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  • fuckedgaijin ‹ General ‹ F*cked News

Journalist writes about Japan, Jaded FGs pounce.

Odd news from Japan and all things Japanese around the world.
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16 posts • Page 1 of 1

Journalist writes about Japan, Jaded FGs pounce.

Postby Guile » Tue Mar 01, 2005 8:16 am

Every good story has to have its epilogue

Nagoya, Japan -- At least that's the excuse I used when I pleaded with my bosses to let me return to Japan this week, a scant four months after a memorable first visit to the land of fearsome samurai, robot dogs and fearsome robot samurai dogs.

No, seriously, you should see what Sony is doing with those Aibo things now. If they start developing girl robots as sophisticated as their dog robots, our species is doomed.

The paper's head cheeses wavered, until I added that I left my watch in Tokyo. Fifteen thousand kilometres seems a reasonable distance to go to retrieve a $50 watch, doesn't it? But instead of being on a pilgrimage to seek out naughty schoolgirl magazines and the mythical artifact known as the beer vending machine, I was to be the guest of the Japan National Tourist Organization and Japan Airlines. Who, oddly enough, did not have adult comics and beer dispensers on the agenda.

"Come see Nagoya!'' they said.

"Awesome!'' I replied. "By the way, what's a Nagoya? It's some kind of giant snake with a human head, right? I remember them from D&D! This will be so cool!''

As it turns out, that's a Naga. Nagoya is where they're holding Expo 2005, in the prefecture of Aichi, which borders on the neighbouring prefecture of Scratchi. There's actually quite a lot to do in Nagoya, as evidenced by the fact our benevolent but merciless organizers had our little group of naive journalists on the go 12 hours a day. On second thought, can I go to Naga instead? They only do two-eight damage per attack, right?

But it's proven an excellent and eye-opening counterpart to my first voyage across the Pacific last October.

For starters, the flight here was in Japan Airlines' business class, which I can sum up like this: imagine you're sitting in your favourite La-Z-Boy at home, except instead of your significant-o' nagging at you to shovel the driveway, beautiful Japanese girls in cherry blossom-coloured uniforms are tittering politely at your bad jokes while serving you unlimited amounts of fine wine, bottomless beer and a menu that consists of your choice of grilled fillet of beef with Madeira sauce or poached sea bass with saffron ginger cream sauce. And I don't even know what Madeira means! Or saffron! Or poached! Being stupid is hard, you know.







http://www.canoe.ca/NewsStand/Columnists/Edmonton/Steve_Tilley/2005/02/26/942935.html
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Postby Mulboyne » Tue Mar 01, 2005 10:54 am

After reading the article, I suddenly feel very tired...
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Postby Captain Japan » Tue Mar 01, 2005 11:25 am

Mulboyne wrote:After reading the article, I suddenly feel very tired...


That's better than me. Forget being jaded, I kept getting lost. Is this his second trip? Did he make it home already?
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Postby Guile » Tue Mar 01, 2005 11:34 am

No one has lost their temper...yet.

Speaking of the Expo, will everything just be educational-like? Will they have rollercoasters? I was too young for Expo '86 in Vancouver, but they had a rollercoaster I believe.
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Postby kotatsuneko » Tue Mar 01, 2005 11:51 am

heh, more importantly, can the exhibitors do Guile's "handcuff" glitch? 8O :wink:
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omfg

Postby etto_neh » Tue Mar 01, 2005 1:18 pm

I think Marvin and Dave Barry hired some canadian crackwhore as a surrogate and Steve Tilley was the result that horrible genetic experiment.

No- I take that back. Even then, I think, the slightest granule of talent would have made it through.
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Postby ichigo partygirl » Tue Mar 01, 2005 3:03 pm

please explain to this FG what an expo is. ive have heard of them being spoken about in a dream like way but i have no fricken idea what one is. and what dates is the one in nagoya on??
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What a nob!

Postby canman » Tue Mar 01, 2005 3:16 pm

I know people like this guy from Edmonton, they are pretty backward. First off I don't think a lot of people will understand what the hell he is writing about. Secondly he is playing up all the stereotypes. Since when did Jal have flight attendants wearing "cherry blossom-coloured uniforms are tittering politely at your bad jokes". That kind of stuff just makes me want to gag.
I wonder what exactly Canadians coming to the expo are going to expect after this Pulitzer Prize winning account. :roll:
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Postby Guile » Tue Mar 01, 2005 3:25 pm

All I can say is that I'm glad I won't be in-country before Alanis Morissette hits the Canadian Pavillion. :puke:


I don't get the handcuff thing. A reference to the video game perhaps?
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Postby Socratesabroad » Tue Mar 01, 2005 6:18 pm

Guile wrote:I don't get the handcuff thing. A reference to the video game perhaps?


I had to look it up.
Street Fighter 2
Glitch: Guile's handcuffs:
As Guile, charge down for two seconds as you would for a Flash Kick. When your opponent is directly next to you, very quickly press Up, Strong Punch, Forward Kick. If done correctly, it will cause a glitch where your opponent will be attached to Guile and cannot hurt you, and you cannot hurt him. If the timer runs out, the game will freeze.


And I am curious - while I may have played D&D as a kid, I don't think that, after the age of 15, I ever admitted that fact to anyone, much less tried to astound or impress with my encyclopedic knowledge of the game.
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming...
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Postby plaid_knight » Tue Mar 01, 2005 10:39 pm

dlp
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Postby Guile » Wed Mar 02, 2005 3:30 am

Not a knock against plaid_knight or anyone, but why do you always compare it to football? One of my friend's brothers was talking about the "furry" fetish or whatever was on that CSI episode where people get dressed up as animals etc. I rolled my eyes and said "That's not normal." He said, "It's just a hobby, like playing football." Do you guys have talking points or something?
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Postby Charles » Wed Mar 02, 2005 4:24 am

Guile wrote:Not a knock against plaid_knight or anyone, but why do you always compare it to football? One of my friend's brothers was talking about the "furry" fetish or whatever was on that CSI episode where people get dressed up as animals etc. I rolled my eyes and said "That's not normal." He said, "It's just a hobby, like playing football." Do you guys have talking points or something?

Jeez, I remember a time when the thought of dressing up as furry creatures was nothing but a ludicrous comedy spoof.

Image

"Well... I was about seventeen and some mates and me went to a party, and, er... we had quite a lot to drink... and then some of the fellows there ... started handing ... cheese around ... and well just out of curiosity I tried a bit ... and well that was that.

Interviewer: And what else did these fellows do?

Well some of them started dressing up as mice a bit ... and then when they'd got the costumes on they started ... squeaking."
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Postby Guile » Wed Mar 02, 2005 5:21 am

A classic sketch! That along with the one where the playwrite father is chiding his son for getting his hands dirty working in the coal mines instead of becoming a writer.
...Dad: Tungsten carbide drills! What the bloody hell's tungsten carbide drills?
Ken: It's something they use in coal-mining, father.
Dad: (mimicking) 'It's something they use in coal-mining, father'. You're all bloody fancy talk since you left London.
Ken: Oh not that again.
Mum: He's had a hard day dear... his new play opens at the National Theatre tomorrow.
Ken: Oh that's good.
Dad: Good! good? What do you know about it? What do you know about getting up at five o'clock in t'morning to fly to Paris... back at the Old Vic for drinks at twelve, sweating the day through press interviews, television interviews and getting back here at ten to wrestle with the problem of a homosexual nymphomaniac drug-addict involved in the ritual murder of a well known Scottish footballer. That's a full working day, lad, and don't you forget it!
Mum: Oh, don't shout at the boy, father.
Dad: Aye, 'ampstead wasn't good enough for you, was it? ... you had to go poncing off to Barnsley, you and yer coal-mining friends. (spits)
Ken: Coal-mining is a wonderful thing father, but it's something you'll never understand. Just look at you!...
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Postby plaid_knight » Wed Mar 02, 2005 10:59 am

dlp
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Postby Pencilslave » Wed Mar 02, 2005 2:49 pm

plaid_knight wrote:The furry sexual fetish thing is something else entirely. I wouldn't even beging to try to justify some of the extremes of that movement.


I can't help but remember the line from Wayne's World: Did you ever think Bugs Bunny was attractive when he dressed up like a girl?
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