Married in Texas and Concerned

[texasthrowaway]

I'll keep it short. Been married 12 years to J wife. 2 kids. Typical from what I've read little to no sex after the kids. Drives me crazy. We argue like it's a sport. She started working at a Japanese company with branch in Texas 2 years ago. She has started spending a lot of time at work. Also she is going to the monthly social gatherings that the office has and has come home drunk once or twice. She was always a stick in the mud when it came to us going out, so this struck me as strange, but she said it was an obligation she had to do in order to get ahead. She's the only woman in the office. I'll be honest, I'm jealous and concerned she isn't being faithful. She chats with a female coworker in Japan and I read some of their back and forth about office goings on. (not proud of that, but she is being deceptive when she talks about the office) I'm not fluent at all in Japanese, so I ran it through a translator. As you know online translation is not the best. One word that stuck out to me was she said futarikiri with her boss. Which translates as alone (usually romantically)... 2 questions.

How concerned should I be?

Can anyone help me get a good translation on the whole exchange?

Thanks

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

My best advice is not to talk to us, but talk to her. Tell her what you're thinking, that you're worried and you want to save the marriage. Then work on it together.
I guess that might be hard for a traditional Texan guy, in which case you could just shoot her. God will forgive you (probably after the Texans hang you, but...)
I should add that this advice is being provided by a thrice-divorced, perennial failure at any type of functional relationship with any other living human....
Good luck, mate....

[texasthrowaway]

Yeah I've tried talking to her about it. She doesn't want to talk. Just want help. Don't want to be blind sided.

[Yokohammer]

I can sort of sympathize, but this does present a bit of a moral dilemma even for us fucked gaijin.

All I can say is I hope you get it sorted out ASAP. Don't let the jealousy cloud your judgement.

[wuchan]

It sounds like she is trying to apply the japan marriage rules to Texas. It's not uncommon for married couples in japan to cheat on each other. You have to remember that Japan is not a Christian country and the people do not have the same values as westerners. Marriage here is a social contract. The contract that says the pair must breed, raise and provide for their demon spawn while living in one house. Outside those rules, pretty much anything goes as long as it is kept quiet. You are free to bang a ho as long as you don't bring it home. Love hotels make a good amount of money off this. Women often keep in touch with previous boyfriends and have casual sex a few times a year. Abortions are totally legal so if she does get knocked up she just gets sis to sign and problem solved.

Coming from texas this may be a bit of a culture shock. I have run into quite a few older gaijin here that admit to using the rinse and repeat method when it comes to wives but in their cases it was usually the gaijin that filed for divorce. J-couples will stay together no matter what, even if they totally hate each other. My in-laws are a perfect example. Pop is a chain smoking, can coffee/shochu drinking oyaji and I'm pretty dam sure mum is a lesbian that frequently goes on international trips with her female "friend". They haven't slept in the same room since the mid 80's. Yet, they will never divorce.

Company drinking can be a monthly event. Getting fall down drunk with co-workers is considered normal and straightens the team's bonds. Many times the boss has a girl or two in the group that he can go to a love hotel with when they get to drunk to remember when the last train is. A tie from the combini in the morning and no one will notice he is wearing the same clothes. The girl will probably call in sick and everyone will just assume she has a hangover.

I am in no way saying that she is being the typical tokyo OL but it may be possible. Good luck.

[texasthrowaway]

How is it a moral dilemma? I'd help any dude in a second.

[Yokohammer]

How is it a moral dilemma? I'd help any dude in a second.

Sorry if I didn't make that clear.

I was referring to providing you with a proper translation of your wife's private correspondence.

[GomiGirl]

You are in the US - go to a marriage counselor like any normal American.

But the question you need to ask yourself is if you are interested in having a partnership with this woman any longer or are you wanting to dissolve it combatively but making sure that you are the victor and that she doesn't "blindside" you.

Whether she is screwing around or not, acting like you are trying to catch her out at something is hardly a conducive atmosphere for an adult discussion about your concerns about the marriage.

[Coligny]

Invite the inlaws over, then shoot them invoking the castle doctrine. It will cut any possible option of retreat to her family back home. Then ask Chuck Norris to kill her boss... Or something...

/advice from idiots of the internets...
//maybe it's shit, but at least it's free...

/// seriously, confidence by email to a probably unknown coworker aboot an affair with the boss !? That's bad soap opera material...

[IparryU]

dude, you can divorce her and sue her for that in the US...

get the email translated and if it is in your favor, get a divorce lawyer and take her to town.

you have 2 kids, dont give them up.

make sure you talk to the lawyer about her being a flight risk. If she leaves the US, you will have a slim chance in hell of seeing your kids again.

[Samurai_Jerk]

How is it a moral dilemma? I'd help any dude in a second.

Sorry if I didn't make that clear.

I was referring to providing you with a proper translation of your wife's private correspondence.

Did he hack into her computer/tablet or is she chatting in Japanese on a shared device assuming he won't understand?

[IparryU]

It sounds like she is trying to apply the japan marriage rules to Texas. It's not uncommon for married couples in japan to cheat on each other. You have to remember that Japan is not a Christian country and the people do not have the same values as westerners. Marriage here is a social contract. The contract that says the pair must breed, raise and provide for their demon spawn while living in one house. Outside those rules, pretty much anything goes as long as it is kept quiet. You are free to bang a ho as long as you don't bring it home. Love hotels make a good amount of money off this. Women often keep in touch with previous boyfriends and have casual sex a few times a year. Abortions are totally legal so if she does get knocked up she just gets sis to sign and problem solved.

Coming from texas this may be a bit of a culture shock. I have run into quite a few older gaijin here that admit to using the rinse and repeat method when it comes to wives but in their cases it was usually the gaijin that filed for divorce. J-couples will stay together no matter what, even if they totally hate each other. My in-laws are a perfect example. Pop is a chain smoking, can coffee/shochu drinking oyaji and I'm pretty dam sure mum is a lesbian that frequently goes on international trips with her female "friend". They haven't slept in the same room since the mid 80's. Yet, they will never divorce.

Company drinking can be a monthly event. Getting fall down drunk with co-workers is considered normal and straightens the team's bonds. Many times the boss has a girl or two in the group that he can go to a love hotel with when they get to drunk to remember when the last train is. A tie from the combini in the morning and no one will notice he is wearing the same clothes. The girl will probably call in sick and everyone will just assume she has a hangover.

I am in no way saying that she is being the typical tokyo OL but it may be possible. Good luck.

on the mark wuchan

[Samurai_Jerk]

@Tex, The drinking with coworkers thing is normal in Japan and nothing to be concerned about in and of itself. As a rule significant others are not invited to office parties in Japan like they are in the US.

I'm not the most fluent Japanese speaker on this board but I think that while futarikiri is not a good sign it doesn't necessarily mean she's done the deed yet. However, it would imply they are spending time alone in at least a borderline inappropriate manner (someone correct me if I'm wrong). Maybe it's a case of a "cheatin' heart" that hasn't escalated to a full-blown affair yet.

By the way, wuchan is right on about how things tend to work in Japan and IparryU is right about not letting her take off with the kids if things do go that route. However, it sounds like you night still be able to work things out if she's willing to try. You just need to get her to start talking.

@IPU, courts in the US seldom penalize a women for cheating.

[J.A.F.O]

You can always use a soft power approach, such as black mail or fear of financial ruin etc (never outright say this) I'm a pretty nice guy overall but my wife is terrified of crossing me. I know just enough about bat cuntry to cause serious freaking problems.

It also helps if you have a parachute. A few grand in a separate account or even cash on hand that ONLY YOU can access make a HUGE difference in your options. Make sure the kids U.S. passports are up to par in case you you need to bail out.

Don't look at your spouse as a person. I know this sounds harsh, but as it was well stated by Yokohammer, this will keep your judgement from getting too cloudy. I look at it this way, until very recently the japanese were considered a war like people. Well just because you name your pet dog "Cat" it won't make it go "Meow". So if you agree that war is probably in their genes, then can you expect her to understand anything different? Treat her as though you would treat a rival. The question I would guess you have to answer is: Are you going against a superior force or not? If not then why are you being less than the dominant one in the relationship? If you are the lesser force (maybe because your behind enemy lines) then do what any lesser force does to succeed... use guerrilla tactics or fall back and regroup until you have superiority.

What I have found (just me personally) Is that the japanese are REALLY big into status. (Hens look at Louis Vuiton vs Coach vs Gucci etc) If you are an influential and important part of your community then the more likely the wife is gonna support you, because well... she gets her status through her husband. If your a low rent grifting american pet like me... well its no surprise she's trying to improve her status. My wife already comes from an influential family so she gets her status from the Family name, that "need" for status is already filled. She has NO qualms about throwing around her maiden name.

As far as the sex... Just remember that there are no laws for spousal rape in japan... at least not yet (tongue in cheek - and not advocating forcing anyone to do anything) Besides stirring a bit of jealousy in her would probably do a lot more. Nothing gets my wife in the sack faster than me talking to a pretty girl and her smiling back at me. Start withdrawing from her, she'll notice. ESPECIALLY if you start hanging out with females who have higher status that her!

Look at your marriage more like a contract negotiation. If she breaches the contract then enact a penalty clause. If you treat her like a POW then she will probably thank you for it. I don't always thinks its right but you can't change how she's hardwired. You can't make her go "meow" when her nature says "woof"

OK I'm done, gotta go play house husband. YAY!

[matsuki]

Tex, if nobody has done it for you already, post the text you want translated. Without making any assumptions, one of us can at least give you an idea what it says and the tone of it.

[Samurai_Jerk]

You can always use a soft power approach, such as black mail or fear of financial ruin etc (never outright say this) I'm a pretty nice guy overall but my wife is terrified of crossing me. I know just enough about bat cuntry to cause serious freaking problems.

It also helps if you have a parachute. A few grand in a separate account or even cash on hand that ONLY YOU can access make a HUGE difference in your options. Make sure the kids U.S. passports are up to par in case you you need to bail out.

Don't look at your spouse as a person. I know this sounds harsh, but as it was well stated by Yokohammer, this will keep your judgement from getting too cloudy. I look at it this way, until very recently the japanese were considered a war like people. Well just because you name your pet dog "Cat" it won't make it go "Meow". So if you agree that war is probably in their genes, then can you expect her to understand anything different? Treat her as though you would treat a rival. The question I would guess you have to answer is: Are you going against a superior force or not? If not then why are you being less than the dominant one in the relationship? If you are the lesser force (maybe because your behind enemy lines) then do what any lesser force does to succeed... use guerrilla tactics or fall back and regroup until you have superiority.

What I have found (just me personally) Is that the japanese are REALLY big into status. (Hens look at Louis Vuiton vs Coach vs Gucci etc) If you are an influential and important part of your community then the more likely the wife is gonna support you, because well... she gets her status through her husband. If your a low rent grifting american pet like me... well its no surprise she's trying to improve her status. My wife already comes from an influential family so she gets her status from the Family name, that "need" for status is already filled. She has NO qualms about throwing around her maiden name.

As far as the sex... Just remember that there are no laws for spousal rape in japan... at least not yet (tongue in cheek - and not advocating forcing anyone to do anything) Besides stirring a bit of jealousy in her would probably do a lot more. Nothing gets my wife in the sack faster than me talking to a pretty girl and her smiling back at me. Start withdrawing from her, she'll notice. ESPECIALLY if you start hanging out with females who have higher status that her!

Look at your marriage more like a contract negotiation. If she breaches the contract then enact a penalty clause. If you treat her like a POW then she will probably thank you for it. I don't always thinks its right but you can't change how she's hardwired. You can't make her go "meow" when her nature says "woof"

OK I'm done, gotta go play house husband. YAY!

Dude, look at the title of the thread. He's in Texas.

[Mike Oxlong]

Dude, look at the title of the thread. He's in Texas.

So if the wifey tries to play j-ball, let her, but feel free to go all Davey Crockett on her if necessary. Remember the Alamo!

[J.A.F.O]

Dude, look at the title of the thread. He's in Texas.

Dude I'm married in Michigan, I still live in japan.

Seriously though my life revolves around stimulants and depressants, with a mean case of post traumatic stress and general punch drunkenness... I miss details sometimes.

But if he's in the states that makes things ten times easier. He could write up an affidavit and file it with the recorder laying out the situation and how she is probably a flight risk with the kids. This can be entered into evidence later on his behalf if it ever goes to court. In the mean time I would be cutting out the legs from underneath her.

Makes me wonder if she's just a green card holder or an actual citizen by now? Then if she is still a japanese citizen on top of it? Also some kind of a daily journal, documenting any "child abuse" or violent behavior would only be beneficial.

[IparryU]

Dude, look at the title of the thread. He's in Texas.

Dude I'm married in Michigan, I still live in japan.

Seriously though my life revolves around stimulants and depressants, with a mean case of post traumatic stress and general punch drunkenness... I miss details sometimes.

But if he's in the states that makes things ten times easier. He could write up an affidavit and file it with the recorder laying out the situation and how she is probably a flight risk with the kids. This can be entered into evidence later on his behalf if it ever goes to court. In the mean time I would be cutting out the legs from underneath her.

Makes me wonder if she's just a green card holder or an actual citizen by now? Then if she is still a japanese citizen on top of it? Also some kind of a daily journal, documenting any "child abuse" or violent behavior would only be beneficial.

with you on that... cut her at the ankles whilst you still can.

[legion]

what's a J wife?

[Coligny]

what's a J wife?

It's like a Russian mail order bride but more expensive, don't look as good, can't cook proper borsh and can't kill a bear with her bare hands.

[Russell]

what's a J wife?

A D wife made in J...

[Isle of View]

what's a J wife?

It's like a Russian mail order bride but more expensive, don't look as good, can't cook proper borscht and can't kill a bear with her bare hands.

Or pull a 20 tonne Kamaz truck out from the mud . . .



while looking hot.

[Coligny]

D00d, Kamaz trucks ALWAYS looks hot...

I'll be in mah bunk...

(And don't get me started on the Uaz slutz....)

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[Samurai_Jerk]

russia.jpg

[legion]

what's a J wife?

A D wife made in J...

gradually being replaced by C-wives in the chronicles of "I married an Asian chick and she turned out to be a human being"

[IparryU]

what's a J wife?

A D wife made in J...

gradually being replaced by C-wives in the chronicles of "I married an Asian chick and she turned out to be a human being"

That sucks for you dude...

Sent from my SC-03E using Tapatalk 2

[legion]

what's a J wife?

A D wife made in J...

gradually being replaced by C-wives in the chronicles of "I married an Asian chick and she turned out to be a human being"

That sucks for you dude...

Sent from my SC-03E using Tapatalk 2

I'm just a footnote in those chronicles, it reads, "However some people married as individuals, not archetypes"

[texasthrowaway]

Well, I did a little more digging and something happened. Her boss is definitely hitting on her. I found something where told a friend that she told her boss it was a mistake and an accident. I confronted her and she is saying she told him it was a mistake to tell her his feelings... She's being evasive about it though. I'm really trying to hold it together, and it's not working.

[Coligny]

SO, flowers, candles, and romantic diner that is not a roadkill baked on the hood of your pickup truck...

Also... man up a bit... If the battle is already lost in your mind, no point showing up on the battlefield...