"When East Marries West"

[Catoneinutica]

Am I the only one who gets the impression that Thomas Dillon, writer of the excruciatiatingly lame "When East Marries West" column in the Japan Times, is married to the Japanese equivalent of Reinhard Heydrich? Take this column, for example:

http://search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/fl20070707td.html

BEGIN EXCERPT:

"Let's talk," says my wife. Her euphemism for, "Shut up and listen."

"Do you know the latest threat to Japanese health and happiness?"

My thoughts fly to Pyongyang. But before I can suggest, "Scud missile?" she launches an unexpected answer.

"It's rice crackers, that's what. Japanese sembei. People aren't eating enough. The result is that Japanese don't have the chewing power of the past. Jaws are flabby. Mouths are drooping apart. And teeth don't have the same bite that they used to."

END EXCERPT

To which I'd reply:

a) Heard of "Borat"? Take your rice crackers and pound them up your bum until it hangs flabbily like mouth of tired dog.

b) Uh, Lamarkian evolutionary theories like that have been generally discredited since the nineteenth century...

c) "We Japanese"? Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Führer!

d) Honey baby, I'm not this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ubsd-tWYmZw

[Charles]

..Japanese sembei...

What? They're not eating enough Japanese sembei, as opposed to, say for example, Swedish sembei or Guatemalan sembei?

[6810]

they could always try eating real bread instead of that fluff in a bag you buy, or rice...

[amdg]

Fair enough comments all, she does seem ....awkward.

Anyway,

b) Uh, Lamarkian evolutionary theories like that have been generally discredited since the nineteenth century...

I don't think that's lamarkian, unless she's trying to say that the current generation are unhappy because their parents didn't eat sembei.

[baka tono]

What? They're not eating enough Japanese sembei, as opposed to, say for example, Swedish sembei or Guatemalan sembei?

Exactly and they arent drinking enough Japanese sake either.