J-lite...shite?

[Mike Oxlong]

Does she *really* get paid for this?!

JAPAN LITE

Learn Japanese through the Conditioned Response Method

By AMY CHAVEZ

After the success of my first published book, "Guidebook to Japan: What the other guidebooks won't tell you," I am now ready to start my second book, "Learning Japanese: What the textbooks won't tell you." Allow me to share with you the Conditioned Response Method (CRM). With this method, you will be speaking excellent Japanese by the end of this column.
CRM is a method of learning Japanese through conditioned responses to Japanese situations. I came up with this method after two observations in Japan: 1. That students were taught English by having to memorize grammatical English phrases; and 2. That one of the most disappointing things about learning Japanese is that once you finally understand it, you realize no one is saying anything important anyway. Ditto kanji. Somehow after all that work to learn kanji, you expect it to say something important. Instead, you spend all that time learning kanji only to be able to read signs that say, "No parking or you'll be towed!" or "Don't litter, you scumbag!"

Back to the first observation, it has long been known that Japanese students have a history of unsuccessfully learning English by memorizing phrases out of context. That doesn't mean, however, that Japanese cannot be learned this way. This is because Japanese is far more predictable than English. Part of learning Japanese is learning how to react appropriately to situations.

As a result, much of Japanese communication is a series of sentences that are canned statements. "It's hot today" in summer ("Atsui desu ne") and "It's cold today" in winter ("Samui desu ne") are common greetings. Once you have these two phrases mastered, you'll be able to greet anyone on any day of the year, since all days are either "hot" or "cold," according to the Japanese. See? It's easy. Who said it had to be interesting?

That concludes the introduction of the book.
Ready to learn more?

[Samurai_Jerk]

That one of the most disappointing things about learning Japanese is that once you finally understand it, you realize no one is saying anything important anyway. Ditto kanji. Somehow after all that work to learn kanji, you expect it to say something important. Instead, you spend all that time learning kanji only to be able to read signs that say, "No parking or you'll be towed!" or "Don't litter, you scumbag!"

What exactly is her point and how will learning Japanese with her shitty method change any of this?

[Neo-Rio]

What's funny is that foreigners who speak Japanese will have a good laugh, and to all those who don't will probably hang off her every word.

[Mels]

Another money making scam to me

[katakori]

what she is saying is that japanese people greet each other and then post irrelevant signs here and there, and that there is no actual communication in japan. who would actually give it more than 2 seconds interest?? i mean, OF COURSE newspapers are filled with news, and university teachers are talking about relevant matter. if anything, she should say "speak english slowly and point at things. if you are still not understood, draw a doodle or mime it".

what's her next book? "Nanpa in Japan: What the other guidebooks won't tell you"??

f'er...

edit: OOOOOOH...... it's humor! it's a joke... wow! i just got it. and therefore i just got the first post of this thread too.

yeah: does she get paid for this??

[FG Lurker]

Yeah, it's humour. It's even kinda funny if you've lived in Japan for a while and experienced exactly what she describes dozens or hundreds of times.

I'm sure every country has pat sayings etc though, we just don't notice since we've been brought up with them.

[Neo-Rio]

One thing I don't get about Japan is how they get anal over certain details. They're too scared to make guesses or impressions over everyday things (opting to find the most truthful thing to say about the matter, which usually means stating the obvious), but when it comes to say, food... they'll all say "oishii" no matter what they really feel.

Somehow it's amazing how all objects and things in the physical world are taboo subjects for conjecture to the Japanese, but things that are subjective (such as personal feelings) are forced all hugs and smiles.

No, this still doesn't explain tentacle sex manga though.

[Mennon]

So when I'm on the train, and everyone is talking and laughing with their family and friends, do you mean to tell me they're not saying anything at all? Just pretending? Wow.
Sounds like she's hit the wall.

[FG Lurker]

So when I'm on the train, and everyone is talking and laughing with their family and friends, do you mean to tell me they're not saying anything at all? Just pretending? Wow.
Sounds like she's hit the wall.

Sounds like you don't speak Japanese and lack a sense of humour.

[AssKissinger]

The Japan Times must be seriously hard up for talent. That shit would be ugly in a high school paper. And I should know, I wrote for the 'Summer School Scoop'.

[Neo-Rio]

So when I'm on the train, and everyone is talking and laughing with their family and friends, do you mean to tell me they're not saying anything at all? Just pretending?

Actually yes.

Laughing on a Japanese train?

A Japanese train in the morning has an uneasy silence about it which is hard to describe - other than that it's uncomfortable with people's elbows in your back to add to the atmosphere (and lack of oxygen in the carriage).

Last time I laughed on a train, some drunk smelly old codger took it as an invitation to come up and yell at me about how much he hated the US. No wonder nobody talks on trains here.

[altar]

It's true the platitude of Japanese small talk can be baffling.
It's because of aizuchi, the crap you say just to get the other guys' approval in order to create a harmonious atmosphere.... Stating the obvious makes it hard for the guy to disagree. Crazy stuff