The North Pole Tribune wrote:North Pole, Christmas Eve 2004: In a nasty accident attributed to alcohol in the workplace and other unsafe work practices, five of Santa's helpers had their right legs amputated above the knee after a drunken can-can dance next to an industrial band-saw went horribly wrong.
"We were celebrating an early finish this year, mostly due to the increase in naughty kids in 2004, and Santa opened the bar fridge from about 4pm," said a section manager.
The Christmas Spirit was reportedly flowing freely by the time dancing started but some co-workers were also still making last-minute adjustments to toys, to comply with the toughening consumer safety laws in certain western countries. The five injured helpers were engaged in a particularly energetic can-can when they failed to notice a near-by band-saw was still in operation.
An elf, who refused to be named, also complained of constant breaches of workplace saftey at the North Pole workshop, with the removal from many machines of safety guards, which may have prevented the accident, but which management consider slow things down.
Santa was not available for comment and investigations continue.
(Real story here.)
