japanese women

by **indogaijin** » Thu Nov 16, 2006 4:37 pm

ummm, i have no idea how this thread is going to go over, but seeing as many of you are living in japan, and have probably dated a japanese person or two, i thought some of you might have some opinions on this subject.

so, i've been dating this japanese girl lately. on and off, for about 2 months. and i'll tell ya, she's tough to figure out. constantly does weird things that dont make any sense. we honestly like each other, but it seems like cultural differences are really making things more difficult than perhaps they need to be. she confuses the hell out of me to be honest - more so than western women, who are already confusing enough. hell, more than indonesian women for that matter, who are confusing as well, but perhaps not as confusing as japanese women (or maybe i'm just more used to the culture here, having lived in indonesia for 4 years already)

anyway i'm guessing you guys have some opinions on the subject of japanese girls (and you gals may have some opinions about japanese guys as well). if you dont mind, i'd like to hear any of them. observations on meeting girls in japan, advice on differences and similarities between dating westerners and japanese, stories about long term relationships and cross-cultural marriages, anything really. if you wanted to pass on some words of wisdom to a confused white guy (me) feel free, if you just want to tell a story or rant or whatever, go for it. please, i'm quite curious. and maybe it would be a topic of interest to others on this forum?

go on, get it off your chest. you know you want to.

by **Samurai_Jerk** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:50 am

Maybe she's just a nut and it's got nothing to do with Japanese women. All you said is she does weird confusing things and you think cultural difference are getting in the way. Without examples of those things or telling us where you're from it's pretty hard to give you any insight.

Personally, I've never found Japanese girls particularly confusing once the deal has been closed. Of course I've never had much more than a short-term sexual relationship with one.

by **maninjapan** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:55 am

I have three sisters and they taught me a lot about women - yet women still confuse me.

Now factor into the cultural differences, language and its occasional vagueness and sometimes lack of/too much emotions and then everything goes to pot!

Yet it keeps me on my toes and always have a fun time.

Also because of the language - I have to be direct and 100% honest with her and vice versa and it works fine. No games and no runarounds.

by **Blah Pete** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 10:10 am

What is she doing in Indonesia? Working? What kind of job?
These are the clues to figuring her out. Sometimes (yes, sometimes) Japanese go overseas to escape family, work personal or mental issues. I, and my family have run into to more than a few nut cases in the US (Hawaii and California).
Has she gone to Indonesia to work a legitimate job or escaped from Japan?

by **IkemenTommy** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 11:51 am

That is why my college had a full course dedicated on that topic: women's studies. I don't know what you can do with that degree other than wipe your ass with it.

by **indogaijin** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 12:02 pm

Samurai_Jerk wrote:Maybe she's just a nut and it's got nothing to do with Japanese women.

yup, thats definitely occurred to me, though so far i've been inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt, based on experiences with indonesian girls (who seemed completely crazy at first, and later i realized were being perfectly reasonable as far as their indonesian culture is concerned)

she's got a masters degree in psychology, which definitely rings some warning bells.

maninjapan wrote:Also because of the language - I have to be direct and 100% honest with her and vice versa and it works fine. No games and no runarounds.

whoa, what a concept! probably would have been the first thing to occur to me 4 years ago, but indonesians *hate* talking about anything directly, and i understand japanese people do as well, so i've been avoiding this. but the thing is, i understand how to imply things indirectly, *to an indonesian*, and already have a clue what their assumptions are to begin with, so it's easier. maybe i should just sit this girl down and talk with her, american style?

Blah Pete wrote:What is she doing in Indonesia? Working? What kind of job?
These are the clues to figuring her out. Sometimes (yes, sometimes) Japanese go overseas to escape family, work personal or mental issues. I, and my family have run into to more than a few nut cases in the US (Hawaii and California).
Has she gone to Indonesia to work a legitimate job or escaped from Japan?

studying indonesian language (which is how we communicate, i can't speak japanese and she cant speak english, however our indonesian is pretty decent on both sides). if i understand correctly, she had some hotshot boyfriend through university, dumped him, vacationed a lot in bali where she met a local boy, who probably dumped her, who she's still harboring feelings for, but isn't in the picture afaik. i met her in university here, we both take the same indonesian class.

ok, things that she does that confuse me:

she's played the jealousy card from the beginning, hanging out with other guys, which would bug me more except it's totally standard for indonesian girls so i've learned to take it in stride and see multiple girls myself until i feel like i'm in a truly exclusive relationship. also, it took longer than i expected to get into bed, with loads of "sorry, i cant kiss you we're just friends" stuff before suddenly giving it up after about a month. the morning after we finally do the deed, i wake up next to a note: "please forget about last night" then, hours later, she's texting me, a lot. then we hang out once, lots of touching cuddling etc but no sex. the next day she goes on vacation with some other guy (wimpy indonesian guy living in japan who she's known for years, to his village, not some studly gaijin dude to a resort or something), who she insists is just a friend (i *halfway* believe her, given how difficult it was for *me* to get her! but still, i'm not completely stupid, of course they could have been, erm, together). then she's wanting to hang out with me when she gets back. we hang out, again way too much touching and stuff to seem like friends, but no sex. then i'm like "screw this, she's nuts" and dont call her for a week. now we're communicating, and i'm trying to figure out if it's a japanese thing, or she's just crazy.

i'm sort of inclining more and more towards the "she's crazy" theory at this point, but several friends who've dated japanese girls are like, "and....? so what's the problem?" and i found indonesian girls behavior deeply shocking as well when i first got here, so. what do you guys think?

tbh i've been seeing other girls since about 10 minutes after she told me she couldn't hang out with me one weekend cause she was moving, and this other local guy was helping her. but i'm somewhat determined to see this thing through, if only for the experience. whether that means learning to deal with j-girl mindgames, or just learning the difference between an inscrutable japanese woman and a psycho nutcase.

sincerely,
confused gaijin dude.

by **ichigo partygirl** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 12:52 pm

You say you really like her yet you are seeing other people??
From what you say you must not like her all too much - she seems like more trouble than she is worth. Only a girl you were totally serious about would be worth that much crap.

by **indogaijin** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 1:25 pm

ichigo partygirl wrote:You say you really like her yet you are seeing other people??
From what you say you must not like her all too much.

i was ready to call things off with my old gf's, and stop looking for new ones (between the tourists and the indonesian girls, i think it's about as easy for a foreign guy to meet girls in bali as it seems to be in japan) but her behavior stopped me from doing so.

anyway why does my seeing other people have to mean i dont really like her?

i would hesitate to get serious with a girl who gave me this much crap in the first place, *unless i discovered she was just being normal by her cultural standards*. but i've been living overseas for years, and i've found that often what seems like really f*cked up behavior on the part of local girls is sometimes just cultural differences, so i'm trying to be patient here. but maybe my patience is misplaced?

by **Samurai_Jerk** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 2:36 pm

ichigo partygirl wrote:You say you really like her yet you are seeing other people??
From what you say you must not like her all too much - she seems like more trouble than she is worth. Only a girl you were totally serious about would be worth that much crap.

Let me correct that statement for you, IPG. --NO-- girl is worth that much crap.

Indogaijin,

She's a nut in any culture. Kick her to the curb. Her whole history sounds a little suspect and she is definitely banging those local boys that are just friends. How old are you man? Are you a university kid or are you a bit older and wiser and just studying in Indonesia for fun. I'm asking because by your questions you sound pretty green. Not an insult, just thinking that in a few more years you'll know better than to even try to deal with that kind of shit.

by **indogaijin** » Fri Nov 17, 2006 4:13 pm

Samurai_Jerk wrote:Let me correct that statement for you, IPG. --NO-- girl is worth that much crap.

Indogaijin,

are you a bit older and wiser and just studying in Indonesia for fun. I'm asking because by your questions you sound pretty green. Not an insult, just thinking that in a few more years you'll know better than to even try to deal with that kind of shit.

to tell the truth i'm old enough to know better. my instincts told me to dump her ages ago, but i haven't yet because a)my instincts have lead me wrong with foreign girls before and b)several people who have more experience with japanese girls have told me this isn't really abnormal. oh, and c) i'm seeing other girls anyway, so after a few weeks of nuttyness i've developed a fairly detached perspective about the whole affair.

if you guys all told me, "no, she's nuts, most japanese girls aren't like this", i'd be relieved, 1 that my instincts aren't too off and 2 cause i'd like to date other japanese girls (several guys i know have serious girlfriends who are japanese, and they seem great) but this one doesn't seem like such a catch!

i'm studying indonesian cause i live and work here, and i need to be fluent. when i'm not studying i'm working and have about 20 employees. i date a lot of women from different countries, and i find it's often something of a challenge when i date someone from a culture i'm not familiar with.

by **n2a2n2o2** » Thu Dec 28, 2006 4:56 pm

Dude shez gone qwackers!! Keep it as sex buddy. Ive dated only one Japanese girl when i was 15 and wuts going one with you sis far from normal..I thought i met some crazy hoodrats but nah, she dont want you and sad as it seems she doesnt even come back for the fuck, Japanese girls are hornier than that .shez crazy.

by **AssKissinger** » Thu Dec 28, 2006 8:12 pm

Necro?

by **Greji** » Thu Dec 28, 2006 8:33 pm

AssKissinger wrote:Necro?

by **Iraira** » Thu Dec 28, 2006 10:30 pm

And look on the bright side, you are getting out while the gettings good. You don't have to hear her say, "You donto understando my feeling.", which is just above "I cannot give up my dream" on my list of J-girl (aka: .JPGs)expressions that should be packed onto a spacecraft and fired directly into the sun.

by **Jack** » Thu Dec 28, 2006 10:47 pm

Dude, she ain't normal. I have rarely been out with a J-girl that I did not bed the first or second time we met. Never a month. If she refused to sleep with me the first or second time we dated (I am much older than most girls I date) then I assume she doesn't like me and I move on. Also, the bullshit about being "just friends" in J-language is code for "we are fucking but I can't tell you". There is no such thing as "we are just friends" between a J-girl and a guy.

J-girls are unbelievably forgiving when you cheat on them and I don't believe they can date others just to make you jealous. They may date other guys because they want to fuck. It has nothing to do with getting even with you or making you jealous. Some girls want to be liked by everyone and need to feel that every guy is attracted to them.

The girl can be a mental case and with all the pussies available in Indonesia (you are right about getting chicks in Bali, by the way) why even bother with her?

by **American Oyaji** » Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:21 am

Jack wrote:Dude, she ain't normal. I have rarely been out with a J-girl that I did not bed the first or second time we met. Never a month.

Agreed

Also, the bullshit about being "just friends" in J-language is code for "we are fucking but I can't tell you". There is no such thing as "we are just friends" between a J-girl and a guy.

Plausible, but not entirely untrue. case by case.

J-girls are unbelievably forgiving when you cheat on them and I don't believe they can date others just to make you jealous. They may date other guys because they want to fuck. It has nothing to do with getting even with you or making you jealous. Some girls want to be liked by everyone and need to feel that every guy is attracted to them.

Forgiving, yes. But some J-girls WILL do stupid shit to make their guy jealous.

The girl can be a mental case and with all the pussies available in Indonesia (you are right about getting chicks in Bali, by the way) why even bother with her?

Personally...I'd pull an AK in this situation.

I'll let AK tell you himself what that would entail.

But the truth is that women arent much different basically. There are cultural differences of course, but every woman wants to feel special.

by **AssKissinger** » Fri Dec 29, 2006 7:28 am

Personally...I'd pull an AK in this situation.

What the fuck is 'an AK'? Or did you mean you'd 'pull AK'? Which I know you want to, except my dick's a little big for your taste. And I do mean taste. I say 'taste' because you're a fucking sausage muncher. Normally, I wouldn't spell the joke out but you're so [SIZE="6"]FUCKING STUPID [/SIZE] I figured I needed to. Dumb ass.

[SIZE="1"][color="White"]just kidding[/color][/SIZE]

by **Hanakuso** » Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:38 am

by **IkemenTommy** » Fri Dec 29, 2006 8:10 pm

AssKissinger wrote:What the fuck is 'an AK'?

[SIZE="1"][color="White"]just kidding[/color][/SIZE]

by **American Oyaji** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:17 am

AK, you've been smoking the ganja again, haven't you.

I said I would pull an AK. Meaning in the situation with the female in question, I would do something too her involving her bumhole and then would proceed to leave said female feeling used as I walked out the door never to be seen again except if said female wanted a repeat performance at 2x the roughness.

by **AssKissinger** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 6:49 am

American Oyaji wrote:AK, you've been smoking the ganja again, haven't you.

I said I would pull an AK. Meaning in the situation with the female in question, I would do something too her involving her bumhole and then would proceed to leave said female feeling used as I walked out the door never to be seen again except if said female wanted a repeat performance at 2x the roughness.

Why the fuck do you think that's something I would do motherfucker?

by **AssKissinger** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 9:45 am

[color="DarkOrange"][SIZE="6"]AO's breakfast. [/SIZE][/color]

by **Mulboyne** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:15 pm

American Oyaji wrote:AK, you've been smoking the ganja again, haven't you.

Hidden text alert, AO.

by **American Oyaji** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 10:55 pm

I saw the "hidden text" when I quoted him.

by **indogaijin** » Mon Feb 05, 2007 4:04 pm

ah, some more replies while i wasn't paying attention. thanks again for the input guys!

just for the record, i finally found out via mutual friends what the deal was. the indonesian dude who's village she went to is her *fiance*. actually *was* her fiance, and is now her husband as of a few weeks ago. apparently i was her last fling before settling down with just one guy, i suppose she had mixed feelings about stepping out on her husband-to-be, but in the end couldn't resist my overwhelming charms

i've gotten another j-girl's number recently, and am looking forward to more inscrutableness.

by the way, i never really meant for this thread to just be for advice on just this one girl - i was sort of hoping to just get you guy's general observations on dating j-girls. i mean i know every girl is a unique and special snowflake and all, but i'm sure there must be some cultural commonalities you guys might like to discuss.

i was a bit shocked to hear that japanese wives tend to run off with the kids, never to be seen or heard from again after a divorce - i actually talked about it with this other japanese girl i know, whose parents are divorced (she said she still kept in touch with her dad, but that often it didn't turn out that way with japanese divorces)

by **JustInJapan** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 1:01 pm

wow, i would have saw that from the beginning, Thou shall not let especially a chick play you thats just horrible. Although i wouldn't have read the Fiance part i sure as hell would know from the get go whats up! Sucks for his ass bwhahahaha, his lil J girl got ran probably the tonka toy on and hit up with this guy as well, way to go!

HOE she IS!:cool:

by **Jonny Foreigner** » Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:21 am

Is it true that they love us gaijin over in Japan, or is it merely a myth like King Arthur?

by **GomiGirl** » Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:24 pm

Jonny Foreigner wrote:Is it true that they love us gaijin over in Japan, or is it merely a myth like King Arthur?

Should I flame you now or later for this stupid post? Or should I cut you some slack as a new member? :confused:

Oh yes you gaijin god, the women are going to swoon and fall down in awe at the sight of your gaijin manhood. As soon as you land in narita you will be beating them off with sticks.

Honestly, use your brain... :rolleyes:

by **Greji** » Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:32 pm

GomiGirl wrote:Oh yes you gaijin god, the women are going to swoon and fall down in awe at the sight of your gaijin manhood....

You mean they don't?
:cool:

by **GomiGirl** » Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:04 pm

gboothe wrote:You mean they don't?

Well you are a special case Mr Boothe - not everybody can hope to enjoy your charisma and way with the ladies!! :love2:

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