FG Top 10- Do you have what it takes?

[homesweethome]

So some of you out there are FG wannabe's? You aspire to the higher heavens of FG Blogdom? Well let me tell you, what you aspire to is not easily achieved by mere mortals. What? You think it is just the NUMBER of posts that will get you into Paradise? Oh, no silly children. The reality is much different from their avitars. It takes years of sacrifice and dedication to make it into the top 10 of FG.

At great personal danger to myself I have brought this small glimpse into the true personas and lives of those at the top. It is a long lonely road.

Word to the wise, look and learn.


I bring you The

F*cked Gaijin



Number 10

GuyJean

Real Life Profession: Shopping/shipping to herself defective electronic equipment, collecting damage insurance
Career Highlight: Discovery that baseball caps hide facial features from security cams.
Hobbies: Picking up the latest electronic items in Akihabara
Quotable quotes:

I guess I need a G5

Number 9

Mulboyne

Real Life Profession: J-University lecturer (or something that pays him for doing nothing).
Hobbies: Looking up obscure links to long forgotten news articles.
Career Highlight: Being sued for divorce.
Quotable quote:

This link proves that all humankind came from alien DNA.

Number 8

Caustic Saint

Real Life Profession: Voted for two years most popular teacher at Nova
Career Highlight: Given internet connection at work as reward.
Quotable Quote:

I collect Nintendo caps from Pepsi Twist.

There's something flakey going on around here.

Hobbies: Writing to Mom and Dad, trying to find a J-girlfriend

Number 7

Kamome

Real Life Profession: Receptionist at Love Hotel
Hobbies: Matchmaking Asian women with foreign men on online dating service
Trying to become Japanese, keeping fingernails clean
Career Highlight: Performed as extra in J-skin flick 'Naked Beach Girls Boreboru'
Quotable quote:

I'm not talking about myself, I swear!

Number 6

Big Booger

Real Life Profession: Retired from Merchant Marines
Hobbies: Fishing out of season, washing hands, putting KY jelly on things.
Career Highlight: While piloting a Mississippi River barge near Greenville, LA, collided with stationary 'floating casino,' took early retirement.
Cause of Accident: Topless sunbathers on rear deck
Quotable quote:

I can't get the phlegm out.

I can't turn this damn thing off.

I don't have life insurance at this time.

Number 5

Asskissinger

Real Life Profession: Drinking, collecting used newspapers, dredging in the Kanda river.
Career Highlight: Once found a gold bar while dredging, but can't remember where he hid it.
Hobbies: Driving cars without a shakken
Quotable Quote:

yalllk prababaly thisnk im im a psoer.

I'm charging porn to Big Boogers credit card right now.

Number 4

Gomi Girl

Real Life Profession: Former groupie for J-rock bands in the 70's. Currently managing a trailer park in Dearborne Michigan (near childhood home of Alice Cooper).
Career Highlight: Total memory loss from June 1974 to Mid February, 1975.
Hobbies: Bingo, Indoor Climbing, Raising money for tombstones for J-rock stars who have died
Quotable Quote:

Anybody want to teach me?

What has this got to do with Japan?

Number 3

CS Taylor

Education: Asian Studies major, Japanese minor
Real Life Profession: Undercover agent currently assigned as diplomatic courier at less important foreign embassy.
Career Highlight: At previous assignment was arrested for D.U.I. Claimed diplomatic immunity, transfered to present branch consulate.
Current assignment: Discover the secret of Natto.
Quotable Quote:

I think I am on somebody's watch list somewhere.

Number 2

Ultra Gaijin

Real Life Profession: Video game center night guard
Hobbies: Throwing parties, smoking in bed
Career Highlight: While performing janitorial duties, mistakenly threw cigarette butts into burnable garbage recepticle, set off fire alarm.
Quotable Quote:

I think I have something to say, I am just not sure what it is.

And (drumroll please)
Number 1

Taro Taporific

Real Life Profession: Full Time Blogger (what else could he be doing)
Hobbies: writing computer viruses/ selling customised anti-virus 'fix-it' software.
Career Highlight: Previous ISP was subpoenaed to provide his user profile and current address. Had to leave country. Chose Japan because of weak extradition treaty, famously incompotent police force, and Costa Rica didn't have ISDN at the time.
Quotable quote:

I am just so happy to be here.

What? and leave dumbfuckingstan?

Professional Philosophy: If there isn't a need out there for what you got, create one.

[cstaylor]

I'm certainly not that old, and I didn't do much asian studies before I moved here.

[homesweethome]

It's funny to me you responded first to this. I couldn't get a handle on your character at all from your posts. It was just a shot in the dark.

You seemed to be the most complicated.

[Buraku]

Papa-Lazarou

Real Life Profession: Sings silly juvenile English songs and plays stupid games also does some ekaiwa but the Japanese don't like him cos he doesn't look white enough

Quote:
Because I don't look like a blond-blue-eyed English speaking American
Papa-Lazarou will enter abusive gaijin-tarento shows so that the drone Japanese masses can be entertained

while some guy in the background wearing a Yasukuni blue-shirt jerks-off at this torture

[Caustic Saint]

"Years of sacrifice?"

Nah, all it takes is a job where you can waste a lot of time online and get paid for it. (Not the job I currently have, I assure you.)


A couple corrections for your list though.

1. Guyjean's not a chick. (At least, not in this lifetime.)

2. I've never worked for an eikaiwa.

[Taro Toporific]

[b You think it is just the NUMBER of posts that will get you into Paradise? Oh, no silly children. The reality is much different from their avitars....

And (drumroll please)
Number 1

Taro
Real Life Profession: Full Time Blogger (what else could he be doing)
Hobbies: writing computer viruses/ selling anti-virus software

Gee thanks for the hair and making me 30 years younger! You did get my eyes spot on. As for my profession, yes I have written TrendMicro's virus reports on a freelance basis until they sent that work to the 3rd world, Dumbfuckistan.
My avatar-to-reality correspondence ratio is 1-to-1: I just posted my picture today which correlates to my avatar.

[GuyJean]

That's great.. But it must've taken a long time to post, finding the pictures and all..

A couple corrections for your list though.

1. Guyjean's not a chick. (At least, not in this lifetime.)

If I were a chick I'd never leave the house..

Why did you think I was female? Do I write like one?

GJ

[This is a pen]

Why did you think I was female? Do I write like one?
GJ

I thought you were a chick too.

Maybe it's the way you wine and bitch about everything, seem a bit feminine.

[GuyJean]

I thought you were a chick too.

Maybe it's the way you wine and bitch about everything, seem a bit feminine.

Ignorance often brings people to the wrong conclusions. Maybe you should work on that..

GJ

[Big Booger]

This post is FG worthy! Rock On!

[homesweethome]

Please don't take any of what I put up personally, it was just an attempt at creative entertainment on my part. I took a lot of creative liberties.

[homesweethome]

Fucked Gaijin BLOG WARS

presents



Asskissinger vs Big Booger

Who is the F*ckedest Gaijin Blogger?

No holds barred, blog fest on August 3, 8:00 pm

30 minutes of rough and tumble flaming

Who has the quickest mouse, the fastest keyboard, is best with wit and wisdom, photo cut and paste software, anything else you can think of because YOU the observers will be the judges. After the event a poll will be taken, all observers will vote for who won the contest. None of this post count stuff, let the top bloggers defend themselves and YOU be the judge.

Who is better TARO vs CS TAYLOR?
GOMI GIRL vs anycomer

What match-ups would you like to see.
BURAKU vs SAMURAI JERK?

Let the critics be put to rest and the real bloggers judged by a group of their peers.

How about it?
Odds given and bets taken
Purse will be whatever the viewers want it to be.

[AssKissinger]

Number 5

Asskissinger

Real Life Profession: Drinking, collecting used newspapers, dredging in the Kanda river.
Career Highlight: Once found a gold bar while dredging, but can't remember where he hid it.
Hobbies: Driving cars without a shakken
Quotable Quote:

yalllk prababaly thisnk im im a psoer.

I'm charging porn to Big Boogers credit card right now.

That's some good stuff but...

How did you find my yearbook photo?

[AssKissinger]

Asskissinger vs Big Booger

Who is the F*ckedest Gaijin Blogger?

No holds barred, blog fest on August 3, 8:00 pm

30 minutes of rough and tumble flaming

Who has the quickest mouse, the fastest keyboard, is best with wit and wisdom, photo cut and paste software, anything else you can think of because YOU the observers will be the judges. After the event a poll will be taken, all observers will vote for who won the contest. None of this post count stuff, let the top bloggers defend themselves and YOU be the judge.

I ain't going into the ring against Booger!

Booger and kamome are my Jedi masters.

[Big Booger]

Asskissinger vs Big Booger

Who is the F*ckedest Gaijin Blogger?

No holds barred, blog fest on August 3, 8:00 pm

30 minutes of rough and tumble flaming

Who has the quickest mouse, the fastest keyboard, is best with wit and wisdom, photo cut and paste software, anything else you can think of because YOU the observers will be the judges. After the event a poll will be taken, all observers will vote for who won the contest. None of this post count stuff, let the top bloggers defend themselves and YOU be the judge.

I ain't going into the ring against Booger!

Booger and kamome are my Jedi masters.

Far you will go! But never fear the bongside:

[homesweethome]

Asskissinger vs Big Booger

Who is the F*ckedest Gaijin Blogger?

No holds barred, blog fest on August 3, 8:00 pm

30 minutes of rough and tumble flaming

Who has the quickest mouse, the fastest keyboard, is best with wit and wisdom, photo cut and paste software, anything else you can think of because YOU the observers will be the judges. After the event a poll will be taken, all observers will vote for who won the contest. None of this post count stuff, let the top bloggers defend themselves and YOU be the judge.

I ain't going into the ring against Booger!

Booger and kamome are my Jedi masters.

Far you will go! But never fear the bongside:

I didn't think so. Just another idea whose time will never come.

[Big Booger]

What match-ups would you like to see.
BURAKU vs SAMURAI JERK?

I'd been keen on that one.

[AssKissinger]

Remember when Necro challenged Charles to a photography contest but Charles was chicken?

I'd still like to see an FG original photo contest.

[homesweethome]

What match-ups would you like to see.
BURAKU vs SAMURAI JERK?

I'd been keen on that one.

OK, then how about a match-up between anybody who wants to go against anybody. Sort of a F*kd Gaijin Council of Elders. Anybody would be able to challenge anybody else except the 'Council of Elders' they would issue a challenge, the council would decide whether to accept or reject the challenge. If the challenge is accepted, by both parties (or any number of parties) the council will set up the rules of engagement (time, date, perameters, topic of dispute, etc.) and the parties would go at it. After the engagement the council would vote or decide the issue. Like a court of law? I don't know, I was just thinking of a way to settle disagrements without having to endlessly flame each other to death without deciding anything. This might give both parties a closure of sorts, and make it interesting for other parties to observe online. I don't know if other forums do this sort of thing, but this one seems dynamic enough to make it work.

[Greji]

Buraku, what gives?

How is it you have never learned to write anything in the English Language? Are you a native speaker?

One has serious doubts when they see you posting the same drivel over and over. Even at that, you simply copy and paste your previous posts. The repetition tends to show no imagination and the selection of the material used identifies your mental state and capacity. Or should I say the lack thereof?

Whatever you're smoking, I recommend you expend a bit more money and buy some better shit. Maybe the people in your avatar bus can help!

Good luck in your special olympics event, sorry I can't be there!

[Buraku]

Wow ! So you're making a living by giving pigeon english lessons to Japanese ?

>>what gives?
'What gives' is just bad grammar, no matter where you speak English ( Cambridge English, the Aussie outback, Stanford... ). Not even the MTV generation use this term anymore

>>How is it that you have.....
Check your punctuation and syntax beofre you write another sentence that begins like this.

>>"Even at that"
incorrect use of the term, plus you should have follwed it with an adjective, noun or adverb

>> buy some better shit.
What dialogue is this, eubonics or jive talking ?

>>...people in your avatar bus can help!
Yes, your sentence is understable but should be structured differently

>>..special olympics event
Finally, I don't mind you making a mockery of me or the Buraku but do you have to use slurs against disabled people ?


Now before this thread goes further off topic and we all start mocking each others syntax and correcting each other's grammar and spelling
Let me put this fuckedgaijin thread back on track


-smoke the weed, many thoughts I get
-strong with the force, is homesweethome
-smart and wise, is he I sense
-but at an end, your rule is

Hey guys can you believe George Lucas got paid billions to make this movie with chidlrens special-FX and terrible dialogue ?

[kurohinge1]

... Fucked Gaijin BLOG WARS ... No holds barred ... 30 minutes of rough and tumble flaming ...

... <serves> ...

... <returns> ...

Buraku returns gboothe's serve and the score is 15 all.

Are we really this bored?

[nullpointer]

Excellent

[amdg]

Why did you think I was female? Do I write like one?

GJ

I don't think so, but....

"Original: The judge blames everyone around the 'poor, bullied' fuck for 'not making sufficient efforts to stop him', then gives him a slap on the wrist and allows him to keep his anonymity.. I wonder if, in 2008, this piece of shit is released from prison and ends up bashing judgey-boy's grandaughter to death, the judge would understand the importance of 'making sufficient efforts' to stop criminals.. Nah.."



http://www.bookblog.net/gender/genie.html

Good for a laugh.

[GuyJean]

Why did you think I was female? Do I write like one?

GJ

I don't think so, but....

"Original: The judge blames everyone around the 'poor, bullied' fuck for 'not making sufficient efforts to stop him', then gives him a slap on the wrist and allows him to keep his anonymity.. I wonder if, in 2008, this piece of shit is released from prison and ends up bashing judgey-boy's grandaughter to death, the judge would understand the importance of 'making sufficient efforts' to stop criminals.. Nah.."



http://www.bookblog.net/gender/genie.html

Good for a laugh.

Ha, ha.. That's pretty funny.. But the genie be wrong. I think it's usually pretty easy to tell the gender of a writer; just check for heart-dotted i's.

GJ

[amdg]

[quote="GuyJean"] Ha, ha.. That's pretty funny.. But the genie be wrong. I think it's usually pretty easy to tell the gender of a writer]

Yeah, but the thing that confuses me is how anyone could think that the self-titled "Upskirt Fellini" could be a chick!??

[homesweethome]

Ha, ha.. That's pretty funny.. But the genie be wrong. I think it's usually pretty easy to tell the gender of a writer]

Yeah, but the thing that confuses me is how anyone could think that the self-titled "Upskirt Fellini" could be a chick!??

I saw that, but I thought it was the stage name of a Minami Osaka gaijin female lounge magician who did X-rated magic tricks.

I did my research and even found her picture.

http://www.freeforumzone.com/viewmessaggi.aspx?f=23967&idd=296

Here she is performing (rated PG) so I can't put it up here.

http://img147.echo.cx/my.php?image=federicafelinieva23055mg.jpg

I know a chick when I see one!

[GuyJean]

Yeah, but the thing that confuses me is how anyone could think that the self-titled "Upskirt Fellini" could be a chick!??

Hey. Just like my piss jars, the title was given to me..

..Minami Osaka female lounge magician's stage name who did X-rated magic tricks.

Oooh. When does the show start and how can I get backstage?


GJ

[GuyJean]

I did my research and even found her picture.

That was when I was young.. Since then I've retired the t-backs for the easy-access petticoats..

http://ccsquaredance.com/v-web/gallery/Friendly-Squares/GuyJean

GJ

[homesweethome]

I did my research and even found her picture.

That was when I was young.. Since then I've retired the t-backs for the easy-access petticoats..

http://ccsquaredance.com/v-web/gallery/Friendly-Squares/GuyJean

GJ

This is the REAL GUY JEAN


I Say So