What is your standard response to...

[kusai Jijii]

...balding salarymen fucks that come up to you in public places and ask if they can speak English AT you?...

I'm just curious, as a friend of mine tonight told one guy to fuck right off to his face tonight....


anyway, fire away....

[Charles]

My usual verbal response:

"Je ne comprends pas. Je ne parle pas Anglais."

[Bedi]

英語話せませんm(__)m

[mijonju]

id go: SURE 1000yen per minute. Alright lets start talking!

[Catoneinutica]

"Jesus is my co-pilot - let me tell you why!"

-catone
-or: "I can tell your bar-code hair and dogshit breath belie an intense, deviant masculinity. Shall we adjourn to the love hotel?"

[Iraira]

Salarimen get, "The beast of fire shall tear through your spleen and eat your unborn!"

However for attractive OLs, "Sure, I'd love to teach you English, and the acoustics over in that love hotel are great for practicing your....intonation. Let's work on tag questions...repeat after me, 'I want a stiffy in me, don't I?'"

[ketchupkatsu]

Strangely, I have never had a Japanese person come up to me and try to speak English.

Although, I've had many foreign tourist ask me if I can speak English, and help them.

[ichigo partygirl]

えっ？英吾？英吾話せない
Or sometimes i say the same thing in Russian, German, Maori or French because saying it in Japanese sometimes leads to - "Oh so you can speak JAPANESE"....[cries of suprise etc etc]
I don't want to be rude and crush their little souls so they will never speak English again, but at the same time they are being rude approaching me so i want to make them go away.

[CrankyBastard]

Sometimes I take the opportunity to relieve a bit of stress and tell them what a bad day I'm having.
If I don't want to interact, I find that taking over the conversation at speed, not letting them get a word in, works best. Kinda like Billy Connolly in the early 70s'.

[Kagetsu]

I had some random come up to me a few years back during new years in Asuka, wanting to appologise for WWII, when I told him I was from Darwin, Australia he was even happier to chat. I was less happy.
My friend was with me, who is also from Darwin, but is asian though not Japanese, she was asked where she is from, and she said Darwin. He kept asking as if to find out information, on the third time, she told him that if he didn't leave (in Japanese) she'd cut his dick off.