Anyone got any good jokes?

[Bluewhale]

I'll start the ball rolling:

What do you call a woman with one leg? aileen

What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg? irene

Please feel free to raise the standard of the jokes! :P

[kotatsuneko]

heres a *really* bad joke:

the japanese government..

[GomiGirl]

Q: What do you call a dachsund with steel balls?

A: "Sparky"

[gomichild]

Q. What's invisible and smells like worms?





















A. Bird farts.

/stolen joke

[Taro Toporific]

heres a *really* bad joke...

What do you call a salaryman with an opinion?

Unemployed.

[Taro Toporific]

heres a *really* bad joke...

What do you call a salaryman with an opinion?

Unemployed.

[skyline1080]

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.







Then God added a mouth

[skyline1080]

the first one got messed up
God created woman.
So darn close to perfection.





Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.







Then God added a mouth





and ruined the whole damn thing!!!

[skyline1080]

Magicians.
Ta-dah!





With the circus in town, a local man is very excited to see the magic show and rushes down to the big-top. He reaches the gates just as the circus is closing for the day but manages to buy a ticket and hurriedly runs into the tent. "Where's the magic show?", he breathlessly asks one employee. The lady replies that she just saw the magician in the back packing up his bags for the day and without wasting a minute, the man rushes back to see the show. He races into the room only to find the magician ready to leave. "I'm here for the magic show", the guy tells the magician. "Sorry pal, come back tomorrow I'm going home." replies The Amazing Jonas. "Look", says the man, "I just paid good money to come in and see a magic show and that's what I expect!' Visually annoyed, the magician tells him, "Buddy, I've been here all day and I'd like to go home and see my wife and kids." With that, the customer becomes more irate and DEMANDS that he be shown at least one magic trick. "Okay, you want to see a magic trick?!", Jonas asks. "Pull down your pants." The man looks skeptical but does as he's told. "Now bend over and grab your ankles." As he does Jonas walks behind him and the man flinches. "There," asks the magician. "Can you feel my finger in your ass?" The man winces and replies, "Yeah." The magician holds both of his hands over the guy's back, wiggles his fingers in front of his face and shouts, "Ta-Dah."

[bejiita]

Here's a really old one that I laughed my ass off.

An obasan works into a local clinic and tells the doctor that she has a problem. "Doctor, I'm constantly farting!" The weird thing is that my farts are noiseless and odorless. "Why, I've already farted 50 times since I came into your examining room." The doctor goes "hmm, well take these two pills everyday and come see me in a week." A week later, the obasan goes back to see the doctor. "Doctor, I don't know what those pills you gave me were supposed to do, but now my farts absolutely reek!" The doctor then says "That's good. Now that we've fixed your sinus problem, let's tackle your hearing problem."

[StickyRiceLover]

One day an American Indian boy went to look for his father who was working on one of the tribe's teepees.
The indian boy asked his father "How did you come up with my sisters name?". His father replied "On the evening he was born I looked outside and saw a deer running across the meadow. So I named her Running Deer." The little boy thought about this for a while and wondered off to play with his friends.
The next day running into his father the boy asked, "Why did you name my brother Dancing Bear?". "When he was born I saw a bear standing up on his hind legs reaching up in the tree for fruit. So I named your brother Dancing Bear" said his father. "Why do you ask Two Dogs-a-Fucking?"


I hope you like it.
SRL

[kurohinge1]

Non-japanese speaking girl consults local Japanese doctor (using Japlish) about her problem attracting men:

Dr: Take off clothes and crawl to me.
(she takes off clothes and crawls across room to the doctor)
Dr: Now crawl away.
(she crawls back across room, then re-robes and sits down)
Girl: Do you know what the problem is?
Dr: Yes - Zachery's disease - worst case I see.
Girl: Zakery's disease?
Dr: Yes - face zakery like bottom.

<boom, boom>

[Steve Bildermann]

Scare your Japanese family, friends, students etc. Tell them they are in great danger today

Watch out for sore throats and high temperatures because today is Sarsday.

The waitress at Denny's nearly broke into tears when I told her this morning. Sorry

[ramchop]

The waitress at Denny's nearly broke into tears when I told her this morning. Sorry

Same woman? Same Dennys? How long till they ban you from the place?

[Big Booger]

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

[American Oyaji]

AND BOOGER SINS

[Taro Toporific]

Dr: Yes - face zakery like bottom.

<boom, boom>

...Boom Boom Boom Boom
I wanna go Boom Boom...

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