To say hello or not to say hello

[angelhalo55]

i think its ok but you have to go about it more slyy

[nottu]

[canman]

Ok, here is the situation. Was out last night with my hockey team for a post tournament drink fest. We were at an all you can eat restaurant, and as I was returning to our table with dishes piled high with food, I noticed an American couple struggling to communicate with the staff. They wanted to order two mugs of beer, and a juice for their daughter. As I hadn't started to consume mass amounts of beer yet, I thought I would go over and offer my assistance. So I put my tray down and walked over and asked if I could be of any assistance. Not pushy like or anything like that, just quite friendly like. The American guy gets this look on his face like I just told him his wife was a whore or something and says," no we can handle it", in a very snarky way.
My question, was I wrong to try and offer help to a fellow foreigner, or should I have just ignored them. It kind of put a downer on the rest of the evening.

[GuyJean]

.. The American guy gets this look on his face like I just told him his wife was a whore or something and says," no we can handle it", in a very snarky way..

You should've responded with, "Apologies. I was just offering assisstance because it appears you CAN'T handle it." Then turned to the waiter in Japanese and told him they want the most expensive champaign in the place..

Nah. You did a nice thing. Gaijin are sometimes pieces of shit.

GJ

[Yokohammer]

My question, was I wrong to try and offer help to a fellow foreigner, or should I have just ignored them. It kind of put a downer on the rest of the evening.

I don't think you did the wrong thing, but having experienced similar incidents myself, where my goodwill (or what I believed to be goodwill) was rebuffed either with suspicion or out-and-out contempt, I have simply stopped bothering. If people want my help they can ask for it. Of course if the person in question is obviously looking for help I'll step in, but never otherwise.

[BO-SENSEI]

I was in Kyoto for one night a while back and went into this popular okonomiyaki restuarant, at least I think it was okonomiyaki, and there were plenty of other foreigner tourists in the spot. There was a group of British women were in a hurry to catch a play, so they grabbed a waitress and yelled at her, in English, that they had to leave in 5 minutes and needed their food soon. It was very obvious to me the waitress had no idea what they had said. I saw this, chased down the waitress and told them what they had said and I wanted to know if their food was coming soon.
She was very thankful, and so were the British ladies, they got their food and were out in a hurry.

[Greji]

My question, was I wrong to try and offer help to a fellow foreigner, or should I have just ignored them

You were absolutely right and the dude was just a certified asshole. However, I have found these type of incidents to be few and far between. Most "normal" people are appreciative of a little help in a situation like that...

[FG Lurker]

My question, was I wrong to try and offer help to a fellow foreigner, or should I have just ignored them. It kind of put a downer on the rest of the evening.

Nope, you were right and he was an asshole. Probably took it as an affront to his manhood or some such other bullshit.

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

Was I wrong to try and offer help to a fellow foreigner?

No way! Good on you, mate. You deserve a big pat on the back for showing concern for others.

[canman]

I must admit I think Karma got him back, because later on when I was returning from the bathroom, I met him and saw that either he or his daughter had spilled something all down the front of his nice while shirt!:twisted:
Guyjean you are right, I should have said something like you mentioned, but was a little surprised the way he reacted so it caught me off guard.

[BigInJapan]

I'm of the same frame of mind as Yokohammer on this one, I'll only offer to help out if the individual(s) is looking around desperately - or abusing the Japanese person in English.
Awhile back I was in Yokohama station and I heard a loud American mail voice spouting profanities at station staff about his "fncking ticket" etc. Most likely a young soldier as the fracas was in the direction of the line going to Yokosuka.
I have a very low tolerance for abusive morons (not meaning soldiers, just inconsiderate idiots in general) but as I was in a rush and already heading to the platform I left it up to the station guys to deal with. Maybe next time...

[Samurai_Jerk]

I've also pretty much stopped offering to help unless the person looks really desperate because I've had people be pretty rude about it when I've done so.

[Mulboyne]

Don't let that stop you from offering to help out in a similar situation, canman.

I still ask people if they need any help. Just the other day, ahead of the NZ vs Australia rugby in Tokyo, I saw a couple of westerners looking at a map on the street with puzzled faces. When approached, they just asked me if I could confirm the names of some roads.

From their question, it seemed clear to me they were looking for a specific bar, which was one of the main designated meeting spots ahead of the game. I told them I was heading there if that was the place they wanted but they said no, that's not where they were going so I walked on. About ten minutes after I got to the bar, I saw them both walk in and find their friends.

That's no skin off my nose. From their point of view, it might have been part of the fun of the day to work out a new city on their own rather than tag along behind another westerner who might have been a Billy No-Mates.

I do now draw the line at helping a complete stranger get into a bar when I'm sitting there already. That might sound a bit like a "Stay out of MY Japan" reaction but I've been caught out in the past, stuck talking to someone I realize isn't my cup of tea, when I could just have watched them go along their way.

Some guys don't do themselves any favours, though. I may have posted this before but I was in a Golden Gai bar sitting with one girl and with another girl behind the counter. The door swung open violently and an English-looking guy popped his head around and said "YAKUZA?".

We wondered afterwards why he might have done this. Our best guess is that he had been turned away from a few bars and had concluded that these were all gang strongholds. The bartender, who has lived in Australia, speaks some English and welcomes foreign customers, looked back at him, nodded and replied "YAKUZA". He closed the door and left.

[Mike Oxlong]

Some guys don't do themselves any favours, though. I may have posted this before but I was in a Golden Gai bar sitting with one girl and with another girl behind the counter. The door swung open violently and an English-looking guy popped his head around and said "YAKUZA?".

We wondered afterwards why he might have done this. Our best guess is that he had been turned away from a few bars and had concluded that these were all gang strongholds. The bartender, who has lived in Australia, speaks some English and welcomes foreign customers, looked back at him, nodded and replied "YAKUZA". He closed the door and left.

It could be that he'd been to one of those places that will let you in for a few beers, then present you with a bill for a few man yen. And, when you protest, proceed to intimidate and/or rough you up if you can't or won't cough up the dough.

[eddie]

i used to avoid other foreigners like the plague. i assumed they were misfits like myself. who wants to associate with that!?
in time, though, i have mellowed and will now occasionally make eye contact and nod.
i would never go as far as striking up a conversation tho.

that said, usually i've got my ipod on so totally ignorant of the people around me. same as gomigirl. (thus, no anecdote...)

this is my tokyo rule.

if i were in the inaka i would probably be a bit more outgoing actually.

[Iraira]

You should've responded with, "Apologies. I was just offering assisstance because it appears you CAN'T handle it." Then turned to the waiter in Japanese and told him they want the most expensive champaign in the place..

Nah. You did a nice thing. Gaijin are sometimes pieces of shit.

GJ

I must spread before giving it to you again......if you haven't copy-written this, I will use it at the earliest convenience.

[james]

out here in inaka, most foreigners still acknowledge each other and strike up conversation. in particular, if we're out as family and meet other like couples with kids, we'll make an effort to talk.

[Ganma]

I used to be more friendly in the past and offer people help. But I've had mixed responses. Sometimes you that 'who the fuck are you' look, or 'are you gay?' look. So these days I keep to myself. Foreigners in Tokyo are a funny lot. Myself included.

[tidbits]

Saying hello, it depends on the sitiuation. I used to be friendlier too, but after I read it here (sometimes ago) that some of you here don't even like people to (assume you understand English) and start speaking English to you, I am more careful now.

Offering help- Yes. Whoever seemed in need of help, foreigners or Japanese. In fact, I am missing my job in the hospitality industry .