"Chugoku mitai!"

[Catoneinutica]

Years of empirical research have led me to the conclusion that these words, when uttered by a FG, are perhaps the two words in the Japanese language most grating on the ears of the Japanese.

Try it: get on a crowded Japanese train/subway, look around a bit, then make that Japanese oooWAH sound and mutter "Chugoku mitai!" Watch the fun begin as the Japanese around you wince.

And it works on so many levels! Superficially, it's a reasonable, objective observation: you're a dorky white naif, you notice that you're surrounded by a sea of East Asian folks, and you remark, "Wow, it looks like China!" But of course the J-hearers, because of J-folks' almost universal bigotry toward the Chinese, will interpret it as a racist insult. Yet they can't be sure you intended it that way, and for them to call you on it would be for them to acknowledge their own racism, and they know it. It's like being able to fart loudly and stinkily with total impunity!

-catone
-ref: Steven Pinker, The Stuff of Thought, and his discussion of "implicature"

[kusai Jijii]

[Takechanpoo]

Typical European sneak-gay-style bullying way which can be justified if some colored people press a question about that afterward.

[Pixe]

You're a white, say "It looks like China" in Japanese with a Caucasian accent? Funny.

[Catoneinutica]

You're a white, say "It looks like China" in Japanese with a Caucasian accent? Funny.

I dunno, I guess you have to be there. But yeah, you definitely need the Caucasian accent: Georgian, Abkhasian, Ossetian, Azerbaijani (Turkic, really), etc. Any will do. Give it a try!

[Catoneinutica]

Typical European sneak-gay-style bullying way which can be justified if some colored people press a question about that afterward.

Actually, as China becomes richer and Japan becomes poorer, in a few years it'll be an insult to the Chinese to go to Shanghai and exclaim in Mandarin, wow, it looks like Japan.

Since the Chinese are more confrontational, they'll probably get in your face and say, hey motherfucker, we don't look like those grizzled old broke-ass niggaz over there!

[Mock Cockpit]

Typical European sneak-gay-style bullying way which can be justified if some colored people press a question about that afterward.

Yeah passive-aggressive bs. Wonder where we can learn that?

[Ketou]

Years of empirical research have led me to the conclusion that these words, when uttered by a FG, are perhaps the two words in the Japanese language most grating on the ears of the Japanese.

Try it: get on a crowded Japanese train/subway, look around a bit, then make that Japanese oooWAH sound and mutter "Chugoku mitai!" Watch the fun begin as the Japanese around you wince.

And it works on so many levels! Superficially, it's a reasonable, objective observation: you're a dorky white naif, you notice that you're surrounded by a sea of East Asian folks, and you remark, "Wow, it looks like China!" But of course the J-hearers, because of J-folks' almost universal bigotry toward the Chinese, will interpret it as a racist insult. Yet they can't be sure you intended it that way, and for them to call you on it would be for them to acknowledge their own racism, and they know it. It's like being able to fart loudly and stinkily with total impunity!

Haha classic.
That's Zen they have trouble with...

[Greji]

some colored people press a question about that afterward.

Ahhh what color people are we talking about here? I just want to make sure I know who you are preparing to insult...

[eddie]

Yeah passive-aggressive bs. Wonder where we can learn that?

haha! well said.

[eddie]

Yeah passive-aggressive bs. Wonder where we can learn that?

i just stuck my head out my window and a woman jumped back in horror. then on the subway i sat down and the people next to me got up and left. then a guy bumped into me in order to say 'sol-ly'. (maybe the last one's not really passive aggressive...).

i took notes and am learning.

[ttjereth]

i just stuck my head out my window and a woman jumped back in horror. then on the subway i sat down and the people next to me got up and left. then a guy bumped into me in order to say 'sol-ly'. (maybe the last one's not really passive aggressive...).

i took notes and am learning.

We were trying to avoid telling you, but... it's your breath. Brush your teeth man.

[Catoneinutica]

Another good méthode de piss-take is to say Ni hao! to J-folks. Certainly the French like to do that to Japanese tourists. Or maybe they're genuinely confused; it used to be pretty easy to discern J-folks from C-folks (the J-folks were better dressed and had better hairstyles and glasses), but now...I'm often stymed meself!

[Catoneinutica]

Gotsta bump this mofo, because with the particularly, uh, sinophobic climate in Japan these days, "Chugoku mitai" works, when applied judiciously, can work like a charm - a charmy taser to the collective flat bums of the Nipponese. Another good one, but with significantly more limited application, is to read out loud in a droll monotone the Engrish on the t-shirt of some young guy: "I-give-her-all-my-love-that's-what-I-do-blah-blah-blah-I-am-a-young-Japanese-homosexual." At first they seem to react with the erstwhile, "this obnoxious gaijin is ridiculing the romaji words with which I've adorned myself" expression, but then, when you add the bit at the end, I'd like to think they're left wondering to themselves, "shit, does my t-shirt really say that?"

[Catoneinutica]

Okay, so I was on the Keisei Line this afternoon, and, getting near my stop, was standing at the door waiting for it to open. I realized I'd been humming quietly (the "Tempo di Minuetto" from Mozart's Bassoon Concerto, ballas) when a 30-something salaryman snarled under his mask, "Urusai!" So, as the doors were about to open, I looked at him and declared pompously in (excruciatingly) broken Japanese, "Sore to...za nipponjin no tabako ga cho kusai," and exited. As the doors were closing I could hear the unmistakable sound of a Japanese freak-out. Heh.

[Iraira]

Okay, so I was on the Keisei Line this afternoon, and, getting near my stop, was standing at the door waiting for it to open. I realized I'd been humming quietly (the "Tempo di Minuetto" from Mozart's Bassoon Concerto, ballas) when a 30-something salaryman snarled under his mask, "Urusai!" So, as the doors were about to open, I looked at him and declared pompously in (excruciatingly) broken Japanese, "Sore to...za nipponjin no tabako ga cho kusai," and exited. As the doors were closing I could hear the unmistakable sound of a Japanese freak-out. Heh.

When I get elbow shoved from some a~hole on the morning Ginza hell ride from Akasaka-Mitsuke, I do my best to stand next to the a~hole, and suddenly grab my nose and mumble, "kusai...", staring at the a~hole in horror, and trying to move away. The a~hole quickly realizes I'm referring to him, and usually gives himself a not so subtle waki no shita sniff. Add in a few audibly mumbled "what the fuck...abite-kudasai....fuck!" style mixes and the a~hole becomes noticeably distressed. Works even in winter, but of course, summer is best.

[matsuki]

Ahh yes, while I have plenty of hate for China myself (dodgy little fuckers) yes, it seems like the quickest way to infuriate any Japanese is to refer to them as "Chinese looking" or ask them if thei buy their clothes in China. The explosion of pent up rage is sometimes amazing.

[AML]

Typical European sneak-gay-style bullying

You mean, just like the Japanese?

Wont say it to your face but will rape you behind your back?

[Catoneinutica]

"Train Shame"

http://metropolis.co.jp/features/the-last-word/train-shame/

This chick got all vexed and flummoxed because some Hou-Tan-Zoku (za Houshasei Tansoku Tu-ri-bu) dickweed asked her to turn down her iPod volume. Me, I wear big Bose units on the train and crank that shit up to eleven. If someone were to importune me, I'd say, I'll turn it down when they dial down the eardrum-rupturing announcements. But they never do, because, I think, it's classical music I'm blaring, and that seems to confound them.

Anyway, "Chugoku mitai" has lost some its sting, it seems. Shit, things have gotten so wretched here that it might even be interpreted as a compliment. Instead, try muttering, "hhhhoushasei kaaa-naaa" and watched the startled looks effloresce like a cesium bouquet.

[Coligny]

Th3 aristocrat...

[Coligny]

"Train Shame"

http://metropolis.co.jp/features/the-last-word/train-shame/

There's quite some weapon grade retards in the comment sekshiun...

(secretely hoping some jackass give me an excuse to take a leak next time I ride a train....)

[Iraira]

This chick got all vexed and flummoxed because some Hou-Tan-Zoku (za Houshasei Tansoku Tu-ri-bu) dickweed asked her to turn down her iPod volume. Me, I wear big Bose units on the train and crank that shit up to eleven. If someone were to importune me, I'd say, I'll turn it down when they dial down the eardrum-rupturing announcements. But they never do, because, I think, it's classical music I'm blaring, and that seems to confound them.

I've had two guys ask me to turn down the volume on my iPod. Given what I listen to (especially in the morning), I can understand that if the sound is bleeding out, it's going jack the jisatsu rate higher. Both times I was asked to turn down the volume, I apologized and turned it off completely, but left the earphones in my ears, just in case the guy complaining was really just a dick. No second request for a greater decrease in volume came, and when I got off the train....stone deaf forever.

[Catoneinutica]

Th3 aristocrat...

This is an aristocrat:



This is a balla:

[IparryU]

I've had two guys ask me to turn down the volume on my iPod. Given what I listen to (especially in the morning), I can understand that if the sound is bleeding out, it's going jack the jisatsu rate higher. Both times I was asked to turn down the volume, I apologized and turned it off completely, but left the earphones in my ears, just in case the guy complaining was really just a dick. No second request for a greater decrease in volume came, and when I got off the train....stone deaf forever.

i do the same... japanese people dont really dig slayer, slipknot, acid bath, or in flames in the morning...

[Iraira]

i do the same... japanese people dont really dig slayer, slipknot, acid bath, or in flames in the morning...

Some mornings, I really want to do a wall of death on the Ginza line.

[Catoneinutica]

Some mornings, I really want to do a wall of death on the Ginza line.

In cases like these, it's sometimes cathartic to cue up some gunka. Unplug your headphones and just put your phone in your pocket. You'll soon note a lot of pained expressions among your fellow commuters. If someone has the temerity to glare at you, either ignore them the way they would do you if the tables or turned, or glare back with a "the fuck you lookin' at?" expression.

PS: It seems that there's some rule that a gunka must be in a minor mode. They don't follow the pentatonic scale - every note of the diatonic scale is usually present (google that shit, ballas) - but I guess the composers felt that putting them in a minor diatonic key would let them ape western marches while still retaining a Greater East Asian flavor. To me, it just brings to mind Mickey Rooney wearing big glasses and buckteeth. Ah sooo!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmB8lsQ765U&list=PLAACAFA275E16F15F&index=1&feature=plpp_video

[Iraira]

[Coligny]

How do you differentiate a fresh corpse from a passed out hobo ?

[Greji]

How do you differentiate a fresh corpse from a passed out hobo ?

By how easy you can spread the toe jam on toast?

[matsuki]