http://www.livejournal.com/users/stereolabrat/228493.html
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Frottage
Here:s the thing with Japan, first I have no idea where the apostrophe button is, maybe the Japanese don:t use contractions because they are already short enough, why do they have to shorten their words too? Whatever, that is neither here nor there. Second, Japan:s buses are really fucking homosexual. It is just an excuse for frottage, which is sweet 70% of the time. The rest of the 100-70=30% of the time it is fucking annoying because it:s like a million degrees (in celsius) and everyone is packed on a bus and I am talking like majorly packed like fudge in your ass, like shoving two tons of shit in a one ton truck, and people smell like sushi. And I don:t mean sushi as a codeword for vagina. I mean like raw fish. For a people obsessed with cleanliness they smell pretty nasty. Third is the porno, or the
oruno: Like ok you are not allowed to show clam i.e. skirt steak i.e. beef ruffles, flesh oyster, panty abalone, searchin urchin, velvet elvis, deli slices, meat tulip, listen you can call it whatever you want, but you can:t show it in Japanese poruno. However you can see girls taking a dump and I am talking like major log work here, and the poonannie will be blocked out by a big fat black rectangle, and no black rectangle is not code for anything except a black rectangle, kind of like the one I shoved up your mom:s coldcuts last night at the Slot Gallery. Then of course there:s the poruno where two girls are literally eating shit and I:m like god please tell me this is chocolate made to look like shit it will make me able to eat again but Koom pointed out that conoisseurs (yes I spelled it wrong fuck off) would know the difference. So it:s like legit or some shit. Oh god the worst thing ever but I so fucking know there:s something worse out there I:m just not looking hard enough because I:m not a skebbe. But everyone is really nice here and they are all arrigato this semomasen this and I:m like ching chang wong falun gong. And I don:t need to see any more imperial palaces because the only palaces I need are the ones in my blouse, oh daaaaaggggg. Seriously though Japan is sweet but I don:t know how anyone lives here with all these slopes, it would drive me crazy. Oh man I almost forgot, if you are white and ugly, come to Japan and some hot Japanese girl will fuck you and even date you. I:ve never ever seen so many butt ugly busted white guys with such hot chicks. It:s like no girl you can so do better, but all they see is the paleface and their ticket out of dodge. Dood it:s fucking horrible and the guys KNOW they are lucky too. Like they walk down the street with them and they totally avert my eyes along with all the other whities I:m traveling with because this fucker KNOWS this is as good as it gets. Occasionally you see a hot white guy and a hot Japanese chick and you are like OK that is cool hand luke, and then you see a fat hairy white guy and a Japanese girl with a busted face like she has like too many teeth or something and you are like oh I:m so happy that you found someone to fuck you. So basically if you are ugly and white, come to Japan. That is what I learned. I:m guessing this means like 99% of you reading this. Unfortunately shit is kind of expensive here, but not much worse than New York, but if you are ugly I:m guessing you don:t have much of a job either so maybe you:ll have to go to Thailand instead and get aids, wow this is quite a tangent I am on. OH yeah one more thing, I like playing the game Japanese or Gay? I will post pictures at some point and we can all play, it is very fun. And just to make things fun for my trip, I just found out I:m allergic to my sunblock and I have massive hives. Fucking Japan.
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