Beat's Zatoichi

[Charles]

Blind fury was just the right stinker to provide the balance that Rutger Hauer's career needed to complement his celebrated role (and of course his now immortal soliloquy 'I've seen things you Gaijin wouldn't believe etc) in Blade Runner.

You know, I used to like Blade Runner, then I went to the world premiere of the Director's Cut, it was held in a decrepit old theater in downtown LA, it was a benefit for some group that wanted to preserve the old downtown theaters, which was the real Hollywood of yore, all the theaters used to be downtown, not on Hollywood Blvd.
But anyway, on the way in, they had a few of the architectural models used in the SFX, they were pretty run down and damaged. And after the film, Ridley Scott stood up to give a little talk and answer questions. He was so intoxicated, he mumbled on aimlessly, completely unintelligibly, for a few minutes. Then he seemed to stop for a while, so the host asked for questions from the audience. Everyone seemed stunned, nobody came forward with questions, I mean, what could you ask someone so drunk they could hardly stand up on stage? I was sitting in about the 5th row, and I'd had quite enough, so I stood up, looked Ridley Scott straight in the eye, he looked back at me expectantly with his glazed-over eyes, and in a voice loud just loud enough for him to hear me, I said, "you're drunk!" and stomped out. As my girlfriend and I made our way to the exit, I noticed a lot of other people took that as a cue to leave too.
I mean REALLY, a director showing up at the premiere, he's the guest of honor at his Director's Cut, it's a benefit, and he shows up so stoned he can't even speak? Sheesh. That was when I decided Ridley Scott wasn't the genius he was thought to be, he was just another drunk who took credit for the work of a whole company of people. And I pitied the producer that had to work with him, and completely understood why he'd lost control of the final cut.

[mr. sparkle]

Just 'cause he's a sloppy drunk, it doesn't mean that you have to dislike the movie, eh?

[Charles]

Just 'cause he's a sloppy drunk, it doesn't mean that you have to dislike the movie, eh? :lol:

He was a bit more than a sloppy drunk. And besides, it puts the movie in a whole new light. Phil Dick may have been a drug abuser, but at least he knew how to hold it together, when necessary. And that's one of the themes of the book that Ridley Scott obviously didn't understand.

Really, though, that incident was just the start of my education about Hollywood directors. For example, I'm the only person in LA who ever told Steven Spielberg to fuck off.

[oyajikun]

I enjoyed Zatoichi but Sonatine is still Beat Takeshi's best film by far. Oops, I for got about Kids Return. Sonatine comes second.

[mr. sparkle]

He was a bit more than a sloppy drunk. And besides, it puts the movie in a whole new light.

I hear ya, and, that was wicked cool of you to call him on his shit.

Still that film is still gold in my book.

Phil Dick may have been a drug abuser, but at least he knew how to hold it together, when necessary. And that's one of the themes of the book that Ridley Scott obviously didn't understand.

How to hold it together when you're fucked up? Welp, I didn't read the book so...'splain?

Really, though, that incident was just the start of my education about Hollywood directors. For example, I'm the only person in LA who ever told Steven Spielberg to fuck off.

He is a prick in my book too. Fuck Hollywood anyway.

Get this: My step-dad was his roommate in college at Long Beach State. I mean, he wasn't "just some guy" - they were dope smokin' buddies back then. He wrote him a nice letter, but didn't hear a peep back from him. Sheesh....famous people. I also know Irving Stone's son, now HE'S got some stories.

Why did you tell him to fuck off anyway

[Charles]

How to hold it together when you're fucked up? Welp, I didn't read the book so...'splain?

Explain a Phil Dick book? Wow, you really haven't read PKD. That would take a whole other book. I'll just explain with one of the favorite opening lines of any book he wrote, I can almost quote it exactly from memory:
"Frank slowly woke from a phenobarbitol slumber to realize, with disappointment, that he was still on Mars."

Why did you tell [Spielberg] to fuck off anyway

Oh that's a great story, I think I'll write the long version so I can repost it on my blog. If you're an old mac geek like me, this will be a great trip down memory lane.

Back around '85, I was working at the largest computer store in LA, in fact, it was the largest computer store in the US, we handled all the studios and media companies, and I'm the top Mac guy. One day I'm sitting at my desk, and the CEO came up to me, he hated me and usually he never talked to me, but he had a weird look on his face, and said he had a special tech support call and I better handle it PERFECTLY or I'd be fired on the spot. What an asshole.
So I pick up the phone, and I hear a secretary, she says "Please hold for Mr. Steven Spielberg.." I think to myself, "oh shit."
So this is in the days of the MacII fx and System 6.05. Steven has a problem, he's trying to run some hypercard program that only runs in black & white, and he's got an expensive color card that hardly anyone could afford, he can't get it to switch out of B&W. So I try to walk Spielberg through the monitors control panel for color depth, I tell him to set it to 1-bit. But he says it doesn't say 1 bit. I'm running through this on my mac, and it says 1-bit. Something is wrong. So Spielberg says he needs me to come out to his house and check it out, he'll put the secretary back on to tell me the top-secret directions to his house.
Ok, a few hours later, I arrive at Spielberg's home. Oh man is he loaded, it's a fucking palace, a monument to his ego. But Steven is not home, I'm being handled by his assistants. I'll skip the tour, and head right for his computer room. And the first thing I am told, see that IBM computer over THERE? I look and it's got my favorite game of that time, F-117 Stealth Fighter, paused in the middle of a game. The assistants tell me that if ANYONE goes near that computer or disrupts it in any way, they are DEAD. Someone unplugged it and lost his game once and since Spielberg has so few chances for recreation, the game damn well better be sitting exactly where he left it when he comes back, or you're fired. Sheesh. I told em that it was my favorite game, and maybe as a prank I should play it for a few minutes and leave it somewhere really interesting, like in the middle of a dogfight over Moscow. The assistants were not amused.
Well anyway, I digress. The computer room has more packages of commercial software lining the shelves on the wall than are in our showroom, maybe even more than are in our warehouse, he's got fucking everything that's on the market. But I notice the bulk of them are educational games for little kiddies. And now the assistants tell me the score. This MacII fx belongs to little 3 year old Max Spielberg, and it's a personal gift from Steve Jobs. And I have to fix it so that on the rare times when Spielberg can find time to hang with little Max, they have an educational app that runs in 1-bit mode going on the IIfx whenever he wants it. Sheesh.
So I sit down at the IIfx, and to my surprise, it's running System 6.06 which won't be released for quite a few weeks, even I've never seen it. The confusion is natural, it says "black and white" instead of "1-bit" (or maybe that was vice versa, it's been ages since I've seen Sys 6.06) and Spielberg was too computer-illiterate to interpret the lowest setting as successfully having switched out of color to 1 bit B&W. So I decide to install a bootleg copy of QuickKeys (we'll bill him for a real one later) and set up a couple of macros, F1 means B&W, F2 means 24 bit color, I write the settings on a little Post-it note and stick it above the function keys, and tell the assistants how to teach Spielberg how to push the little buttons at the appropriate time. Onsite time about half an hour, I'm outta there with a measly $100 check, which my asshole boss insists on taking 50% since he got me the gig. All that driving to this remote location, my whole afternoon is shot, and all I get is fifty bucks. I'm pissed.
So I get back to the office late in the afternoon, and I get another phone call, it's the secretary again, and she puts Spielberg on the phone. Ol Steveo really lays it on thick, he loves the little magic Post-It note, it's so simple even he can operate it, and he loves my work. And now comes the sob story and the pitch. He's got so little time to spend with Little Max, he wants no more tech problems with the IIfx to ever come between him and maximizing Little Max's educational game time. I actually start to feel a little sorry for him, I mean, all he's got to do is dip his wick once, and he's got a multimillion dollar paternity lawsuit on his doorstep. So I ask what's the deal. Spielberg asks for my cel phone number. I don't have one, they're new and expensive and heavy as a brick, airtime is about $1 a minute, I can't afford it. I just tell him I don't have one. He lays out the pitch, he wants me to buy a cel phone that ONLY HE has the number for, and that I carry it around 24/7 and be available instantly, any time day or night, for the exclusive tech support calls for his son's computer. I am really galled at the mere possibilty of having Little Max Spielberg's personal hotline phone strapped to my ass 24/7, but I ask how much am I going to get paid for this, I mean, I already have a 70 hour a week job, and I'm seeing big dollar signs. He proposes a flat rate for unlimited tech calls, and now comes the big number: $250 a month. I quickly figure it would take me almost 4 months to even pay off the ~$900 cel phone, let alone pay for the airtime. I ponder the deal for about 0.2 seconds, I tell him, you have GOT to be FUCKING kidding. FUCK NO! And I hang up. I didn't even wait for a counteroffer, I'm not going to be the personal slave of a spoiled 3 year old brat.
And that's the last I ever heard from Steven Spielberg.

[amdg]

[nullpointer]

[amdg]

[Charles]

Umm. No. That's when Spielberg told him how much his services were worth to him at that point of time. Not how much he was worth.

There is a big difference.

To be precise, the deal was more like 5 minutes of phone time a month, at a premium rate because it could be anytime 24/7. I'm sure he thought this was a generous raise as it was 2.5x the $100/hr min 1 hr rate I'd just charged him.
The irony is, I probably would have done it for free, and in fact, I had hundreds of customers I did phone support for free, it was just the phone-slavery proposal didn't fly with me. I reserve the option to hang up and not answer the phone on my off hours.

[Charles]

Umm. No. That's when Spielberg told him how much his services were worth to him at that point of time. Not how much he was worth.

There is a big difference.

To be precise, the deal was more like 5 minutes of phone time a month, at a premium rate because it could be anytime 24/7. I'm sure he thought this was a generous raise as it was 2.5x the $100/hr min 1 hr rate I'd just charged him.
The irony is, I probably would have done it for free, and in fact, I had hundreds of customers I did phone support for free, it was just the phone-slavery proposal didn't fly with me. I reserve the option to hang up and not answer the phone on my off hours.

[Charles]

Umm. No. That's when Spielberg told him how much his services were worth to him at that point of time. Not how much he was worth.

There is a big difference.

To be precise, the deal was more like 5 minutes of phone time a month, at a premium rate because it could be anytime 24/7. I'm sure he thought this was a generous raise as it was 2.5x the $100/hr min 1 hr rate I'd just charged him.
The irony is, I probably would have done it for free, and in fact, I had hundreds of customers I did phone support for free, it was just the phone-slavery proposal didn't fly with me. I reserve the option to hang up and not answer the phone on my off hours.