Japan Census 2005

[Mulboyne]

"Census-kun"
Statistics Bureau: Concerning the 2005 Census

The 2005 Population Census will be conducted as of October 1, 2005, across the country. The respondents of the Population Census are all people living in Japan (about 128 million people, including foreign residents in Japan)
...Note: the results of the census will be used only for statistical purposes and never be used for any other purposes such as the immigration control, taxation or police files.
...it is obligatory to answer the questions of the census.

[Reddeville]

Yeah, like they`re really not gonna use this info

Taro, you`re an investigative journalist - can you find us anything that says legally they can forced fuckedgaijins to do the census?

I discussed this with one of my fucked gaijin bosses and he says that it`s usual in Japan for foreigners not to be mentioned in laws because of the system here - we`re largely irrelevant (except when they want our money for something that ain gonna benefit us ever).

By way of example - Japan`s disaster laws promise help to Japanese nationals and don`t mention anything about us. Legally they can refuse to help us or do very little. So - I`d like to see the actual law as opposed to the bullshit being spread about that `Foreigners have to do it`. If there`s no wording that we have to do it in a law then we don`t have to do it.

[Mulboyne]

Most countries make it a legal obligation for residents (not just nationals) to complete a population census. For instance, I believe there is a $100 fine in the US if you don't comply. The ministry site above makes it clear that completion is a legal obligation here too but I cannot see any details on what the penalties might be.

[kamome]

[Taro Toporific]

[GomiGirl]

I am going to be out of the country - will I still count?

[Taro Toporific]

I am going to be out of the country - will I still count?

They come by your house in late Sept. If you're not home, they leave the form in your mail slot.

Let's say somebody wanted to avoid the census---They could leave the form in the mail slot until they returned from a long overseas trip. Most likely the census folks will just skip your house (they skipped mine in 1985 and 1995).

Let's say somebody wanted to be counted in the census but missed it----You can mail in the form late or call them ahead of time and they will send someone out.

[GomiGirl]

Leaving next friday for a two week trip to UK - work and wedding..

[Buraku]

tell 'em nothing

sieg heil Ishihara

http://www.fuckedgaijin.com/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=3018

[amdg]

submit super-skewed information if the census folks twist your arm.

Census-Taker.....Tim Meadows
Mr. Leonard.....Christopher Walken


Census-Taker: Mr. Leonard? I'm with the U.S. Census Bureau. We sent you a Census form, but you failed to return it to us.

Mr. Leonard: My mail is piled up like crazy.

Census-Taker: Yeah. Well, I just need to fill out this Census form with you. Uh.. how many people live in this residence?

Mr. Leonard:Oh, boy.. good question. I'm bad with numbers.. Maybe 80.

Census-Taker: 80 people live in this apartment?

Mr. Leonard: Seems high, doesn't it? Not 80. How about 4? I don't know.. I'm so bad at guestimating..

Census-Taker: Well, just take your time, and count.

Mr. Leonard: Okay.. there's me.. my wife.. our plants.. we have some candy bars..

Census-Taker: Well, you know, we don't count candy bars or plants..

Mr. Leonard: Well, then, there's just the two of us. Boy, I really overshot with the 80!

Census-Taker: Listen, don't worry about it. I'm gonna put you down as the Primary Resident, okay? Now, are you currently employed?

Mr. Leonard: Yeah.. part of the time.

Census-Taker: Well, you work part-time. How many days of the week?

Mr. Leonard: Every day.. but just part of the day. From 9 to 5.

Census-Taker: So, you work a full day?

Mr. Leonard: I wouldn't say that. There are huge chunks of time.. at night.. where I'm just asleep. For hours. It's ridiculous.

Census-Taker: No, it's not that ridiculous. Mr. Leonard, do you own or rent this apartment?

Mr. Leonard: Sure. You have to ask one of the other 79 people.

Census-Taker: You mean your wife?

Mr. Leonard: Yeah.

Census-Taker: Well, can I talk to her, then?

Mr. Leonard: She won't answer you. She's a bobcat.

Census-Taker: You got a bobcat in there?

Mr. Leonard: Well, I have a permit. [ reaches into apartment and pulls out a sheet of paper ] Here you go.

Census-Taker: [ examines paper ] This is a permit to run a nail salon.

Mr. Leonard: Wrong one! Wrong one! [ pulls another sheet of paper out of his apartment ]

Census-Taker: [ examines paper ] This is a permit to do street performances.

Mr. Leonard: Yeah. My wife's a big part of the act.

Census-Taker: [ shaking head ] You know what? Fine. [ changing subject ] Mr. Leonard, are you a citizen of the United States?

Mr. Leonard: I have dual-citizenship with the United States and Florida.

Census-Taker: Florida is a part of the United States.

Mr. Leonard: Don't push your politics on me, pal. All's I know is when I turned 50, I was issued a Florida passport. [ hands him the "passport" ] Here you go.

Census-Taker: [ examining "passport" ] Alright.. this is a novelty birthday card. And it says, "You're over the hill. Here's a passport to Florida." This is not a real passport.

Mr. Leonard: I don't know.. you know? Whenever I go to Florida, I show it at the border, and they always let me in!

Census-Taker: Listen, Mr. Leonard. A real passport wouldn't have a picture of a sexy nurse on it. This is a joke card.

Mr. Leonard: Well.. it's a hell of a forgery!

Census-Taker: [ exasperated ] Okay, let's just proceed as if this were going really well. Now, how long have you lived at this address?

Mr. Leonard: Oh, man! There you go with the numbers again!

Census-Taker: Just take your time.

Mr. Leonard: Well, what do most people say?

Census-Taker: That's not important!

Mr. Leonard: I feel an enormous amount of pressure to get this right. I want to win that car!

Census-Taker: [ shaking his head ] There's no car, Mr. Leonard! How long have you lived here?

Mr. Leonard: Alright, when I moved in, it was the Spring, and Clinton was President.. I'd just gotten out of jail.. I'd say an hour.

Census-Taker: Alright, let me go over this again, then. You are a convicted criminal, living alone in an apartment with a bobcat. And you work 56 hours a week as a street performer.

Mr. Leonard: When you say it like that, my life sounds pretty damn good!

Census-Taker: You know what? I've talked to a lot of people all over this country.. and your life is pretty damn good. You wanna get a beer?

Mr. Leonard: You know, I'd love to, but.. [ points into apartment ] ..you know.. the ol' ball and chain..

Census-Taker: Alright. Take care.

Mr. Leonard: Have a good one. [ returns into the apartment to find his bobcat/wife growling at him ] Again?! We just did it!

[sillygirl]

Leaving next friday for a two week trip to UK - work and wedding..

We going out for a pint or what, missus?

[American Oyaji]

GG is getting married?

[Reddeville]

Many thanks to the replies. Taro - the info you just gave is the key.

The law ONLY mentions citizens, so they CAN`T force foreign residents (who they make it so difficult for to become citizens) do the Census. Legally they are on shakey ground - they cannot make fuckedgaijin residents actually do it.

They can ONLY ASK for our co-operation. I aint giving mine. I don`t have any intention of being a test case. I`m just going to avoid them and ignore the form. DON`T let the have it both ways - no legal rights but whenever it`s something that`s not going to help us but help them they regard us as citizens for bearing burdens.

It`s clear - only Japanese citizens have to do the cenus. Period.

[GomiGirl]

Leaving next friday for a two week trip to UK - work and wedding..

We going out for a pint or what, missus?

Yes - am in London 3-8 October.

Unless you want to come to Scotland 26 Sept - 3 Oct. Or to Devon 23-25 Sept.

AO - it is not my wedding. However, watch this space... you never know...

[dimwit]

I have never really understood this paranoia about censuses. Censuses are conducted to allow governments to adequetely assess the how and where to spend the money. My guess is that lots of people have more fear about giving censuses information than giving personal data over the internet.

[kamome]

Many thanks to the replies. Taro - the info you just gave is the key.

The law ONLY mentions citizens, so they CAN`T force foreign residents (who they make it so difficult for to become citizens) do the Census. Legally they are on shakey ground - they cannot make fuckedgaijin residents actually do it.

They can ONLY ASK for our co-operation. I aint giving mine. I don`t have any intention of being a test case. I`m just going to avoid them and ignore the form. DON`T let the have it both ways - no legal rights but whenever it`s something that`s not going to help us but help them they regard us as citizens for bearing burdens.

It`s clear - only Japanese citizens have to do the cenus. Period.

I think the point of the above posts is that the situation is NOT clear. The law is vague and can be interpreted to include foreigners living in Japan if the census taker wants. You could try to ignore them, but I would think twice about slamming the door in the census taker's face, given that the possible penalty includes jail time.

What are you afraid of them finding out?

[Reddeville]

You believe the propaganda, misinfo and disinfo that the natives are spoonfed daily. Fuckedgaijin are not mentioned in the Census, we can`t be made to do it.

Those who are mentioned in the law as having to do it have the threat of jail time for non-co-operation. How`re you gonna make somebody co-operate when the law doesn`t even include them in the first place? The xenophobes who make the laws here didn`t even think of amending them to include fuckedgaijin so legally they`re pissing into a big typhoon of no can do.

And how is not being at home when the Census person calls not co-operating? Remember this is a fuckedgaijin who doesn`t even get a mention as having to do it in the first place. Japanese Citizens must co-operate with the Census. The Japanese can`t have their sushi and eat it too.

And yeah, what are you worrying about? That info is just gonna be entered into a database with all your other info about whether you pay the national health, pension, resident`s tax etc along with your fingerprints and other info about all aspects of your life, when these xenophobes get around to including fuckedgaijin in their new law to curb our civil liberties. But Aum, the Uyoku and the Yakuza get a free pass.

Do the math.

[Caustic Saint]

AO - it is not my wedding. However, watch this space... you never know...

Oh, that poor guy...

[kamome]

You believe the propaganda, misinfo and disinfo that the natives are spoonfed daily. Fuckedgaijin are not mentioned in the Census, we can`t be made to do it.

Those who are mentioned in the law as having to do it have the threat of jail time for non-co-operation. How`re you gonna make somebody co-operate when the law doesn`t even include them in the first place? The xenophobes who make the laws here didn`t even think of amending them to include fuckedgaijin so legally they`re pissing into a big typhoon of no can do.

And how is not being at home when the Census person calls not co-operating? Remember this is a fuckedgaijin who doesn`t even get a mention as having to do it in the first place. Japanese Citizens must co-operate with the Census. The Japanese can`t have their sushi and eat it too.

And yeah, what are you worrying about? That info is just gonna be entered into a database with all your other info about whether you pay the national health, pension, resident`s tax etc along with your fingerprints and other info about all aspects of your life, when these xenophobes get around to including fuckedgaijin in their new law to curb our civil liberties. But Aum, the Uyoku and the Yakuza get a free pass.

Do the math.

Dude, did you even read Taro's post above? He quoted you the law, which says that--regardless of nationality--you have to answer the census or face penalties. That means gaijin ARE included. And even if there were a supposed "out" in the text of the law (i.e., the use of the word "kokumin"), the Bureau of Statistics seems to have taken the position that everyone, including gaijin like you, have to answer the census or risk facing penalties.

Yeah, I like my privacy, too, but I'm just saying that you aren't going to win by arguing about "the law" to the census guy or to the police. You'll lose every time.

[American Oyaji]

AO - it is not my wedding. However, watch this space... you never know...

Oh, that poor guy...

Whatcha talkin about Willis!?

[IkemenTommy]

I am going to be out of the country - will I still count?

They come by your house in late Sept. If you're not home, they leave the form in your mail slot.

Yep, got mine yesterday.
I thought it was another income tax form from the ward or something first so I was going to ignore it. They always have to make these forms complicated to fill out but I'll do it when I find the time.

[IkemenTommy]

See! There IS a gaijin in this census propaganda ad!
But what the F- is up with the clothes trying to be nihonjin?

[Mennon]

Man, the paranoia! Just do it. No one gives a shit about your private details anyway. Single, sickly pale, broke, spends too much time online masterbating. Am I far wrong? And I bet if they really want to know if you pay tax, pension etc, I bet they will find out that you do, but you just tell everyone that you don't to seem tough. Talk about persecution complex!
I will fill it out, pay my taxes, say good morning to my nieghbours, basically live like a human being in a society. It's not that bad. If it is, go back to your own country and be single, sickly pale, broke, and masterbating. Shut the fuck up and just fill out the form, you FGs!

[Greji]

Man, the paranoia! Just do it. No one gives a shit about your private details anyway. Single, sickly pale, broke, spends too much time online masterbating. Am I far wrong? And I bet if they really want to know if you pay tax, pension etc, I bet they will find out that you do, but you just tell everyone that you don't to seem tough. Talk about persecution complex!
I will fill it out, pay my taxes, say good morning to my nieghbours, basically live like a human being in a society. It's not that bad. If it is, go back to your own country and be single, sickly pale, broke, and masterbating. Shut the fuck up and just fill out the form, you FGs!

Been there, done that, got the Tee shirt. Arrived this weekend, filled out and returned. It's a standard computerized form and there ain't a f**king thing on there that they can't get some other way, if they are looking to invade your privacy. So it's no biggy, unless you get nabbed for not doing it for cause!

[Taro Toporific]

[IkemenTommy]

I filled mine out, and left it hanging from the mailbox so they won't bother me in the morning.

[homesweethome]

I filled mine out, and left it hanging from the mailbox so they won't bother me in the morning.

I did the same thing, didn't think about it anymore. Then I get a knock on the door.



These guys muscle themselves into my house and after their ritual of pissing in my genkan they get to the point. "You got a couple teenage kids right? Boys, right? We want em." "For what?" I ask. "Oh you know, racketeering, drugs, gun running, just regular business stuff." "I said I didn't think you guys liked foreigners"? They said "Oh we love gaijins, they're more intimidating than Japanese, more ruthless, they make good recruits." Well, I told them my kids were not at home, but I was available. They didn't seem too interested and left saying they would be back.



A little later these guys show up at my door. They said their names were Mohammed and Ajim, and that they were from the census bureau and wanted to know about my teenage sons. I said I didn't know the census bureau was hiring gaijins but what do you want my son's for? They looked at each other and said "Well, you know, for the war against the opressive Great Satan, Praise Allah!"
I said I wasn't sure where they were, but it was time for my prayers.



Then a little later these fellows came knocking. "We want to meet your teenage sons." Why? I ask a little testily. "Well, we need them to help defend the homeland against the terrorist threat." I said I thought Bush and Koizumi were taking care of that. They said "Oh! well, they are, but, we need more good men to do their patriotic duty." I told them my kids were not Japanese citizens and that seemed to do the trick.



Then these fellows made an appearance. I thought they were Jehovah's Witnesses as they come around all the time and look sort of like these guys did. Through their little translation machine I gathered they wanted my kids for human/alien DNA experiments to breed a race of soldiers immune to the effects of nuclear and biological weapons.

I swear I have heard this sales pitch somewhere before, so I told them to take a warp drive space hike.

Now tell me, am I being oversensative?

[Taro Toporific]

I just got an message from another gaijin who said:

I got my form in English, and was provided with a sheet with very good explanations in English on how to fill out the form.

Has anybody else seen this "How to"?

Since the Census Office never answers their phones, I guess I'll send 'em an email, wait a few days and then suffer though the Japanese forms.

[IkemenTommy]

Then these fellows made an appearance. I thought they were Jehovah's Witnesses as they come around all the time and look sort of like these guys did. Through their little translation machine I gathered they wanted my kids for human/alien DNA experiments to breed a race of soldiers immune to the effects of nuclear and biological weapons.

Hahaha
Adds a new meaning to the phrase "illegal alien."

[IkemenTommy]