Steven Seagal? Who's that?

[BigInJapan]

Who could forget his 2005 masterpiece theater...?

Huh, one of the many Seagal "classics" I missed apparently. Hadn't even heard of this one.
A quick look on IMDB, and the only cast member I recognize is Chiaki Kuriyama (of Kill Bill fame).
Yet another dud in the straight-to-DVD category.

[matsuki]

How old is Seagal now anyways? At some point (he's obviously well past it) there is an age to bow out and be humble...

[IparryU]

How old is Seagal now anyways? At some point (he's obviously well past it) there is an age to bow out and be humble...

He is like 60 or something... but he is still getting paid good from Anderson "The Spider" Silva. Seagal trained Silva a bit for both Sonnen fights and Silva praises him a lot.

We can talk all the shit in the world about Seagal... but the dude is skilled to the point where the pound for pound, GOAT, middle weight champ hires him for training.

Randy Couture recently said that he would come out of retirement to fight Seagal... but I doubt Seagal will do that because he wont be able to use any of his joint manipulation or fancy Aikido techniques in the cage...

Seagal still is a tub o' lard though...

[Samurai_Jerk]

How old is Seagal now anyways? At some point (he's obviously well past it) there is an age to bow out and be humble...

He is like 60 or something... but he is still getting paid good from Anderson "The Spider" Silva. Seagal trained Silva a bit for both Sonnen fights and Silva praises him a lot.

We can talk all the shit in the world about Seagal... but the dude is skilled to the point where the pound for pound, GOAT, middle weight champ hires him for training.

I think that's either a publicity stunt or Silva is just starstruck. Remember Seagal is still a superstar in the third world.

Randy Couture recently said that he would come out of retirement to fight Seagal... but I doubt Seagal will do that because he wont be able to use any of his joint manipulation or fancy Aikido techniques in the cage...

Even under old-school Brazilian vale tudo rules and he wouldn't fight Couture because he'd get his ass handed to him (as would 99%s of the people on the face of the planet).

[matsuki]

How old is Seagal now anyways? At some point (he's obviously well past it) there is an age to bow out and be humble...

He is like 60 or something... but he is still getting paid good from Anderson "The Spider" Silva. Seagal trained Silva a bit for both Sonnen fights and Silva praises him a lot.

We can talk all the shit in the world about Seagal... but the dude is skilled to the point where the pound for pound, GOAT, middle weight champ hires him for training.

Randy Couture recently said that he would come out of retirement to fight Seagal... but I doubt Seagal will do that because he wont be able to use any of his joint manipulation or fancy Aikido techniques in the cage...

Seagal still is a tub o' lard though...

I got plenty of respect for his martial art skills, I know many people who trained under him when he had a dojo in LA (I think it was in Pasadena) and would come back pretty sore and beat, talking about how much they had learned....but his (lack of) acting skills and weird rants over the past few years are just embarrassing.

[matsuki]

So I was bored and I'm halfway through this "master...well, it's certainly a piece" of a movie.

Chinese music - Check
Dragons - Check
Yakuza - Check
Swords - Check
Slutty Girls - Check

The Amer-jin acting is bad enough but the Japanese obviously don't speak any English and nearly every scene is him speaking English to them and them replying in Japanese (with incorrect subtitles) I also seem to have forgotten how bad big papa's Japanese is. I dunno if I can even make it through to the end, seems like every "traditional" scene they bust out some sort of Chinese music. No fuzoku sushi so far but there was already a scene with a bar and naked chicas swimming in the background aquarium.

BTW....for a 2005 movie, the CG is retro style that would look right at home in the 80's

Now if the jokes's on me and this is supposed to be a comedy, I might actually enjoy it!

[Taro Toporific]

Michael Schiavello is shown in this trailer interviewing Seagal for the next episode of "The Voice Versus" to be aired on AXS TV.

[Taro Toporific]

Epic crazy worthy a whole new "Hot Topic Michael Schiavello--The Voice Versus Steven Seagal

An hour inside the head of Steven Seagal
Fightlinker.com | Oct. 17, 2012
...notes from the interview:
--A preteen Steven Seagal learned martial arts from a cook at a restaurant who noticed Steven’s fast and fluid dishwashing skills.
--He’s used aikido ‘hundreds of times’ in the streets. ‘Aikido has to be able to work against anyone in any style that wants to kill you or your family or your friends or hurt you.’
...
--On his worst movies: “Unfortunately there are many.” “We are subject to the financer and what they want us to do and the studios and what they want us to do and we don’t control the show. So I made a lot of terrible movies and a few good ones.” Probably the most candid things Seagal says in the entire interview.
More...

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

So I made a lot of terrible movies and a few good ones.” Probably the most candid things Seagal says in the entire interview

He made "a few" good ones?
Like?
Methinks he stayed in Japan too long and mixes his singular and plural nouns...except, he doesn't even qualify for the singular in this instance.

[Taro Toporific]

"Twits of a feather, flock together."

(Birther Sheriff Joe Arpaio* and Steven Seagal at the Arizona Republican Birdbrains' Fall Festival in Mesa, Arizona)

Joe Arpaio & Steven Seagal by Gage Skidmore, on Flickr

Steven Seagal & Joe Arpaio by Gage Skidmore, on Flickr

[Taro Toporific]

The true mystery of the Orient is the hairline of His Immense Eminence, the Potentate of the Poonani*, Steven Seagal.

seagal-hairline-crazy.jpeg

Click the above image to embiggen to the full, 1240 × 1754px size to read the captions.

The original image is from the website, i-am-bored.com.

[BigInJapan]

The true mystery of the Orient is the hairline of His Immense Eminence, the Potentate of the Poonani

C'mon, give the guy a break. He's just working his way into playing Eddie Munster all grown up in the next straight-to-DVD Munster movie.

1021-steven-seagal-munster-credit[1].jpg

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

The true mystery of the Orient is the hairline of His Immense Eminence, the Potentate of the Poonani*, Steven Seagal.

seagal-hairline-crazy.jpeg

Click the above image to embiggen to the full, 1240 × 1754px size to read the captions.

The original image is from the website, i-am-bored.com.

As well as the hair, I love the rich array of emotion displayed on his facial expressions...why has this bloke never won an Oscar? (Even the one from Sesame Street?)

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

The true mystery of the Orient is the hairline of His Immense Eminence, the Potentate of the Poonani*, Steven Seagal.

seagal-hairline-crazy.jpeg

Click the above image to embiggen to the full, 1240 × 1754px size to read the captions.

The original image is from the website, i-am-bored.com.

Is this jpeg what you call a flock of seagals?

[Marked Trail]

As well as the hair, I love the rich array of emotion displayed on his facial expressions...

The Internet just phoned and said it wants me to pay to a copyright fee for posting the Steven Seagal Emotion Chart here.

steven seagal emotion-chart.jpeg

why has this bloke never won an Oscar? (Even the one from Sesame Street?)

Steven Seagal did get an Emmy Award for his work on Sesame Street, right?

seagal-vs-count-350x185.jpeg

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

Thanks guys!

Just realized that SS looks like the love child of Eddie Munster, the Count, Chaz Bono and Cher!

[TennoChinko]

[Taro Toporific]

AFP | Jan. 2, 2013
BOGOTA –--Miguel Caballero has been making bullet-proof clothes for politicians and other bigwigs for 20 years…
…Carolina Ballesteros, Caballero's director of research and development, said…The company makes uniforms for security forces and suits for public figures in many countries, she said.
“Three royal families in the Middle East are customers of ours. We made a bullet-proof kimono for the American actor Steven Seagal. Our experience is beyond question,” Ballesteros said.

seagal-bulletproof.jpeg

Steven Seagal owns a bulletproof kimono
filmdrunk.uproxx.com
...A bullet-proof kimono? Can you imagine your desire to wear kimonos being so strong that you’d demand to wear one even while you were potentially being shot at? During which other activities does Steven Seagal demand to stay in-kimono? Snorkeling? Sky diving? Parasailing? Actually, I think I answered my own question there. Steven Seagal would absolutely wear a bulletproof kimono while parasailing. As always, Steven Seagal’s real life is as ridiculous as his movies, possibly because he can’t tell the difference. In fact, “Bulletproof Kimono” would make a great name for a Steven Seagal movie. Wait no, check that, the title needs three words. Let’s go with “Under Bulletproof Kimono.”

[Russell]

Now he only needs a bullet-proof tsuno-kakushi.

Thinking about kimonos, aren't they already bullet-proof to start with? I mean, who would want to shoot those pretty babes wearing them?

[Taro Toporific]

“The Colbert Report” had fun with the news of the “actor” Steven Seagal’s plans to train volunteers to form armed posses to patrol Phoenix schools to prevent gun violence (WashingtonPost 2013/02/16) …

Click to play on Comedy Central website.

Arizona_Gun-Posse_The-Colbert-Report.jpg

"Filling our schools with gun-toting guys who have nowhere to be during work hours might give some parents pause but rest assured, mom and dad, these volunteer posses are getting top-notch training… The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is an even worse actor. We know Hollywood violence is the real problem. Therefore it is also the solution. It’s just like fighting fire with fire. If your house is on fire, call an arsonist. He’ll know what to do."

______________
おまけ/omake...

The-King-of-Gay-Porn.jpg

Steven-Seagal_The-Game.jpg

[Taro Toporific]

Steven-Seagal_I-Wanna-Be-Li.jpg

STEVEN SEAGAL
I Wanna Be Like Rodman
TMZ.com | 3/13/2013
Move over Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un, because '90s action star Steven Seagal has jumped on the whole random celeb visiting a world leader bandwagon ... and hung out with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Moscow on Wednesday.
More...

Count-Chocula-vs-Vlad-Impaler.jpg

Count Chocula vs Vlad the Impaler

[Taro Toporific]

STEVEN SEAGAL
TMZ.com | 3/13/2013
Move over Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un, because '90s action star Steven Seagal has jumped on the whole random celeb visiting a world leader bandwagon ... and hung out with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Moscow on Wednesday.
More...

Here are additional photos from the Seagal -- Putin Summit held early last March.

Seagal-punks-Putin.gif

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.
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[Screwed-down Hairdo]

This guy isn't really Eddie Munster is he?

[Taro Toporific]

This guy isn't really Eddie Munster is he?

Seagal's certainly has got the Eddie Munster smirk down, doesn't he?

seagal-vs-eddie.jpg

[Marked Trail]

This guy isn't really Eddie Munster is he?

Seagal's certainly has got the Eddie Munster smirk down, doesn't he?

seagal-vs-eddie.jpg

You guys are totally missing the obvious.

Eddie Munster and Steven Seagal are the same person---The sperm donor for Paul Ryan.

seagal-vs-eddie-vs-paul.jpg

wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Ryan...
The Republican Party nominee for Vice President of the United States in the 2012 election

[Andocrates]

Danny Trejo kills him in "Machete." (trailer below) That brightened my mood.

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1520109081/

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

Looking at these photos, I've realized Mr. Seagull has extended his links to the mystical, inscrutable Orient by developing more Chins than a Chinese phone book.

[Bucky]

He's in the news again:
"Steven Seagal trains armed posse to protect Arizona schools while firing off guns and using actual children"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... z2PnlBMy6i



http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... ldren.html

[Taro Toporific]

Steven Seagal dances a lame lezginka and parties with the Chechen strongman, Ramzan Kadyrov (Wiki).

Click to start dancing.

big-Steven-Seagal-dances-lezginka.jpg

[Samurai_Jerk]

seagal.jpg

Congressmen find few Boston attack clues in Russia

MOSCOW (AP) — The head of a U.S. congressional delegation said Sunday that its meetings in Russia showed there was "nothing specific" that could have helped prevent the Boston Marathon bombings, but that the two countries need to work more closely on joint security threats.

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, a California Republican who led the six-member delegation, described discussions with Russian parliament members and security officials as productive. Some of the meetings, he said, were made possible by American actor Steven Seagal.

Seagal, who attended the news conference in the U.S. Embassy, is well connected in Russia. He met with Russian President Vladimir Putin in March, and last week paid a visit to Ramzan Kadyrov, the strongman who rules Chechnya, a province in southern Russia that has seen two brutal wars between federal troops and Chechen separatists since 1994.