Omae Moments

[Mulboyne]

I've had a few people who don't know me well address me using "omae" recently. I've always mentally equated "omae" with the way some Londoners often use "c*nt" as in "How are you, you old c*unt?" to a friend or "See here, c*unt, you don't understand" if you want to raise the temperature a tad.

One time, a young bloke (twenties) was clearly intending to be rude but, since he got up and left the bar, nothing was made of it. A second time, in a different place, the bartender jumped in and told an older bloke (mid fifties) who had started talking to me that it wasn't nice to use omae. He looked mortified and apologized before carrying on. Five minutes later, we were back to omae but, since he was drunk and seemed like he meant well, I didn't see any point in picking it up again.

The other day, sadly at yet another bar, a drunk in his forties joined in a conversation I was having, using omae. The bartender near me smiled indulgently and said to him "What's with all the 'omae'?" and then said to me "He's a good bloke so don't worry". He was OK and it transpired he was trying to invite me to a party his wife was holding which all the other barflies were going to attend.

A customer next to me didn't want that to be the end of the affair and again admonished the bloke for kicking off with omae. The bloke replied that he didn't mean to be rude and that he was the kind who always called a spade a spade so if he was trying to be rude because he didn't like me, everyone would soon know it. Again, he seemed all right so it nothing came of it. After he left, the customer next to me apologized if he'd put me on the spot by having a crack at the bloke but he said he didn't like people who didn't show respect because it could easily turn nasty further down the track.

I've generally reacted by ignoring strangers who start calling me omae but it hasn't happened that often. In the recent cases, I haven't had to say anything because other people have jumped in to fight my battles but I have started wondering whether there are any good natured ways that other FGs have used to draw attention to an unwelcome use of omae should the occasion arise.

[Adhesive]

When people start adressing me with "omae" I just reply back with "kisama".

[IkemenTommy]

[FG Lurker]

People call their girl friends and wives "omae" like it aint no problem but to me that is sexist and misogynist.

I think that depends on how it is used. I use it in humour with my wife and it is no problem. I wouldn't use it all the time in regular conversation though.

[Greji]

I've had a few people who don't know me well address me using "omae" recently.

It is a strange and difficult word to use and have used directed at you. Its most common use is directed down from parent to child, from big brother or big sister to another sibling. It is acceptable from husband to wife (in most cases), but not the other way aroung.

It is common among cohorts, dokyusei's and doki's. From a boss down in the company pecking order.

There are not many other acceptable uses, and some people will not condone it beyond speaking to children.

You have to measure, what the guy is acting like when he says it. Since in the bar enviornment it only has two meanings, one that the guy is talking down to you because he believes you to be inferior to him or junior in age, rank, or status, or the other, and more often, he might just be a drunk trying to talk to you as a mate!

Bartenders and third parties tend to overact when it is a FG, because they cannot conceive that we will deduce anything but a bad meaning and they think it will escolate into a problem. They would never interject to a non-FG discussion.

But it all goes back to how the dude comes on. If you feel him to be coming on as a prick, he probably is and is purposely using "omae" to down grade you and elevate himself in (he believes) everyone else's eyes.

[Lifer]

I may be wrong, but it seems to me that a lot of guys use it as a kinda of equalizing but strong pronoun. Especially when drinking, I often hear it used among doukyuusei and from senpai to kouhai. They could just be trying to show that they consider you an equal and are trying to draw you into the conversation.
More than the use of Omae, I would look at the words and attitude they use with it to judge whether or not they are being rude.

[gkanai]

Omae can actually be a sign of friendship between guys, but between strangers, it's definitely rude. I'd say that omae between friends might be somewhat akin to calling a friend by a racial epithet as a joke (as is often done within an ethnic group.)

I also think it sort of comes with the territory (i.e. bar flys dont always have the most polite of speech, no matter which country you are in.)

[American Oyaji]

only two people have ever used omae with me. One is my father in law. But he has never used it derogatorily. He always introduced me as his son. Not his son in law. So I didnt worry about it.

Another was a chinese kid who took Japanese with me.
I cuffed him upside the head and asked him who he was callin omae and he chilled out. He's a nice kid, but his Japanese is mostly self taught from anime.

[leathernick]

...He's a nice kid, but his Japanese is mostly self taught from anime.

unfortunately, i think kids nowadays gets their japanese lingo from anime...

[jingai]

[Tsuru]

[hakuman]

People call their girl friends and wives "omae" like it aint no problem but to me that is sexist and misogynist.

I think that depends on how it is used. I use it in humour with my wife and it is no problem. I wouldn't use it all the time in regular conversation though.

I agree with FG lurker here. I call my wife omae, and she calls me omae back all the time. Its just friendly natured ribbing. Granted, to someone who doesnt know us, it may be hard to tell if we are serious, but coversations between us are meant for us anyways, so if someone wants to eavesdrop and misunderstand, well thats their problem.

[kurohinge1]

... I have started wondering whether there are any good natured ways that other FGs have used to draw attention to an unwelcome use of omae should the occasion arise.

How about this: [Said with a mixture of innocence and cheekiness]
"Omae to iu no ha nandesu ka - kimi to onaji desu ka"



Actually, a Japanese friend from Kobe told me that he doesn't even use "kimi" and instead substitutes the friend/person's name.

Anyway, how was the party, Mulboyne-san?

[Mulboyne]

Thanks. I think gboothe's observation that my interventionist friends would have been absent if I was Japanese is useful. As gkanai and Lifer say, it's all about context. If someone is trying it on then you can usually get the cues from body language, tone of voice etc. I've been lucky enough that the guys who've used it to date have been the worse for wear. I've never thought there is any mileage in trying to make a point to a drunk - although I keep telling myself that so perhaps I haven't quite learnt the lesson. Apart from the bloke who stormed out, the other blokes didn't mean badly so I think I probably would have proved to be a "wa buster" even with kurohinge 1's innocent question (I haven't be able to manage cheekiness since I was 5).

Anyway, how was the party, Mulboyne-san?

Since I don't live here anymore, the old rule applies: what happens on tour stays on tour.