J-Etiquette Tips from a Concierge

[Catoneinutica]

In Seattle and then Frawnce through the end of August. I found a stack of Conde Nast Traveler magazines lying around the house here. The magazine has a feature called "Etiquette 101," and the November 2007 issue focuses on Japan. A little column appears here titled "Tips from a Concierge":
[INDENT]
"Adrian Fautt, chief concierge at the Park Hyatt Tokyo, is from Los Angeles but has lived in Japan fo 15 years - long enough to correct his mistakes and gently steer Americans in the right direction

"Tipping is allowed. That is, when it's truly merited - especially at full-service traditional Japanese inns and restaurants...

"Use only one hand when you hand over your credit card...

"Don't expect apologies for being bumped into and don't offer them...

"Don't thank your server for refills. Constantly thanking the waiter comes across as strange and disingenuous in a culture where attentive service is par for the course.

"Don't split checks. Whoever offers the invitation to the restaurant is usually the one who pays and assumes the general duties of host.

"Never eat or drink while walking. Although vending machines are ubiquitous, locals buy their soda, drink it by the machine, through the empty away, and continue on their way. No one eats while walking, and public consumption of alcohol is even worse. 'Walking around with a beer make you look like an idiot,' Fautt says."
[/INDENT]


Not apologizing when you bump into someone is a sure why to come off as an ugly American, it seems to me. Unless it's an obatarian, in which case prison rules apply. And the part about not splitting checks when you're the one who made the invitation would explain why the would-be playas and ballas on Gaijinpot provoke negative reactions from their J-dates when they ask to split the check. And walking around with a beer makes you look like an idiot? If it does, it's a jealous-stare-provoking idiot, especially around tired, sweaty (is there any other kind?) salarymen.

-catone
-edited to correct overall incoherence

[alicia454]

Not apologizing when you bump into someone is a sure why to come off as an ugly American, it seems to me.

Agreed! These type of manners are what Japanese do best. I wish that people in other countries had the same level of courtesy. I always apologize whenever I bump into anyone, which of course triggered some strange reactions from people when I visited Canada a few months ago.

[xenomorph42]

Agreed! These type of manners are what Japanese do best. I wish that people in other countries had the same level of courtesy. I always apologize whenever I bump into anyone, which of course triggered some strange reactions from people when I visited Canada a few months ago.

Yea, now if we can just apply a little road etiquette to the average Japanese "driver", there might be some hope for these people....and I thought Mexico was bad.

[Taro Toporific]

"Don't expect apologies for being bumped into and don't offer them...

Since I'm walking on crutches here I've counted this for years.
In Tokyo, it runs 2 apologies for every 10 hits. Salaryman always run away---It's a just the Japanese "kokoro" thing.YMMV.

[Doctor Stop]

No one eats while walking, and public consumption of alcohol is even worse.

Yeah, and no one smokes and walks in this country either.

This Fautt guy doesn't get out of his lofty hotel and into the real Shinjuku much.

[Takechanpoo]

I do hate to apologize or bow whenever. Generally Japanese too apologize or too bow like a menial.
In only this point Japanese should follow Korean or Chinese way.

[Taro Toporific]

Adrian Fautt, chief concierge at the Park Hyatt Tokyo...
"Tipping is allowed. That is, when it's truly merited ..."

Japanese hotel and tipping question [Archive] - FlyerTalk Forums....Adrian Fautt (the Park Hyatt concierge who wrote that article) provided us with amazing service but we didn't tip him, being very mindful we were in Japan...

[amdg]

Yeah Taro, I was puzzled by the "tipping is allowed" comment. Allowed by whom? Most places that I know will never accept tips.

[Behan]

I do hate to apologize or bow whenever. Generally Japanese too apologize or too bow like a menial.
In only this point Japanese should follow Korean or Chinese way.

Trolls only apologize to further piss people off.

[Cyka UchuuJin]

Adrian has given some great advise on restaurants and where to find particular shops to my boyfriend and I when we stay at PHT, however yeah, i have to agree that he either doesn't have a very good grasp on japanese etiquette or his comments were taken really out of context.

the smoking and walking thing...at least in osaka it seems like everyone does it. case in point...this morning when i was out running, i got a face full of smoke from a salaryman walking in the opposite direction. i purposely 'stumbled' into him, invading his personal space and horrifying him by dripping my gaijin sweat onto his white shirt. i did not apologise.

hmmm. which of the 10 gaijin types found in japan does that make me i wonder?

[Charles]

the smoking and walking thing...at least in osaka it seems like everyone does it. case in point...this morning when i was out running, i got a face full of smoke from a salaryman walking in the opposite direction. i purposely 'stumbled' into him, invading his personal space and horrifying him by dripping my gaijin sweat onto his white shirt. i did not apologise.

Well what would you have done if he was just standing there smoking rather than walking?

[Cyka UchuuJin]

Well what would you have done if he was just standing there smoking rather than walking?

what kind of a question is that? if he'd just been standing there, i could have avoided him. instead, he deliberately turned his head to look at me at the same time he blew the smoke out, hitting me right in the face. if you haven't noticed, japanese aren't particularly mindful of where they walk/bike, in fact, they're downright erratic about it! at least when they stand still i can keep clear.

i'm very much of the live and let live philosophy. but if you get in my way/stare too much or pull faces/blow smoke at me/not look where you're going, then the gloves come off.

[Behan]

what kind of a question is that? if he'd just been standing there, i could have avoided him. instead, he deliberately turned his head to look at me at the same time he blew the smoke out, hitting me right in the face. if you haven't noticed, japanese aren't particularly mindful of where they walk/bike, in fact, they're downright erratic about it! at least when they stand still i can keep clear.

i'm very much of the live and let live philosophy. but if you get in my way/stare too much or pull faces/blow smoke at me/not look where you're going, then the gloves come off.

A good philosophy to live by.

[Cyka UchuuJin]

A good philosophy to live by.

thank you!

now get out of my way!

[Charles]

what kind of a question is that? if he'd just been standing there, i could have avoided him.

Well, the question is, whether he's walking or standing, if he's in your path, you're going to run past him sometime. The distinction in this etiquette of standing vs. walking smoking seems arbitrary if you run past him.

Regardless, I wasn't there so I can't judge what happened. I know when I'm on the street smoking, I try to do it only when I'm away from people, if someone walks towards me I try to cease for a bit or blow smoke the other way. Yeah, I should probably try to quit again sometime soon, smoking sucks.

[Cyka UchuuJin]

Well, the question is, whether he's walking or standing, if he's in your path, you're going to run past him sometime. The distinction in this etiquette of standing vs. walking smoking seems arbitrary if you run past him.

Regardless, I wasn't there so I can't judge what happened. I know when I'm on the street smoking, I try to do it only when I'm away from people, if someone walks towards me I try to cease for a bit or blow smoke the other way. Yeah, I should probably try to quit again sometime soon, smoking sucks.

wow, pedantic much? you must live around some pretty weird people if runners would consciously run toward and close to someone smoking. this guy was walking on the street, smoking, and in the japanese SOP of gawking at gaijin, blew the smoke in my face as i ran past. and my original point was to agree with the person who said that japanese smoke while walking.

speaking of walking, is it just me or is this a nation of the most erratic walk in the world? i can't count the number of times that i've nearly hit people on my bike or ran into them when running because they stop and start and change direction on a coin.

and yes, you probably should quit smoking.

[xenomorph42]

wow, pedantic much? you must live around some pretty weird people if runners would consciously run toward and close to someone smoking. this guy was walking on the street, smoking, and in the japanese SOP of gawking at gaijin, blew the smoke in my face as i ran past. and my original point was to agree with the person who said that japanese smoke while walking.

speaking of walking, is it just me or is this a nation of the most erratic walk in the world? i can't count the number of times that i've nearly hit people on my bike or ran into them when running because they stop and start and change direction on a coin.

and yes, you probably should quit smoking.

Nope, you're right. Japanese people for some reason do tend to drift erratically once bumped into of if they feel like you will bump into them.

[Cyka UchuuJin]

Nope, you're right. Japanese people for some reason do tend to drift erratically once bumped into of if they feel like you will bump into them.

it's not just when they get bumped into, they also do things like suddenly stop and turn sharply. or will walk in the middle of a pathway without any regard for the flow of traffic. it used to infuriate me at home in the moscow metro when japanese tourists would decide to go sightseeing during the peak hours, walking through the station and then just randomly stop to take pictures of the ceilings or statues.

for such a densely populated nation, they certainly don't seem to have much regard for awareness of the people around them.

[xenomorph42]

it's not just when they get bumped into, they also do things like suddenly stop and turn sharply. or will walk in the middle of a pathway without any regard for the flow of traffic. it used to infuriate me at home in the moscow metro when japanese tourists would decide to go sightseeing during the peak hours, walking through the station and then just randomly stop to take pictures of the ceilings or statues.

for such a densely populated nation, they certainly don't seem to have much regard for awareness of the people around them.

I hope you don't drive! Because if that's the case, you'll feel like you want to do a Jason Vorhees on them. Makes you want to take Prozac. I have to drive everyday and I cringe everytime I have to think about it. Cutting off, stealing parking spaces, tail-gating, Don't pay attention when getting out of the car, people riding their bikes-towards the on-coming traffic on the road. Pedestrians not paying attention crossing the streets and I just love how parents put their infants in child seats in the front seat, quite safe. and on and on.

[Cyka UchuuJin]

I hope you don't drive! Because if that's the case, you'll feel like you want to do a Jason Vorhees on them. Makes you want to take Prozac. I have to drive everyday and I cringe everytime I have to think about it. Cutting off, stealing parking spaces, tail-gating, Don't pay attention when getting out of the car, people riding their bikes-towards the on-coming traffic on the road. Pedestrians not paying attention crossing the streets and I just love how parents put their infants in child seats in the front seat, quite safe. and on and on.

i absolutely do not drive, nor have any intention of ever driving here. i've been the passenger in enough cars here to never want to do that.

in the area i live, parking alone costs 100\ for 15 minutes. that's reason enough. and if it wasn't, the number of times i've been nearly hit by cars while on my bike because they don't look before pulling out of car parks/driveways/etc, makes me quite sure i'd be rear-ended or sideswiped if i was driving and that would make me homocidal.

i bow to thee for your ability to remain sane!