Well...

[cstaylor]

...in the case of the top two, the husband might not have a choice:

Prostitute's pawn pays high price for sacrifice

"Fusamura asked Yamada to kill her husband. She told him she stood to earn 30 million yen if her hubby died and promised Yamada a third of that if he'd carry out the deed," the police source tells Shukan Shincho. "Yamada tried to kill the husband at the end of March, but botched the job. But Fusamura kept on to him about it until Yamada decided to finally go through with it."

[cstaylor]

Wake up and *make* the coffee, dammit!

OK, one rule, and you can forget the others. DON'T TREAT YOUR WIFE LIKE GARBAGE.

Although I am starting to see some younger Japanese men show a more "modern" approach to their marriage/relationship, most Japanese men have a reputation (& it didn't appear from thin air, folks!) for being insensitive, unromantic, selfish louts. It's no wonder that Japanese women are marrying away to other cultures/countries, or killing their lazy piggish husbands. Phooey on them anyway; I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often, only because Japanese women are incredibly loyal, far beyond what they should be.

[cstaylor]

Greedy Housewives

This just proves what gold-diggers many women are.

[cstaylor]

Why blame it all on the victims. As deserving as theys blokes may be, it is the woman who raised them to be the kind of men they are.

By the time they get into their first school uniforms they are already having their already formed chauvinistic character reinforced by all the males they get to hang out with. Sometimes even their fathers who they occassionally rediscover they have on Sundays.

[cstaylor]

I'm sure she probably still felt she was getting a better deal than a Japanese husband, though.

Yeah, my wife gets pissed when I remind her of that too (probably not too smart on my part).

[Crispy]

Gack! Japan sure has a long way to go, marriage equality-wise. I wonder if they still have a "rule of thumb" type system?

[cstaylor]

With domestic violence finally outlawed last year, Sunday Mainichi predicts more women will seek divorce as the first step in re-thinking their lives.

Wow... are there other kinds of violence that are legal in Japan? How about violence against employees by an over-eager superior?

[cstaylor]

"It's only natural for a husband to be a bit violent. Be more patient."

By that line of reasoning, why have laws against assault and battery? Murder?

You have to wonder if these mediators have any training at all... they're probably all disgraced ex-judges... and the good ol' boy network found them a job as "court appointed mediators".

[cstaylor]

The easiest solution is to not listen. When they start henpecking, you just say, "wake me when you're done making noise".

If they want to communicate a problem, fine, communicate the problem. Don't try using cheap psychological tricks to prove a point.

[cstaylor]

Okay, okay, you beat it out of me... what I really do is whine like a bitch "stop! stop! you're right! you're always right!" and then I do whatever she asks...

[cstaylor]

...she refuses to get near my computer after I showed her "Pika Love".

[kamome]

...I'm never getting married.

[cstaylor]

Yeah, put it off as long as possible! There's a reason it's called "the old ball and chain".

[Bucky]

I was poking around some Google groups and came across this entry titled:

How to deal with a Japanese wife 101 FAQ

It is an interesting take on getting married to a Japanese of the female persuasion.

INTRODUCTION

This is a working draft version of the FAQ and has been concocted from
various postings on fj.life.in-japan.

Read this FAQ before you go and get romantically/sexually/maritally
involved with the female of the species Japanicus Autocentricus, thereby
morphing yourself into Husbandus Superfluous.

* * *

I'm going to give you some advice that I wish I had gotten 11 years ago
when I married a demure pretty Japanese wife who turned into a genderless
piece of a dictative authority figure soon after marriage.

1.1 IS SHE FOR REAL?

Now you asked if she's for real. Yeah, she's certainly for real. A
marriage for many Japanese isn't about love. That's just an Orwellian word
that sounds better than the reality. One reality is that she expected to
marry a guy just like her pussy-whipped father. The other reality, and
the one that finds her living with you in the states, is that she got
married to you because of her school girl fantasies of living as a spoiled
housewife in a big house in an American suburb with some faceless foreign
husband who alternated between Tom Cruise for cute and Harrison Ford for
masculinity are not part of the reality she finds herself in.

1.2 LOGIC?

The first rule when dealing with a stereotypical Japanese woman is to
throw logic out of the window. The use of Reason alone will get you
nowhere my friend! But reason is not the same as communication, so go
ahead and talk, rant, tell her how you feel. Just don't expect any
changes right away, because you're dealing with emotions here and you're
just planting seeds.

Tell her you'll accomodate and support her in a Japanese way, but that
since she decided to marry an American, she has to come halfway to your
side, too.

Every marriage comes with a 20 year marital torture guarantee. Don't think
you're getting out of it. Your ancestors did it for you, now it's your
turn.

1.3 HAVING IT BOTH WAYS

> Problem was this... her personality seemed to be very different on her
> home turf, with her own language. She became testy, sometimes
> abrasive, and dare I say it, cold and distant.

You might not realize it, but she's trying to have it both ways: the
freedom and individuality of living in America, while simultaneously being
treated as a traditional Japanese woman. You need to expose this double
standard to her.

2.0 PREGNANCY

Pregnancy has a profound effect on most women's personality, and things
don't automatically revert to the way they were after birth. You can not
fight mother nature, but you can finesse her. The popular myth of course
is that cheating men cause marriages to fail, but I think we know this is
a load of bull (hint: 2.6 times per week, ladies, and your man will not
stray!). So don't get all guilty.

3.0 WHY PEOPLE DO IT

> b) stick it out and try to right the marriage ship. Sounds good on
> paper, but my hunch is that I'm in for 20 years-plus of absolute
> marital torture. (I'm not even 30 yet).

I think that a lot of women get married so that they can take you off
the market and then get what they really want, which is a baby. Once they
have the sprog, the husband then becomes a cash machine and little more. A
lot of men, due to what they may feel are chivalrous (or religious)
obligations, will try to make this nonsense work and that is what the
wife counts on.

Sucker! She already has what she wants, a baby. Then she denies you what
you want, which is emotional support, affection and sex. "Oh, you're
always thinking of sex" is something they will throw at you to try to
make you feel ashamed.

"There's more to marriage then just sex." Horseshit. If there is no sexual
attraction, affection or emotional connection, what you are living with is
a friend.

Men don't want to marry "just friends." And now that she has just become
your friend, she is treating you like crap. If a friend to whom you didn't
have a legal contract (marriage certificate) treated you like crap, you
would say, "on your bike, mate." So why put up with it from your wife? And
you wouldn't pay your friend's bills, right? She is already saying, by
being a slob, that she doesn't care if you walked off a bridge tomorrow.
You're going to accept that? Are you that pussywhipped?

You also didn't want a kid. Look, I know you like your daughter. That
is only natural.

But you have to leave your wife and if you hold on to the child, it will
always be a point of contention between you guys and it will give her an
excuse to play games with you. And the child will feel perpetually guilty
if she sees you two quarreling over her all the time. Moreover, this is
complicated by the fact that you guys are straddling two nationalities.

4.0 BOYS BE AMBITIOUS

Be selfish, son. It's your life. Life is short, so make the best of
it. Jettison the bullshit (your wife) and find someone who will appreciate
you (given the Draconian divorce laws in California, though, I would
recommend that you avoid getting married again. There is nothing in it for
men at all). And with your next mate, tell her what it is you expect and
if she doesn't like it then walk.

5.0 READ THE FAQ

I *hope* the guy isn't really going through that hell...but this is a
horrible case of "not reading the FAQ" before he went and got
romantically/sexually/maritally involved with the female of the
species Japanicus Autocentricus, thereby morphing himself into
Husbandus Superfluous.

Fellas, this is why our daddies try (in vain) to tell us to keep it in
our pants. Remember: If you can't keep it there yourself, you run the
danger of ending up married to somebody who will keep it there for
you.

6.0 PARENTS

No, I am quite certain that there really are such men with such problems,
because I have met such men, even just in Fukuyama. One was a Brit with
one daughter. One was an American, with one girl and one boy, IIRC, and
the other was a Canadian who was married recently and followed his wife to
Japan, who got past the honeymoon stage in a hurry.

In every case, the women were living either with their parents (wife of
Brit), or in the same town (other two). Guess who the parents sided with,
no matter who seemed to be at fault?

7.0 MONEY

The Brit's wife held down a good steady full time job despite being
married with child, and made no secret she did not need her husband for
support. The American's former wife (who also revealed her belief woman
should stay at home and watch TV while husband worked and also earned an
MBA, after they were married) relied on her parents. The Canadian's wife,
a government worker, simply went back home one day and cut off
communication with her husband, who seems to be totally in the dark about
what the whole thing is about, and was threatened with police and legal
action if he tried to go to the house again or refused divorce.

8.0 EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

I don't know many Western men married to Japanese women around here, but
the batting average does not seem to be good.

9.0 WHO ME WORRY?

> Let's expose this situation for what it is... a total F****ing SHAM!

It's not a sham. Your wife walked into marriage with expectations that you
would head off to work in the morning, come back late in the evening with
your paycheck in hand and be too tired to do anything except go to sleep
in your own futon without making a whole lotta racket.

That is marriage, son. It's marriage in the US, it's marriage in the UK,
it's marriage in Japan. It's probably even marriage in Bumfucked Peking.
Women have expectations that go something like "We'll have a romantic
honeymoon in Hawaii, and then I'll have lots of time to spend at home
watching Leave it to Beaver re-runs or maybe Hollywood squares if she's
already seen the episode where the Beaver gets a paper route to pay for
the bicycle in the window.

Marriage is not a romantic stroll on the beach. It's a non-stop boring
routine that isn't helped by the addition of a kid or three. You've got
responsibilities. So does she. Her responsibilities revolve around your
child/children. You no longer count as anything more than a paycheck and
an extra plate of food on the table. If you want to have wild and sweaty
sex, get a girlfriend. You're married and that kinda stuff went out the
window when the kid showed up.

10.0 I THINK I'M TURNING JAPANESE

It's not just you, me, Japanese men, American men, Chinese, Russian or
Nigerian men. All of us guys, no matter where we find ourselves, jumped
into the sack of marriage with a lusty little demure girl and woke up with
duplicates of our mother-in-laws.

Our wives didn't get a much better deal. They married a well educated(i.e.
paycheck) and a romantic guy that didn't fart at the dinner table. They
ended up with duplicates of their disgusting father-in-laws who fart at
the table, fart in bed, aren't interested in romance anymore, and never
wash their feet.

I told you before that if you have expectations, then sit her down and
explain to her how things are going to be. She should have done the same
thing to you, so I guess both are at fault. It's kinda late now that you
have a child, but I don't really believe she's asking so much from you.
Your traditional role in a marriage is to provide the money and security.
Hers is to make sure that the children's diapers are clean and the beans
aren't burned. Didn't you ever watch the Brady Bunch?

[GomiGirl]

Oh this guy sounds bitter!!

[Tsuru]

Clear cut case of someone having great expectations. Too great.

[Adhesive]

Well, at least he admits that men also turn into something that their wives didn't originally "buy-into". I think that touches on something pretty fundemental to all marriages: if you don't resist that primitive human urge to regress into a selfish, uncaring, asshole/bitch, it's going to be a rough ride for both of you.

[(1VB)freels]

I want to shake that guys hand!!! He has it to a tee. I am going thru a divorce with my J-wife and it sucks. He hits it on the head!!!!!

[Greji]

that primitive human urge to regress into a selfish, uncaring, asshole

Ahh, have we met?

[Iraira]

I want to shake that guys hand!!! He has it to a tee. I am going thru a divorce with my J-wife and it sucks. He hits it on the head!!!!!

If you have no kids to divvy up, the divorce shouldn't be so bad. She'll probably want to cut and run without any future contact (my ex did just that)...and peace rained down upon me..

[james]

...I'm never getting married.

yeah, don't. there's a reason marriage is considered an "institution". that being of course, you have to be fucking insane to get in.

also

It's not just you, me, Japanese men, American men, Chinese, Russian or Nigerian men. All of us guys, no matter where we find ourselves, jumped into the sack of marriage with a lusty little demure girl and woke up with duplicates of our mother-in-laws.

no truer words have been spoken.

[amdg]

I'm still making rookie mistakes.

Note to self - the correct answer is NOT "It makes you look like a boy"*

EVER. There will not be a situation when that is the correct answer, ever.

I must remember that.

The correct answer is "It makes you look younger".


* On the occasion of a new haircut.

[halfnip]

I'm still making rookie mistakes.

Note to self - the correct answer is NOT "It makes you look like a boy"*

EVER. There will not be a situation when that is the correct answer, ever.

I must remember that.

The correct answer is "It makes you look younger".


* On the occasion of a new haircut.

You still have a lot to learn, young one. The correct answer is, "Wow, that _____ looks great!" I have learned to use this at will, and most times while not even paying full attention to what's going on around me. I am sure Boothie will agree that it makes asking for that beer right after a lot easier too!!

*Substitute ____ with anything of your choice (haircut, dress, pants, any type of food that she cooks, etc.).

[Greji]

I am sure Boothie will agree that it makes asking for that beer right after a lot easier too!!

*Substitute ____ with anything of your choice (haircut, dress, pants, any type of food that she cooks, etc.).

It also helped explain the pair of long nose pliers I bought her for xmas to open the beer cans, by saying "I just couldn't bare the idea of you ruining that beautiful manicure on those nasty pop tops".

[Typhoon]

[james]

I'm still making rookie mistakes.

Note to self - the correct answer is NOT "It makes you look like a boy"*

EVER. There will not be a situation when that is the correct answer, ever.

I must remember that.

The correct answer is "It makes you look younger".


* On the occasion of a new haircut.

lmao. i'm honestly surprised you're still alive to actually tell us about it!

[amdg]

lmao. i'm honestly surprised you're still alive to actually tell us about it!

She extracted her pound of flesh, make no mistake.


By rejecting my pound of flesh.

[(1VB)freels]

If you have no kids to divvy up, the divorce shouldn't be so bad.

I got 2 of them. I am going to Japan at the end of the month before my ship gets there. She is doing the paperwork to get a free ride home, with kids in tow, then we are going to get divorced there. O freaking well. At least if i get it done before my 10 year mark in the Navy she don't get shit on my retirement pay!!!!:p

[American Oyaji]

Ive come to look at it this way. I don't want a woman that doesn't want an honest answer.

Does your butt look big in those pants? Yes it does and I like it.

If she is mad, she should be mad at herself for the goodies she's eaten. Don't be mad at me for telling the truth. I'm not here to sugar coat a lady's ego.
Don't sugar coat mine either.

Im actually a lot happier telling the truth than telling women little lies to make them feel better. Funny thing is, they appreciate it.

[Greji]

The good thing about J-wives is that for the most part, when they feel they have been wronged, they do not have a tendency as some western wives, to want to, or actually kill the husband.

The bad thing is that some of them do have the propensity to cut off certain portions of the anatomy in retribution.

Given this line of thinking, I think the western assassination custom might have a bit more merit.