Recent* headlines:
Former London Zoo meerkat expert fined for glassing monkey-handler in row over llama-keeper
・includes the bonus excuse, one to file away for future use:
Westlake said she did not recall striking Ms Sanders with the glass, but acknowledged that her ADHD and dyspraxia may have caused her accidental movements.
Mother and baby attacked with hot chicken in busy town centre sports shop
Enquiries are ongoing.
Drive-by yoghurt attack on crochet teacher's haberdashery leaves her shaken
The hunt is on for a yoghurt throwing convertible driver after two drive-by dairy attacks in Dorset.
Woman in sumo wrestler suit assaults ex-girlfriend who waved at man dressed as Snickers bar
Chinese Politician's Son Dies in Ferrari Sex Orgy Crash
* some may be not so recent