soon to be ex-wife called cops on me

[ttjereth]

Why the hell would you ever marry such a woman?

I've dated women who fit what you describe perfectly. One in particular actually could be your wife the description matches so well. In my worst nightmares I can't imagine being married to her.

Because she is worth the trouble in many ways.

She has started to get used to not being able to buy everything she wants (still too interested in brand goods and such for my taste, but I'm a cheapskate ) and has mellowed out considerably since earlier in our marriage.

Also, just to preserve my reputation slightly, I would like to add that none of these personality traits surfaced until after we were married and living together

Her temper and everything also doesn't come into play with anyone but family and me (her's, not mine, she gets along with my family better than I do) she doesn't blow up or go stomping around at work or in public or anything.

[ttjereth]

[quote="halfnip"]Sounds like you could use a beer. ]

Another item to lower my popularity on here, I don't like beer

[American Oyaji]

Another item to lower my popularity on here, I don't like beer

Kill him!:p

[Bucky]

You know, since Momotobananaoishi wrote his "spew" message he seems to have dropped out of sight. I guess if people start seeing through you -- you tend to lose your enthusiasm for continuing on here.

Ya know marriage is a give and take situation. I have been married to my Japanese wife for 26 years. I suggest if he is already planning his next marriage that perhaps he should take some time and make sure he is mature enough to handle it. Believe you me, my wife and I have had plenty of issues in a quarter of a century, but if you choose carefully your marriage can last.

[ttjereth]

Kill him!:p

Saves a lot of money compared to the average gaijin here

[ttjereth]

You know, since Momotobananaoishi wrote his "spew" message he seems to have dropped out of sight. I guess if people start seeing through you -- you tend to lose your enthusiasm for continuing on here.

Or his wife might have knifed him in his sleep

Ya know marriage is a give and take situation. I have been married to my Japanese wife for 26 years. I suggest if he is already planning his next marriage that perhaps he should take some time and make sure he is mature enough to handle it. Believe you me, my wife and I have had plenty of issues in a quarter of a century, but if you choose carefully your marriage can last.

A quarter of century makes it sound a hell of a lot more impressive! (and being married for that long in the first place is already pretty damn impressive )

[Bucky]

A quarter of century makes it sound a hell of a lot more impressive! (and being married for that long in the first place is already pretty damn impressive )

And you know, at times it seems like a long time, but at others it seems like just yesterday that we tied the knot.

[Iraira]

And you know, at times it seems like a long time, but at others it seems like just yesterday that we tied the knot.

Blink twice if your wife was looking over your shoulder when you wrote that.

[FG Lurker]

Blink twice if your wife was looking over your shoulder when you wrote that.

My wife and I just passed 10 years. It also seems to have gone by in a blink. We're pretty well matched really, and although we have our disagreements from time to time I am definitely a very, very lucky guy.

[GomiGirl]

What a rollercoaster this thread has been. Just goes to show how it is not possible to say anything about anybody elses relationship as they are all different situations. Nationalities really don't make for a successful or unsuccessful relationship - it is all down the the individuals involved.

[halfnip]

What a rollercoaster this thread has been. Just goes to show how it is not possible to say anything about anybody elses relationship as they are all different situations. Nationalities really don't make for a successful or unsuccessful relationship - it is all down the the individuals involved.

Yes, indeed. Off topic for a sec, as I just wanted to share a funny story (at least I think it was funny). With the wifey being pregnant and all (about to pop out VERY soon), we went in to the hospital for our regular checkup--I actually think this was about 2 months ago though.. Anyways, she goes in with the sonogram measuring the baby and all and says, "Japanese babies have heads that are big from top to bottom. Foreign babies have heads that are big from front to back.." She then continues with the measurements, legs, etc. She then says, "This is indeed a foreign baby. She takes after her dad!". I nearly fell to the floor laughing because I thought the racial profiling on my not even born yet baby girl... It was like a total science to her and she was talking about it with such excitement, I found it to be quite funny...

[ttjereth]

Yes, indeed. Off topic for a sec, as I just wanted to share a funny story (at least I think it was funny). With the wifey being pregnant and all (about to pop out VERY soon), we went in to the hospital for our regular checkup--I actually think this was about 2 months ago though.. Anyways, she goes in with the sonogram measuring the baby and all and says, "Japanese babies have heads that are big from top to bottom. Foreign babies have heads that are big from front to back.." She then continues with the measurements, legs, etc. She then says, "This is indeed a foreign baby. She takes after her dad!". I nearly fell to the floor laughing because I thought the racial profiling on my not even born yet baby girl... It was like a total science to her and she was talking about it with such excitement, I found it to be quite funny...

That's pretty funny.

Are you half Japanese? (guessing from the handle) Because if so, that makes it even better.

[halfnip]

That's pretty funny.

Are you half Japanese? (guessing from the handle) Because if so, that makes it even better.

Yep--! So this would make her, ummm... errr.... A quarter "gaijin"?

[ttjereth]

Yep--! So this would make her, ummm... errr.... A quarter "gaijin"?

Well maybe her head is only a quarter bigger front to back

[Samurai_Jerk]

Nationalities really don't make for a successful or unsuccessful relationship.

Not sure if that's true. Aren't there studies that show that marriages between Japanese and Gaijin have a ridiculously high divorce rate? I know I read that somewhere at some point.

[ttjereth]

Not sure if that's true. Aren't there studies that show that marriages between Japanese and Gaijin have a ridiculously high divorce rate? I know I read that somewhere at some point.

How about the divorce rate among international couples? According to statistics from the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare in 2003, while the divorce rate among Japanese couples was 38 percent, for international couples, it was 42 percent, a little higher. In the case of foreign husbands, 39 percent and in the case of foreign wives, 43 percent.

From:
http://hiraganatimes.com/hp/scenes/kiji/kiji222-2e.html

I think that the statistics might be significantly different if you factor out military marriages though that's just a guess.

EDIT
Maybe something to my guess ("the prefecture" in question being Okinawa):

Unlike the marriage statistics, published divorce figures do not record the nationality of the divorcees, but research shows that separation rates for couples of mixed nationality in the prefecture are extremely high. This has led to one of Okinawa's the most disturbing and normally concealed social problems. Over the past decade, American servicemen have deserted thousands of children and returned to their home country.

From:
http://www.eyesonjapan.com/jp12.htm

[GomiGirl]

I have met more than a few foreign guys who are a bit bewildered after they get married to their Japanese wives.... not sure if it was them being the sort to not really think through what they were getting into or their wives putting on such a good show before the marriage. Either way it seems a bit shallow.

But then I know more than a few people who seem to go into their marriages with both eyes open, knowing as much as possible about the good and bad points of their partners and these are the ones that seem the happiest.

Just my two cents..

For me, I am just happy to live in sin with my man.

[ttjereth]

I have met more than a few foreign guys who are a bit bewildered after they get married to their Japanese wives.... not sure if it was them being the sort to not really think through what they were getting into or their wives putting on such a good show before the marriage. Either way it seems a bit shallow.

But then I know more than a few people who seem to go into their marriages with both eyes open, knowing as much as possible about the good and bad points of their partners and these are the ones that seem the happiest.

Just my two cents..

For me, I am just happy to live in sin with my man.

I think that no matter how well you think you know your potential spouse, there's just a whole lot you don't find out until you live with each other.

There's a lot to be said for living in sin beforehand, I think.

My wife and I didn't live together until about a month AFTER we were married since at first I was still in the boondocks in my apartment, finishing out my contract and then I was living in our apartment here on my own rebuilding it

[Taro Toporific]

I have met more than a few foreign guys who are a bit bewildered after they get married to their Japanese wives....
...For me, I am just happy to live in sin with my man.

Mr. Gomi is a damn spitting image of me in my youth: easygoing, happy farker, pro cook, smooth with the ladies without being playboy, too clever, and clean head (I really should post a separated-at-birthpair of photos here, hee, hee).

As far as these "horror" stories of crazed Japanese wives and girlfriends...
I've lived in "mansions" for 23 years and have been sadly exposed to the daily sounds of more than 100 Japanese families. For 99.9999999999999% of my exposures to noise warranting me to wonder if I shound call the fucking totally useless Japanese police, the screaming, banging, and throwing was conducted by Japanese women. I'm sure the Japanese husbands completely deserved it...but there seems to be a pattern that Japanese woman "accommodate" their grievances forever, and then explode without warning according to "rational" Western expectations.

In America, my family has standing orders to put all the guns under lock-&-key with ammunition in a separate buildling whenever I visit the ranch in Colorado with a Japanese (female or male), meh.

[Jack]

You know, since Momotobananaoishi wrote his "spew" message he seems to have dropped out of sight. I guess if people start seeing through you -- you tend to lose your enthusiasm for continuing on here.

You need balls of steel to be in the Internet Forum business. Only Jack can take it. Throw me what you got.

[Iraira]

You need balls of steel to be in the Internet Forum business. Only Jack can take it. Throw me what you got.

Ok...you're ugly and your momma dresses you funny....

..that's gotta hurt.

[Bucky]

Because of my business here on the Left Coast, I know many Japanese expats living in the US. I have seen many American men marry Japanese women and one thing that I have found is that if the American husband does not have some prior exposure or experience with Japan that the marriage has a high potential for failure.

Having previous experience with Japan and Japanese makes understanding your Japanese partner far easier. My company publishes a Japanese-langauge newspaper here and we have done two stories over the years on Japanese/American divorces -- and there are plenty. I would say that cultural differences are by far the biggest reasons for splits. It also sure helps if both partners can speak both languages. Makes interacting with the in-laws easier.

[Adhesive]

Well, I know the stats aren't broken down by country, but, the American divorce rate is often cited as being between 40 and 50 percent. So, if the divorce rate between Americans and Japanese is anything lower, wouldn't that be an argument for mixed-marriages being more likely to succeed? Also, the difference between 38% (J divorce rate) and 39% (Foreign husband rate) in a statistic like this is no real difference at all.

[ttjereth]

Well, I know the stats aren't broken down by country, but, the American divorce rate is often cited as being between 40 and 50 percent. So, if the divorce rate between Americans and Japanese is anything lower, wouldn't that be an argument for mixed-marriages being more likely to succeed? Also, the difference between 38% (J divorce rate) and 39% (Foreign husband rate) in a statistic like this is no real difference at all.

[s]If you're quoting my post I think you might have misread:[/s]

[s]Japanese couples was 38 percent, for international couples, it was 42 percent[/s]

[s]Still not huge, but still higher than average.[/s]

EDIT, I misread

Also the american divorce doesn't come into play here because the numbers quoted are the international marriage divorce rates in Japan between Japanese and foreigners, not Japanese and Americans, and even if it was only Japanese and Americans those rates would not necessarily (in fact I bet they don't) match up.

For example, if I divorced my Japanese wife right now, I would have never been officially/legally married in any way shape or form in the U.S. and my divorce wouldn't affect U.S. statistics at all.

I still think a big part of the rates here (especially in Okinawa) are from military marriages. I'll have to try looking again when I have time, but I know there are military statistics that show a huge divorce rate (way more than the U.S. average) in international marriages consisting of U.S. military husband and foreign (non-U.S.) wife, although I've never before thought to look at stats for only Japanese partners (the ones I have seen were for all international spouses, the majority of which were either Japanese, Korean, German or in the past Filipino).

[Adhesive]

[s]If you're quoting my post I think you might have misread:[/s]


[s]Still not huge, but still higher than average.[/s]

EDIT, I misread

Also the american divorce doesn't come into play here because the numbers quoted are the international marriage divorce rates in Japan between Japanese and foreigners, not Japanese and Americans, and even if it was only Japanese and Americans those rates would not necessarily (in fact I bet they don't) match up.

For example, if I divorced my Japanese wife right now, I would have never been officially/legally married in any way shape or form in the U.S. and my divorce wouldn't affect U.S. statistics at all.

I still think a big part of the rates here (especially in Okinawa) are from military marriages. I'll have to try looking again when I have time, but I know there are military statistics that show a huge divorce rate (way more than the U.S. average) in international marriages consisting of U.S. military husband and foreign (non-U.S.) wife, although I've never before thought to look at stats for only Japanese partners (the ones I have seen were for all international spouses, the majority of which were either Japanese, Korean, German or in the past Filipino).

I don't know about military divorce rates in regards to mixed nationalities, but I do know that divorce rates are extremely high in both military and police professions, somewhere along the lines of 65-70%.

However, foreign husbands make up only 20% of the mixed marriages in Japan (yes, despite the hooplah over J-girls digging western men, 80% of the mixing in Japan is actually from Japanese men marrying outside their nationality), and of those 20%, only about 27% are American men. So, only around 6% of international marriages in Japan are with an American husband, and of those 6%, how many of those Americans are in the military? I have no idea, but assuming it's half, that leaves Military marriages accounting for only 3% of all international marriages in Japan (I'm assuming there are not many French, German, and British soldiers marrying J-girls). At 3% I would be hesitant to attribute much difference in the divorce rate to the high likelihood of divorce in the military.

But, this is assuming there really is a higher divorce rate, which there isn't! Since we are looking only at men (I'm assuming there are very few female American GI's marrying Japanese men, in fact American females don't even make the chart) the rate is actually 39%, statistically insignificant compared to the 38% J divorce rate. My point being that, even taking into account the higher probability of divorce within the 3% of Military marriages, a J-girl marrying a foreign guy is actually no more likely to divorce then if she were to marry a Japanese man, and in fact, only Japanese men marrying foreigners are more likely to divorce. Of course, you wouldn't think this with all of the attention that divorce between J-girls and western men receives.

[FG Lurker]

You need balls of steel to be in the Internet Forum business. Only Jack can take it. Throw me what you got.

Jack can take it? I think I still have that angry PM you sent after one of the dozens of times I've wound you up. Bet you take it in the ass from your wife wearing a strap-on though.

[kurohinge1]

. . . In America, my family has standing orders to put all the guns under lock-&-key with ammunition in a separate buildling whenever I visit the ranch in Colorado with a Japanese (female or male), meh.

In fact, U.S. Homeland Security changes their Advisory from Green to Blue as soon as Taro-san even books a ticket back to the U.S., and then to Yellow when they touch down!



No offence to Mrs Taro - Joudan desu. Joudan desu.

[Catoneinutica]

However, foreign husbands make up only 20% of the mixed marriages in Japan (yes, despite the hooplah over J-girls digging western men, 80% of the mixing in Japan is actually from Japanese men marrying outside their nationality), and of those 20%, only about 27% are American men.

Mentioning this fact is a cheap 'n easy way to wind up J-folk. Many's the J-person I've asked over the years, which kind of international marriage is more common in Japan, foreign wife or foreign husband? Not once has a Japanese answered, "Why, foreign wife, of course! My cousin Shunpei in Yamagata-ken is married to a Filipina." No, they invariably declare foreign husbands to constitute the vast majority.

So you trot out the foreign-wife-by-a-four-to-one-ratio statistic, and polish off your wind-up by remarking:

a) "And boy, it's really true! I was at Immigration last week getting my re-entry permit, and the place was a regular EastAsiaFest 2007!"

b) "Well, it's understandable that you wouldn't notice all the Asian wives in Japan because East Asians are generally so ethnically akin to Japanese." [Optional use of anthropological nomenclature such as 'Sinodont' here.]

c) "Hmm, perhaps if you lived in the country you might be more aware of the phenomenon of Japanese farmers marrying Asian gals. Why don't Japanese women want to marry farmers? I'm always hearing about how Japanese love nature, and who has a more "natural" life than a farmer?"

-catone
-urusai

[Adhesive]

b) "Well, it's understandable that you wouldn't notice all the Asian wives in Japan because East Asians are generally so ethnically akin to Japanese." [Optional use of anthropological nomenclature such as 'Sinodont' here.]

My personal favorite.

[unkosando]

Jack can take it? I think I still have that angry PM you sent after one of the dozens of times I've wound you up. Bet you take it in the ass from your wife wearing a strap-on though.

Jack can take it... unless you post something Non-Japanese on this forum... Then he curls up in the fetal position.