Marriage tips

[matsuki]

Anyway, GG, those changes are caused by hormones. I don't think guys realize how much they change either. I've read some articles about recent studies that show how much men change during their wives' pregnancy and after birth. Basically, their hormones turn them into big pussies.

If they weren't already pussies before

[Greji]

she wants more sex than before we were married.

The neighbor says to Jack: "Close your curtains the next time
you're having sex with your wife. The whole street was
watching and laughing at you yesterday. "

Jack says:
"Well the joke's on them, because I wasn't even home
yesterday"!'

[Greji]

Again, you are my new hero...

See! There she goes again.....

[Coligny]

See! There she goes again.....

Seriously... they need to start selling bromide OTC around here...

[Jack]

As much as it pains me to remember Jack's posts - there was a post a long long time ago where he was boasting about how many chicks he can pick up. The reason for his infidelity was because after the kids, his wife was no longer interested in sex but she was still a good wife as she brought him his slippers and cups of tea while he was in his lounge chair after dinner.

Is this a new person posting under Jack's handle or is Jack a compulsive liar who can't remember what stories he has told in the past?

You have a good memory indeed. However, that was then and this is now. Not too many women worry about sex when they have very young children but once they are of certain age, it's game on again. Gomigirl, I'm beginning to think you are not as smart as I thought you were.

[Yosh]

Shouldn't the FG papa should also change after kids though? If you leave the majority of the burden on the mama and continue on with life as it was before, it's not too hard to predict that she's going to become a frustrated bitch that uses sex as a weapon. Get some updated cooling systems going and keep on the maintenance so she don't go nuclear when the rumbling starts.

Let me offer a bit of wisdom to this mass of comedians - Men think that women aren't going to change after marriage but they do, women think men ARE going to change after marriage but they don't.

[Yosh]

You have a good memory indeed. However, that was then and this is now. Not too many women worry about sex when they have very young children but once they are of certain age, it's game on again. Gomigirl, I'm beginning to think you are not as smart as I thought you were.

Women have a great memory for tiny details but difficulty in seeing or comprehending the big picture. Men can't remember what they ate for lunch the day before (I never knew that issue would be such an atomic catastrophe until I entered the Japanese twilight zone) but are generally able to make important decisions unhampered by emotional irrationality.

[Yosh]

Not suggesting that the FG has any less responsibility than the Jwife. And I don't believe this is the issue with the OP either.

Before all the shit hit the fan, there had to have been a time where she was fine with everything, even living in a different country. So what's changed?

I think it has something to do with this; I've noticed that (some) women repeat a phrase many times in their lives: "I'll be happy WHEN I get married, I'll be happy WHEN I have a house, I'll be happy WHEN I have a baby...." You get the picture - I think many women are set in their minds this way - I've tried explaining that; if you're not happy now, having those things won't make it so... to little avail. Anyways, after recieving each thing that the woman supposes she wants so badly, then realising it aint all it's cracked up to be in her fairy-tale gumdrop fantasies, this can lead to unmitigated resentment and blame directed everywhere except within. This is one of the reasons things go south after marriage, kids, etc...

As a side note I'd like to mention that things between wifey and I are on the mend.

[legion]

I'm saying that because based on his posts it seems like they already had a lot of problems and decided to have a kid anyway which only made things worse.

Anyway, GG, those changes are caused by hormones. I don't think guys realize how much they change either. I've read some articles about recent studies that show how much men change during their wives' pregnancy and after birth. Basically, their hormones turn them into big pussies.

into or onto ?

[Coligny]

I'll be happy when I have a proper kitchen...
And a loo that don't push me to drive to the local supermarket to take a dump in a cleaner place...
Don't get me started on proper windows...
Or aircooling...
Or a real bed so I can take back my jackstand for when I need to work on the car...

FFSAKE even my life as a broke ass student looked like lavish lifestyle compared to now...
And at least I could get me a BBQ sauce pizza on friday night... instead of sharing the Mc nuggets with the cats...

[Russell]

You have a good memory indeed. However, that was then and this is now. Not too many women worry about sex when they have very young children but once they are of certain age, it's game on again. Gomigirl, I'm beginning to think you are not as smart as I thought you were.

Oh, there you are again. We started to miss you.



BTW, you are not a Jack Russell, are you?

[Russell]

Let me offer a bit of wisdom to this mass of comedians - Men think that women aren't going to change after marriage but they do, women think men ARE going to change after marriage but they don't.

Haha, great quote!

[Russell]

As a side note I'd like to mention that things between wifey and I are on the mend.

Great to hear that!

What did you offer her? An anniversary honeymoon, to make up for the wedding shenanigans?

[maraboutslim]

Let me offer a bit of wisdom to this mass of comedians - Men think that women aren't going to change after marriage but they do, women think men ARE going to change after marriage but they don't.

Men may not "change" but many do "accept" a new set of rules laid down by their wives. I remember the astonishment amongst my other married friends that even after marriage I played in bands and went on surf-trips and out drinking with the boys and pretty much seemed to live however I wanted like when I was single.

How did you do it, they'd ask? The key is to never let her get her foot in the door. Never give the impression that you are ever going to give up those things. Because once you give up that stuff, you aren't going to be able to get that time for yourself back in the future. It'll be gone forever. You've got to hang on to your own time and own priorities from the start. This may make it harder to find a wife who's ok with that, but it beats marrying one who thinks she can change you and her being miserable if you don't change (and thus making you miserable) and you caving in more and more in an effort to just get through the days without drama.

Even with a full social schedule (as it were), there are still plenty of hours in the week to share with one's spouse and have a good relationship. It's really not necessary to have the same friends, same hobbies, and do every damn thing together. It's just much easier for each person to be responsible for his/her general happiness and well being and then each bring that goodness together to have something even better than it is to require the relationship itself be what makes both people's lives satisfying. (in other words, don't be needy and don't marry a needy person!)

As for infidelity, it happens: some people are the type who can accept it and stay together, other people don't want to deal with it and have to make fidelity the basis of their relationship. Either can work, but make sure you and the spouse feel the same on this issue before marrying!

[Yosh]

Great to hear that!

What did you offer her? An anniversary honeymoon, to make up for the wedding shenanigans?

I didnt offer her anything. I let her rant her poor little heart out and didn't yell at her, then went downtown to have a drink, when I came back the pendulum was on the backswing.

[Netherlander]

It's really not necessary to have the same friends, same hobbies, and do every damn thing together. It's just much easier for each person to be responsible for his/her general happiness and well being and then each bring that goodness together to have something even better than it is to require the relationship itself be what makes both people's lives satisfying.

Great point! Make sure you have your own hobbies and activities the wife is not a part of. None of that "quality time"stuff, I hear on the American TV programs. Just out of curiosity, I don't know any Americans, and I've never been to the US, but what is with all that "quality time" stuff, do you really emphasize that so much over there like I see on TV? Sorry all I know about the US comes from TV, I'm embarrassed to say.

Anyways, I just make myself scarce, for her to miss me. But then again my wife is Korean, so the man can basically do whatever the fuck he wants! Awesome!:cool:

[Jack]

Oh, there you are again. We started to miss you.



BTW, you are not a Jack Russell, are you?

I know exactly who I am. The question is, who the fuck are you?

[Russell]

Men may not "change" but many do "accept" a new set of rules laid down by their wives. I remember the astonishment amongst my other married friends that even after marriage I played in bands and went on surf-trips and out drinking with the boys and pretty much seemed to live however I wanted like when I was single.

How did you do it, they'd ask? The key is to never let her get her foot in the door. Never give the impression that you are ever going to give up those things. Because once you give up that stuff, you aren't going to be able to get that time for yourself back in the future. It'll be gone forever. You've got to hang on to your own time and own priorities from the start. This may make it harder to find a wife who's ok with that, but it beats marrying one who thinks she can change you and her being miserable if you don't change (and thus making you miserable) and you caving in more and more in an effort to just get through the days without drama.

Even with a full social schedule (as it were), there are still plenty of hours in the week to share with one's spouse and have a good relationship. It's really not necessary to have the same friends, same hobbies, and do every damn thing together. It's just much easier for each person to be responsible for his/her general happiness and well being and then each bring that goodness together to have something even better than it is to require the relationship itself be what makes both people's lives satisfying. (in other words, don't be needy and don't marry a needy person!)

As for infidelity, it happens: some people are the type who can accept it and stay together, other people don't want to deal with it and have to make fidelity the basis of their relationship. Either can work, but make sure you and the spouse feel the same on this issue before marrying!

All very good points.

With regard to hobbies, I indeed have had my part of dramas. It did help, though, when I encouraged her to have her own hobbies. She was initially a bit awkward and guilty about this, me telling her that I enjoyed her having her own hobbies or her going out with friends, but she got used to that. Then when it came to an argument about me going out on my own, the only argument left to her was that I spent more time on my hobbies than she did on hers, a point that I could meticulously counter.
It also helped that I involved the kids in my hobbies. It now got to the point that I am being complained about that I do not spend any time on my hobbies anymore due to being too busy at work, and if I please would go out to engage in them and bring the kids. Haha!

[Russell]

I didnt offer her anything. I let her rant her poor little heart out and didn't yell at her, then went downtown to have a drink, when I came back the pendulum was on the backswing.

Great! It is indeed better to not react when she is ranting, because when you try to reason with her, the reaction is usually very irrational, and everything that you say will be used against you. This can go on for hours, without making things better. Just weather the storm, and when she has calmed down, it is then time to have a talk in a more rational way (this can be the next day). Even not talking may be possible if you show by your actions (for example by helping her out in the house, and / or bringing a small present) that you understand her. It is not even necessary that you completely agree with her, but she needs to have the feeling that you are there to support her.

Regarding one of your previous posts, in which you wrote that your family had too much of a say in your marriage (and wedding), she does have a point. I think for westerners (more so than for Japanese) when it comes to a choice between one's spouse and one's family, one usually chooses for the spouse. So, you do have an obligation to cover her against your family. That is one of the points that marriage is about, in my opinion.

Good luck!

[Russell]

I know exactly who I am. The question is, who the fuck are you?

[gaijinpunch]

...and that's a problem, especially in Japan. So many people here are emotional clusterfucks, worse than 16yo girls in their rebellious stage. Sometimes you need to forget reality and tend to their emotions...and believe me, doing that means throwing logic and realism out the window sometimes...but it eventually tends to get them back into a state to deal with reality.

Again, it is not always that easy. Definitely wasn't in mine. Being a realist means sometimes you have to realize simply tending to emotions does nothing but feed the fire. In fact, I can't remember a relationship I've had (including westerners... the majority of my relationships) where I had to bite my tongue and be overly sensitive when I didn't want to. That's a relationship. Most of the J-ridiculousness you find here goes far above and beyond that.

[Coligny]

/non sequitur:

She just did again something that drives me up the wall.
On her MacBook, she now use Firefox and is always control-clicking, open new window, then hide the new window behind, go back to the main window, ctrl click again... and on and on.

Despite the fact that I tried to teach her to open new tabs in the background she continue like this... Typical japanese 'work harder, not smarter'.

Now I found a little soft called better track pad (BTT) who allow gesture customisation and use of 3-4 finger gesture, I show her that you can map 3 finger click to directly open a link in a new tab behind.

and what is the first thing this dunce tells me:

"yeah but if you have a lot of macro programmed, they become hard to remember"

She didn't even wanted to see how using only a part of the software could make her life easier, she directly went on to make bullshit excuse to not use it and continue with her previous fucked up approach.

Shown the same thing to mum in law... and she's asking if there is also an Iphone version... I really don't think they are truly blood related in anyway....

[twww]

/non sequitur:

...she now use Firefox and is always control-clicking, open new window, then hide the new window behind, go back to the main window, ctrl click again... and on and on.

Despite the fact that I tried to teach her to open new tabs in the background she continue like this... Typical japanese 'work harder, not smarter'.

I showed mine this not too longer ago.

[Mike Oxlong]

[yt]4CAWBGv4ErE[/yt]

[Coligny]

Last time I took advice from a movie I ended up in university following an history curriculum in hope to end up in a Soviet nukular submarine trying to defect in the middul of the north atlantic...

And yes lots of mah teacher asked me what I what doing here... and also yes... I answered point blank "i'm waiting for a Russian boomer"...

[Russell]

Last time I took advice from a movie I ended up in university following an history curriculum in hope to end up in a Soviet nukular submarine trying to defect in the middul of the north atlantic...

And yes lots of mah teacher asked me what I what doing here... and also yes... I answered point blank "i'm waiting for a Russian boomer"...

WTFornicate. I always suspected that you were trained as an intelligence agent. But now I have confirmation.

[waruta]

WTFornicate. I always suspected that you were trained as an intelligence agent. But now I have confirmation.

I thought you had to have intelligence to begin with to become an agent... :domo:

[Mike Oxlong]

Last time I took advice from a movie...

That's why I'm taking mine from a cable TV series. The ice biz is much more practical than academia.

[Coligny]

I thought you had to have intelligence to begin with to become an agent...

nahhh, it's like the TSA, they sign up anyone who can show up with matching socks.

[matsuki]

Let me offer a bit of wisdom to this mass of comedians - Men think that women aren't going to change after marriage but they do, women think men ARE going to change after marriage but they don't.

THIS

When I said the man should change, I was referring to adapting to the added responsibility of the child. What you're referring to here is personality/habits, and couldn't be more truer. Most men tend to pick a woman and love her for who she is at the time, most women tend to pick a man and value him based on who they think they can potentially train him into.

I think it has something to do with this]

Setting goals isn't a bad thing at all but thinking the achievement of the goal will completely satisfy your life...yeah, tunnel vision.

Again, it is not always that easy. Definitely wasn't in mine. Being a realist means sometimes you have to realize simply tending to emotions does nothing but feed the fire. In fact, I can't remember a relationship I've had (including westerners... the majority of my relationships) where I had to bite my tongue and be overly sensitive when I didn't want to. That's a relationship. Most of the J-ridiculousness you find here goes far above and beyond that.

Whoa whoa whoa, I never said it was easy. Like many things in life, the concept is simple and if you stay focused, most can pull it off...but if it was easy, we wouldn't need our man caves and bars