addicted to k-tei

[canman]

Can anybody give me some adivce. My son is addicted to his k-tei, and I really think it is a big problem already. I feel that his grades are suffering because all he can do is wait for the next message and then answer it. I never and I mean never see him without the damn phone, from morning to night. He hardly talks to me or my wife. She keeps telling me that all the other kids do the same, but I know better, I teach high school age kids. I tried showing her the report that said students who send more that 50 messages a day are always at the bottom of their classes, and are the ones to get into trouble. So what should I do. Take it away completely. Does Docomo have somekind of service where you can limit the number of mails sent or received each day. As I said, I think this is a serious matter.

[Samurai_Jerk]

Stop being a fucking pussy and take it away. If he complains, smack the shit out of him and tell him to go do his homework. If he still complains, smack him again, stop giving him any money for anything, and take everything fun out of his room.

[tonikoro]

I'd Cancel his Keitai, toss it over the nearest river, and buy him an iBook and see how much information he retains. In Japan, most people still think that regular internet usage is to the level of using the phone. -Wrong, by chance exposing him to the wider spectrum of the web, maybe he might soak up some information of use. Or -Gasp- use his machine to crack the books!

[amdg]

Is this just a recent pattern of behaviour? How long has it been going on for?

Could it be that he's just found himself a love interest and is wooing the shit out of her? In any event it doesn't sound very healthy. And the argument that 'all the other kids are doing it' is just weak. Sounds like a bit of reasonable discipline is in order.

[GuyJean]

Stop being a fucking pussy and take it away. If he complains, smack the shit out of him and tell him to go do his homework. If he still complains, smack him again, stop giving him any money for anything, and take everything fun out of his room.

I tend to agree.. Except for smacking the shit out him.. Wait till he's older.

I believe there are packages with carriers that have limits, but I don't know any of the details.

Try limiting his use on your own. If he fucks up, take it away for a couple days.. Fucks up again, a week, etc.. One thing I've learned from that hippie Canadian counseling families with problem children on NHK is 'don't give in'; you set the boundaries and stick to them. If you give in, your kid will walk all over you. If you tell him a week without the keitai, it's a week without the keitai..

Good luck!

GJ

[dimwit]

Canman how old is your son? IF he is old enought then he should start paying the bills if he wants to use it. Personnally, I can't figure out why young kids have k-tais anyways. What do they really need them for? I managed to do just fine in my 44 years without needing to possess one.

[canman]

Dimwit, he is 16, and yes I think he should start to pay for his phone. Although thankfully his monthly cost is not that high yet. About 6000 a month. AMDG I wish he were wooing a girl, but its only he and his friends. What they are talking about I have no idea. Although what pisses me off the most, is that its just mindless chatter I'm pretty sure. Its not like they are asking and answering homework questions. Now would I like it better if he were on the telephone for hours at a time, I think not. But at least you can control a real phone. But a K-tei unless the parent takes it there is not much you can do about it. I want to take the phone but my wife says it is such an inconvenience for her, especially when she has to pick him up from juku, or get him at school, if he misses the bus because of his club running late(which it often does). the last thing that complicates matters even more is that as an adoptive father, my ground is a little more shakey than of others, if you know what I mean. Not making excuses, but sometimes I have to walk a fine line. Oh the joys of teenage children.

[GuyJean]

Get him one of those no-frills Tsuka old people phones with big buttons and the most basic service. He'll be so embarrased, he won't even use it in public..


http://www.tu-ka.co.jp/line_up/tu-kas.html

GG might be able to help you out more..

GJ

[tonikoro]

agian, take away the phone, and give him a Phone card. They DO still use Phonecards here, right? Make him use a landline if he needs to call moms so bad. Something given has no value, if he wants a phone so bad, have him go and get his little Arubaito, he can pay for his own plan. I understand that if you are a stepfather you might not have leverage, but it is YOUR household, presuming you are the MAN of the house you can't puss out. Kids today in this country are spoiled as fuck in the order of thinking that the parents will always get their back, and to add have very little in the way of an attention span. So, you need to be direct and reinforce that ideal with your wife.

[AssKissinger]

My opinion is you should let your wife handle it. Losing the phone may be a real social blow or embarrassment to him. It's easier for her to gauge the importance of it than you I'd imagine. How about other time wasters? Does he watch a lot of TV? Compared to what I was doing at 16 I'd say exessive text messaging isn't that serious. At least, give him a good out for his friends. For example, make it about the money , like so he can say to his mates, 'Yeah I went over 6,000 yen and my Dad (or Mom) says I have to work at McDonald's if I go over that point.' Plus, man, if you don't really have his mother's support on this, is it worth it?

Good luck.

[American Oyaji]

I've got to disagree.

In every household, there is ONE final authority on any issue.

Maybe it's mendokusai to "trouble" your wife, but if you have told him that he uses it too much, that is it. Maybe he'll lose status among his friends. So what. That is NOT what is important in life.

Get him a more basic model of phone that doesn't have text messaging or give him a phone card.

OR you can talk to the carrier and just disable text messaging.

[AssKissinger]

Well, at the very least, canman needs to make the decision jointly with his wife, you can't go over a Japanese woman's head in household matters!

[tidbits]

My opinion is you should let your wife handle it. Losing the phone may be a real social blow or embarrassment to him. It's easier for her to gauge the importance of it than you I'd imagine. How about other time wasters? Does he watch a lot of TV? Compared to what I was doing at 16 I'd say exessive text messaging isn't that serious. At least, give him a good out for his friends. For example, make it about the money , like so he can say to his mates, 'Yeah I went over 6,000 yen and my Dad (or Mom) says I have to work at McDonald's if I go over that point.' Plus, man, if you don't really have his mother's support on this, is it worth it?

Good luck.

Agree with AK. C'mon, T.I.J and is 2005 now, look around, in a restaurant or train, how many adults are staring at their keitai? If the concern is his studies, talk to him and emphasize on his studies/grade. If you take away the phone ,yes, he will stop messaging, but does that mean he will talk to you more often and improve his grade? He can still lock himself in his room whole day with music, tv or manga etc or crazy or chasing after girl. He has to learn to control and balance his social life and studies and be resposible for his own decision. I think sending him to work in Arubaito is a good idea, beside bearing his own phone cost, he can learn about resposibilities and so many other things in life. Or expose him to some new healthy sport/activities, if you can afford, sent him backpack in some countries when there are opportuinities. What I am trying to say is finding out who he talks to/ his buddies/ their interest etc is more important than just taking away the phone.

Just make sure no cult no porn involved and ask him don't stare at the phone when crossing the road or using the staircase.

[Samurai_Jerk]

First you say he's your son, then you say he's not really your son. There's your problem right there. You have top straddling the fence and decide whether or not you are his father and whether or no you have the right to deal with him as your son (This, BTW, is why guys should NEVER get into relationships with single mothers). You can't be halfway about that kind of shit. And as for listening to his feelings and trying not to alienate him

All of that bullshit touchy-feely hippie parenting is the reason that kids are so spoiled and disrespectful.

[AssKissinger]

This, BTW, is why guys should NEVER get into relationships with single mothers

Ideally one should only be helping them get their start. But life's not always that simple, Sammy.

[Samurai_Jerk]

This, BTW, is why guys should NEVER get into relationships with single mothers

Ideally one should only be helping them get their start. But life's not always that simple, Sammy.

You can control who you get involved with.

[AssKissinger]

[homesweethome]

This, BTW, is why guys should NEVER get into relationships with single mothers

This is probably sound advice generally, but not really relevant in this case since they already have a relationship. The important thing is being firm and not giving in to either the child or his mother when a decision is made. Step-kids are really difficult because of the relationships angle. If you decide something (like taking the keitai away) and your wife undermines your authority, the kid will always know who the real boss is. In my case with two teenage boys (17 and 15) I insisted they pay for their own. I took away their video games for a while, they went out and bought more, I took away the game player, they went and bought their own, I took the TV (viewer), they salvaged one from a gomi station, I cut off the electricity to their room, they go to their friends house or play in another room when I am not around. Now the younger one needs glasses cause he spent so many hours doing video games it wrecked his eyes and he will be lucky to get out of middle school. Guess who get's to pay for these. My attitude now is 'don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.' They got this message, it is my house.

[Samurai_Jerk]

[AssKissinger]

When I met my wife it was like 'shazam!'

[Samurai_Jerk]

Yeah, but if you later found out there was something seriously wrong with her, you could've backed out at any time. Of course, marrying you is a sign that there is something seriously wrong with her.

[AssKissinger]

Everyone comes with some baggage.

[homesweethome]

Everyone comes with some baggage

Some a little more than others though

[emperor]

From week to week, my 15 year old sister goes in and out of phases of sending crazy amounts of text-messages to her friends, we used to give her money to buy call credit, but now she has to pay for the top-ups herself when she runs out, as a result shes probably a little more cautious with her spending.

The flipside is if your son has plenty of cash to spash on such stuff; and you tell him he has to pay for his bill from now on; if you ask him to cut back on his expenditure - his attitude maybe along the lines of "fuck you, its my phone and i pay for it"...?

Maybe you could subsidise the first Y2000/3000 (just the line rental?) and let him handle the balance....

[GomiGirl]

He is 16 years old right? That is old enough to start making deals with him. ie.. If his grades have dropped then take the phone away until they improve and introduce it back to him in stages as a reward. He can set his own goals and when he reaches them then he gets his reward and so on.

But whatever terms you agree to you have to stick to them and so does he. But also your wife has to agree or it is for all for naught. If his grades are suffering use this as the leverage.