"All-New" North Korea is Best Korea!

[wagyl]

Haha, yet another excellent example of Poe's Law. Indeed, it would have been quicker if I had just looked at the source. Thank you for linking to the source, by the way, rather than the countless sites which are reproducing this.

By the way

Disclaimer

Waterford Whispers News is a fabricated satirical newspaper and comedy website published by Waterford Whispers News.

further..

The content of this web-site (graphics, text and other elements) is © Copyright Waterford Whispers News and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the publisher.

I hope you arranged permission on Yanpa's behalf.

[Russell]

further..

The content of this web-site (graphics, text and other elements) is © Copyright Waterford Whispers News and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the publisher.

I hope you arranged permission on Yanpa's behalf.

I corrected the fact that they wrote that Best Korea is a soviet state. With that the whole contents of the piece changes...

[Wage Slave]

As exercises in futility go, trying to parody a regime that is truly beyond parody is right up there with attempting to explain the value of a sound front foot defensive technique to a woman.

[Russell]

OK, then now some serious news about Best Korea...

Kim Jong Un's half brother on the run for Kim Jong Un

The older half-brother of Kim Jong-un, the North Korean leader, has surfaced in Malaysia after apparently going into hiding following the execution of his uncle and guardian in December.

Kim Jong-nam has been sighted at a Korean restaurant in Kuala Lumpur, according to Japan's Yomiuri newspaper, a little over a month after Jang Song-thaek was publically purged in Pyongyang and subsequently executed.

Mr Kim, 42, was reportedly close to his uncle and it is understood that Mr Jang funnelled funds to him through business contacts and the North Korean embassy in Malaysia.

Analysts believe he had good reason to have gone into hiding in the aftermath of the purge of Mr Jang and dozens of his closest allies in North Korea's business and diplomatic communities.

Mr Kim survived an assassination attempt in 2011, around the time of the death of his father, Kim Jong-il, when he was living in Macau. Pyongyang-watchers believe that Kim Jong-un was attempting to do away with his half-brother to consolidate his own claim to the leadership of North Korea.

Previously, Mr Kim had been widely seen as the heir to the communist world's only hereditary dynasty but fell out of favour when he was detained in 2001 trying to enter Japan on a forged passport with a woman and a child. He told authorities that he wanted to visit Disneyland.

He has since lived in exile in Macau, China, Singapore and now Malaysia.

"Mr Kim has been the target of an attempt on his life in the past and it would be reasonable for him to think he is still at risk," [according to] Toshimitsu Shigemura, a professor at Tokyo's Waseda University and an authority on North Korean affairs [...].

"He usually tries to stay in China, but there are many North Korean agents in China now and he clearly felt he was at risk again," Professor Shigemura said.

"In Malaysia, it may be easier for him to hide. Kim Jong-un wants him dead because he knows many secrets about him and Pyongyang, but also because he fears that Kim Jong-nam could serve as the focal point of a coup against his rule," the professor said.

There are long-standing suggestions that China has been protecting Kim Jong-nam as a future North Korean leader, should an accident befall Kim Jong-il or an uprising unseat him. Mr Kim is considered the sole legitimate candidate due to the need to continue the family line.

Link

[wagyl]

due to the need to continue the family line.

Someone doesn't understand the difference between need and desire.

[yanpa]

Best Korea Lands First Ever Man On The Sun

Sorry Russell I'm calling bullshit again. The linked article did not have any links itself, and a check of Korean Central News Agency for 20, 21 or 22 January to match in the posting date and the quote "confirmed today" with some leeway did not ferret out a source.

(in fact, a search for "Hung Il Gong kcna" just pulls up comments from a lot of other sceptics)

I've never heard of the source site, but it does seem to be very credible and well-researched with a whole host of scoops such as Church Hires JK Rowling To Rewrite The Bible, Putin Has His Pet Dog Put Down For Humping Same Sex Dog etc. etc.. I'm guessing it's run by J-school graduates with impeccable credentials who are giving more traditional publications a run for their money.

[Russell]

Uncle Jang's entire family executed

The whole family of one of North Korean leader, Kim Jong Un's uncle, Jang Song Thaek, has been executed on Un's order reports South Korea's Yonhap News Agency, with reference to multiple sources. Jang Song Thaek himself, once a high-ranking official, was executed earlier.

A source claiming to be aware of the situation in North Korea says that the entire family, including babies, was executed.

According to data in the agencies' possession, in December, Jang Song Thaek's elder sister and her husband Jon Yong-Jin, who was North Korea's Ambassador to Cuba and Jang Song Thaek's nephew Jang Yong Chol, Ambassador to Malaysia, and Jang Yong Chol's two sons, both aged about 20, were recalled to Pyohgyang and executed.

Jang Song Thaek also had two brothers, but both had earlier died from illness, perhaps explaning why the families of Mr. Jang's sisters, including their little grandchildren, also became victims.

The agency reports that the family members who resisted arrest were killed outside their houses in full view of neighbors. Any women who were not direct blod relatives of Jang Song Thaek were spared execution.

Jang Yong Chol's wife was forced to divorce her husband and sent with her family to a distant camp in a remote region.

Jang Song Thaek once pleyed a role akin to a regent under the young Kim Jong Un and was considered the second most influential person in the country. In mid December, 67-year-old Jang Song Thaek was charged with attempting a coup and executed.

Later, it became known that that Jang Song Thaek's wife Kim Kyong-hui, a sister of Kim Jong Un's father, was in a coma because following brain surgery and there is no further information about her fate.

Link

Somehow the name Caligula keeps popping up in reference to Kim Jong Un...

[wagyl]

This report makes the Malaysia and elder brother links a little more tenuous or risky.

[Russell]

This report makes the Malaysia and elder brother links a little more tenuous or risky.

Nah, Wagyl, you ain't seen nothing yet...

How Choco Pie infiltrated North Korea's sweet tooth

The first time the South Korean factory owner watched his North Korean employees nibble on a Choco Pie, they appeared shocked -- even overwhelmed.

He summed up their reaction to the South Korean snack in one word: "Ecstasy."

Much like what Twinkies are to Americans, South Korea's Choco Pies -- two disc-shaped, chocolate-covered cakes, sandwiching a rubbery layer of marshmallow cream -- are ubiquitous, cost less than 50 cents and are full of empty calories.

But on the other side of the Korean border, the snacks are viewed as exotic, highly prized treats, selling on North Korea's black markets for as much as $10, according to analysts. Their rising popularity in the north reveals an unexpected common ground between the two Koreas, despite their fractious relationship -- a shared sweet tooth.

[...]

Choco trade

The factory owner, who did not wish to be named, operated his business for seven years at the Kaesong Industrial Complex, one of the key symbols of cooperation between North and South Korea, and the site through which Choco Pies trickled into North Korea.

At the complex, more than 100 South Korean factory owners employ about 50,000 North Korean laborers to manufacture products like clothing and shoes. Kaesong, considered to be an important source of hard currency for North Korean leader Kim Jong Un's regime, sits just a few kilometers north of the Demilitarized Zone, which divides the two Koreas. It re-opened in September after a five-month hiatus.

"It's really the only one place where North Koreans and South Koreans come in regular contact together," said Stephen Noerper, senior vice president of the Korea Society, in New York.

While workers at Kaesong brought their own rice, the South Korean factory owners provided them with soup and snacks, said the factory owner who spoke to CNN.

"The snacks were necessary because the workers were walking to work often for hours, because there were no buses and they became very hungry as they were working," he said.

Choco Pie and Coca Cola were the standard snacks with other South Korean managers at Kaesong. They provided two Choco Pies a day, because "otherwise, (the workers) would not have energy to sustain themselves at work," he said.

But he and fellow South Korean managers also noticed a conspicuous lack of Choco Pie wrappers at the factory.

"It became clear that the workers were hiding them and taking them home to give them to their children," he said.

[...]

Choco replaced

At Kaesong, the South Korean factory owners eventually switched from Choco Pies to cup noodles -- "in order to provide a more substantial snack," the former factory owner told CNN. The change, he said, was well-received.

One of the most surprising things he remembered from his years at the factory was how North Korean workers were mystified by everyday items. The workers had no idea how to use a Western-style toilet, and had never seen toilet paper before, he said.

He has since pulled out of Kaesong.

Through all the stories about noise and misinformation about North Korea, perhaps the Choco Pie is a reminder of an aspect missing in the narratives about the country, said Noerper.

"We lose sight of the fact there's a common human experience. We need to realize North Koreans are regular human beings -- that 99% of North Koreans just desire a better life."

"They want a Choco Pie at the end of the day."

More

[wagyl]

I thought: Russell is recycling old news. Then I saw the date on the link: CNN is recycling old news. (Plenty more links where they came from)

Best Korea. For when bagel heads are not wacky enough.





What amuses me is how much of the news is no more than conjecture. One report says elder brother has moved to Malaysia, where he has a support base including in the embassy, another report says that the embassy was controlled through a nephew of the uncle, both of whom are now executed. The two reports are difficult to tally. Maybe it shows just how far up shit creek elder brother is. Maybe Jong Un really is the Korean for Joffrey.

[GomiGirl]

What amuses me is how much of the news is no more than conjecture.

This is the situation with most "news" on most things these days. Fact checking isn't as important as getting the "news" out there.

[Russell]

I thought: Russell is recycling old news. Then I saw the date on the link: CNN is recycling old news. (Plenty more links where they came from)

Best Korea. For when bagel heads are not wacky enough.

Thanks for taking me so seriously. I thought it might be fun to post something about choko pies in Best Korea. I found the story kind of amusing.

What amuses me is how much of the news is no more than conjecture. One report says elder brother has moved to Malaysia, where he has a support base including in the embassy,...

Please, provide the link to that report. Your conjecture that the brother currently has a support base at the North-Korean embassy in Malaysia is nowhere to be found in my post.

... another report says that the embassy was controlled through a nephew of the uncle, both of whom are now executed. The two reports are difficult to tally. Maybe it shows just how far up shit creek elder brother is. Maybe Jong Un really is the Korean for Joffrey.

Or maybe you need to work on your reading comprehension...

[wagyl]

Maybe I am having a reading comprehension failure, but this is what my eyes saw, in bold:

OK, then now some serious news about Best Korea...

Kim Jong Un's half brother on the run for Kim Jong Un

The older half-brother of Kim Jong-un, the North Korean leader, has surfaced in Malaysia after apparently going into hiding following the execution of his uncle and guardian in December.

Kim Jong-nam has been sighted at a Korean restaurant in Kuala Lumpur, according to Japan's Yomiuri newspaper, a little over a month after Jang Song-thaek was publically purged in Pyongyang and subsequently executed.

Mr Kim, 42, was reportedly close to his uncle and it is understood that Mr Jang funnelled funds to him through business contacts and the North Korean embassy in Malaysia.

Analysts believe he had good reason to have gone into hiding in the aftermath of the purge of Mr Jang and dozens of his closest allies in North Korea's business and diplomatic communities.

Mr Kim survived an assassination attempt in 2011, around the time of the death of his father, Kim Jong-il, when he was living in Macau. Pyongyang-watchers believe that Kim Jong-un was attempting to do away with his half-brother to consolidate his own claim to the leadership of North Korea.

Previously, Mr Kim had been widely seen as the heir to the communist world's only hereditary dynasty but fell out of favour when he was detained in 2001 trying to enter Japan on a forged passport with a woman and a child. He told authorities that he wanted to visit Disneyland.

He has since lived in exile in Macau, China, Singapore and now Malaysia.

"Mr Kim has been the target of an attempt on his life in the past and it would be reasonable for him to think he is still at risk," [according to] Toshimitsu Shigemura, a professor at Tokyo's Waseda University and an authority on North Korean affairs [...].

"He usually tries to stay in China, but there are many North Korean agents in China now and he clearly felt he was at risk again," Professor Shigemura said.

"In Malaysia, it may be easier for him to hide. Kim Jong-un wants him dead because he knows many secrets about him and Pyongyang, but also because he fears that Kim Jong-nam could serve as the focal point of a coup against his rule," the professor said.

There are long-standing suggestions that China has been protecting Kim Jong-nam as a future North Korean leader, should an accident befall Kim Jong-il or an uprising unseat him. Mr Kim is considered the sole legitimate candidate due to the need to continue the family line.

Link

Regarding the Choco Pies, I was going to say that I thought it was amusing, or at least diverting, when I saw it in May last year, but then I saw that it was not you digging up old news, but placed the blame squarely where it lay, with Cable News Network. This is no different from the bagelhead news recycling.

[Russell]

Wagyl, the time when the brother was close to the embassy in Malaysia was before uncle Jang was purged. I thought that is clear from the context, but apparently it isn't. Anyway, let's blame the journalist who wrote this stuff.

[wagyl]

Choco Pies are just the entry level drug. URL even has FG in it! http://www.latimes.com/world/la-fg-nort ... 2607.story

[GargoyleTS]

He needs to stop giving teh NSA ideas on what to do about Snowden. Bad Lil Kim jr! no donut for you!

Also we call those Moon pies here in the US, a southern delicacy available in any store you go into.

[Russell]

North Korean gulags are attracting reviews on Google Maps

The whole 'review things in an amusing manner on the internet' thing has taken a macabre twist, with gulags in North Korea being rated on Google Maps and given verdicts like "Most exquisite checkpoint, made possible by Honourable Soldiers of Glorious Leader'.

Dishonest user reviews have previously been used to poke fun at Google's HQ or a box canvas print of presenter Paul Ross, but now are being directed at labour camps in the notoriously secretive state.

Type 'gulags near North Korea' into Google Maps and a host of internment camps appear, including Kaechon, Chongjin and Hoeryong.

"Best gulag in town. Very accessible and great accommodation!” one reviewer wrote, with star ratings for each gulag appearing on their respective Google results pages.

North Korea was merely blank space on Google Maps until January 2013, when volunteer cartographers helped piece together aerial images of the country, offering views of Kim Jong Il's tomb, Yongbyon nuclear facility and more.

Link

[GomiGirl]

creepy...

[Coligny]

Well... The NHK could take a few clues from DPRK child exploitation programs...

Incredible what a few death threats can do to peons behaviour...

[Coligny]

The whole 'review things in an amusing manner on the internet' thing has taken a macabre twist, with gulags in North Korea being rated on Google Maps and given verdicts like "Most exquisite checkpoint, made possible by Honourable Soldiers of Glorious Leader'.

Funnay, cause it almost read as butthurt fodder, where dark humor is worse than real gulags...

[matsuki]

Well... The NHK could take a few clues from DPRK child exploitation programs...

Child? You mean those aren't adult North Koreans? How will they ever reelect Kim Jung Un to power after that?

[J.A.F.O]

As I was training one of my beginners I started explaining slipping punches. That "you can slip punches generally in all directions 1 o'clock to 11 o'clock but not 12 o'clock, you don't want to move your head into danger ... that is unless your korean" ... student: "I am korean" me:

[Coligny]

Did you offer him a hot dog as a peace gesture...

Teee heee....
Heee hee heee...

[J.A.F.O]

Did you offer him a hot dog as a peace gesture...

Teee heee....
Heee hee heee...

LOL I would have but she might have taken it as sexual advance.

[Mike Oxlong]

Did you offer him a hot dog as a peace gesture...

Teee heee....
Heee hee heee...

LOL I would have but she might have taken it as sexual advance.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

[Coligny]

Did you offer him a hot dog as a peace gesture...

Teee heee....
Heee hee heee...

LOL I would have but she might have taken it as sexual advance.

WAITAMINIT...

You can't distinguish between k-p00n and J-p00n ?

[Mike Oxlong]

Did you offer him a hot dog as a peace gesture...

Teee heee....
Heee hee heee...

LOL I would have but she might have taken it as sexual advance.

WAITAMINIT...

You can't distinguish between k-p00n and J-p00n ?

Could be one of those "been here for generations; speak no k-go; refuse to naturalize; carry foreigner ID" sorts...kinda stealthy.

[J.A.F.O]

WAITAMINIT...

You can't distinguish between k-p00n and J-p00n ?

Sadly no... I don't even care for being in asia so I never memorized the eye chart. (I know, I should be flogged)

That and with the K-plastic surgery can you blame me?

[J.A.F.O]

Could be one of those "been here for generations; speak no k-go; refuse to naturalize; carry foreigner ID" sorts...kinda stealthy.

Military and a bit of a twinkie. Seems like a cali girl.

[matsuki]

That and with the K-plastic surgery can you blame me?

Haha, love the alien looking K-girls!