Sue for $50 million in Japan!

[Erik Lumberjack]

Hi everyone!

This is my first post here. ^_^)/

As you've noticed, it's now
official!

I may now take a hot bath!

^_^)/ squish squish

http://www.japantoday.com/e/?content=news&cat=2&id=238037

Thank you David and all!

A Japanese judge decided that
people with my face are allowed
to take a warm bath together
with people with other looking
faces.

So I can bathe now too!

In fact, I can do more.

I can be rich.

In Shinjuku, there are about
ten thousand cabarets and
entertainment shops.

Half don't allow my face to
enter.

So I'll sue each one.

I'll sue five thousand shops
and will get one million yen
each.

Five thousand shops times
one million yen each is five
billion yen.

That's fifty million dollars,
or thirty million dollars after
tax.

To ensure I win, I'll have an
MD recorder in my pocket, and
a friend with a digital zoom
video camera standing a little
ways off.

I'll (legally only) video and
audiotape the exchange at each
shop.

I'll ask, in a tricky way,
why I can't enter.

And they'll answer because
of my ethnic heritage.

I'll play with them like
a research boat that just
hooked a cute, plump baby
whale.

I'll say Can my Chousenjin
friend enter?

They won't like me in the
first place so they'll say
no.

Even if just to maintain
consistent sentence rhythm.

And I'll have that on tape
too.

No Tokyo court will say it's
okay to keep Chousenjin out
of a store.

Especially when there's a video
of the store owners using those
forbidden ethnic words.

Koreans in Tokyo would riot
so hard that Ishihara Shintaro
would have to phone Kim Jeong Il
to lend him a Tepadon so that
the Self Defense Force could
bomb Shin Ogikubo.

So I'll win.

Righteousness will shine in
the heavens, and big bucks
will jingle in my pockets.

The picture is win, win, win.

And there's more.

If someone calls the authorities,
the public officers will see my
pout and will take my arm and
gently lead me away from the
offending store.

I'll video that too.

I might even crease my brow
and wiggle slightly towards
the camera.

I'll ask the officials why I
can't go in, and they'll pause,
stare into space and mumble ...
Japanese only?

Laurel and Hardy will high
five in the clouds in awe as
our exchange hardly misses a
beat.

Japanese Only is written on the
door.

What else could they think of
saying?

Then everything will be set.

I'll change my name to Rodney
Lumberking, and will mail one
hundred copies of my video to
the media.

They'll open the package and see
me being dragged by municipal
officers from the brightly lit
shops of Shinjuku as lanky women
of disrepute giggle to each other
in Shanghai-accented Mandarin.

They'll see me being led through
the dim street of Gotanda, and
trampling in handcuffs over
telephone cards strewn in the
back lanes of Ueno.

They'll see ruddily tanned girls
widen their freshly painted eye
circles as I`m bounced on my back
over the bumpy stones of Shibuya's
Hamburger Dori.

They'll see Roppongi's tissue passer-
outers raise a neatly manicured eyebrow
as I'm led by the officials from one
ethnically pure nightspot after next.

School maidens squatting on the road
sides of Ikebukuro will drop their
cigarette stubs as badges flash and
I tumble past their vision.

The video will show me being yanked
along the streets of Osaka as neon
cabaret merchants shout "Irrasshaimase
to everyone but you."

Public officers will drag me through
the length and breadth of these noble
islands while ad libbing answers to my
skillfully formed questions about my
ethnicity into the mike of my pertly
humming MD.

I'll be rich and famous.

And all I need is a friend, some
righteous chutzpah, a camera, and
a sense of decency, fairness, and
kindness for all.

^_^)

Disclaimer: This is an imaginary story.
I don't plan or recommend that anyone
do any taping in any manner against
the law but only by prior legal consent
of all parties concerned, in spite of
the temptation of the fame and riches
that await them.

[Taro Toporific]

Hi everyone!

This is my first post here. ^_^)/

I may now take a hot bath!

^_^)/ squish squish.

Erik!? We are honored!

Welcome back the Zombie World where Dead Fukuzawas and cunning linguists of all kind can live again!

"I never wanted to do this in the first place!

I... I wanted to be...



[b]A LUMBERJACK!]/b]"

. . .
CHORUS

All: He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaaaayyy..... (BONG)

[dingosatemybaby]

This is spine-tingling. Two of the three koolest gaijin in Japan are posting in one forum:

The legendary Erik Lumberjack;
The ultrapimpin' bikkle (where _does_ he get those rock-rockin' avatars?);
and...Suthii, we await your coming.

The Apocolypse will then truly be nigh.

"What is this 'Earth kiss'?"
-Alien woman to Captain Kirk

[Erik Lumberjack]

Hi bikkle, Taro Toporific, Rob Pongi,
Dingosatemybaby and Gaisaradatsuraku! ^_^)/

Wow! What a chipper welcome! ^_^)/ yeah!

After the other mailing lists
shrunk I couldn't find any
outlet to make fun of people... ; _ ;

I found this discussion board

http://lists.nbr.org/japanforum/board.asp

but you're supposed to give a
self introduction and by the time
I got to I sleep all night and I work
all day and like to wear my favorite
clothes just like papa, I didn't know
how to finish. ; _ ;

I like the pictures!

Oh well, see you! ^_^)/ wave wave wave wave wave!

....

+_+) fhew... te ga tsukareta

....

....

....

^o^)/ mou ikkai!

^_^)/ wave wave wave wave wave wave wave wave!