What is your standard response to...

[kusai Jijii]

...balding salarymen fucks that come up to you in public places and ask if they can speak English AT you?...

I'm just curious, as a friend of mine tonight told one guy to fuck right off to his face tonight....


anyway, fire away....

[Charles]

My usual verbal response:

"Je ne comprends pas. Je ne parle pas Anglais."

[Bedi]

[mijonju]

id go: SURE 1000yen per minute. Alright lets start talking!

[Catoneinutica]

"Jesus is my co-pilot - let me tell you why!"

-catone
-or: "I can tell your bar-code hair and dogshit breath belie an intense, deviant masculinity. Shall we adjourn to the love hotel?"

[Iraira]

Salarimen get, "The beast of fire shall tear through your spleen and eat your unborn!"

However for attractive OLs, "Sure, I'd love to teach you English, and the acoustics over in that love hotel are great for practicing your....intonation. Let's work on tag questions...repeat after me, 'I want a stiffy in me, don't I?'"

[ketchupkatsu]

Strangely, I have never had a Japanese person come up to me and try to speak English.

Although, I've had many foreign tourist ask me if I can speak English, and help them.

[ichigo partygirl]

えっ？英吾？英吾話せない
Or sometimes i say the same thing in Russian, German, Maori or French because saying it in Japanese sometimes leads to - "Oh so you can speak JAPANESE"....[cries of suprise etc etc]
I don't want to be rude and crush their little souls so they will never speak English again, but at the same time they are being rude approaching me so i want to make them go away.

[CrankyBastard]

Sometimes I take the opportunity to relieve a bit of stress and tell them what a bad day I'm having.
If I don't want to interact, I find that taking over the conversation at speed, not letting them get a word in, works best. Kinda like Billy Connolly in the early 70s'.

[Kagetsu]

I had some random come up to me a few years back during new years in Asuka, wanting to appologise for WWII, when I told him I was from Darwin, Australia he was even happier to chat. I was less happy.
My friend was with me, who is also from Darwin, but is asian though not Japanese, she was asked where she is from, and she said Darwin. He kept asking as if to find out information, on the third time, she told him that if he didn't leave (in Japanese) she'd cut his dick off.

[Behan]

A guy came up to me on the train recently and in English he told me he was studying it. I cut him off and told him in Japanese that I was French and didn't study English at all. I was so proud of myself for beating off an eigo bandit. Usually they have their way with me.

[kurohinge1]

...balding salarymen fucks that come up to you in public places and ask if they can speak English AT you?...

I'm just curious, as a friend of mine tonight told one guy to fuck right off to his face tonight....


anyway, fire away....

It's only happened a few times to me, and the souls I met were somewhat entertaining. Nevertheless, it can be a challenge to extract yourself. It's a reminder of how ugly life would be if you were famous/infamous.

However, I don't think I would ever get to the point of acting like your friend. Oyaji trying to be friendly seem rare enough to treasure. Now there's one more who will just bad-mouth FGs to friends & family.

[Behan]

I don't want to get confrontational or anything but I just wish those kinds of people would leave me alone. I would never do that to Asian-looking people back home, assume that they are all Japanese speaking Japanese and start a free nihon-kaiwa lesson.

[Tengu Kid]

I always just try to keep in mind that although this happens every week to me, it might be the first time for them...the other day I was in a park trying to read a book and an old dude sat down next to me `are you american?`.. `no` and turn back to the book. the questions kept coming untill I was only answering with grunts without looking up from the book. after about five minutes of trying to focus with some old dude going off in my ear i just walked off. he didnt seem to notice...

[Cyka UchuuJin]

i always have my ipod earphones in, even if it's not turned on, just to avoid people talking to me. yes, i know it's terribly unfriendly, but that's me.

saying you don't speak english in other languages doesn't always work either. i was once in a chemist and had someone come up to me and ask if i wanted to 'go somewhere private' with him (which shocked me at the boldness of it) and as i usually do, i reply in my first language (russian) that i don't understand. the guy's face lit up and he said in pretty good russian 'oh that's great, i like russian girls better!'

earphones...best solution.

[Iraira]

i always have my ipod earphones in, even if it's not turned on, just to avoid people talking to me. yes, i know it's terribly unfriendly, but that's me.

saying you don't speak english in other languages doesn't always work either. i was once in a chemist and had someone come up to me and ask if i wanted to 'go somewhere private' with him (which shocked me at the boldness of it) and as i usually do, i reply in my first language (russian) that i don't understand. the guy's face lit up and he said in pretty good russian 'oh that's great, i like russian girls better!'

earphones...best solution.

Solution: the African toungue clicking language. No way, any Japanese person, I mean, ANY Japanese person would be able to converse in that. if that fails, try pig-latin.

[Greji]

i always have my ipod earphones in, even if it's not turned on, just to avoid people talking to me. yes, i know it's terribly unfriendly, but that's me.

saying you don't speak english in other languages doesn't always work either. i was once in a chemist and had someone come up to me and ask if i wanted to 'go somewhere private' with him (which shocked me at the boldness of it) and as i usually do, i reply in my first language (russian) that i don't understand. the guy's face lit up and he said in pretty good russian 'oh that's great, i like russian girls better!'

earphones...best solution.

Tell him you into goats and by the time he figures out an answer to that, you're gone!

[Hamaki]

In English I say, "Sorry, I don't speek English'.

[Greji]

In English I say, "Sorry, I don't speek English'.

Well, at least you're not lying....karifonia-ben and all that....

[Cyka UchuuJin]

:rofl:

Tell him you into goats and by the time he figures out an answer to that, you're gone!

the problem with that, is that in russian, we do call men goats (as in the same way that in english men are pigs)

i'll stick to the earphones. hasn't failed me yet!

[IkemenTommy]

That was like the other day when some obachan with the Unicef box hanging from her neck when she bum rushed from behind and started to blab in English... "Excuse me... will you help out by supporting the Sendai earthquake fund (sic)."

My reply was... "suimasen, Eigo wakarimasen.." She was more perplexed than ever and let me go off the hook.

[ichigo partygirl]

That was like the other day when some obachan with the Unicef box hanging from her neck when she bum rushed from behind and started to blab in English... "Excuse me... will you help out by supporting the Sendai earthquake fund (sic)."

My reply was... "suimasen, Eigo wakarimasen.." She was more perplexed than ever and let me go off the hook.

that lot always chase me in front of Sakuragicho station in front of landmark tower - i find them particularly in your face.

[amdg]

I'm usually a pushover. As a guy I don't (usually) have to worry that they're trying to get into my pants or whatnot.

There was one time though that I said "sure!" and then started chanelling one of my old philosophy lecturers on Wittgenstein (a unit I only just barely passed).

It kind of backfired on me though, because after my spiel he just smiled and said something like "Du yu laiku Japanese garu?"

[canman]

I got ambushed at Yamada Denki. But it was a little different. I was looking for a new mouse, and after looking at the myriad of mouse, this nicely dressed guy came up and asked me if I what I was looking for. He looked like he could have been a worker, so I said, I wanted a cordless mouse, and he started to look for one with me. Then he started to ask me questions in English, what do I do, and how long had I been in Japan. He spoke quite well, and then he whipped out a business card stating that he is a member of the Jehovah's Witness and he invited me to go to their prayer meetings. I grabbed a mouse and took off, thanking him for his help.

[Behan]

One of the Jehovah's Witnesses tried to waylay me coming out of a discount shoe store. It was kind of weird because it was either unlucky timing or he saw me going in and just waited for me to come out.

[james]

he whipped out a business card stating that he is a member of the Jehovah's Witness and he invited me to go to their prayer meetings.

those loonies are everywhere. a few of them out here got a first hand demonstration as to how a garden hose works.

[American Oyaji]

I was walking with my son to the conbini and this nicely dressed guy was in my path so I went to step around him and he literally stepped between me and my son. He's lucky he didn't get crushed. He asked me in English,"Where are you going?", I stepped closer and loomed over him as I stepped around him and replied in Japanese, "Conbini ni ikimasu." and kept walking. I told my son why I didn't crush him. My 10 year old was just as vexed about it as I was.

[Samurai_Jerk]

I was at the gym one day and this guy suddenly asked me if I was from the UK. I said no and said I was from the US. He didn't understand, so I said it again. He still didn't understand, so I said America. He kind of yelped, "America!?" and got this disgusted look on his face turned around and didn't talk to me again. I might have smacked him if it wasn't the boxing gym.

Another time I was in the grocery store looking at cheese and this lady walked up and said in a really loud mentally disable type voice, "Do you like cheese? I like cheese." I just kind of looked at her funny and said, "Yeah." Then she walked away. All I could think was, "Wow, she speaks good English for a retarded Jap."

[Adhesive]

Man you guys are mean, lol. It would suprise me if any of you were from the mid-west, USA.

I don't mind chatting up strangers in English while I'm on my way somewhere and they are following, or I'm waiting for a train or something. The thing that bothers me is when they want to take pictures and/or exchange e-mail addresses.

Of course, I guess if I took the common approach here and told them I'd rip their beating hearts from their chests if they so much as look in my general direction, I'd get fewer photo requests.

[Iraira]

[quote="Adhesive"]Man you guys are mean, lol. It would suprise me if any of you were from the mid-west, USA. ]

You're more photogenic than I am. The flash reflects off of my shiny nose and looks like a supernova exploding, hence the standard response, "Do you have a daughter between 20-40 whom I can teach coital English to?"