Child Abduction Issue Explodes

[maraboutslim]

If they'd kept a positive relationship, they wouldn't be ex-wives.

[IparryU]

Back in high school they were telling us that 1/3 of prisoners serving life were children without a father or male role model.

The lil japanese kid who cut off his mom's head, stuffed it in his backpack and went to internet cafe to watch some movies before he gave the head to one of the koban drones was also in the same situation IIRC.

Dont doubt the moms, there are some stubborn women who intend on fucking with their exhusbands... best bet the husbands were also jackasses as well. No easy solution or best solution for the kids, there parents weren't doing good in the first place...

I geel sorry for the first dozen of kids who have to choose before the jgov rdos their clusterfuck and make up some other clusterfuck.

[james]

Is it unfair or cruel to the fathers? From the cultural viewpoint of some of these foreign fathers, sure. But the fathers are adults. They got themselves into this situation and should have been well aware of what their legal rights would be should they fail to maintain a positive relationship with their wife.

i'm going to take issue with this point - many relationships go south and it's not necessarily the exclusive fault of either party. laying the onus entirely on the father is rather disingenuous. mothers are adults too, though one might be forgiven for thinking otherwise at times in light of the wanton selfish vindictiveness with which some of them act. being a mother does not grant a carte blanche absolving a woman of her shared responsibility to make the relationship with the father work.

as for knowing their legal rights, sure, a certain amount of personal responsibility is always needed. all these guys are asking for is that the playing field be levelled some and to be able to be a part of their children's lives without being marginalized or criminalized by the japanese 'justice' system.

[Coligny]

Back in high school they were telling us that 1/3 of prisoners serving life were children without a father or male role model.

.

So 2/3rd had a father role model... so if nobody had father then there would be only 1/3rd of the current number of prisonner serving life sentence !?

/hate numberz and statistics...
//love silly logic...

[Russell]

So 2/3rd had a father role model... so if nobody had father then there would be only 1/3rd of the current number of prisoner serving life sentence !?

/hate numberz and statistics...
//love silly logic...

Haha, I love your logic!

The point is that when you compare the out-prison population with the in-prison, the former will have a lower percentage of growing up without father.

But, yes, your interpretation could also be made...

[gaijinpunch]

Is it unfair or cruel to the fathers? From the cultural viewpoint of some of these foreign fathers, sure. But the fathers are adults. They got themselves into this situation and should have been well aware of what their legal rights would be should they fail to maintain a positive relationship with their wife.

LOL

Meanwhile, back in reality...

[maraboutslim]

Here's reality. I'm an american citizen married to a japanese citizen. We moved to california when our children were little. Wanting to stay with my kids motivated me to make sure my wife felt happy and satisfied enough with her life here than she didn't bail back to japan. In addition to just being a great guy, this involved many other things: choosing our location wisely in an environment where she has many Japanese friends; enrolling the kids in Japanese school on Saturdays, not only to help out the kids, but to provide further Japanese social interaction for my wife; paying for many, many trips for her and the kids back to japan to visit and letting her know that she always had the option to go there so that she wouldn't feel I was trying to control her life. This shit is not rocket science. The hundreds of international couples we know manage to make it work. It just requires people to be more selfless than selfish.

I suspect that in 99% of these "abduction" situations (i.e. minus the rare psychotic break), there is either something really flawed about the husband or the life they set up for their wives/kids outside of Japan. The wife reaches a breaking point and bails out. Does this mean men shouldn't have access to their kids? No, of course not. Of course I feel the wives should allow access to the kids. I just prefer the law stay out of this family issue.

[twww]

Here's reality. I'm an american citizen married to a japanese citizen. We moved to california when our children were little. Wanting to stay with my kids motivated me to make sure my wife felt happy and satisfied enough with her life here than she didn't bail back to japan. In addition to just being a great guy, this involved many other things: choosing our location wisely in an environment where she has many Japanese friends]I suspect that in 99% of these "abduction" situations (i.e. minus the rare psychotic break),there is either something really flawed about the husband or the life they set up for their wives/kids outside of Japan.[/B] The wife reaches a breaking point and bails out. Does this mean men shouldn't have access to their kids? No, of course not. Of course I feel the wives should allow access to the kids. I just prefer the law stay out of this family issue.

I agree with most of what you have written. My Fiance is making the move and everything you have mentioned has come across my/her mind and in our discussions.

As for the text in bold. Wow. almost 100% attributed to the man! I'd have to say that is grossly overestimated. Where does the unreal expectation from the female fit in, 1%?

Here is an anecdote I read somewhere: A Jwoman who was so in love with Paris and all things French had the chance to travel there. She was utterly disappointed.

[Coligny]

Here is an anecdote I read somewhere: A Jwoman who was so in love with Paris and all things French had the chance to travel there. She was utterly disappointed.

Sophists everywhere cry in shame...

[gaijinpunch]

I think you both are disillusioned about the contents of a marriage... or, I guess I should say a host of marriages. The world is a diverse place, and families are even more diverse due to multiple members.

1%? More laughter.

What about those fathers who have exhausted their resources? The ones that are married to certifiable women? The ones who are married to women who simply don't know how to be happy... or anything other than controlling? They should be punished b/c they can't mold their family into the family in the picture that comes w/ the frame like you seem to have? If you truly think it's 99% the man's fault you are living in an even thicker bubble than most of the society here. Life is gray.

[maraboutslim]

As for the text in bold. Wow. almost 100% attributed to the man! I'd have to say that is grossly overestimated. Where does the unreal expectation from the female fit in, 1%?

Ok, I'm probably exaggerating (this is the internet after all), but remember, I'm not saying that the man holds 99% of the fault in breakingup. I'm saying that within the much smaller subset of broken up couples in which the mother keeps the kids away from the father, in 99% of those cases there is probably something the father has really screwed up to get himself into this tragic situation. But we talk here about them as if they are merely victims who were doing everything perfectly until one day their wives secretly fled. I know we don't want to kick a guy when he's down but damn, if I can make this shit work, anyone ought to be able to do it.

[gaijinpunch]

In 99% of those cases there is probably something the father has really screwed up to get himself into this tragic situation.

You clearly don't have a very large sample to chose from.

if I can make this shit work, anyone ought to be able to do it.

That's great for you, but the reality is, people are childish, and people get divorced all the time. If a man is married to a psycho, who does it benefit if they do make it work?

While I think your entire view on the issue at hand is completely nuts, it still doesn't face the general problem, and that's that the laws fail to offer basic human rights to ALL PARTIES INVOLVED.

Mother (usually): Might be left hung high and dry with a kid, no job, and no money
Father (usually): May not be able to see his kid until he's 18.
Child: May not be able to ever know one of his parents. May be forced to grow up without proper financial aid. Could very well be left with the psycho parent.

Why is this so hard to grasp for Japan and you?

[IparryU]

[gaijinpunch]

Now the big question: in a fatherless home, how much time were they allowed to spend with their fathers?

[maraboutslim]

Why is this so hard to grasp for Japan and you?

I'm in favor of two-parent households when possible, in shared custody if it will actually benefit the children (and not just the parent), and so on and so forth. And if you want to start a public campaign to promote the role of fathers in children's lives and how children of divorce can benefit from still seeing their fathers and all that, I'm 100% with you. I just don't think it's the role of government to enforce this.

[gaijinpunch]

in shared custody if it will actually benefit the children (and not just the parent),

And how would this be decided? Is it better for a kid to see his father every day, assuming seeing him includes a bitter argument or fight over absolutely nothing with his mother?

I just don't think it's the role of government to enforce this.

I guess I've just had too many experiences with what real people are like. Basically, most of the planet are complete dip shits and have no fucking clue what's best for anyone... quite often themselves. Laws are there to protect people who shouldn't have to suffer from someone else's stupidity (even if they are themselves a nitwit). For the children in this case, they aren't old enough to know better. And once again, coming full circle to the idea that the laws are there first and foremost, for the children.

Other cool laws that are built on this idea: mandatory education, laws against domestic violence, age of consent, drinking age, smoking age, etc. etc.

I like your ideals. Unfortunately, they are impossible execute across the board. They sound like something a Sunday school teacher would come up with.

[Samurai_Jerk]

I just don't think it's the role of government to enforce this.

That sounds good in theory but what you haven't give us is a realistic way of dealing with a situation were one or both parties refuses to be reasonable. If a husband or wife refuses to work with his or her ex, what should be done? If both sides refuse to compromise on a certain issue, who should decide (and don't tell me what should have been done beforehand to avoid such a situation because that doesn't apply once the damage has been done)?

[Coligny]

Shoot the kids...

I think I read that in a book somewhere...

[Catoneinutica]

Shoot the kids...

I think I read that in a book somewhere...

I love the fact that ancient Roman law allowed parents to do what ever the hell they wanted with their kids, including selling them into slavery.

If I were single and contemplating marrying a j-chick, maraboutslim's post would certainly give me pause.

[Guest]

If I were single and contemplating marrying a j-chick, maraboutslim's post would certainly give me pause.

I don't know if he knows this or not, but mara's posts describe pretty closely how the system works in Japan. If your wife is simply unhappy, the husband is guilty of domestic violence. Any disagreement is domestic violence, and even the silent treatment is domestic violence.

The wife can, at any time, go to court and get a restraining order against her husband for any of the above supposed "offenses" and deny access to the children and extort him as she sees fit.

Giving one parent absolute power over another is an extremely unhealthy environment for everyone, including the children. Absolute power corrupts and creates contempt of the powerless, and that is what you have in Japan.

The economy, the birthrate and society in general will continue to deteriorate until balance is restored. That's what's happening. Husbands and fathers cannot compete with husbands and fathers from other countries who know that their children are protected by law from parental abduction. The effects of denial of parental rights and the refusal to follow U.N. "Rights of a Child" that Japan has sign many many years ago are coming home to roost.

[gaijinpunch]

Shoot the kids...

I think I read that in a book somewhere...

Shoot the moms, no?

[james]

Food for thought... all a bit out of date, but I am quite sure it just got worst... it being 'merica and all. I just noted that about crime...

those are definitely a salient points and not ones i see presented as much]to society as a whole[/i] when fathers are present in their childrens lives.

i'm no anthropologist but it certainly seems to be easily observable that kids whose fathers are in the picture are better balanced overall.

[IparryU]

[Coligny]

there are of course less bad things about Japan, which is why I still remain here, but just too much BS for serious stuff.

dont want to rant, but I am pretty sick of it, but TIJ and live on.

Fixed that to fit me... But it's more a testament to how fooked the rest of the planut is rather than how nice and shiny we got it here...

[Samurai_Jerk]

Fixed that to fit me... But it's more a testament to how fooked the rest of the planut is rather than how nice and shiny we got it here...

I don't know if it has less fucked up things than every other country. Just different fucked up things.

[gaijinpunch]

I think in America it's easier to point the finger and laugh at the individual where in Japan it's easier to do it to the collective. Just my 2 yen.

[Coligny]

I think in America it's easier to point the finger and laugh at the individual where in Japan it's easier to do it to the collective. Just my 2 yen.

Yeah, thats a little thing that get me curious as I can't quit name it or define it precisely. And it also excessively volatile.

Take the Japanese nashiun:
As individuals they are quite cool, as a group they are unbearable. Being in a pack bring the asshole in everyone of them.
For the frenches (pre sarkozy) it was the opposite. As a nation things tend to work, shit gets done, krauts get kicked out. But the lower you go in social group size, down to individual face to face level, the more you want to murder them...

[matsuki]

Japan just needs to reinforce stuff... period.

Truancy is crazy here (go to Harajuku at 1 pm on a school day and find out)
Kiddy porn is ok to buy but not sell
revolving door PM
contaminated foods and other stuffs being sent around japan

Yep, so many obvious violations without any enforcement. Remember the Donki fires? Deaths from Yukke? Toothless laws only work on the hive minded individuals here and even then, not so well.

[IparryU]

Yep, so many obvious violations without any enforcement. Remember the Donki fires? Deaths from Yukke? Toothless laws only work on the hive minded individuals here and even then, not so well.

that or the cops driving in front and in the back of the shoutin yaks... why not stop them? of course there is some rule... but that goes by with no problem.

/rant

[Guest]

http://www.japantoday.com/category/crime/view/u-s-congressional-panel-presses-japan-on-child-abductions

More countries need to do the same.