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Video-Link Japan wrote: One thing that would seem pretty straight forward to me is that 'People Are People' no matter where you go, for better or worse, rich or poor.
maraboutslim wrote:Yes, the original post was a bit of a simplification, but let's not go too far in the criticism. If "people are people" is what you've learned from your time living in Japan, or other countries, then I think you need to get more deeply involved.
maraboutslim wrote:It is by no means crazy to say that fewer people marry for "love" in Japan than in, say, the USA. And as for "arranged" marriage, I wouldn't be surprised if over 25% of marriages are in some way "arranged" in Japan, even today.
maraboutslim wrote:People aren't people. And that's the beauty of it all.
-Slim
Video-Link Japan wrote:Only `A Bit`..?!? I am pretty deeply involved and stand by what I said.. the original post reads like it was from the 1950`s..
Video-Link Japan wrote: as for arranged - in traditional sense that the head of each family decides and bride/groom have no choice..
maraboutslim wrote:People aren't people. And that's the beauty of it all.
-Slim
Video-Link Japan wrote:People aren`t people..?!? I`m gonna leave that little jewel alone,
Video-Link Japan wrote:Slim.. It's like we're trying to decide if it's half full or half empty..!! Perhaps you've never been on the bullet train or walked through Akihabara or hung out over night in Shibuya..?!?
Video-Link Japan wrote:threads exist in all countries]Yoroshiku Onagai Shimasu[/i]
maraboutslim wrote:I mean, I want to agree with Gomi Girl that we shouldn't try to label people, but on the other hand I do think it is somewhat valuable to understand cultural norms. No harm done as long as people realize that norms are just norms and don't apply to every last individual.
Video-Link Japan wrote:Only `A Bit`..?!? I am pretty deeply involved and stand by what I said.. the original post reads like it was from the 1950`s..
GomiGirl wrote:While I am not doubting that this is what you have found out from discussing with all sorts of people, I am curious to know why it is necessary for you to put everybody into groups.
Japanese people think X
Western people think Y
We should be opening up the lines of communication rather than putting up barriers of pre-judging a situation based on cultural or racial stereotypes.
Nowadays in Japan (or Korea too) it's probably true than a significant part of the population get to know their partner by "miai", so via a matrimonial agency or because a family member or friend has arranged for them to meet, checking carefully all information about them.
GomiGirl wrote:
Also, it is my own pet peeve that generalisations lead to prejudice which leads to ugliness.
Naniwan Kid wrote:I have to be honest. I do not know a single person who has gotten married through an arranged marriage. Though I don't disagree (necessarily) with what an arranged marriage is trying to accomplish, I think it is the exception, and not the rule in Japan now.
Maybe that is why the docorce rate is going up in Japan......
Maciamo wrote: They should not forget that on top of this it is normal in Japan for a father to have a bath with his children, even 20 year-old girls ! I guess that if the average Japanese man loses interest in his wife once she becomes a mother, there is no problem with children either.
Maciamo wrote: Finally, lots of Westerners think it might cause psychological problems to the children to sleep with their parents. But Japanese do it and seem to be alright with it. The only drawback I can think of is the independence factor. Japanese are very group-minded and usually have difficulty thinking by themselves. It may be related.
Maciamo wrote: Why do Japanese women stop working when they get married or pregnant ?
1) It's in the culture like that. They usually want to. Most Westerners think they are forced to quit, but they often resigned from their own will (or from what society has inculcated them). Japanese men also prefer that their wife stay at home once married. Women almost always want to spend as much time as they can with their babies (remember J-girls like what is "kawaii" ? The connection is evident).
2) Nursery schools are few and very expensive in Japan (I've heard about 200.000 yen/month). It make more sense for the mother to stay at home than work and pay almost all her salary for the nursery. In most Western countries, nurseries and kindergartens are free, which allows lots of mothers to work.
Maciamo wrote: There is a kind a tacit understanding between spouse that after 10 years of marriage (loveless anyway) and a few children, the man is free to satisfy his libido somewhere else. That is why the sex industry is so prosperous in Japan.
Maciamo wrote: There is also the infamous "enjo kosai" or teenage prostitution. I'd like to say that for lots of Japanese (or East Asian) women, this isn't even considered as prostitution. Many find it normal to have sex with a man that pays them whatever they want. Remember that marriage is not much more than a man giving almosy all his salary to a woman to make children and take care of them. It suely sounds utterly shocking to lots of you, but after talking to (female) Japanese and other Asian friends I know quite well, they don't even see it as abnormal. It's in the mores, that's all. That doesn't mean Japanese women cheat more, but lots of them certainly consider money as more important than love or sex (which I find very saddening).
Maciamo wrote:I am not judging.
ramchop wrote:Maciamo wrote:I am not judging.
I think that's the flaw in your essay. You're neither voicing your opinion nor presenting facts.
Others are asking, "where are the facts?". You seem to be afraid to be seen to be "judging".
Stick your bollocks on the chopping block and state your views. Which of your claimed systems do you think is best?
Maciamo wrote:My biggest culture shock ever was not when I came to Japan or travelled around India or SE Asia, but when I stayed in Australia (mostly because of the way of thinking and world vision, not about marriage). So I guess we could discuss these differences too.
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