How to contact my ex Japanese wife

[ChrisRose]

[McTojo]

[American Oyaji]

Here's some advice for you man; Unless there are children involved, get over it.
Move on.

She might be married and have 2 or 3 rugrats by now.

[Samurai_Jerk]

[quote="American Oyaji"]Here's some advice for you man]

What he said.

[Greji]

[quote="American Oyaji"]Here's some advice for you man]

AO's spot on. I don't even wanna contact my wife and she's at home. But regardless if there are children involved, you have to expect the stonewall out of most in-laws. They are not going to offer up any contact information. Your best hope would be contacting a friend of hers, a sympathetic neighbor, or a work colleague. Otherwise, you're probably SOL.

[ChrisRose]

There are no children involved, however I wish to speak with her.

I am getting old now, so is she. This is my choice, I am curious as to how time has changed both. As for the in-laws stonewalling, spot on.


So, basically without knowing any of her friends, I am reduced to the Internet only.

But, suggestions on where or how to post are most welcome.

[IkemenTommy]

What he said.

Plus plenty of fishes out in the sea. Think of it as one way to move on and catch another.

[ChrisRose]

Thank, but I already re-married.

For 15 years I have been suffering various degrees of depression with regards to wife number 1.

Funnily enough she used to be suicidally depressed and I saved her life a number of times. This is what eventually resulted in us separation and her divorcee.

If you want to talk about going full circle, a couple of months ago I came across some old pictures of us and boom. I became extremely depressed. how depressed, may I say as bad as she was. In fact as we speak I am attempting to seek professional help. I am trying to book an appointment with a psychiatrist, that is how depressed and badly I wish to speak with my ex.

Hopefully, if she sees my contact information, after 15 years perhaps apart and hopefully being better, she will take the effort to call me and help me in my hour of need.

So, other fish in teh sea isn't really that useful atm.

But thanks for the sentiment.

Christopher

[Brasco]

It'd probably be easier to just destroy your photos of her.

[ChrisRose]

Now that as the kind of advice I was looking for e.g. Mixi.jp alas I have no idea how to register.

As for turnig up at a door, I think that would be bad. That would be akin to stalking. Would much rather find out first vioa either e-mail or phone if we cna meet for a coffe oneday.
As for me being F**Ed, I totally agree

[ChrisRose]

I don't need to destroy the photos. Why should anyone deny their past?

What has past, has past. I am curious how she is now, how time has changed how we both look, general catch up.

The frustration is by not knowing. Might be a bit crazy but this is me I suppose.

[Yokohammer]

I don't need to destroy the photos. Why should anyone deny their past?

What has past, has past. I am curious how she is now, how time has changed how we both look, general catch up.

The frustration is by not knowing. Might be a bit crazy but this is me I suppose.

It really does sound as though there's more than "what has past, has past" to this. You sure you're not a bit obsessed? Could dredging up the past cause problems in your current relationship? It's also possible (probable) that she has her own reasons for wanting to get on with her life without any extra baggage.

I'd leave it alone. Leave the past in the past and get on with it.

[Christoff]

Now that as the kind of advice I was looking for e.g. Mixi.jp alas I have no idea how to register.

As for turnig up at a door, I think that would be bad. That would be akin to stalking. Would much rather find out first vioa either e-mail or phone if we cna meet for a coffe oneday.
As for me being F**Ed, I totally agree

Mixi requires an invite and a japanese keitai number unless their terms of service have changed and I am unaware.

[Samurai_Jerk]

Now that as the kind of advice I was looking for e.g. Mixi.jp alas I have no idea how to register.

As for turnig up at a door, I think that would be bad. That would be akin to stalking. Would much rather find out first vioa either e-mail or phone if we cna meet for a coffe oneday.
As for me being F**Ed, I totally agree

McToadChode is a black guy who praises Hitler. Don't lister to a word he says. No one on mixi user their real names so chances are it will get you no where. Plus if you don't read Japanese you won't be able to use it anyway.

You already sound like a stalker. You are sick. Get therapy and get over it.

[waruta]

Now that as the kind of advice I was looking for e.g. Mixi.jp alas I have no idea how to register.

As for turnig up at a door, I think that would be bad. That would be akin to stalking. Would much rather find out first vioa either e-mail or phone if we cna meet for a coffe oneday.
As for me being F**Ed, I totally agree

You are already cyber-stalking her. I would suggest not to try and find her, but if you are serious about it, why go skulking around the net and her house, instead take out a full-page ad in the newspaper?

Disregard what McTojo said, you will either have a RO or a nice chat down at the Koban for your troubles.

Btw, what does your second wife think about this entire escapade?

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

My apologies...I took this piss out of you in another thread without realizing you were struggling.
Unfortunately, I can make it up to you by offering advice that would be enormously beneficial to you other than to add my voice to the chorus of others saying forget the past, move forward into the future.
Good luck, mate.

[ChrisRose]

Thank for the support.

Life is short. I want to catch up as a friend, not dredge up the past.

My current wife understands my problems with regards to this and yes, I am seeking help. Alas I can't afford a full size newspaper advertisement. In addition that most certainly would be stalking.

When we separated she was ill. I wonder if now she is better. as such could we finally have a nice 'Hi, how has life treated you?' type conversation.

Of course there are two sides to every story, and yes there are most certainly things she wouldn't want to be dredged up.

I have to be very careful not to write anything that would cause her embarrassment or pain. all I can say is that when we parted she was ill. I hope she is better, and need some closure so I can get on with my own life and new marriage.

[Mulboyne]

One point you might have to consider is whether your need for closure is more important to you than the best interests of your former wife.

A lot of Japanese women want absolutely nothing to do with their former partners after a break-up, regardless of whether they have remarried or had children. I have no idea whether that description fits your ex-wife but nor do you, by the sound of it.

I had a friend who went through the Alcoholics Anonymous twelve step programme. One of those steps is to make a list of people you've hurt and contact them to apologize. He became obsessed with tracking down old Japanese girlfriends, to tick that box, and became quite bothersome about it when he found it difficult to meet them. As his friends, we had to explain to him he was being as selfish as any drunk, thinking only of what he needed rather than what they needed. They had no obligation to be part of his rehabilitation and part of making amends was accepting that.

I'm not suggesting that's your situation. I don't know if you are looking for something like forgiveness, or some kind of mutual understanding with your former wife, but I do know that we can't always get what we want in life. Sometimes we need to accept there are things we shouldn't pursue no matter how much we want them.

Your attempt to reach out to your former wife might reopen old wounds and bring her a lot of hurt, no matter how good your intentions. Your needs may not match her needs and, if you have a care for her interests, you might want to start thinking of ways to find some happiness in your own life which leave her in peace.

[Taka-Okami]

Thank for the support.

Life is short. I want to catch up as a friend, not dredge up the past.

My current wife understands my problems with regards to this and yes, I am seeking help. Alas I can't afford a full size newspaper advertisement. In addition that most certainly would be stalking.

When we separated she was ill. I wonder if now she is better. as such could we finally have a nice 'Hi, how has life treated you?' type conversation.

Of course there are two sides to every story, and yes there are most certainly things she wouldn't want to be dredged up.

I have to be very careful not to write anything that would cause her embarrassment or pain. all I can say is that when we parted she was ill. I hope she is better, and need some closure so I can get on with my own life and new marriage.

Do realise how pathetic you sound? Suck it up.

Loser.

[FG Lurker]

Do realise how pathetic you sound? Suck it up.

Loser.

Coming from you that's a bit rich.

[Cyka UchuuJin]

Coming from you that's a bit rich.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to FG Lurker again.

OP... go see the shrink. nothing good will come of tracking her down except satisfying your selfish need to reconnect. forwhatever reason she and you split, if there was going to be a reconciliation or an establishment of friendship, it'd have been done by now.

if her parents won't give you the number, then forget it. she has moved way past and you should too.

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

I had a friend who went through the Alcoholics Anonymous twelve step programme. One of those steps is to make a list of people you've hurt and contact them to apologize. He became obsessed with tracking down old Japanese girlfriends, to tick that box, and became quite bothersome about it when he found it difficult to meet them. As his friends, we had to explain to him he was being as selfish as any drunk, thinking only of what he needed rather than what they needed. They had no obligation to be part of his rehabilitation and part of making amends was accepting that.

He was doing it wrong...you're only supposed to make amends, except when to do so would injure them or others.

From a holier than thou alcoholic

[Mulboyne]

He was doing it wrong...you're only supposed to make amends, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Yes, that was really the point. In his zeal to right his wrongs, he convinced himself he had the best motives, so was unable to recognize his contact could possible cause harm. Instead, he thought his inability to reach out successfully meant he was failing the programme, and that made him more determined to insert himself back into the lives of people who didn't want him. Fortunately, he had people in his group who were able to make this clear to him once they realized what was happening.

[McTojo]

Trust Tojo, he's the man, he knows what's best.

[AssKissinger]

[FG Lurker]

[AssKissinger]

[Cyka UchuuJin]

No doubt. I just think it's been a bit rude up in a here.

people like mcfuckface and iShit have unfortunately managed to decrease the jolly factor of most of the residents lately.

that aside though, i really do think he should leave the girl alone. 15 years is a long time, and if she hasn't contacted him herself, then he should respect that. i stupidly married someone at the age of 19 because he survived round one of the gulf war and we thought it was a good idea. young, stupid, kids we were. last week would have been anniversary number 19. we made it exactly 5 months, kept in touch slightly while the paperwork was being finished, and that was that. he managed to track me down about 2 years ago, and after a few brief emails and a yahoo chat, i told him i'd prefer to not keep talking because it was a time in life that didn't need to be rehashed, nor rekindled.

leave sleeping dogs lie (or whatever the saying is...)

[Taka-Okami]

people like mcfuckface and iShit

Hey babe, I'm a bit disappointed that I'm not named on your little list there!

[Samurai_Jerk]

Sorry so many people here are being so dickish.

Pretty funny coming from you. The next think you know AO will be accusing people of being gay