My father-in-law's staying with us...

[Adhesive]

That's right, the screwball arrived last week and will be here for another month. I've made vague reference to him in other threads, but just to recap, he's 60 with blond hair and a fetish for all things American. He was a greaser back in the day, but now prefers western wear, and the occasional USAF flight suit, I shit you not. He's also the guy who one day decided to move to Sri Lanka for retirement and failed miserably within a year (I think he went just to spite us for not inviting him to live with us here in the U.S.)

My mother-in-law (greatest woman in the world) divorced his ass years ago because he was apparently quite the philanderer, and ever since he's been through a string of girlfriends, mostly Brazilian snack hostesses and the like, none of which have exactly volunteered to take care of him for the rest of his life. So he's basically single and our responsibility now.

The first time I met him he picked my wife and me up from the Naha Airport in full commando garb. At one point, when my wife was a kid, he would drive around with a megaphone attached to his car, yelling at people to get out of the way as needed.

So, anyway, here he is, in our cramped apartment, driving us crazy. I'm sure I will have lots to report over the next month. But, some gems so far:

-Every time we enter a store and are greeted by a worker with a "Hi, how are you?" he asks us if we know the person. We, of course, reply that we do and they are in fact very good friends of ours. This gets him all excited about the possibility of a discount. Sometimes, we'll just tell him that they gave us a discount to make him happy.

-After eating, he just sits there expecting the dishes to magically clear themselves. I understand the idea of being a good host, but after about week, it was time that he started pulling his own weight, so we just started leaving him at the table with his dirty dishes, until finally he got the idea to clear them himself.

-Every time we get in the car to go anywhere my wife has to ask him to "try this new candy" in order to battle his oyaji breath with breath mints.

-He hates Korean and Chinese people, and they are everywhere in the SF Bay Area. We have to trick him to get him to go into a Korean or Chinese supermarket by saying that it's a Japanese market. Nothing cracks me up more than when he finally catches on and then points out to me (as if I didn't already know) that all the writing is in Korean...."Adhesive, mite! Zenbu Kankokugo da!

-When he wants to talk to somebody, he just starts running his mouth in Japanese, as if most Americans should have a basic understanding of nihongo. Now I know how the French must feel.

-He went out and bought a bicycle right away so that he could cruise around on his own, I told him that Americans aren't allowed to ride on the sidewalk and he has since given up his dreams of independence. I would feel bad for him if not for the fact that he refuses to wear a helmet.

[Tsuru]

Brilliant, keep it coming!

[2triky]

Brilliant, keep it coming!

Good luck, Adhesive. Your situation sounds like a heavy burden to bear.

[kusai Jijii]

You might consider refering your wife to this recent thread

"My husband killed himself by cutting his neck with an axe"

[Bucky]

Does the guy have any money of his own? Does he at least chip in for food or any other of his expenses while you are enjoying his company?

[ichigo partygirl]

i feel your frustration coming through the computer....hang in there!! Please share your pain, it is rather amusing for the rest of us!

[American Oyaji]

i feel your frustration coming through the computer....hang in there!! Please share your pain, it is rather amusing for the rest of us!

The joys of schadenfreude:cool:

[DrP]

Hey you're lucky - he's 60 and that means he's got what, another 30yrs minimum to hang around! I think you better look for a job for him. How about buying him a kaba to run in SF ??

[Adhesive]

Hey you're lucky - he's 60 and that means he's got what, another 30yrs minimum to hang around! I think you better look for a job for him. How about buying him a kaba to run in SF ??

I was thinking more along the lines of a yaki-imo stand to run out on the front porch, or perhaps a job performing odori in the middle of Hwy101.

Couple more tidbits:

-He brought with him, packed in his suitcase, among his clothes,...:drumroll: ........ his washlet from Japan. I guess once you grow accustomed to that refreshing blast of water, you can't go without it. The thing is this huge, pink monstrosity, and it supposedly can't be connected without turning off the water supply to our apartment, so he wants me to go ask our apartment manager to turn the water off to our whole unit just so he can hook up his washlet.

-I had to take him to an army surplus store as soon as he got here. He fell in love with this camouflaged flack-jacket/armored vest that he just had to have. I told him to make sure he wore it when he boarded his flight home.

[Tsuru]

You completely lost my sympathy there... he brought you a washlet!

[ttjereth]

[quote="Tsuru"]You completely lost my sympathy there... he brought you a washlet!

]

Didn't he say he brought "his washlet"?

Ewww... old man used washlet:(

[Adhesive]

Didn't he say he brought "his washlet"?

Ewww... old man used washlet:(

Yeah, just to clarify, he brought his washlet, for him to use while he stays with us. Will post pictures tomorrow.

[ttjereth]

Yeah, just to clarify, he brought his washlet, for him to use while he stays with us. Will post pictures tomorrow.

Good god I hope you are just talking about photos of the inactive washlet...

[Iraira]

Good god I hope you are just talking about photos of the inactive washlet...

I'll thank you not to speak ill of my fetishes...c'mon....I wanna see granps push out a number 2.....post it! Post it now, dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!