Baka gaijin stories?

[Ikemen-of-d00m]

Since the majority of the active members on this site seems to have lived in Japan for many years, there must be some good stories out there!

Irritating, facepalm-worthy, hilarious, interesting, or just bat-shit crazy.. Every baka gaijin story is welcome!

[Mulboyne]

FG is already full of stories which fit your criteria - just browse some of the old threads - so you're probably going to have to be a bit more specific. Or kick us off with one of your own to give us an idea of what you mean.

[Ikemen-of-d00m]

FG is already full of stories which fit your criteria - just browse some of the old threads - so you're probably going to have to be a bit more specific. Or kick us off with one of your own to give us an idea of what you mean.

I know there already are good stories written here, but I thought it could be awesome to gather them in this thread.

I'm not looking for anything spesific, really. I've just noticed that a lot of gaijin tend to say/do stupid things. I've only lived in Japan for 4 months, so I don't really have any good stories(yet).

Examples of good stories:
* that FG who drank alcohol at work for several weeks, thinking it was juice(since it came from a vending machine)
* or that baka gaijin who actually LECTURED other FG's(who had lived in Japan for many years) because they were talking to eachother on the train...

Not the best examples, though :P

[wuchan]

* or that baka gaijin who actually LECTURED other FG's(who had lived in Japan for many years) because they were talking to eachother on the train...

some noob told a group of us that we shouldn't talk to each other on the train because "I don't want to explain to these people that we are not japanese". He was the newest member of our company and was all proud that he failed 2kyuu.

[canman]

Not sure if this fits your criteria, but soon after getting here, 18 years ago, I really wanted to eat peanut butter. Went to the local supermarket and saw this stuff that looked like peanut butter. Bought it took it home, got the bread and jam out, opened the plastic container and while it smelled salty, thought, maybe it was the peanutty type we had back home, slathered it on the bread put it together and bit into a jam and miso sandwich! I was much more careful after that when buying food stuffs I didn't know.

[Taro Toporific]

... baka gaijin story is...

My old buddy Bob Liccardi first came to Japan around 1967 soap was still an expensive item in Japan (which the reason that even now soap is often given as an o-sebo / o-chugen gifts). Bob told me his story about the problems he has because he had to go to a public bath and at the time no soap was provided. Even today most people bring their own soap and shampoo to the sento.

Around New Years el-cheapo Bob was overjoyed to have found a large bag of small, square individual white soap bars that seemed perfect for taking to sento for just a single use.

However, when Bob tried washing with his newly-found super cheap soap, he found the "soap" did not lather or produce any bubbles for some reason.

Turning to an old man next him and showing him the soap, Bob said, "This soap is curious."

After a couple seconds, the old jiji doubled over laughing.

Bob was washing with a small bar of New Years mochi.

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

My old buddy Bob Liccardi first came to Japan around 1967 soap was still an expensive item in Japan (which the reason that even now soap is often given as an o-sebo / o-chugen gifts).

Unfortunately, my baka-gaijin stories almost invariably begin after somebody drops the soap....

[FG Lurker]

I've only lived in Japan for 4 months, so I don't really have any good stories(yet).

Yeeeeeeeeeah you do, you just haven't been here long enough to realize it yet.

[American Oyaji]

I went skiing and walked into the bathroom. I had checked the sign. I walked in and saw a woman in there and ran back out immediately and checked the sign again. I saw women walking in the other door.

I go back in and notice the urinals. There was a cleaning lady in there....while people were pissing!

Freaked me the hell out!

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

Freaked me the hell out!

With all due respect, AO, you're black....can you imagine the effect your long dong silver must have had on the poor old biddy from the land of teeny weeny peeny?

[sublight]

Ah, yes, the cleaning ladies. I'd already encountered them in the public toilets, but the one who gave me a shock was in the gym locker just as I cam out of the showers. I didn't have my glasses and hadn't seen any other people, so my first thought at seeing her was "oh, fuck, I'm in the wrong locker room!" For a moment there I thought I was about to get arrested.

Once I realized I was in the right room and she didn't mind my naked ass in the least, everything was cool.

[American Oyaji]

With all due respect, AO, you're black....can you imagine the effect your long dong silver must have had on the poor old biddy from the land of teeny weeny peeny?

Well, she DID spend a long time cleaning the urinal beside the one I was using...

Which reminds me...I REALLY fucked up when I was in Japan last time.

I went to a sento I had never been to before and I was trying to find the toilet and didn't have my glasses on, so I couldn't see the signs. (I'm VERY nearsighted) I opened a door and it was a door into the hallway of someone's HOUSE! With an old lady in the hallway.

There was a new sign on that door the next day.

[Greji]

Well, she DID spend a long time cleaning the urinal beside the one I was using...

Did you smack her when she started laughing and pointing?

[oyajikun]

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

[Jack]

This is in 1994, first time I came to Japan (Osaka) on a visit. Browsing the wine list in a restaurant that I notice an extraordinarily "cheap" wine: wine list says 50,000 yen but I am calculating the equivalent of 5,000 yen in Canadian dollars in my mind which was about $65 then. Couldn't believe my luck at finding such a bargain that I ask the waiter to peel off the label for me to keep as a souvenir which he did. It was Chateau Ausone 1990 for those who know. When I returned home and got the credit card statement a few weeks later I saw the restaurant bill at over $1,000 for two. Then I realized the wine was $650. Not $65.