An annoying question about coming to work in Japan

[here_or_there]

Hello, this is my first post.

I (34) live in the U.S. with my family. Japanese wife (32) from Nagoya. We met in college in Texas. 2 kids- 7 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. Son goes to Japanese school on Saturdays. I make about 60-65K with my bonus included. I'm a photographer for an apparel company and also do the graphic design as well among other things there... Wife and kids went to Japan for the summer. To make a long story short.. She wants to stay there with the kids because she can't bear to watch them grow up purely "American".... She wants me to come to Japan. I'm under no illusions that I will be nearly as successful over there...or that I would even do the same job... I speak very little Japanese. English Teacher for me right? Wife says the amount of money I make over there doesn't matter. I have the distinct feeling that is not true as she harps on me about what I make here.... I feel like I am in lose lose situation.... I lose if I make her come home b/c she will be miserably and let me know it.. I lose if I go over there and make significantly less money not being able to provide for my family...

Please no snarky answers...not in the mood..

What are my options as far as work goes? I feel so lost and depressed right now...

I love my kids

[Taro Toporific]

...Please no snarky answers...not in the mood..
What are my options as far as work goes? I feel so lost and depressed right now...

You're fuckqued, so this is the forum for you.

Right now, work "options" are easy. You have to work for yourself since there's not much full-time hiring going on in the apparel industry or graphic design.

If your wife wants you to commit economic suicide by coming here, tell her she needs to pull some serious family kone/connections to help you get a job, or else you should not come to Land-o-Concrete(tm).

PS: Nagoya is considered my most gaijin as a less than ideal place both work-wise and environment-wise---Doubly so for working in the apparel industry or graphic design. Right now moving to Nagoya is the Japanese equivalent of moving to Detroit. Nagoya (Toyota) is being bitchslapped by the collapse in auto sales.

[kino]

It sounds like you don't terribly want to come to Japan yet someone is going to have to compromise. I suppose moving to a community in the US more heavily influenced by Japanese culture is out of the question? San Fancisco, Hawaii come to mind...

Moving your family across the Pacific is a logistical nightmare and extremely expensive, as I'm sure you are aware. You will need to learn Japanese, find a job, secure schooling, and deal with the hassle of immigration. If you've family in the states, you are also going to have to deal with the persistent costs of shuttling yourself and your children from Japan to the US. Too add insult to injury, the yen is currently strong to the dollar, so your money won't go as far as it might have in the past.

I would add that I would be careful about letting your wife and children travel alone to Japan, especially if you feel there is any friction in your relationship. They might be abducted (seriously) and you will have absolutely no legal recourse (seriously, Google it).

>> What are my options as far as work goes?

Finding a job in this market may not be easy. English teaching positions should be considered fall back work unless you want to get stuck in a job that has zero career potential. Were you in your 20s I might suggest otherwise, but you have a family to support. You should really pursue something in photography or graphic design (might be a good time to update your portfolio). Still, you might have to accept an English teaching job just to get started here, and then search for better employeement once things have settled. If you are serious about moving, you should also enroll yourself in some intensive Japanese language learning courses.

Sounds like you have a lot to consider. Good luck!

[Midwinter]

You're fuckqued, so this is the forum for you.

Right now, work "options" are easy. You have to work for yourself since there's not much full-time hiring going on in the apparel industry or graphic design.

If your wife wants you to commit economic suicide by coming here, tell her she needs to pull some serious family kone/connections to help you get a job, or else you should not come to Land-o-Concrete(tm).

PS: Nagoya is considered my most gaijin as a less than ideal place both work-wise and environment-wise---Doubly so for working in the apparel industry or graphic design. Right now moving to Nagoya is the Japanese equivalent of moving to Detroit. Nagoya (Toyota) is being bitchslapped by the collapse in auto sales.

There's no reason that with a little time, you couldn't pick up on your old career over here. I have met several gaijin working as photographers and they have done quite well for themselves. I suspect however, that you would need either to be fluent in the language, or have a dedicated partner that is. English teaching while tedious and dull, can be a means to an end as you get yourself set up, though I recommend against going the eikawa route and instead establish private lessons in community halls and student's homes. The money will be much, MUCH better and you'll have more free time to find a way into photography. Hope it goes well for you dude.

Edit: Not sure how it is in Nagoya, but fashion photography might not be ideal for that area. Why not look into family portraits? Go the exotic, gaijin eye angle. Alternatively, phtograph naked pregnent women (search for the thread), babies, porn, it may be hard to get started but as a foreigner, you have an advantage so long as your work is up to scratch.

Edit #2: What's wrong with growing up American?

[Mike Oxlong]

Just an idea for you about what some American photogs in Japan are doing to make ends meet in backwoods areas...

http://www.jaaphotography.com/

[maraboutslim]

You also need to tread carefully with your wife because if she decides she doesn't want to return to the usa, you have no legal standing to get custody of your kids or even visitation rights in japan. Japan believes kids are best with their mothers and will side with her and protect their citizens. So if you want them back in the usa, you've got to come up with a compelling reason to get them to do so and not make any threats or demands.

This is something all guys should know before starting a family with a japanese chick, but we've learned on this forum that there are plenty that didn't bother to think about these things.

[here_or_there]

The photographers that you've met what do they do exactly? Portrait work? Catalogs, Magazines? I mainly do product photography mixed with lifestyle for ads / catalogs /web...





For the ladies...

[Samurai_Jerk]

Dude, get your wife to come home with the kids ASAP. If things get worse between you and she decides not to come back, there is a good chance you will NEVER see your kids again no matter what the courts in the US or Japan decide. Japan does not have a system for dual custody and neither the courts or police have the ability nor desire to enforce visitation rights.

Once they do come home, make sure you have everyone's passports (including your wife's) and then talk things over with her and explain how your career will be destroyed if you move to Japan.

That gets me to the second point. What your wife says about money not mattering over here is BULLSHIT. No matter what she or her family promises you, they will nag you to death if you don't start bringing home the bacon. If you get a typical English teaching job you'll be looking at 25 to 35 grand a year. If you work weekends and evenings on the side you might be able to push that up to 45. I don't know anyone making more than $50,000 a year teaching anymore and those that do work all the time and have been here doing it for years.

Yes, there are foreigners in Japan who've made it in photography, but realistically your chances are slim and even if you do land a job you'll most likely be taking more than a few steps down.

What you need to do is get your kids back home, make sure your wife can't run off with them, and tell her you're not going.

[Mike Oxlong]

SJ has some good points, but like MS said, you gotta be real, real nice to her to coax her back to the USA, and not do or say anything antagonistic while she's in Japan with the upper hand (even when she's back, you gotta tread oh-so carefully, as she could bolt if she gets spooked). Assuming your situation as you've described it is accurate, you are skating on thin, thin ice...

http://www.crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Childrens_Rights_Network/capa.html

[Kuang_Grade]

What you need to do is get your kids back home, make sure your wife can't run off with them, and tell her you're not going.

Dead on....Tell her that this is far too big a decision to be made rashly and if there is any chance of success, you both will need to make extensive plans prior to leaving the US and/or save up some cash to make the transition in order not be a burden to her family and to make sure she or the children do not suffer hardship during the transition period. The children are still young enough where they are not going to be too 'contaminated' by the US and the school year starts in less than a few weeks. Get her back in the US and then lay down the law.

[GomiGirl]

Is there a Japanese school near you - for afterschool type stuff or Summer school?

This is something that needs to be planned and discussed. Sounds like she got back to japan and decided she missed it that she wants to stay. She needs to think of the family and if you are going to do it, then you need to do it soon.

You could make a dea with her that you all spend summers there or something like that.

Sounds like you have some negotiating to do. Good luck.

[CrankyBastard]

I feel like I am in lose lose situation.... I lose if I make her come home b/c she will be miserably and let me know it.. I lose if I go over there and make significantly less money not being able to provide for my family...

Please no snarky answers...not in the mood..

What are my options as far as work goes? I feel so lost and depressed right now...

I love my kids

I'm not being snarky, but you say you lose if you make her come home b/c she will be miserable. Then you add that she will let you know it...
So, does her misery mean less to you than her nagging you about it?
You feel lost and depressed, I imagine she feels somewhat so, too.
You love your kids, so does she.
Making a family work takes sacrifices. Don't put too much faith in money.
Good luck.

[pheyton]

I'm not being snarky, but you say you lose if you make her come home b/c she will be miserable. Then you add that she will let you know it...
So, does her misery mean less to you than her nagging you about it?
You feel lost and depressed, I imagine she feels somewhat so, too.
You love your kids, so does she.
Making a family work takes sacrifices. Don't put too much faith in money.
Good luck.

Fuck an A Cranky, that was moving and spot on. While the other paranoid FG's have a point you have to analyze your own situation. I don't think she would be asking you to move if she was planning on running off with your kids.

I'd love to be in your shoes. I tell my wife every other day, fuck this we're going back to Japan. We've had huge fights because of it. I think she is just worried I may become Don Juan of Tokyo again. I can't wait to move back.

Have you been to Japan? Tokyo is absolutely amazing. The food, the transportation, all new car models start here, the women(kyotsukette). Westerner's have a lot of opportunity here, but it all depends on your attitude. It can be tough to do business, but like someone else said, get your wife's family involved and the doors usually open pretty fast.

What ever you do though, don't go to Osaka. That place just sucks.

[here_or_there]

Thanks for all the replies so far...