Married in Texas and Concerned

[Coligny]

I reserve the rights for movie adaptashiun...

[Yokohammer]

When I was younger I was the "other guy" So this is a bit of Karma.

That's one way of looking at it. But it's more likely that this is a pattern with your wife. She'll always want an "other guy." The grass is always greener, and all that.

I think Hairdo has the right idea.

~ Tapatalking ~

[kurogane]

Texasthrowaway,

Gotcha. At least you 2 are talking.

As for this Karma thing, it doesn't actually work that way, and unless she was married and you 'stole' her, it's hardly the same thing. Is she older than you?? If she is, let me reiterate to the assembled parishioners that might still have time to escape a similar fate: Japanese women don't mature with age, they just sag and dry out; marry a younger one.

At any rate, she sounds like a fairly typical selfish, spoiled Japanese woman that married a white guy to get the best of both worlds and now wants the best of the world she left behind. I can't say whether you should dump her or not, but I sure would. The children make it tougher, to be sure, but anybody deserves more out of life than that selfish childish git is giving you. Mind you, as others have said, all this heartfelt discussion might set her mind right. They really do like that crap.

Good luck.

[matsuki]

As the others are saying, she already broke your trust....still being secretive and shit? Fuck that noise. It's time you got your ducks in a row and prepared for a divorce. Document everything, voice recordings, whatever you can get on her. (without warning her....you don't want to even mention the word divorce until you are 110% ready to go at it) There is infidelity....no doubt. Co-workers don't begin planning some sort of romantic trip together unless they've already been banging. Affairs aren't planned, they're acted out. Push her to admit to the affair (and record it) Use the divorce to cement in your position of power a much as possible and hold the affair over her head to get her to comply to your demands. (threatening to tell her parents about her infidelity may shame her into compliance unlike you've never had before)

Once all is said and done, she may come around with an honest effort to try and start dating you again and rebuilding the relationship....or she may fuck off with boss and only visit the kids. Either way, you want to hold all the cards. Also, don't blame this shit on yourself. It isn't Karma, your children didn't do anything wrong and they are the ones that will suffer most due to mommy's actions.

[GomiGirl]

About 20 years ago I was married (yeah child bride and all that) and I found out my husband had been cheating on me with somebody from work.

I packed my bags and moved out, maintained my dignity and moved on. Am now remarried and extremely happy with an awesome husband I trust implicitly.

The best revenge is living well. Don't get mired down in something that is already dead.

Either get counseling or get out.

All this talk of screwing her and the boss with legal threats etc etc is just sad. The only person who will be ultimately affected is you - you will be sad, lonely and bitter and also alone as you will have killed any hope of trusting anybody again.

[Samurai_Jerk]

@choko,

Recording people secretly is illegal in some states so it's not always the best idea.

@gomi,

Just moving on ain't that easy when kids are involved. Especially when your wife is from Japan and could run away with them.

[Samurai_Jerk]

Get a lawyer and sue her boss.

Sue him for what?

[GomiGirl]

@gomi,

Just moving on ain't that easy when kids are involved. Especially when your wife is from Japan and could run away with them.

Yes but maintaining your dignity and being a civilised adult is always an option.

I think that anybody who uses kids in a divorce either by taking them away or as a weapon to try and hurt the other person is a disgrace. The kids had nothing to do with the parents splitting up and shouldn't have to suffer more than absolutely necessary.

The hard thing about divorce is that there is never anybody who is completely innocent or completely guilty but everybody involved is always trying to make it so.

This OP - he sounds like he would be a fairly decent guy in different circumstances but jealousy and the thought of rejection has turned him into a scheming, plotting maniac - scary stalker man paying, not one, but two translators to spy on his wife.

The wife, as much as you guys are trying to condemn her and paint her as a bitch, is probably just as confused and saddened by the whole situation and doesn't know what to do either. Relationships are tough, people change, you change, nobody ever knows what the right thing to do is. Sometimes you find yourself in situations that you don't know how to deal with. And you screw up...

Just saying....

[Coligny]

Poor little victim who didn't knew she was going to be stop giving a fuck aboot her husband...

Seriously... !?

[IparryU]

Poor little victim who didn't knew she was going to be stop giving a fuck aboot her husband...

Seriously... !?

yar...

but this is a 2 way street. both of them are making mistakes.

[texasthrowaway]

I want an opinion on talking to her boss.

Good?

Bad?

Dumb?

[Russell]

I want an opinion on talking to her boss.

Good?

Bad?

Dumb?

At this point, you may want to ask yourself, what is your goal?

Trying to win her back? Then talk to her first.

Aiming for a divorce? Prepare and then talk to her.

I do not see a reason in talking to her boss yet. Unless you want to apply for a job in your wife's company...

[nikoneko]

If you want to stay a family, figure out why she is bored with you and fix it. Relationships are hard and maybe you are just a boring person yourself. Quit posting on the internet talking about whether you should do shit or not, maybe that is why. Personally if it were me the problem would be with my wife and not the boss, he'd get nothing from me other than a punch in the eye for being a namby assed pansy piece of shit. But her I would work on because I love my wife and son, maybe you do personally maybe not. Ain't nobody on the internet gonna be able to tell you that.

[Coligny]

Yea, totally stop venting here and pack up steam instead... You fuck up even better when you are properly worked up...

Also, check for previous excellent advices related to nukular safety... Wonder how long it take for the average outsider to notice that most of the stupidest advices are also given in the most authoritative way...

[J.A.F.O]

Yea, totally stop venting here and pack up steam instead... You fuck up even better when you are properly worked up...

^^^^^
Sounds a lot like something my old man used to say...

"If your gonna fuck up you might as well give it 100% effort"

[Samurai_Jerk]

I want an opinion on talking to her boss.

Good?

Bad?

Dumb?

Any of the above depending on who you ask. You've already made up your mind as to what you want to do. Stop looking for validation from strangers on the Internet.

[texasthrowaway]

Everyone is right and everyone is wrong.

Fuck

[sillygirl]

I want an opinion on talking to her boss.

Good?

Bad?

Dumb?

Divorce

[kurogane]

I want an opinion on talking to her boss.

Good?

Bad?

Dumb?

Dumber than can be expressed.

The problem is yours, as in between you and your wife. Going after the boss like that is actually a bit childish.

Good luck, man.

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

Get a lawyer and sue her boss.

Sue him for what?

If he files suit under Japanese law (which he is entitled to do, being married to a Japanese), he can sue the other man for destroying the marriage (or, in this case, making it untenable).
The Civil Code allows for parties to claim for damages against third parties who have had an averse effect on a marital relationship.

[kurogane]

Yeah, Alienation of Affection would be the English for that, methinks. Not uncommon in Japan, esp. in Kyoto for some reason.

I do remember reading of similar civil cases in the US, but that might have been a while ago, and I think whether it is admissible at divorce proceedings would depend on the state, woodn't it?

[J.A.F.O]

Yeah, Alienation of Affection would be the English for that, methinks. Not uncommon in Japan, esp. in Kyoto for some reason.

I do remember reading of similar civil cases in the US, but that might have been a while ago, and I think whether it is admissible at divorce proceedings would depend on the state, woodn't it?

I really think this is right but seem to recall these being under older common law statutes. Back when a wife was property and you were kind of suing for theft in a way... or maybe property damage ... but not likely if he's japanese.

[kurogane]

Yeah, it has a Chattel Law flavour to it, doesn't it?

I suppose as a civil case it would be gender free or neutral, though. Still, a pretty drastic measure, and kind of peevish depending on the circumstances. I like to think I would choose not to go there and just Manhattans it.

BTW, how does one embed a Youtube video?

[wagyl]

BTW, how does one embed a Youtube video?

Simplest way, not so obvious if you have chosen to do a quick reply, is to click on Full Editor, where you will find a youtube button. The youtube ID is not the full URL, just the 11 or so character string after the "v="

[kurogane]

Thanks Wagyl. I seem to be too technotarded today, but I'll keep at it.

Grrrr. Nope.

EDIT: TANKS W_S!

[Wage Slave]

Thanks Wagyl. I seem to be too technotarded today, but I'll keep at it.

Grrrr. Nope.

Without the "v="

[Samurai_Jerk]

Get a lawyer and sue her boss.

Sue him for what?

If he files suit under Japanese law (which he is entitled to do, being married to a Japanese), he can sue the other man for destroying the marriage (or, in this case, making it untenable).
The Civil Code allows for parties to claim for damages against third parties who have had an averse effect on a marital relationship.

Yeah, but they all live in Texas.

[Coligny]

Yea, we got that, he can also shoot her and say he tough it was just a n-word with some skittles...

(Why does it feel less racist to write n-word instead of nigger ?)

[FG Lurker]

Thanks Wagyl. I seem to be too technotarded today, but I'll keep at it.

Grrrr. Nope.

EDIT: TANKS W_S!

If you want to see how something was done just quote the message it was done in and look at what gets quoted.

The mistake in your most recent attempt was a carriage return after the YouTube ID.

[matsuki]

Get a lawyer and sue her boss.

Sue him for what?

If he files suit under Japanese law (which he is entitled to do, being married to a Japanese), he can sue the other man for destroying the marriage (or, in this case, making it untenable).
The Civil Code allows for parties to claim for damages against third parties who have had an averse effect on a marital relationship.

Yeah, but they all live in Texas.

Probably wouldn't matter, the wife and the boss are both Japanese and Japan thinks it has jurisdiction everywhere.