Married in Texas and Concerned

[matsuki]

Yeah, indeed. As the local Texan, I should have been telepathically notified of this thread! Anyway, I hope everything works out. The only thing I would watch out in is the whole snooping in the email. I don't know if it's a divorcible offense, but I think it would set back any relationship a LOT IMHO. I had a friend that allegedly put a key stroke recorder on his GF's computer and went into here email. I was actually a little sick at my stomach (I was glad to see). My moral compass isn't the best, but it works for a handful of things... trust/mistrust is one.

Mmmmmm, my take on that is even if they aren't cheating, you might see something you won't like. (mail to friend bitching about you, something out of context, etc.) Would only pull something like that if I was already convinced some shit was going down and needed proof for the divorce.

[gaijinpunch]

Agreed, but to each their own. I'm not judging anyone for doing it... but you gotta be ready for the other side to be fucking livid when/if they find out.

[Yokohammer]

Agreed, but to each their own. I'm not judging anyone for doing it... but you gotta be ready for the other side to be fucking livid when/if they find out.

It can be worse than this.

If the other party is innocent and you cross the privacy line by snooping around and spying it can destroy the relationship. Pretty dumb way to trash a relationship, so extreme caution is advised.

[gaijinpunch]

If the other party is innocent and you cross the privacy line by snooping around and spying it can destroy the relationship.

Exactly. It is the definition of distrust. I understand the OP had serious trust concerns (and didn't really trust his better half). Again, no judgements.

[matsuki]

I'm agreeing with you guys, basically saying that's a line you only cross when you already know "it's over" and just need it for evidence.

[kurogane]

Yeah, sounds about right. I have had this done to me, and I was totally innocent and volcanically angry. She made up for it really well, but man, was I ever PO'ed for a while.

And as GP pointed out, no judgements intended. We all get a little out there with that sort of stuff.

[matsuki]

Yeah, sounds about right. I have had this done to me, and I was totally innocent and volcanically angry. She made up for it really well, but man, was I ever PO'ed for a while.

And as GP pointed out, no judgements intended. We all get a little out there with that sort of stuff.

If it was a serious relationship, I'd be pissed too....if it was just a regular lemur, I'd totally use it to guilt her into never touching my shit again. (though we all have PW's on our phones and shit though, yes? (remember the days most keitais here had "secret mode")

[kurogane]

I'd totally use it to guilt her into never touching my shit again.

Well, serious or not, I would have been PO'ed, but she felt so morbidly guilty on her own she gave it all up and let me touch hers again and again. And again. All in all a pretty good deal considering I was as innocent as Hurricane Carter or David Milgaard. So it worked out on the tail end, so to speak.

Never did figure out what I had done to even warrant that level of suspicion, but from that viewpoint it was hard not to allow my inner Christian forgiveness to well up inside her.

[IparryU]

Yeah, sounds about right. I have had this done to me, and I was totally innocent and volcanically angry. She made up for it really well, but man, was I ever PO'ed for a while.

And as GP pointed out, no judgements intended. We all get a little out there with that sort of stuff.

If it was a serious relationship, I'd be pissed too....if it was just a regular lemur, I'd totally use it to guilt her into never touching my shit again. (though we all have PW's on our phones and shit though, yes? (remember the days most keitais here had "secret mode")

If it was a regular lemur, I would be more lenient on her cause I know it is a short term thing anyway

All shit aside, I hope all gets better for the OP and what not. With kids involved it makes shit so much more difficult.

[Samurai_Jerk]

So it worked out on the tail end, so to speak.

Nice! Nothing hotter than punitive sex.

[matsuki]

Never did figure out what I had done to even warrant that level of suspicion

You don't need to do anything....some lemurs get jealous when you are eyeing the girls on TV or simply smile at the regi-girl. I had one lemur call over a waitress I had smiled at and try to hook her up with me (revenge? I have no idea) for simply smiling at her....but of course the waitress was simply embarrassed as fuck and hid behind the counter til we left.

[kurogane]

So it worked out on the tail end, so to speak.

Nice! Nothing hotter than punitive sex.

"The purpose of discipline is to live more fully, not less" - Master Po, Kung Fu Season 2 "The Hoots"


BTW, the girl in question was much more of a gopher than a lemur. Eyes that disappear when she smiles, big round booty, the little pursed lips that pout just right, etc.

Is that quibbling?

Anyways, very weird it was, given my shining innocence. All she found on my phone was a bunch of boring "See You at Kawaramachi at 8, bring beer" stuff. But the restitution was something to behold.

[IparryU]

Never did figure out what I had done to even warrant that level of suspicion

You don't need to do anything....some lemurs get jealous when you are eyeing the girls on TV or simply smile at the regi-girl. I had one lemur call over a waitress I had smiled at and try to hook her up with me (revenge? I have no idea) for simply smiling at her....but of course the waitress was simply embarrassed as fuck and hid behind the counter til we left.

I havent had that happen... but I always say thank you sweetie/honey to the regi girls and waitresses. My ex-crazy always got pissed off at it, but when we went to Cali and I did it, there was no issue....

methinks cause J-girls are more of a threat than fg-girls???

[Samurai_Jerk]

I always say thank you sweetie/honey to the regi girls and waitresses.

Are you 80 years old?

[Coligny]

I blame Dorian-Greji black magic...

[Russell]

Well, serious or not, I would have been PO'ed, but she felt so morbidly guilty on her own she gave it all up and let me touch hers again and again. And again. All in all a pretty good deal considering I was as innocent as Hurricane Carter or David Milgaard. So it worked out on the tail end, so to speak.

Never did figure out what I had done to even warrant that level of suspicion, ...

These things sometimes happen...

[IparryU]

I always say thank you sweetie/honey to the regi girls and waitresses.

Are you 80 years old?

Old soul my man...

Na, but my grandpa always said that stuff. I picked it up and it really helps with service as long as you don't get no feminist type chick. Easy read though.

Sent from my SC-03E using Tapatalk 2

[texasthrowaway]

So I don't know what the fuck happened, they were still talking and flirting etc...since last week. I don't know if my accusations made the guy forbidden fruit or what b/c she said she had no interest in him, and than I got recent texts translated and they crossed a line for me. I waited as long as I could to gather evidence and caught her in a lie while she was on a business trip (not with him) she freaked out and hung up. I than called him up and told him angrily to stop talking to my wife. Nothing happened physically between them as far as I know. It's been a week since i confronted her and than called him. I'm thinking of calling him up or emailing him and saying I want to talk to him in person. Good idea, bad idea? I know my problem is my wife, but I want him to know because we are having problems doesn't give him any type of right to hit on her message etc... I have a lot of information that would be damaging to his career. I think he knows it. Not office romance stuff. More like tanaka san is an idiot. Suzuki san has no real power.... etc etc..

thoughts?

[wuchan]

Incompitence, iddiocy, lazyness, and not giving a shit is the norm in a Japanese office. If this company is trully Japanese there is no way you could ever get him fired. The absloute worst thing that could happen to him is the company may give him a different position but at the same pay. It's a lifetime system and as long as he keeps showing up every day like a good little salary-slave he will never get fired. He has a visa to work in the US so he is an asset to the company and replacing him would be very expensive. Basically, there is nothing you can do to him or his career which is why he continues to persue your wife.

The problem is between you and your wife. If I were in your position I would ask her to quit and find a new job at a company that is not Japanese. If she refuses take the kids and their passports, file for divorce, notify the state department that she may flee with the kids and have them put a travel ban on them.

Good luck.

[wagyl]

It is a harsh thing to say but reading the latest posts I think it needs to be said: anyone who make a decision based on advice from the peanut gallery on an internet board will get exactly what they deserve. Maybe the OP has few other places to seek advice, maybe the OP had already largely made up his mind and only came here to seek validation of that position, only he can answer those questions.

Having said that..... Not that my thoughts have any greater value than your own or those of anyone else, I will say that I see no benefit to you or anyone in speaking to the boss and saying that you know he has made written comments about his colleagues, and I can imagine some problems it might cause you and those you (ostensibly) love. If it is revenge you are after (and reading your post, it does seem that way), go to a squash court. Same result and you maintain physical fitness at the same time.

Also, unless there is pressing urgency or another reason, I would keep communication with your wife to face-to-face, rather than use the telephone.

[Russell]

I advise you to talk more to your wife.

Women like that.

[Mike Oxlong]

I advise you to talk more to your wife.

Women like that.

Wouldn't leg irons be easier?

[Russell]

I advise you to talk more to your wife.

Women like that.

Wouldn't leg irons be easier?

I think the guy needs this:

[Coligny]

It is a harsh thing to say but reading the latest posts I think it needs to be said: anyone who make a decision based on advice from the peanut gallery on an internet board will get exactly what they deserve. Maybe the OP has few other places to seek advice, maybe the OP had already largely made up his mind and only came here to seek validation of that position, only he can answer those questions.

Having said that..... Not that my thoughts have any greater value than your own or those of anyone else, I will say that I see no benefit to you or anyone in speaking to the boss and saying that you know he has made written comments about his colleagues, and I can imagine some problems it might cause you and those you (ostensibly) love. If it is revenge you are after (and reading your post, it does seem that way), go to a squash court. Same result and you maintain physical fitness at the same time.

Also, unless there is pressing urgency or another reason, I would keep communication with your wife to face-to-face, rather than use the telephone.

The peanut gallery fart in your general direkshiun...

[yanpa]

I advise you to talk more to your wife.

Women like that.

No, they like you to be attentative and caring while they talk at you

[matsuki]

Personally, I'd play it Japanese style and contact his boss and (without mentioning your wife at all) complain about the person in question making inappropriate advances to coworkers and you are thinking about reporting the advances to "the authorities." Once again, don't mention your wife at all.

As for the wife, like others said, you need to talk to her. If she's satisfied at home, she won't be seeking satisfaction elsewhere. If she can't be satisfied (she's being unrealistic or you simply can't meet her needs) you need to prepare for the divorce the best you can BEFORE you even mention the word to her.

[kurogane]

thoughts?

I get that you're upset, but your actions as you describe them make you sound creepy and wimpy. Your wife probably thinks you're bonkers, and calling the guy without definitive proof was way out of line. If I were him, I would have told you to GFY.

Talk to your wife; lay down some rules, ask her what she wants, and try to get things back on track.

Demanding she change jobs might actually not be all that bad an idea. There are a lot of Japanese woman that like to be ordered around a bit. It shows you still care, apparently.

Also, where are you getting these translations from? I'll bet you are reading way too much into things, depending on the quality of the translations. The real problem is that you seem to have already decided what they are doing is inappropriate, and that bias will colour any reading of what are likely rather innocent text messages.

[IparryU]

Prepare for worst case scenario aka divorce.

Talk to your wife and confront her about all of this

Don't threaten divorce yet, just prepare to get in the talk and be controlling the talk.

Talk to your wife... Don't watch TV and wait for her to make dinner... Give her some TLC if you want to maintain your marriage.

Talk to your wife more.

Express your feelings to her and listen twice as much as you speak.


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[texasthrowaway]

thoughts?

I get that you're upset, but your actions as you describe them make you sound creepy and wimpy. Your wife probably thinks you're bonkers, and calling the guy without definitive proof was way out of line. If I were him, I would have told you to GFY.

Talk to your wife; lay down some rules, ask her what she wants, and try to get things back on track.

Demanding she change jobs might actually not be all that bad an idea. There are a lot of Japanese woman that like to be ordered around a bit. It shows you still care, apparently.

Also, where are you getting these translations from? I'll bet you are reading way too much into things, depending on the quality of the translations. The real problem is that you seem to have already decided what they are doing is inappropriate, and that bias will colour any reading of what are likely rather innocent text messages.

I hired 2 different native speakers to translate for me. There were slight differences in how they were translated but the gist was the same. I confronted her about the texts and she admitted that she was considering to have an affair with the boss. He would text her about how much he hated his wife, etc. She would text him about how much I am doing for the family and trying to make it work, but she just doesn't have any feelings for me anymore.

I caught them in the planning stages of trying to figure out a way to go somewhere to be alone from coworkers and spouses. She was on a business trip when I confronted her as I couldn't handle being lied too anymore. She hung up and wouldn't answer the phone. I was so frustrated I called her boss who was still here in Texas.

I'm not sure of his English ability, but I ended up sending him photos of the texts between him and my wife. He never called or texted back. My wife apologized, and said that she doesn't want to break up the family and she wishes she could love me like we were earlier in our relationship.

I've asked her once or twice about what her boss has said. She told me he apologized to her for causing all this trouble. She also said I squashed whatever they were planning. I have my doubts. We still sleep separately.

She is still somewhat secretive. She's on the phone, texting or emailing. I can't be sure. I've given her a hard time about it and she swears it's business related. I don't bother asking to see since it's in japanese, and I doubt she would show me anyway.

I've asked and she has offered to quit her job. I have a feeling there is an ulterior motive. Divorce, $$, and ability to go back to Japan. She was hired here in America, but she has impressed them so much, they have talked about moving her into Japanese Corporate if she was interested.

She's not timid, especially about business matters. I always thought that her biggest impediment to success was that she was a female when she worked for Japanese companies and their inherent bias. Some of the actual business related messages I had translated were funny in the sense that the roles were reversed. She was asking her boss why he was so stupid and why he didn't handle things in a certain way. I almost felt bad for him.

The president of the company came from Japan for a financial meeting and met her. He told her they need more female leaders in the company. It's a big Japanese company that makes everything. One everyone knows worldwide.

She said to me that she just wants time. I don't know if that is time to plan a getaway, or time to work on a way of rebuilding our relationship.

When I was younger I was the "other guy" So this is a bit of Karma.

I wrote a draft text to the boss but never sent. Basically saying I wanted to meet and discuss the situation. I'm not really mad at him as much as I am at my wife. I need honest answers which I'm not getting from my wife. My guess is that if he did agree to meet, I wouldn't get honest answers either, but at least he would know that I am in a guarding posture. Of course I also asked that he not mention this to my wife. Not sure if he would or not.

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

Get a lawyer and sue her boss.

This woman has no feelings for you. Take her to the fucking cleaners. too. But watch your back and prepare well (because she's probably already taken shitloads of pre-emptive moves against you.)