Turning 30. An Introspection.

[Alcazar]

I was in the middle of the sea alone, no life jacket, couldn't swim back, a leg cramp could strike anytime as it was cold. There wasn't even fear anymore, I just felt so lonely, my loneliest moment in my life so far. I didn't struggle, just float there, the loneliness that I don't know how to describe, close to the feeling of peace I think. Thats why I said if you know you are going to die soon, but still have the last few minutes or seconds of consciousness, that will be your loneliest moment.

OMG! I was waiting for someone to ask about this, but no one has. How did you end up in the middle of the sea alone? This wasn't a boat sinking or something was it?

[Taro Toporific]

I was in the middle of the sea alone....

OMG! I was waiting for someone to ask about this, but no one has. How did you end up in the middle of the sea alone? This wasn't a boat sinking or something was it?

Rip tide..undertow..etc. It happens all the time surfin', right Tina dear?

[tidbits]

Snorkeling with my boyfriend (husband now). Did not even wear life jacket as sometimes we dive in to see the corals and fishes. We went further (and deeper), the scenary was nicer and nicer but suddenly I realised no matter how hard I swam or kicked, I just couldn't progress. Tried to hold his arm while he swam but failed too. At last he had to leave me alone, and tried to swim back to get help. I was then alone, wondering if he could make it. My throat got drier and drier, dare not struggle to swim as my feet was so cold that I worried it would cramp and I would go straight down. I was also worried the sea water might go into my paip which actually kept me floating. I went further and further away, I could only hear my own breathing and the sea water. And then I started to feel lonely, all I could think of is just my family.

My boyfriend had a hard time getting back but managed to reach a rocky shore which was much further from where we started. Shouting for help was hard as the sound of the sea hitting on the rock was loud. By the time he managed to find the boat man, he couldn't see me anymore.

Off course they found me at last. It was a diffrent experience as accident or food poisoining. I wasn't even in pain. But I was in real big trouble that nobody knew that time. Death could be any moment. The boat man told me I was lucky as there were others who had died in that area.

[AssKissinger]

Hey, I hope you had a happy birthday American Oyaji sama. I think this is a good thread so I thought I might try to breath a little new life into it. Actually, I'm turning 35 this week, myself. I remember turning 30 up in Aomori. I've had an eventful first 35 years but I feel bummed out that my life is at least almost half over. And there's the typical FG shit about, 'What the fuck I'm doing in Japan?'. Last night, after my band played a gig I got in a really asinine political argument with this Canadian newbie eikawa chick. Typical one-yearer, still sees the world like a non FG chick recently out of college would. The main reason why I love this website so much is because so many of the posters are long-termers or even lifers and it's funny and kind of comforting to see how in some ways their minds are 'fucked' by Japan. Long term gaijins in Japan are a funny and unique subculture. Anyway, this newbie chick finally says that the only reason I think the way I do is because I'm getting old. She was saying that I'm an old fart and her ideas were the ones of youth. Is there any way I can avoid being an isolated alien in this country? You know, I can't relate to Japanese people (but I still love my wife), I don't really relate to most other gaijin because I feel like their minds are either still western or if not then fucked. I like fucked gaijins and I guess I'm kind of contradicting myself because I was just saying I can relate to them but it's like I can see where they're at and what they're going through but getting together for drinks or something just becomes a double alienation party. I'm sure living in the countryside doesn't help but I felt even more isolated in Nagoya so what gives? I'm lucky I have my wife. Is this just a part of getting older? Is it because we don't have children (but how fucked would that be?)? Can anybody even understand what the fuck I'm talking about?

[tidbits]

Maybe is just part of the stages where the long term FG go through? You can't relate to Japanese, can't relate to newbie gaijin who don't understand your life in Japan. And when you can relate to FGs, are you feeling that you lost the 'uniqueness' when hang out with them? You might have certain dislikes about Japan but are you also feeling tired of listening to too many negative comments or complaints on Japan? For me even though I often find myself can't relate to many people around me, I just accept this is the fact, make friends with everyone, local or gaijin, fucked or unfucked, but try to stay with those who have positive thinking and attitude towards life.

Anyway, have a Happy Birthday AssKissinger.

[gomichild]

Happy Birthday American Oyaji and Asskissinger!

tinateoh - that was an amazing story. I've never experienced anything close to that. In fact until this thread I hadn't really thought much about my own mortality.

But then I keep busy.

I didn't have a crisis before turning 30 either. I was too busy getting involved with my future husband and quitting my job and branching out on my own.

An age crisis is still on my to-do list...

[Caustic Saint]

I'm sure living in the countryside doesn't help but I felt even more isolated in Nagoya so what gives? I'm lucky I have my wife. Is this just a part of getting older? Is it because we don't have children (but how fucked would that be?)? Can anybody even understand what the fuck I'm talking about?

AK, I can relate. I'm one of the "older" guys teaching in Korea. In every place I've been here I'm on of - if not the - oldest people in the group. A lot of the younger (mid-20s) crowd here has some "oh, look at me, I'm so worldly" attitude - which is completely unwarranted. They've been to a couple foreign countries and now they know it all. I don't get on well with too many of the waygooks (gaijin) here.

The most interesting people I've met recently have to be the most fucked foreigners in Korea. The Korean Russians. Ethnically Korean, but only speak Russian. There's a bunch of 'em in my area, and they're much more laid back than the average Korean. They mostly work in the factories out where I'm at, but hang at the regular bars. A guy from work and I played pool with them last weekend and had a blast. Shared some pitchers and bullshitted at best we could. (Him, trying to get them to speak English, and me with what little Russian I remember form college.)

Do the best with what you can, and if you need to move to be closer to the other truly FGs, it's worth considering if it'll help you stay centered. (Or, off-center if that's more comfortable. ) And don't be in any hurry to have kids - that's probably not going to help anything.

[cstaylor]

Anyway, this newbie chick finally says that the only reason I think the way I do is because I'm getting old. She was saying that I'm an old fart and her ideas were the ones of youth.

The young have disparaged the old for centuries. From Churchill: "The farther back you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see". From Wilde: "The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything; the young know everything"

[AssKissinger]

To Tina:

Maybe is just part of the stages where the long term FG go through?

Yeah, I'm sure that's true.

when you can relate to FGs, are you feeling that you lost the 'uniqueness' when hang out with them?

I'm not sure about that. I think when I was more of a newbie I felt more concern about other gaijins ruining my 'gaijin mystique'. The whole time I've been here I've only really got to know 3 other long termers. All three are real odd balls. But I live so far out in the country it's a big a hassle to meet for drinks so I just don't bother.

are you also feeling tired of listening to too many negative comments or complaints on Japan?

I'm usually the one saying them! lol. I enjoy a bit cynicism, actually. I also like to remember the good as well. It's been said before, but almost every gaijin has a love/hate relationship with Japan. People who are too positive kind of give me the creeps. It's like they're hiding the fact that they secretly feel like they've made a big mistake giving so much of their lives to Japan. That being said, ultimately, I love Japan. It's my home and I wouldn't live somewhere if I didn't like it. Plus, my wife, she's the world to me. And she's a part of Japan

To Caustic:

A lot of the younger (mid-20s) crowd here has some "oh, look at me, I'm so worldly" attitude - which is completely unwarranted. They've been to a couple foreign countries and now they know it all. I don't get on well with too many of the waygooks (gaijin) here.

Those little pussies need a Caustic beatdown!

The most interesting people I've met recently have to be the most fucked foreigners in Korea. The Korean Russians. Ethnically Korean, but only speak Russian. There's a bunch of 'em in my area, and they're much more laid back than the average Korean

That is so cool! I love learning about different minority groups in Asia. In Pusan, I met this chick who looked exactly like a Korean but insisted she was Kazakh (from Kazakstan) but she was Korean. It's just so amazing all the cultural groups in the world. Off topic, but you should see the people in the train station in Bombay. All the different cultures wearing all kinds of different traditional dress. I spent a pretty lot of time in New York but to me, and maybe I'm wrong about this, Bombay seemed even more multi-cultural. Back to Pusan, I remember once, drinking with these Russians in Pusan. I just loved them so much. They were so fun-loving. Have you ever gone dancing with Russians? We were in this Korean night club and this huge Russian guy with one of those big crazy beards grabs me and starts teaching me how to dance like a Russian. It was too fucking cool. I was ecstatic with joy it was so fun. Afterwards I thought about all the nukes we got pointed at each other and how fucking stupid that is.

don't be in any hurry to have kids

Actually, we're not planning on having kids at all for various personal reasons. So don't worry. As for moving to the city I've tried both but I enjoy life in the countryside better. Peace

[GomiGirl]

Maybe is just part of the stages where the long term FG go through? You can't relate to Japanese, can't relate to newbie gaijin who don't understand your life in Japan. And when you can relate to FGs, are you feeling that you lost the 'uniqueness' when hang out with them? You might have certain dislikes about Japan but are you also feeling tired of listening to too many negative comments or complaints on Japan? For me even though I often find myself can't relate to many people around me, I just accept this is the fact, make friends with everyone, local or gaijin, fucked or unfucked, but try to stay with those who have positive thinking and attitude towards life.

Anyway, have a Happy Birthday AssKissinger.

Ditto to all the above. I don't dwell on the fact that I am a FG - I have to much to do - work and play. I don't obsess about things that are not in my control and I control how I deal with the stuff around me.

Plus - there are so many fun things to do and fun people to meet, that wallowing in a self-defined prison seems defeatist to me.

[American Oyaji]

CS, I never heard that Churchill quote, but when I read it I thought it was really deep. Then I thought about how far back God can look and the hackles went up on my neck.

Anyway, thanks for the birthday wishes. I was sick that day. So no birthday party. Just lots of chicken soup.

As far as mortality? I've THOUGHT about it, but never really considered death until I was looking it in the face.

I've decided its time to stop lollygagging about life and kick it into gear. When I die, I don't want God to tell me I wasted my life. That would be the ultimate bummer.

[cstaylor]

A far better Churchill quote: "It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. . . . The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts. They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more." I've seen this quote taken out of context by truncating it to the first sentence, making it seem that Churchill was saying that the uneducated parrot quotations of great men, but in reality he was talking about his own childhood. A very poor study at Eton, he ended up teaching himself the classics in his early adult years while posted abroad in India with the 4th Hussars.