SHE Proposed|I'm saying NO

[gomichild]

Mr Sparkle - in saying NO - you did the right thing buddy. This woman is not for you - she is just messing with your mind. She's probably messed up in her own mind. The proposal is an attempt to keep you interested, to keep you in the loop.

You just need to say "I'm flattered by your proposal, but considering our history I just don't think it would be the best for both of us to get married."

And there is no right time to settle. The right time is when you meet someone and think "wow I could really be with this person and live with them". It's aggravating to hear this possibly old cliche - but when you know - you know.

I admit that my advice may be coloured by the fact that I loathe game playing in relationships. I've always been pretty straight forward in my dealings on the realtionship front. This has been a positive and negative thing - but I found the right person in the end.

Here though - RUN, don't walk away from this game player.

[American Oyaji]

Mr Sparkle - in saying NO - you did the right thing buddy. This woman is not for you - she is just messing with your mind. She's probably messed up in her own mind. The proposal is an attempt to keep you interested, to keep you in the loop.

You just need to say "I'm flattered by your proposal, but considering our history I just don't think it would be the best for both of us to get married."

And there is no right time to settle. The right time is when you meet someone and think "wow I could really be with this person and live with them". It's aggravating to hear this possibly old cliche - but when you know - you know.

I admit that my advice may be coloured by the fact that I loathe game playing in relationships. I've always been pretty straight forward in my dealings on the realtionship front. This has been a positive and negative thing - but I found the right person in the end.

Here though - RUN, don't walk away from this game player.

Quoting for emphasis. C

[Mulboyne]

I agree with gboothe that you've already answered your own question. A girl proposed to me once but I didn't go for it. We'd reached the point where it was the next step so I'd already considered it too. I caught myself thinking that my parents would quite like me to be married and that seemed like a terrible reason to propose. I was surprised that she asked me but it was no real surprise when we broke up shortly afterwards.

You are a good bloke and it sounds like you are a lot happier with your life right now so put yourself back in play and have some fun. One piece of advice, though. I noticed you dropped this into one of your earlier posts:

...mum raised me that way...

I definitely wouldn't say that to a girl if I was you.

[Uhhuh35]

1) Shave her pussy
2) Buttfuck her
3) Tell her if she gives you 100 cum swallowing blow jobs you'll marry her but then after the 99th blow job tell it wouldn't be right to let her continue because you've changed your mind.

LMFAO! AK, you are one crazy MF'er!

[Samurai_Jerk]

Nah. I wouldn't say that to you. I'd let you consider it though. When I was young I said I never wanted children and people said that to me. Now that I'm older I'm very glad I don't have kids and I want them less than ever. I hate the way everyone with kids assumes it's universal joy that must be the right thing for everyone. If kids are so universally wonderful why are so many of them neglected and abused?

I'm the same way. With each year I want kids less and less. Maybe that's why I don't really feel a desire to get married. Maybe I'll fall in love and settle down with someone one day, but if kids aren't going to be in the picture, I don't see a reason to make it official. I guess there are tax advantages in some places.

On the rare occasion that I do think I might want a kid, all I have to do is visit a friend with a newborn and I'm instantly cured of any and all desire to procreate.

[mr. sparkle]

I think you have answered your own question. So, unless she is a billionaire and owns a bar, the answer is no.

Nope. Just manshon payments, a kid going to college a 5 year old car that needs replacing and etc., etc.

I don't think you need to drop her as a friend unless you want to, but you have to tell her upfront that it ain't going beyond the close friends/close pards point.

Knowing someone for 10 years is a long time, but some would say that it was 9 years too much. Tough call.

Don't be in a position to have her believe you are the one who (true or not) led her on!

Well, I've been sweet talkin' her for a looooong time. But I never proposed marriage or even that she be my exclusive girlfriend for all these years. I never figured that she would ever propose to me. I always thought it would be my job.

She has to understand clearly that there is an exit to all this, regardless how you feel, or what you say.

How can I help her understand?

[mr. sparkle]

I agree with gboothe that you've already answered your own question. A girl proposed to me once but I didn't go for it. We'd reached the point where it was the next step so I'd already considered it too. I caught myself thinking that my parents would quite like me to be married and that seemed like a terrible reason to propose. I was surprised that she asked me but it was no real surprise when we broke up shortly afterwards.

Did you see it coming?

You are a good bloke and it sounds like you are a lot happier with your life right now so put yourself back in play and have some fun.[/quote]
thanks man!

One piece of advice, though. I noticed you dropped this into one of your earlier posts:I definitely wouldn't say that to a girl if I was you.

All I meant by that was that my parents raised me to be self-sufficient and able to care for myself. That was not meant to be said to anyone but you guys reading this post.

[GuyJean]

Whoa.. I'm a bit late to the thread; it sounds like you received some great advice, but you were leaning that way anyway.. I agree everything posted, even doin' a little Bell Biv DeVoe on her ass; 'smack it up, flip it, rub it down'..

Take care, bro..

GJ

[Ketou]

Definately doing the right thing kicking that one to the curb!

Sounds like she is starting to get a bit edgy about her age and future, and has decided to latch on to the only poor fool that she has been able to string along.
Run buddy, run!

[mr. sparkle]

Made a phone call last night and ended up talking for a long while. I brought up my concerns and expressed my doubts about being married. I didn't pull one punch and she got an earful. She did seem genuinely remorseful for the shit she pulled on me and swore that she'd never do something like that again. She wants to come over during Golden Week and make it up to me, so I said OK.

I know, I probably should not have agreed to that. I would not have given it a second thought before I talked to her last night, but we were having such a great conversation and she seemed to be more honest with me than ever. I must say, I was impressed.

Plus, I am a total softie and in real need of some female companionship. No worries, I am not going to do anything crazy like make wedding plans with her. I told her that we would be keeping it light and see how we get along as BF/GF. She was down with that. I found out that the men in her past were not the most "generous" lovers, so she is inexperienced in a lot of stuff but was willing to learn about "Love American Style".

AK, I'll make sure I schedule a Brazilian Wax for her while she's here. What do you think? Landing strip or totally clean?

In the mean time, I'm going on with my life.

[Greji]

she is inexperienced in a lot of stuff but was willing to learn about "Love American Style".

Prepare for implimentation of AK Operational Plan of attack!

[mr. sparkle]

Prepare for implimentation of AK Operational Plan of attack!

That's why I asked for AK's opinion: Landing strip or totally clean?

[FG Lurker]

:) That's why I asked for AK's opinion: Landing strip or totally clean?

Landing strip for sure.

After a week or 10 days in the US she'll be heading back to the land of sentos and onsen, leaving her with a strip will make her a lot happier.

[indogaijin]

not being a longstanding member of the community here, i don't know if it's my place to say this, but...

She did seem genuinely remorseful for the shit she pulled on me and swore that she'd never do something like that again.

isn't that what she said right before she did it to you the *second* time?

Made a phone call last night and ended up talking for a long while. I brought up my concerns and expressed my doubts about being married.

that's not quite the "no" everyone here was backing you up on!

She wants to come over during Golden Week and make it up to me, so I said OK.

dude, be very careful here! "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" and all that. you mentionted that you're not overwhelmed with choices in the women department, and this girl sounds like a total player. PLEASE don't let her talk you into going to vegas to take over her mortgage payments, car repair bills, kids college bills etc, errr, i mean get married.

[mr. sparkle]

That's not quite the "no" everyone here was backing you up on!

We are not making wedding plans. She's just coming over for a week...no big whoop. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do: like get married to a crazy chick. Her kid doesn't go to college for another year anyway.

I do appreciate the warning though. I'll be careful.

[AssKissinger]

She wants to come over during Golden Week and make it up to me, so I said OK.

Time to get your dick sucked!

PS

If she stays cool, landing strip, if she gets bitchy you know what to do!

[amdg]

Sparkle, you seem like a good guy, but I really don't understand this dynamic .

You flew to Japan a few times to meet her with the best intentions, only to get very unsatisfactory pussy and a lot of dismissive attitude, now she is flying to USA to meet you again to get ...what?

What does she want from you now that she didn't want back then when you were together? How can she have grown closer to you while you've been apart?

I just think you should treat her with great scepticism if she ever starts talking about settling down. Convincing as she might sound, she sounds like a woman who has learned to be convincing, and learned little else besides.

[mr. sparkle]

Sparkle, you seem like a good guy, but I really don't understand this dynamic .

You flew to Japan a few times to meet her with the best intentions, only to get very unsatisfactory pussy and a lot of dismissive attitude, now she is flying to USA to meet you again to get ...what?

What does she want from you now that she didn't want back then when you were together? How can she have grown closer to you while you've been apart?

I just think you should treat her with great scepticism if she ever starts talking about settling down. Convincing as she might sound, she sounds like a woman who has learned to be convincing, and learned little else besides.

Oh, I am skeptical. I don't have any intention of marrying her right now. You think I should pull the plug on the Golden Week visit?

[GomiGirl]

Oh, I am skeptical. I don't have any intention of marrying her right now. You think I should pull the plug on the Golden Week visit?

Are you paying anything for it? If not, then sure let her come. If she expects you to pay then forget it.

[FG Lurker]

Oh, I am skeptical. I don't have any intention of marrying her right now. You think I should pull the plug on the Golden Week visit?

I've been in a situation somewhat similar to this, and it turned out very, very badly.

If you have no desire to build a future with her then make a clean cut. You view her coming over as a chance for a bit of fun and to hang out. I suspect she views it as a way to dig her claws in again (or deeper).

[maninjapan]

dude

just cut to the inevitable

don't visit her
don't contact her - well apart from saying no

in the words of those drug adverts

JUST SAY NO!

[amdg]

Oh, I am skeptical. I don't have any intention of marrying her right now. You think I should pull the plug on the Golden Week visit?

You say you have no intention of marrying her 'right now'. Like maybe it will be ok later?

I can't see it getting better later.

You still seem like you want to give her a chance, but I really don't think she will ever reciprocate the kind of relationship you want, especially after I saw your post about how you felt you were not ready to be responsible for a family right now.

So either, get revenge on her and then kick her to the side, or tell her not to come.

[Ketou]

Are you paying anything for it? If not, then sure let her come. If she expects you to pay then forget it.

QFT on that.

If you're really sure you are strong enough to enjoy the nookie and then kick to the curb, then go for it. If however, you are the type to get hairy lassoed then make a clean break. You can bet your balls she'll try to make that nookie something you won't want to give up.

[mr. sparkle]

QFT on that.

If you're really sure you are strong enough to enjoy the nookie and then kick to the curb, then go for it. If however, you are the type to get hairy lassoed then make a clean break. You can bet your balls she'll try to make that nookie something you won't want to give up.

There's a lot of smart people in this forum, and I appreciate your frank responses.

Yes, I was weak on the phone. Before the call, I so wanted to end it, but I had not talked to her in a long time and....well, old habits die hard. In a few minutes, we're sweet talking each other again. And all of a sudden, I'm making compromises and saying that it's OK to come and visit.

If you have no desire to build a future with her then make a clean cut. You view her coming over as a chance for a bit of fun and to hang out. I suspect she views it as a way to dig her claws in again (or deeper).

Thanks for that reality check Lurker.

I admit it. I made a mistake. I have to pull the plug on the visit and the whole idea of spending my future with someone who has psychological problems.

Portions of our phone conversation are starting to come back to me that are not sitting well. Mrs. Taro is correct, she is a "strange one". This woman needs to do some serious couch time with the shrink and I should let her go to do that.

I'm a sad case, ain't I? Sheeeeet.

The shit men do for pussy.

[kamome]

Landing strip or totally clean?

If you ask Mulboyne, he will tell you where AO and I stand on this issue. In fact, he'll post quotes from every thread where AO and I made our preferences known!

[Greji]

The shit men do for pussy.

If you feel you really must with her, remember the old adage, "Wham,bam, thank you ma'm, watch you ass when you hear the door slam!"

You do need to be careful because for all the verbiage to the contrary, the majority of the J-people still keep the "old" giri ninjou thinking. If this gal is as screwed up in her thinking as indicated, you could have problems if she thinks you should display the appropriate giri ninjou based on of your long term beaver tending.

When they get to that point and you try to curb em, some of them like to take out their butcher knives and remove pertinant soveniers from their boyfriend's anatomy for mochikairi. Old J-custom, that!

[American Oyaji]

giri ninjou?

Elaborate please.

[FG Lurker]

Before the call, I so wanted to end it, but I had not talked to her in a long time and....well, old habits die hard. In a few minutes, we're sweet talking each other again. And all of a sudden, I'm making compromises and saying that it's OK to come and visit.

I've been through exactly that. You start to call things off and she knows what buttons to press to get you thinking with your second head... This is a bad cycle and she will become slightly crazier every time you go through it. If you think she's mentally out of balance now, wait until you go through this 5 or 6 times...

I admit it. I made a mistake. I have to pull the plug on the visit and the whole idea of spending my future with someone who has psychological problems.

IMO you should end this now and stop all further contact with her. This means you are going to have to ignore all emails and calls from her. You may need to change your phone number and email address. (You might not have to, it depends on how nuts she turns out to be.) It took me about 2 years before the girl I was having problems with stopped contacting me totally. Yes, crazy as it sounds, two years of not a single answer from me and she was still sending messages.

[mr. sparkle]

I've been through exactly that. You start to call things off and she knows what buttons to press to get you thinking with your second head... This is a bad cycle and she will become slightly crazier every time you go through it. If you think she's mentally out of balance now, wait until you go through this 5 or 6 times...

You have been through this very same thing over 5 times? Man!

Check this out:

I think I'm off the hook.

It didn't happen the way I thought it would, though! Get this: I already told you about the phone conversation and how that went, right?

Well, yesterday I wrote her an email recapping a few things that I thought was important. Her honesty issues and my lack of trust in her that needed work, or no way would we ever go forward. That was the biggie.

Then, I also said I was glad that we worked out why our love life was kind of fucked up. And that now, we could actually have a good healthy sex life and could really enjoy it when she came to visit and "won't that be great honey?"

THEN I GET THE SCATHING RESPONSE:

"I was DISGUSTED by your last email!"

She goes on some tirade about how I'm obsessed with sex and how she could never be someone's "sex machine woman" and "do I want to get married just for sex?" Just a super trumped up freak out.

She said that we had already frankly talked about it and by my recapping it and saying, "Yeah! That's great we made some progress!", in the email, she thought I was unnecessarily going over the same ground. She thought that by bringing up our sex life (once more) was in very bad taste. I just don't get what the big deal is, but apparently, that hurt her feelings.

Her English sucks, so she probably either misunderstood me OR who the hell knows? Maybe scared of "Love American Style"? I'm not sure.

I wrote her back and said, "Hey, I think you are completely misunderstanding the intention of the email and are also making a big deal out of nothing. Also, that email is not the best medium when you are talking about personal things. But, hey, if you're mad, tell me now as to whether you are coming to visit or not."

Welp. I do not think she's bought the plane ticket. Here's what she wrote back.

I am not angry, I want you to leave me alone. I need to consider about our relationship again. I just need time. I don't know when I will be able to contact with you. But I am sure I can find something. Just don't say anything, please.

Looks like either I'm off the hook, or she's gearing up for the MOAB of rejections. Lucky I got me some Kryptonite for that one.

So what's your take on the current salvo. Am I done?

Getting blown off never felt so good!

[AssKissinger]

That girl has issues! Her attitude about sex makes me think she was molested as a kid or something. Plus, it's obvious it makes her pussy wet to reject you and have you come back for more. Block her fucking email man.