Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

[wagyl]

Someone please tell me that there is some kind of competition going on.

Recent* headlines:
Former London Zoo meerkat expert fined for glassing monkey-handler in row over llama-keeper
・includes the bonus excuse, one to file away for future use:

Westlake said she did not recall striking Ms Sanders with the glass, but acknowledged that her ADHD and dyspraxia may have caused her accidental movements.

Mother and baby attacked with hot chicken in busy town centre sports shop

Enquiries are ongoing.

Drive-by yoghurt attack on crochet teacher's haberdashery leaves her shaken

The hunt is on for a yoghurt throwing convertible driver after two drive-by dairy attacks in Dorset.

Woman in sumo wrestler suit assaults ex-girlfriend who waved at man dressed as Snickers bar

Chinese Politician's Son Dies in Ferrari Sex Orgy Crash

* some may be not so recent

[Russell]

OK, here a very recent then.

Mommy steps in

[yanpa]

How did you miss: Pensioner who died during sex is wheeled away on stretcher 'with prostitute still attached'.

[wagyl]

Possibly because I haven't entered my e-mail address in the handy form so that the Mirror can spam me with a daily newsletter.

I am however grateful to discover that the text string "having sex" has a hyperlink to the Mirror's lifestyle sex and relationships section, and the text string "elderly man" links to all articles tagged "pensioner." This is what the internet was developed for!

The text string "137,000 times" links to a definition of viral in the social media sense, together with a string of clickbait mindboggling photos like one of two zebras where the head of one obscures the other and if you were three years old you might momentarily consider that it might be a two bodied one headed zebra.

All in all, good to see China getting some traction in the wacky oriental stakes at long last.

[kurogane]

Raphael Schumacher: Italian actor in coma after lynching scene goes wrong
Schumacher, 27, was playing a character who is hanged on-stage in an experimental theatre production in Pisa

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world ... 48131.html

This just warmed my heart. It has all that is needed for a good belly laugh: amateur alternative theatre, a dead Italian, and the incompetent Guidos that killed him. If only they had done it all off the near side of the tower.

[Russell]

Raphael Schumacher: Italian actor in coma after lynching scene goes wrong
Schumacher, 27, was playing a character who is hanged on-stage in an experimental theatre production in Pisa

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world ... 48131.html

This just warmed my heart. It has all that is needed for a good belly laugh: amateur alternative theatre, a dead Italian, and the incompetent Guidos that killed him. If only they had done it all off the near side of the tower.

This was only the experimental version.

Wait until they start doing this for real...

[Russell]

Businessman makes a fortune selling bottled British air to the Chinese for £80 a pop

[legion]

How about this for "miscommunication"

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/news/the-guitar-kurt-russell-smashed-in-the-hateful-eight-was-an-antique-not-a-prop-and-the-museum-is-a6854921.html

The Martin Guitar Museum has vowed never to loan guitars to movies ever again, after a six-string from the 1870s was smashed to pieces on the set of The Hateful Eight.

“Well, somehow that didn’t get communicated to Kurt, so when you see that happen on the frame, Jennifer’s reaction is genuine,” Ulano explained.

Crimes against musical instruments should be punishable.

[kurogane]

I think we gots a new contender:

Now for those of you cold hearted bastards that either don't know or don't care that one of the dirtiest oil towns in the history of dirty oil towns is actually on fire, here's some background.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2016_Fort ... y_wildfire

Anyhoo, it's a really, really big forest fire that has caused massive disruption and a total evacuation, and yet, it's an oil town in the midst of one of the greatest land rapes in history, so it still manages to be hilarious and ever so poetic. Anyways, proving that only urbanites with a sense of humour should write headlines, here is how local news agencies handled the news that the hardworking, nay, heroic fire chief has decided to take some time off.

Let's play guess the headline!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
















Fort McMurray Fire Chief passes the torch
http://www.mygrandeprairienow.com/18501 ... ses-torch/

At the end of his announcement, Fire Chief Darby admitted that some of his decisions were made in the heat of the moment and might cause some heated discussions, but he hoped that the people of Fort Mac would give his successor the same warm support they had offered him, and that his successor would show the same burning passion and help keep the flame of fire safety alive in the oil sands.

So to speak. I have no remorse about this sort of thing, and I even I thought that headline was inflammatory. On one site it looked ready to start a flame war.

[kurogane]

I shall title this one
Newbie Reporter Discovers The Ocean

http://canadajournal.net/science/incred ... 7511-2016/

Incredible Drone Video Shows Killer Whales Hunting Down a Shark (Watch)
New footage from Australia shows a pod of false killer whales hunt down a lone juvenile shark.

The video, captured by drone hobbyist Bruno Kataoka, shows the false killer whales chasing the shark, tiring it out and then going in for the kill.

Bruno Kataoka has filmed what experts believe to be four false killer whales, members of the dolphin family, expertly hunting the shark off Cronulla beach south of Sydney.

The dolphins, which grow between three and five metres long, were hunting a juvenile shark in a life and death battle.

Which is all well and good except for the misleading headline. But then they go on:

Orcas are efficient hunters that eat a very diverse diet of fish , squid , sharks , marine mammals (including whales and seals), turtles, octopi, and birds (penguins and gulls). They have even been known to attack young blue whales and other large whales.

They have 10-13 pairs of large, interlocking conical, enameled teeth distributed in BOTH the upper and lower jaws (for a total of 20 to 26 pairs, so the orca has from 40 to 52 teeth). The teeth curve inwards and backwards – this helps the orca catch its prey. Teeth average about 3 inches (7.6 cm) long and about 1 inch in diameter, but some are even longer. Members of a pod frequently cooperate in hunts. An average-sized orca will eat 551 pounds (250 kg) of food a day.

Orcas whales live in waters ranging from tropical to arctic, and both coastal and deep oceanic waters. They are found in all the world’s oceans and most of the seas. Orcas sometimes enter estuaries, but don’t go far from the sea.

It seems to me that this news article falsely identifies false killer whales as killer whales before compounding the problem by using the term Orca to describe false killer whales that have been falsely identified as both killer whales and Orcas. Moreover, I object to the use of the pejorative label False. Perhaps these wonderful creatures choose to identify as killer whales. Who are we to judge whether that is true or false?

[Coligny]

What a fake killer whale orcas may almost certainly not look like but maybe is in real life...

12647147274_fcfbcd09c2_b.jpg

[kurogane]

Wow. That is an uncanny resemblance. I wonder if that is where Killer Whales got the design from? Not the false killer whales of course.........they're just pretentious frauds, really.