank 'em up to full so it's like 'ウウウ'.

AssKissinger wrote:Kamome, that baby wipes idea might be a decent solution, with a light pat down from some dry paper at the end to dry it up.

It certainly is the cheapest way to go, and you don't have to import a friggin' toilet seat back to the States.

And yes, I forgot to mention that you need to dry your anus with some toilet paper after applying the wet wipes. I insert a couple of sheets and use the "double buttcheek squeeze" technique for economy of motion.

TMI?

TMI?

Not-at-all! In fact, that's the purpose of this thread: To get this type of info out in the open.

If it's so hard to get one imported, improvise. Just run the garden hose through the toilet window, buy a new nozzle

and hang it next to the pot for instant use! IIIN JYA NAI KA?

If AK you are looking for something to clean out your small intestine, your are shit out of luck. The other problem is I always find it a bit weird using this thing in a public restroom, I have gotten a few strange looks when I leave the stall. But for use at home its pretty good, and I think you would be surprised at the pressure.

I don't get it. Does it have weaker pressure than a typical real washlet? And if so, why would that surprise me? And if not, why is it not like a real washlet?

gboothe wrote:If it's so hard to get one imported, improvise.

That's what I was thinking.. The garden pump sprayers would work perfectly:



We used to use these for spraying down the rising bread when I worked in a bakery; kept the surface moist and elastic so the yeast could do it's stuff.

GJ

[quote="GuyJean"]That's what I was thinking.. The garden pump sprayers would work perfectly:



We used to use these for spraying down the rising bread when I worked in a bakery]

Shit, that looks more like a portable enema than a makeshift washlet!

GuyJean wrote:

Also good for removing the mice, cockroaches and ants that are causing all the discomfort.

I was thinking that either A or Bwould make an adequete substitution.

Time to resurrect this picture from the Random Nihonjin thread:

Mulboyne wrote:

How old was AK when that was taken?