Only Gaijin at the Wedding

[Samurai_Jerk]

I went to a wedding yesterday, and I have to say I hate being the only Gaijin at a Japanese wedding. Especially in this case. Since I don't know the bride that well, I figured it was going to be a big party. However, she only invited three other people who aren't family. I walked into the room and EVERYONE turned around and looked at me and started wispering. I thought great it's going to be on of those days and it was.

But who knows? Maybe the attention I was getting had more to do with the fact that I'm such a fucking mess.

[omae mona]

When I saw the subject line, I thought this was going to be a thread about a couple who decided it would be trendy to have a wedding where only gaijin were invited.

Anyway, SJ, please tell us you didn't wear your Fucked Gaijin T-shirt and a pair of shorts.

[Samurai_Jerk]

When I saw the subject line, I thought this was going to be a thread about a couple who decided it would be trendy to have a wedding where only gaijin were invited.

Anyway, SJ, please tell us you didn't wear your Fucked Gaijin T-shirt and a pair of shorts.

Yeah, I guess I should have put an article in front of "only".

Don't worry, I was very formal. I wore my black suit with a black tie. Was that a faux pas?

[Taro Toporific]

... a thread about a couple who decided it would be trendy to have a wedding where [color="Red"]{a token} [/color]gaijin [color="Red"]{was} [/color] invited.

Having a token gaijin at a wedding is a typical stunt I try to avoid here in Tokyo with hyper-trendy Japanese---it's never fun, especially performing a Japanese speech to wildly entertain the drunk Japanese guests.

The weirdest Japanese wedding I went to was in Hawaii that included a free airfare and lodging. Of course, all the guests and I were obligated to give a wedding gift equal to the airfare. In actuality, the Hawaii venue was a semi-scam. The airfare turned out to be a deeply discounted group rate of only 20,000yen, "church" was a church youth camp, and guests were put in camp cabins. The whole wedding venue cost the wedding couple the same as a weekend church retreat (under $1,000) and wedding gifts the couple received averaged well over 80,000yen each.

[Doctor Stop]

wedding gift equal to the airfare. In actuality, the Hawaii venue was a semi-scam.

Did you consider pissing in the punch and crapping on the wedding cake?

[Samurai_Jerk]

Having a token gaijin at a wedding is a typical stunt I try to avoid here in Tokyo with hyper-trendy Japanese---it's never fun, especially performing a Japanese speech to wildly entertain the drunk Japanese guests.

Yeah, they tried to pull the speech thing on me. At the end, they suddenly did a surprise interview with the guy who came "all the way from America." I was fucking pissed. I don't mind speaking in front of people if I have some time to prepare. But asking me to say something out of the blue, especially in Japanese, about someone I don't really know all that well ...

I just mumbled something incoherent in English and sat down. I'd love to see the video because I wasn't hiding the anger in my face. The MC even made a comment along the lines of he looks upset, please tell him not to hit me.

To make matters worse there was the friend of the bride who is dying to get married and looking to hook up. Normally that would be a good thing but this chick was unappealing to me on all levels. For once I'm not being a pig and only talking about looks. The dinner conversation was on such stimulating topics as how she has to pee a lot when she drinks and how she doesn't know why she just can't find a boy friend.

She spent the whole evening trying to get friendly. At the nijikai I moved seats to get away from her and tried my hardest to ignore her. Of course, nothing turns a woman on more than that, so it only made her try harder. At one point she asked if I wanted her phone number and email address and I said no thanks. Then when I was leaving she asked for a hug and said, "Let's go drinking together sometime." I gave her a hug, didn't respond, and got the fuck out of there.

[dimwit]

I'd would say a fair share of the weddings that I have been to, I have been the only foreigner in attendence. It happens far more commonly outside of Tokyo I guess. I've never been asked to make a speech or embarrass myself anymore than I normally would.

[CrankyBastard]

[American Oyaji]

I'd only been to two weddings while in Japan and both times, I was the only foreignor there. I was also with my wife and these were her friends who were getting married, so it wasn't l ike I was out there on my own and I really enjoyed myself both times.

[Charles]

My experience is limited, but there seems to be one recurring figure: the drunken nihonjin at the reception that hates gaijin and is not hesitant to express it. Unfortunately in one case, the groom was American.

[American Oyaji]

Thats the one nice thing about being as tall as I am. In all my time in Japan, I never got denied entry anywhere except the day before I left (a pawn shop of all places) and I never had anyone tell me how much they dislike foreignors.
Being big and black (and having a pleasant demeanor) prevented a lot of that crap I think.

[FG Lurker]

My experience is limited

Truer words have never been spoken.

The best way to deal with Japanese weddings is to not attend. In 13 years I have been unable to avoid only 3.

[GomiGirl]

Have done the token gaijin thing at a few weddings.. previous sharemates from Australia when i used to rent out my spare rooms to Japanese working holiday kids. It was kinda OK especially as all the uncles and cousins and brothers kept pouring the drinks. But I knew lots of other people at these weddings so basically we did lots of drinking and catching up.

[Iraira]

I've been asked several times to do the MC thing at people's weddings & nijikai. My demand is simple; I 'll do it, as long as I don't have to pay to attend the party. Essentially, I get to say a bunch of whack crap that generally makes no sense and has almost nothing to do with the fact that people are getting married, and I get loads of free food out of it. Plus, I've found it does work wonders in terms of the hooking up with girls aspect of life, as the "seeking a gaijin" girls feel they can come up and chat away. Dissing the honely ones (they tend to be more aggressive) can be a problem, but talking to them with food in your mouth seems to help.

[baka tono]

Ive been the only gaijin (besides the fake minister) at two weddings and had no problems except at one the hall staff were really stingy with the booze. That place was like a soup nazi run wedding factory where they hammered out probably a half dozen weddings a day though.

[Ptyx]

Skip the wedding, that's why nijikais are for. If it's family you can't skip too bad, if it's a friend fuck the wedding.
The nijikai are more fun, less expensive and the people getting married are more available and not so awkward, on top of that you won't have to deal with the weird family members, they usually leave before the nijikai.

[IkemenTommy]

Yeah, they tried to pull the speech thing on me. At the end, they suddenly did a surprise interview with the guy who came "all the way from America." I was fucking pissed. I don't mind speaking in front of people if I have some time to prepare. But asking me to say something out of the blue, especially in Japanese, about someone I don't really know all that well ...

Ditto. Do you know how many times I've been to a Japanese wedding where I was treated as the "guest of honor" like they have never seen a white person before?

To make things worse, like you said, they never ask you about doing these speeches beforehand but they always ask you to do one on the fly. Once I went to a friend's wedding and the groom's best man completely fucked up his speech because of no prep and I had to jump in to cover his ass. Coming up with bullshit speeches in Japanese in front of a huge crowd (even when I'm completely wasted) have become part of my repertoire and I have no problem with that. What really pisses me off is when they always want that "gaijin perspective" for the shock value.

[IkemenTommy]

One more thing... and I don't know if this is generally true for Japanese weddings.

In my previous job working for a Japanese company, when they had a wedding, all the co-workers did skits and "shorto konto's" during the Hiroen ceremony that I could not figure out why. The co-workers totally ragged on the guy for his love of fuzokus and soapland in front of his bride and the families. That's when I realized that should I ever get married some day, I would never have a wedding here nor invite any of the co-workers.

I've only witnessed this once and my friends have told me that this was an extremely fucked up case though.

[dimwit]

Do you know how many times I've been to a Japanese wedding where I was treated as the "guest of honor" like they have never seen a white person before?

This done for Great Granny who still isn't sure whether the second world war is on.

One more thing... and I don't know if this is generally true for Japanese weddings.

In my previous job working for a Japanese company, when they had a wedding, all the co-workers did skits and "shorto konto's" during the Hiroen ceremony that I could not figure out why. The co-workers totally ragged on the guy for his love of fuzokus and soapland in front of his bride and the families. That's when I realized that should I ever get married some day, I would never have a wedding here nor invite any of the co-workers.

I've only witnessed this once and my friends have told me that this was an extremely fucked up case though.

Nope, I have seen similiar scenes either involving mock ass-fucking. I think these is a perfect demostatration of the principle of honne and tatemae. The tatemae being that he is a reformed man and will now dedicate his life to the new family. The honne -after six months to a year of captive breeding, love hotels ahoy!

[Greji]

Truer words have never been spoken.

The best way to deal with Japanese weddings is to not attend. In 13 years I have been unable to avoid only 3.

Got ya there Lurk! In a much longer period, I have only went to two! One was mine (which I shoulda skipped) and the other was my son's. I wouldn't have went to his except I was paying for it and didn't want his new in-laws doing a job on my bar tab!

The rest I have dodged with proper decour, such as "my mother died and I got to go to the states that day"! Mom's bit the bullet about 23 times at last count!