Promoting international understanding,
one stack of pancakes at a time.
NEW YORK. Frustrated by high dues and a coalition of anti-American interests, the United States today announced that it would resign from the United Nations and instead align itself with the International House of Pancakes, a competing organization.
"We just got the bill for the third quarter, and it's outrageous," said Zalmay Khalilzad, the current U.S. ambassador to the UN. "There's an assessment for renovations to the indoor pool, and charges for three grilled cheese sandwiches that I know I didn't order."
The United Nations is an international organization founded in 1945 to replace the League of Nations, which folded due to poor attendance. Countries that were members of the League of Nations were re-assigned to the American Football League and the National Roller Derby League, and their unused draft choices were allocated to expansion teams in the third world.
Membership in the UN is voluntary, and the International House of Pancakes or "IHOP" as it is known to frequent patrons, offers a wider variety of menu items plus unlimited coffee refills.
"We're having a big promotion on fruit crepes this month that is attracting a lot of interest from non-aligned nations who don't want to wipe Israel off the map and bring in a coupon that appears in USA Today," said Oren Dailey, Jr., manager of the IHOP franchise in Warrensburg, Missouri. "Sometimes I got a line out the door."
The United Nations has lost credibility and influence over the years due to former U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan's involvement in the oil-for-food scandal, in which he arranged payments to his son, Kojo, for recycled oil from deep-fat fryers used in the U.N.'s cafeteria.
"I categorically deny that there has been any improper oil-for-food exchange involving my son," Annan said at the time. "French fries are both oil and food, so there was no exchange."
The UN is funded by dues from member nations and change collected by American children on Halloween, who guilt-trip parents into giving them money in addition to Bit-O-Honey and Milky Way candy bars.
"They're really a terrorist organization," says Margaret Olmstead of Lynnfield, Massachusetts. "If you don't give them money they throw toilet paper in your trees. If you complain, the UN sends a do-nothing peace-keeping force that eats all your Reese's Peanut Butter Cups."
From thespoof.com <here>
American Oyaji wrote:I wonder if you guys know how much dues money the U.S. has NOT paid to the U.N.
Uuuuh.....about 3 million candy bars?
