could you give me some advice about having a kid here?

[kotatsuneko]

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[Steve Bildermann]

[Taro Toporific]

how much does it cost ? can the govt provide any aid as i have a spouse not a resident visa? how much should i really be earning to afford having a child for the first few years?

My Japanese coworkers say you need to be earning more than 250,000yen per month.

the wife said some mixed couples gave their kids the husbands name as if they went back to a foreign country the kid wouldnt receive as much discrimination

Nooooooooooooooo! No, no, no! Always give your kid an amibigous bi-cultural name like "Ken", "Mari" etc and a JAPANESE last name. Name discrimination is 1,000% greater in Japan. Think about it. No Japanese form or govn't office allows easy input of a FG name. Conversely, a Japanese name in the West is real kool likeBuckakoo Bonzai.

[American Oyaji]

I've had nor problems with the last name issue.

My wife took my last name and even when she was working and a boss asked her to use her Japanese last name while working she refused.

Had no problems at the city office.

I definitely think you should be bringing in 250,000 yen a month or mORE.

[maraboutslim]

I had two kids while living in Japan. Both of the kids have Japanese first names (that are reasonably easy enough for English speakers to also pronounce) and my wife's family name in Japan. My son actually has a typical english middle name but as one can only have two names in Japan, his first name is run together all as one word: kanji followed by katakana. Kind of bizarre but that's just his official name and I doubt anyone but the kuyakusho would insist on calling him by that name. On their U.S. Passports they have my family name.

They hospitalize the women for a really long time when giving birth but hey, everything worked out fine, no problems with anything legally or medically or whatever. The kids attended public pre-schools and such and my son even went to shogakko over the summer one year when visiting (he hated it because the kids were kind of mean to him as an outsider, but hey, that's kids).

How did your wife take your last name when you were married? Does that mean you have your own Koseki on file in Japan? I've never heard of such a thing! And if so, how did her family feel about her no longer being on their Koseki? I'm afraid because of this situation, it will really be rough for your kids growing up in Japan withouth even a Japanese family name. People will see their name listed somewhere like a student list or on their business card should they choose to work in Japan and have plenty of time to form preconceived notions about how to treat them (i.e. as a gaijin) that they wouldn't do if they simply had Japanese names. But hey, too late for that, huh?

[ramchop]

Kids are cool.

There are two ways you can look at it.

1) Be financially secure first. You shouldn't have kids if you can't take proper care of them.

2) Go for it. Do it now before you require fertility assistance (and 35 is getting up there). Financially it'll be rough, but you're a good parent you'll find a way to cope.

I went for the latter.

I'm on a bit more than the stated 250,000/month. But if you take off the savings we've been ferreting away for the house deposit, we're certainly surviving on less than that.

We've seen friends buy one or two houses in the past few years. Nice and financially secure they are. But once having their frst baby it seems they couldn't break the cycle of greed. Really sad but they spend very little time with their child. Got to wonder why they bothered.

[kurohinge1]

2) Go for it.

Definitiely, option 2.

Kids don't care about money. They just want to be warm, fed and loved - until they're teenagers, anyway. Even if you end up on the street, pushing a little babycart (with a little boy named "Diagoro"), it's worth every moment.

Our little girl was born 17 days ago (in Australia) and, despite the fact that she'll probably exceed my own maturity level within a matter of weeks, and my Japanese ability shortly thereafter, she makes my heart melt everytime she looks at me with that little grumpy, new-born bewilderment. Or perhaps it's a look of relief, that she's not a boy and called "Diagoro" ...

Go for it.

[Taro Toporific]

..2) Go for it. Do it now...

YES! Keep pumping!
Steve B and I need lots a little taxpayers to cover our nearly daily medical bills and semi-retirement, he, he.

[Pizzicatoblue]

Even though I won't have children god knows when, I too have a story to tell you guys.


September 16, 1985, the year I was born. A date where a couple, from two different backgrounds, made a multi-racial child. When my mother and father told my granmother (on my father's side) the news, she didn't take it very likely, nor did my granfather. He too, didn't like my mother. He also didn't like my father to begin with, but back to the story. Two days later, my father went back to my granmother's house. He asked her why she didn't take the picture while they were visiting her. After he asked her the question, she slapped him. After that, they had a very big argument. After the argument, she tore up the picture. But that was a long time ago. Years later, she accepted me, and my other siblings for who we are. Years have passed, my granfather and granmother both died of lung cancer, all because of smoking. As for my mother's side, they accepted me for who I was. The only bad part was , was that some of my relatives would still considered me a full black person, all because I was half black. I always told them that I was neither black nor white, I am my own race.

[GomiGirl]

I always told them that I was neither black nor white, I am my own race.

Good attitude honey - you are your own person too!!

[kotatsuneko]

first: CONGRATULATIONS dude!

well, i think i'm going to have to do what i've been avoiding so far, and actually get a job with one of those horrible big 3 english "schools" for a while..

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[Big Booger]

Good luck with the kids. :d I suppose I'll have some little boogers in a couple of years.. They will of course be the reason I will live and breathe.

[Pizzicatoblue]

Good attitude honey - you are your own person too!!

Thank you so much for that reply, Gomi. That DEFINETLY made me feel very warm inside!

[ramchop]

my parents gave us a real childhood, the sort of upbringing that seems impossible anywhere anymore

Not true, there are many wonderful places to raise a child, you've just got to choose which one. Examples:

I think New Zealand would be a great place for my kids because being a shepherd and running after sheep sounds so idyllic.

or

I would like to raise my kids in Kyoto because when they go to a foreign country or have foreign friends, they can be really popular by teaching them many things about Kyoto.