Washlet Urban Legends

[Samurai_Jerk]

Before and shortly after I moved to Japan in the late 90's I remember reading several different accounts by newbie-reporter-in-Japan types about the crazy hi-tech toilets. The story was always the same. When it came time to flush they ended up pushing the wrong button due lack of Japanese ability and were hilariously soaked by the bidet. Of course they were always standing up by this point so I'm not talking about their ass getting sprayed because that wouldn't be as funny. It's been a long time since I tried but over the years I tested this a few times and have never found a washlet that would activate the bidet function if you weren't sitting on it. I guess there's some kind of sensor. My question is did old washlets not have this sensor or were those guys all just full of shit?

[matsuki]

I'm not sure either way but judging by other Japanese pioneering efforts, my guess is at least the very first models may have been missing the sensor and it was added later due to complaints.

[Samurai_Jerk]

Maybe havill can get to the bottom of this. After all he is all about dispelling Japan myths.

[wagyl]

or were those guys all just full of shit?

It is fairly obvious that by that point they were empty of shit.

I am not expert on paleowashlet technology, but I have heard of demonstration models with sensors disengaged and glass panels installed to show the effect of the wash function. If I am bored enough and have time enough I may do some research on this, but my gut feeling is that even if there were sensor issues, there is not enough pressure to perform the hilarious feats described by the journalists.

[matsuki]

I do remember some old ass youtube videos of JDM "robot" toilets spraying quite far....and there were no visible weights on the seat. That being said, if they were staged, hiding a taped up sensor wouldn't be so hard.

[IparryU]

well, about 10 years ago when i was on one of my first trips to japan... i was getting it on in the girls bathroom and was just finishing up... so the girl taks a piss and i was asking what the buttons were for... being as drunk as i was, I just started pushing shit, the girl jumps up in surprise (why????) and gets off the head and i get water sprayed all up on my nuts. was wearing light blue jeans soo.... ya. looked bad.

not sure what the fuck happened, but it was one of those stories I told back home.

[Samurai_Jerk]

the girl jumps up in surprise (why????) and gets off the head and i get water sprayed all up on my nuts

But she started sitting down. That's different. I never tried standing up midstream and in the stories I read the person was always already standing.

[Grumpy Gramps]

The ones that we have in our building have a sensor on the back of the seat, infrared or light or something. When it's covered as in you're sitting there, the washlet works. When I installed the first of these myself, wifey - as all loving wifes do - assumed, of course, that I surely fucked it all up, bent over it, covered the sensor with her hand and pushed the button to test the quality of my work. And got a face wash Luckily, it was the washlet's maiden voyage, so no harm done. And now wifey believes that I can do it without fucking up, at least now and then

[yanpa]

There's a row of stalls with sensorless washlets in Akihabara behind the vending machines with the used schoolgirl panties (look for the store with the crucified Santa Claus in the window).

[matsuki]

There's a row of stalls with sensorless washlets in Akihabara behind the vending machines with the used schoolgirl panties (look for the store with the crucified Santa Claus in the window).

...and some people think you aren't street enough

[Russell]

Before and shortly after I moved to Japan in the late 90's I remember reading several different accounts by newbie-reporter-in-Japan types about the crazy hi-tech toilets. The story was always the same. When it came time to flush they ended up pushing the wrong button due lack of Japanese ability and were hilariously soaked by the bidet. Of course they were always standing up by this point so I'm not talking about their ass getting sprayed because that wouldn't be as funny. It's been a long time since I tried but over the years I tested this a few times and have never found a washlet that would activate the bidet function if you weren't sitting on it. I guess there's some kind of sensor. My question is did old washlets not have this sensor or were those guys all just full of shit?

I got this exact experience on 11 August 1990 in a Ryokan in Tokushima.

[IparryU]

There's a row of stalls with sensorless washlets in Akihabara behind the vending machines with the used schoolgirl panties (look for the store with the crucified Santa Claus in the window).

...and some people think you aren't street enough

I take my words back....

[Samurai_Jerk]

Speaking of washlets there's someone at my office that just stand up when he uses the bidet because the toilet seat is often all wet towards the back. It only started happening a couple of months ago so it must be someone new. The worst part is it's not always easy to see without looking really closely so I sometimes end up sitting in it.

[IparryU]

Speaking of washlets there's someone at my office that just stand up when he uses the bidet because the toilet seat is often all wet towards the back. It only started happening a couple of months ago so it must be someone new. The worst part is it's not always easy to see without looking really closely so I sometimes end up sitting in it.

or maybe he don't have a badonkadonk like some other's do...

[yanpa]

Speaking of washlets there's someone at my office that just stand up when he uses the bidet because the toilet seat is often all wet towards the back. It only started happening a couple of months ago so it must be someone new. The worst part is it's not always easy to see without looking really closely so I sometimes end up sitting in it.

or maybe he don't have a badonkadonk like some other's do...

Male co-worker fails to have an extremely curvaceous female behind? Male co-worker does not have a steam-punk personal armoured cruiser?

[IparryU]

Speaking of washlets there's someone at my office that just stand up when he uses the bidet because the toilet seat is often all wet towards the back. It only started happening a couple of months ago so it must be someone new. The worst part is it's not always easy to see without looking really closely so I sometimes end up sitting in it.

or maybe he don't have a badonkadonk like some other's do...

Male co-worker fails to have an extremely curvaceous female behind?

big ol ass

[yanpa]

Speaking of washlets there's someone at my office that just stand up when he uses the bidet because the toilet seat is often all wet towards the back. It only started happening a couple of months ago so it must be someone new. The worst part is it's not always easy to see without looking really closely so I sometimes end up sitting in it.

or maybe he don't have a badonkadonk like some other's do...

Male co-worker fails to have an extremely curvaceous female behind?

big ol ass

large aged donkey?

[IparryU]

Speaking of washlets there's someone at my office that just stand up when he uses the bidet because the toilet seat is often all wet towards the back. It only started happening a couple of months ago so it must be someone new. The worst part is it's not always easy to see without looking really closely so I sometimes end up sitting in it.

or maybe he don't have a badonkadonk like some other's do...

Male co-worker fails to have an extremely curvaceous female behind?

big ol ass

large aged donkey?

ok... a large buttocks

[BigInJapan]

My question is did old washlets not have this sensor or were those guys all just full of shit?

I can also concur (from personal experience) that the early ones did not have a sensor. I remember using one in the early 90's for the first time not long after coming to Japan, and of course pressed the wrong button to flush as I had no idea what the [大] and [小] buttons were for.

Bilingual controls like this would have been quite handy (and prevented water from getting all over the walls and floor...).

ps2[1].png

[yanpa]

Speaking of washlets there's someone at my office that just stand up when he uses the bidet because the toilet seat is often all wet towards the back. It only started happening a couple of months ago so it must be someone new. The worst part is it's not always easy to see without looking really closely so I sometimes end up sitting in it.

or maybe he don't have a badonkadonk like some other's do...

Male co-worker fails to have an extremely curvaceous female behind?

big ol ass

large aged donkey?

ok... a large buttocks

Now you're speaking my language

[wagyl]

Speaking of washlets there's someone at my office that just stand up when he uses the bidet because the toilet seat is often all wet towards the back. It only started happening a couple of months ago so it must be someone new. The worst part is it's not always easy to see without looking really closely so I sometimes end up sitting in it.

While the asinine (see what I did there?) talk has been interesting, I think this is most likely to be a manifestation of the "I use the toilet just like at home, as I am too shy to use the urinals" phenomenon. This is one step before the "I sit down to piss" stage. We have already witnessed creeping urinal shyness infecting FG members.

I'm not sure if that thought makes you feel any better about what you were sitting on.

[Samurai_Jerk]

Speaking of washlets there's someone at my office that just stand up when he uses the bidet because the toilet seat is often all wet towards the back. It only started happening a couple of months ago so it must be someone new. The worst part is it's not always easy to see without looking really closely so I sometimes end up sitting in it.

While the asinine (see what I did there?) talk has been interesting, I think this is most likely to be a manifestation of the "I use the toilet just like at home, as I am too shy to use the urinals" phenomenon. This is one step before the "I sit down to piss" stage. We have already witnessed creeping urinal shyness infecting FG members.

I'm not sure if that thought makes you feel any better about what you were sitting on.

No it's definitely not piss.

[canman]

I can tell you for a fact that the first wash lets didn't have a sensor and it could be activated by just pushing the button. It also had strong pressure and could shoot the water pretty far. Ages ago, when we were living in our d mansion, a friend came over and the kids were playing together. Suddenly we heard this blood curdling scream. Thinking somebody was morally injured, we rushed to the crying only to see my friends 3 year old being showered by the bidet and not able to run away! I guess the surprise froze her there.
So yes it is true. Of course now the new ones are pressure sensitive, but not in the good old days.

[Russell]

When I was sprayed on that fateful August day in 1990 in that Tokushima Ryokan, my Japanese colleagues profoundly apologized to the owners.

Embarrassing, embarrassing...

Since then, I hate the spraying function on washlets, even though I have two in my home...

[Coligny]

Speaking of washlets there's someone at my office that just stand up when he uses the bidet because the toilet seat is often all wet towards the back. It only started happening a couple of months ago so it must be someone new. The worst part is it's not always easy to see without looking really closely so I sometimes end up sitting in it.

While the asinine (see what I did there?) talk has been interesting, I think this is most likely to be a manifestation of the "I use the toilet just like at home, as I am too shy to use the urinals" phenomenon. This is one step before the "I sit down to piss" stage. We have already witnessed creeping urinal shyness infecting FG members.

I'm not sure if that thought makes you feel any better about what you were sitting on.

No it's definitely not piss.

You recognized the taste ?

[kurogane]

I got this exact experience on 11 August 1990 in a Ryokan in Tokushima.

I raise you a May 23, 1987 and second your experience. I absolutely soaked the floor of a temple in Takayama, and the horror only stopped when I figured out which button to press. The priest thought it was hilarious. I am quite sure it was his wife that had to clean up.

One thing I am unclear on is this bidet problem SamJ is having. Is the guy leaving the toilet seat up and setting a potentail trap for you? I hate that shiite. And doing any and all your duties with the toilet seat up is now quite the trending with the wasabi averse effeminacy crowd. As Wagyl said, one step away from just wrapping them up and putting them into permanent retirement. Kind of funny they will squat to pee in one place but not in another, but yeah, Homophillia! Homophillia!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Samurai_Jerk]

I got this exact experience on 11 August 1990 in a Ryokan in Tokushima.

I raise you a May 23, 1987 and second your experience. I absolutely soaked the floor of a temple in Takayama, and the horror only stopped when I figured out which button to press. The priest thought it was hilarious. I am quite sure it was his wife that had to clean up.

One thing I am unclear on is this bidet problem SamJ is having. Is the guy leaving the toilet seat up and setting a potentail trap for you? I hate that shiite. And doing any and all your duties with the toilet seat up is now quite the trending with the wasabi averse effeminacy crowd. As Wagyl said, one step away from just wrapping them up and putting them into permanent retirement. Kind of funny they will squat to pee in one place but not in another, but yeah, Homophillia! Homophillia!!!!!!!!!!!!

The seat must be down if he's using the washlet. The wetness is always just towards the back of the seat above where the bidet spout comes out. If he were pissing on the seat, it would be everywhere. He must be leaning forward and lifting his ass while the spray is going causing it to back splash on the seat.

[matsuki]

Ass backsplash...good way to describe what most of the drinks that get served in bars here taste like.

[Taro Toporific]

"New Toto models calculate peak toilet use time, purify air before, auto-clean filters after."
http://blogs.wsj.com/japanrealtime/2015 ... h-toilets/

http://t.co/fnVaxaFlsK -- Jacob Schlesinger (@JMSchles) January 18, 2015

__________________
Also:
What foreigners love and hate about Japanese public toilets
http://whatjapanthinks.com/2015/01/17/what-foreigners-love-and-hate-about-japanese-public-toilets

[kurogane]

Ass backsplash...good way to describe what most of the drinks that get served in bars here taste like.

not to mention the draught beer. Buy your beer in bottles, boys.

Thanks SJ, got it. Kinda yucky. I am waiting for the end of days, when all manufactured need electronic devices will be dumped in the Great Pacific Garbage Swirl, and payphones will reappear at every street corner and bus stop.