Pan-kun Performance Panics

[Mike Oxlong]

Famous performing chimpanzee Pan-kun viciously mauls woman

As Pan-kun was being walked off the stage after a performance yesterday afternoon, he suddenly dashed towards a student trainee staff member and attacked her. He didn’t eat her face off, but he did do some pretty bad damage. There were cuts on her forehead, ears, ankles, and back. She was flown by helicopter to a hospital, where she required stitches and will probably not be getting out for a couple weeks.

Pan-kun was scheduled to retire from performances in April. For obvious reasons, he’s been forced into an earlier retirement. He won’t be doing any more shows, but will still be living at the zoo.

JapanalProbe

[Mock Cockpit]

Good work Pan-kun. A bit a payback.

[sublight]

Yep, once male chimps start hitting puberty, they begin testing their position in the social hierarchy, which usually involves beating the crap out of anyone they think they can challenge. This was pretty much inevitable.

I wonder if he could tell the assistant was the low monkey on the totem pole by the way the other staff treated her?

[Coligny]

I soo fooking hate monkeys...

Put that fooking piece of shit alive in an industrial meat grinder set to low speed and enjoy the show...

Or ask the japanese custom to give me back my gegene and let me have a go ...

[Coligny]

It's an uprising...

http://www.sanluisobispo.com/2012/09/07 ... lakes.html

We have to kill them all before they get us...

[Russell]

Monkey Business: Monkeys as Waiters in Japan

Disaster waiting to happen.

I remember that one of the Japanese macaques used for experiments at the neuroscience department where I resided a long time ago bit off a finger from a researcher when it woke up during surgery.

These kawaii monkeys can seriously wound humans.

[Mike Oxlong]

Some researchers like to keep animals under minimal sedation when doing procedures. It keeps lost subjects to a minimum after doing time consuming surgeries. This conservative use of anesthesia is not without its drawbacks, such as subjects waking before the procedure can be completed. Losing a finger because of it sounds like a "teachable moment". Rats and transgenic mice can draw blood when they bite, but nothing like a primate.

[Coligny]

Remind me of a certain phone call i received one evening while me Julie wuz experimenting on lab mices...
ring...
"Bring the cat"

"nope, nopity no"

"so at least come to help"

Finally few trained rent-a-cop from the university tracked the escapee before they chewed on too much wiring...

There is nothing worse than someone who hate research work having to deal with uncooperative animals...

[kagemusha]

I guess it's OK for Pan-kun to act like a human being for the amusement of the idiotic crowd but it's a big no-go if he tries imitating the average drunk Japanese salary man.

[Coligny]

I guess it's OK for Pan-kun to act like a human being for the amusement of the idiotic crowd but it's a big no-go if he tries imitating the average drunk Japanese salary man.

You're onto something...

We should also shoot on sight J salary men...

[canman]

I think we should just shoot Shimura Ken! Not only do I hate him but his stupid pet show on Saturday drives me crazy! No wonder there are so many abandoned pets in Japan! They watch this show, which invariably has some "kawaii" animal on, which in turns fuels demand for them, but after a while the owner can't care for them or tires of them!
anyway, I agree with Coligny, I hate monkeys. Get them off TV, and every where else!

[yanpa]

Having moved a few weeks ago, and not having being arsed to get the TV hooked up to the indigenous broadcasting offerings, I've realised the only practical use for Japanese TV is to keep the Mrs. distracted

[Coligny]

Don't ask for too much...

It has already been a good year with Shinsuke Shimada off the screenz going back to his village to perfect the inbreeding family tree...

Can't understand why this mongoloid got a job on telly for a starter...

After that, I'd vote out the blond birthday party boy with glasses on his forehead that present the home improvement show... with a gatling gun... in the library, cluedo style...

Having moved a few weeks ago, and not having being arsed to get the TV hooked up to the indigenous broadcasting offerings, I've realised the only practical use for Japanese TV is to keep the Mrs. distracted

Yeah, but with this season Korean drama, the return of bunkbed in my bedroom, the deskpit taking shape... I feel like I'm back in highschool... without the hope for the future... or central heating... or double paned windows... (but, not having to use a 2400bds modem for interwab is kinda gud though)

[yanpa]

Did Korean drama play a role in your high school life?

or double paned windows...

[kagemusha]

Having moved a few weeks ago, and not having being arsed to get the TV hooked up to the indigenous broadcasting offerings, I've realised the only practical use for Japanese TV is to keep the Mrs. distracted

For 5 years we have on TV only 5 Jsports channels, H channel, Discovery and NG. That's all - no NHk, no local shit - nothing!
The only time I watch JTV is at the gym and there I am reminded why I don't have it at home.

[Coligny]

Did Korean drama play a role in your high school life?

No, but these days they bring back the:

forever_alone_by_foreveraloneplz.png

Feeling...

or double paned windows...

Stop showing off dood... Or the next FG dinur is a your place...

[Thanatos' embalmed botfly]

Shimura Ken

OMGF.

Now it's fucking personal.

Shimura Ken, comedy legend, The Greatest Man in Japan, Emperor Bakatono, has been KILLED by The Chinese Fucking Virus.

"OH,OH,OH, please do not say anything bad about China because that means you are a racist."

BLOW ME.

So The Greatest Man in Japan had to die just cos some faceless, unexceptional, pixie-brained old Ming-dynasty fuckwit thought "heyy, you know what could extend my life by a minute or two? A squirt of that pangolin sperm in my fucken bat cock soup."

YEAH HOW7D THAT WORK OUT PAL? Dead a week later, thats how.

Or some stupid old barbaric prick thought "yeah, according to my storied and unique cultural heritage, the Ming Cunt scriptures maintain that just one drop of virgin bat spoof can provide an ever-lasting stiffy, oh fuck yeah, I'm getting hard already, uhh, uhh, oh hang on, getting a bit short of breath here too, oh shit, someone call 91

Who will assume the mantle of Greatest Man in Japan now? Obviously, Ryuichi Sakamoto. But what if he were too felled by the pangolin ming cunt brew? Naturally, Haruomi Hosono would take his place. But who THEN!? As far as I can tell there was only 3 great men in the whole fucking country.

FUCKKK U CHINA

[Taro Toporific]

Shimura Ken, comedy legend, The Greatest Man in Japan, Emperor Bakatono, has been KILLED by The Chinese Fucking Virus.

Attempts To Save Olympics Kills Ken Shimura
therisingwasabi.com | Mar 30, 2020
Japanese comedian and national icon Ken Shimura has died from coronavirus on Monday, according to news reports.
Shimura, one of the country’s most famous comedians was hospitalised in Tokyo on March 20 after being diagnosed with severe pneumonia, as testing for coronavirus was limited due to government attempts to save the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games.
More...

[Russell]

[Scipio]

had to die just cos some faceless, unexceptional, pixie-brained old Ming-dynasty fuckwit thought "heyy, you know what could extend my life by a minute or two? A squirt of that pangolin sperm in my fucken bat cock soup."

Or some stupid old barbaric prick thought "yeah, according to my storied and unique cultural heritage, the Ming Cunt scriptures maintain that just one drop of virgin bat spoof can provide an ever-lasting stiffy, oh fuck yeah, I'm getting hard already, uhh, uhh, oh hang on, getting a bit short of breath here too, oh shit, someone call 91

Amen to that. Enough's enough, the Chinese government has to be called to account, after this whole tragedy is over.

[Grumpy Gramps]

I don't think, it works like that. How about the swine flu or some chicken flu? We all eat pork and chicken; these things just happen, mutations can happen anywhere any time and in any form.

Just because "we" don't eat bats doesn't mean anything. Some "we's" don't eat horse meat, others do eat cats and dogs. Life just happens and nobody is accountable. Next time it could be a cheeseburger flu, a spaghetti flu or a whale meat flu. Who'd you sue haha?

[Russell]

I don't think, it works like that. How about the swine flu or some chicken flu? We all eat pork and chicken; these things just happen, mutations can happen anywhere any time and in any form.

Just because "we" don't eat bats doesn't mean anything. Some "we's" don't eat horse meat, others do eat cats and dogs. Life just happens and nobody is accountable. Next time it could be a cheeseburger flu, a spaghetti flu or a whale meat flu. Who'd you sue haha?

Whale meat flu?

I've a pretty good idea who to sue for that one...

[Wage Slave]

I don't think, it works like that. How about the swine flu or some chicken flu? We all eat pork and chicken; these things just happen, mutations can happen anywhere any time and in any form.

Just because "we" don't eat bats doesn't mean anything. Some "we's" don't eat horse meat, others do eat cats and dogs. Life just happens and nobody is accountable. Next time it could be a cheeseburger flu, a spaghetti flu or a whale meat flu. Who'd you sue haha?

I agree with the thrust of what you are saying here but I don't think it is the actual eating of certain animals that causes the risk of mutations that cross species. It is more the fact that a variety of live animals are kept in close confinement along with a large number of humans. That's what gives viruses the opportunity to recombine in ways that mean they can jump from one species to another. The way animals are farmed, kept and brought to market is what determines bio safety. Standards vary but China is a long way behind compared to many countries and they don't show a lot of interest in upping their game. Allowing live markets with a variety of wild animals held in close quarters with a large amount of people is risky behaviour and unfortunately it is a risk that has come to reality in spectacular fashion.

However, as always, I am not a virologist so I freely admit I may have got it wrong. Also, if you are a conspiracy theorist you may believe that it is in fact nothing to do with animals at all but was created the Global Elite/Chinese Military/American Military/EU(I wish I was joking)/A N Other for various nefarious purposes. My favourite is that it is a distraction to sow fear to allow 5G and vaccines be introduced which between them will kill off almost all patriots and nationalists leaving only the Globalist elite and their minions untouched to inherit the world.

[Grumpy Gramps]

... It is more the fact that a variety of live animals are kept in close confinement along with a large number of humans.

Yes, the gigantic overpoulation of the planet by humans starts to regulate itself; we were not intelligent enough to take care of it ourselves in the light of "market growth, market growth, market growth." Shouldn't we be gratekful for mother nature now?

[Thanatos' embalmed botfly]

I don't think, it works like that. How about the swine flu or some chicken flu? We all eat pork and chicken; these things just happen, mutations can happen anywhere any time and in any form.

Just because "we" don't eat bats doesn't mean anything. Some "we's" don't eat horse meat, others do eat cats and dogs. Life just happens and nobody is accountable. Next time it could be a cheeseburger flu, a spaghetti flu or a whale meat flu. Who'd you sue haha?

Come on gramps, not the time for all that common sense & "cultural differences" reasoning horseshit,

ALL ABAORD THE ANGRY MOB JUSTICE BANDWAGON BABY, PLENTY OF ROOM



ps if I die of "spaghetti flu" I'm gonna fucking kill someone

[matsuki]

I don't think, it works like that. How about the swine flu or some chicken flu? We all eat pork and chicken; these things just happen, mutations can happen anywhere any time and in any form.

Just because "we" don't eat bats doesn't mean anything. Some "we's" don't eat horse meat, others do eat cats and dogs. Life just happens and nobody is accountable. Next time it could be a cheeseburger flu, a spaghetti flu or a whale meat flu. Who'd you sue haha?

The way I understand it, it's the way these disease-ridden wild animals are housed with other disease-ridden wild animals in combination with the unsanitary conditions in Chinese wet markets that allow for these mutations to become a problem. Having seen first hand similar wet markets in other parts of Asia, the Chinese ones lower the bar a few rungs when it comes to sanitation. The bigger picture issue is coming up with enforceable health regulations in a place like China. There is a whole "lost generation" there that embodies everything wrong with humans. All you can really do is educate the youth and hope for the lost generation to die off before SARS 3 completes the trilogy.

[Taro Toporific]

ps if I die of "spaghetti flu" I'm gonna fucking kill someone

I hear that this year's spaghetti harvest will be in grave danger because so many spaghetti-rista have been ill or have died.

[Grumpy Gramps]

Very authentic indeed, but the guys from the BBC overlooked - as usual = the fact that only tourists drink wine from a "boccalino" nowadays; unless that fact would have changed since the last 500 times I was in Ticino for spaghetti harvest.

Spaghetti flu, though, would be the coolest way to die.