Mysterious new disease from Japan!

[Taro Toporific]

[hakuman]

dude, that article is from the world weekly news. If you dont know what that is, its like the national enquirer. All shite.

[Taro Toporific]

dude, that article is from the world weekly news. If you dont know what that is, its like the national enquirer. All shite.

JAPAN BREEDING ARMY OF GODZILLAS
Japan has developed a terrifying new weapon of mass destruction: Giant Godzilla-type reptiles they plan to unleash on the United States to avenge the bombing of Hiroshima!
WWNews 01/22/2004
...."Our country just isn't prepared to face this kind of threat," admits a source at the Department of Homeland Security. "Worst of all, this is happening at a time when our military is spread out over the globe."
Prime minister Junichiro Koizumi has been reduced to "puppet status" by the fanatics, who intend to make Emperor Akihito an absolute monarch. "With America under siege, Japan will be an imperial power that controls the entire Pacific," the CIA source warns.
The White House refuses to comment on the report. But a senior administration source confirms, "The president is weighing a preemptive strike on Japan."

[Ol Dirty Gaijin]

dude, that article is from the world weekly news. If you dont know what that is, its like the national enquirer. All shite.

Excuse me the WWN is a respectable newspaper, with dedicated writers and a research division that is second to none.
With hard hitting editorial...

ED ANGER: STOP TEACHING OUR KIDS THIS EVOLUTION CLAPTRAP!
I'm madder than Adam with a one-inch fig leaf at how these left-wing heathens, atheists and agnostics are trying to stuff this evolution baloney down our kids' throats!

And lifestyle guidelines for the common man.

HOW TO BECOME A PIMP IN 10 DAYS
... All you need is flashy clothes, a few cell phones & a gold Caddy!

What other news services covers Bat Boy?

[AssKissinger]

dude, that article is from the world weekly news. If you dont know what that is, its like the national enquirer. All shite.

Listen, I'm the BULLSHIT detector around here. Taro posted a story with a link. That's solid FG reporting. Where's your link backing up your claims that the National Enquirer and the Weekly World News are 'shite'? Plus Taro included a bikini shot with his post which lends even more credibility to what he's saying. Now look, seperating the diamonds from the cubic zirconia isn't always easy bacause in truth, fact is often stranger than fiction, especially here on FG. That's why, hakuman, I suggest you study the ways of the master (me) before you go and embarrass yourself further.

[Taro Toporific]

dude, that article is from the world weekly news...

You want proof? OMG-WTF, here's a picture from an old FG thread of the disease at it point of origin!

ninjashot:

"In Japan, baseball is very popular sports. It means that there are lots of enthusiastic fans. This flashing woman is fan of Tigers..."

[/url]

[Taro Toporific]

dude, that article is from the world weekly news. If you dont know what that is, its like the national enquirer. All shite.

Hey even the New York Times is saying that the National Enquirer is legit, hee, hee.

Stop the Presses! Not Enough Alien Corpses!
BOOKS OF THE TIMES | 'THE UNTOLD STORY'
NYTimes.com July 26, 2004
..."The Untold Story" would not be worth telling if it were just a litany of Enquirer grave-robbing exclusives. (Capturing a photo of Elvis Presley in his coffin was, by Mr. Calder's lights, one of the publication's greatest achievements. The fake priest with the camera in his Bible couldn't get the shot, but the Enquirer, with its famous largess, paid one of Elvis's cousins to help.)
.....By the time of O. J. Simpson's murder trial, though, The Enquirer could be counted on for reliable information and bona fide detective work. Other papers admitted it, and many other print and television outlets struggled to follow suit. Why did a salesman at Ross Cutlery in Los Angeles tell only The Enquirer that he had sold Mr. Simpson a knife that matched the murder weapon? Well, $17,500 changed hands over that one.....
Leaving out the sickening parts, Mr. Calder tells a jaunty tale of journalistic innovation. Long before supermarkets, there were runaway trucks that might well crash into newsstands refusing to sell this tabloid. Mob connections were evident in those early "Mom Uses Son's Face as Ashtray" days. And the paper's definition of a "great story" also gave it novelty. Judy Garland's body left in a temporary crypt, long after a supposed burial? How astrology helped to make Peter Falk a star? Exclusive photos of Burt Reynolds with his new baby? All of these are cited among the paper's major hits....

[kotatsuneko]

whats really bugging me is...

how come the (OO) faces are all porno cendorse out but..

not (sorry too lazy to find a pic to link zzz) the BeaVeR?!

[djgizmoe]

Yeah don't be hating on the Weekly World News! It's my favorite eikaiwa text, as it's full of inappropriately informal slang, racist / sexist ranting and outdated midwestern phraseology. And the stories rock. Case in point:

JAPAN BREEDING ARMY OF GODZILLAS
They plan to unleash the 100-ft. monsters on U.S.
Japan has developed a terrifying new weapon of mass destruction: Giant Godzilla-type reptiles they plan to unleash on the United States to avenge the bombing of Hiroshima!

Horrified U.S. intelligence officials uncovered the sneak-attack plot, which they say is orchestrated by a fanatical element that has "hijacked" the Japanese government and is obsessed with restoring the national honor besmirched by the country's humiliating defeat in World War II.

"We estimate that 450 of these genetically engineered creatures have already been hatched on mountainous, uninhabited islands in the Sea of Japan," says a CIA source who's been briefed on the crisis.

"At full maturity, each one stands at least 100 feet tall and weighs approximately 35 tons -- more than five times the size of an adult T-Rex."

The sheer aggressiveness of the amphibious carnivores -- which are capable of crossing the Pacific Ocean within 21 days -- is "absolutely terrifying," according to the source, who spoke on condition of anonymity.

"In secret tests, one of these creatures reportedly ripped apart a school of great white sharks as if they were minnows," he says.

"This is the ultimate bio-weapon -- if even a handful of these behemoths reach the West Coast of the United States, they will inflict devastation on an almost unthinkable level. Estimates of the number of civilian casualties within the first 72 hours run into the tens of millions."

While most Americans think of Japan as a trusted friend of the U.S., that view is quite naive, experts say.

"The truth is that many Japanese harbor deep-seated resentment toward Americans," the source explains. "They've never forgiven us for the bombing of Hiroshima, which resulted in at least 140,000 deaths."

A cult-like secret society known as the Order of the Dragon has been plotting revenge ever since Japan's surrender in 1945, and it is these nuts who've quietly seized control of the government.

"In Asian culture, the dragon is a symbol of good," the source explains. "The leaders have long preached that by summoning forth some form of 'dragon,' they could restore the Japanese Empire to its former glory."

Since the 1950s, the group has been working to breed real-life dragons. In the early days, they tried exposing reptiles to high levels of radiation.

"All they succeeded in doing was creating the world's worst sushi," the source reveals.

But in the 1990s, as gene-splicing technology emerged, the group began employing it.

The real-life Godzillas are a witch's brew of genes borrowed from komodo dragons, crocodiles, pythons and half a dozen other reptiles.

"They took the most vicious traits from each," the source says. If the audacious plot succeeds, North America will be turned into a hellish Jurassic Park, packed with towering, ravenous monsters.

"Our country just isn't prepared to face this kind of threat," admits a source at the Department of Homeland Security. "Worst of all, this is happening at a time when our military is spread out over the globe."

Prime minister Junichiro Koizumi has been reduced to "puppet status" by the fanatics, who intend to make Emperor Akihito an absolute monarch. "With America under siege, Japan will be an imperial power that controls the entire Pacific," the CIA source warns.

The White House refuses to comment on the report. But a senior administration source confirms, "The president is weighing a preemptive strike on Japan."


http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/suspects/60455

[Taro Toporific]

[floatl][/floatl]
Weekly World News Shutting Down
SFScope, July 21, 2007 ...American Media has decided to suspend publication of Weekly World News, both the print publication and the web site. No reason was given at press time, although reliable sources do tell us that management turned down at least one offer to buy the publication.The weekly supermarket tabloid--known as the home of "Bat Boy"...more...
[INDENT]


[SIZE="5"]Alien Assassins Created the Ninja[/SIZE]
[color="Red"]Breaking News [/color]| Weekly World News | by Michael Rovin
JAPANESE historians have always believed that ‘ninjas’ were trained to be spies and political assassins in feudal Japan. However, professor Danno Tanaka recently unearthed ancient scrolls indicating that ninjas served a much higher purpose.
“I found them buried in the ruins of the Imperial palace from the Heian period, which is when the samurai class first developed,” said Tanaka.
“According to these scrolls — penned by Emperor Kammu himself — this period marked the invasion of Japan by extraterrestrials!”...more...[/INDENT]
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[floatl][/floatl]

JAPAN BREEDING ARMY OF GODZILLAS
Japan has developed a terrifying new weapon of mass destruction: Giant Godzilla-type reptiles they plan to unleash on the United States to avenge the bombing of Hiroshima!
WWNews 01/22/2004
...."Our country just isn't prepared to face this kind of threat," admits a source at the Department of Homeland Security. "Worst of all, this is happening at a time when our military is spread out over the globe."
Prime minister Junichiro Koizumi has been reduced to "puppet status" by the fanatics, who intend to make Emperor Akihito an absolute monarch. "With America under siege, Japan will be an imperial power that controls the entire Pacific," the CIA source warns.
The White House refuses to comment on the report. But a senior administration source confirms, "The president is weighing a preemptive strike on Japan."

[Iraira]

"Danno Tanaka", what is this Hawaii 5-0 J-style? "Book the ninja, Danno!"

[Taro Toporific]