
This one takes the cake.
The Bicycle Thief
I’ve been living in Japan for two years, and I pretty much know all the rules. Laws, customs, etiquette, that kind of thing.

Stealing is wrong, of course, same as it is everywhere, but somehow it’s more wrong here. In Kyoto, for example, people often leave their shopping in their bicycle basket, sometimes even their handbags, when they go into a store. Their belongings are always there when they come back. This seems unthinkable, but it’s the norm in Japan.
People do sometimes take bicycles — not new ones, but the bashed-in things around the entrance of subway stations. They’re often in big piles, covered in rust, abandoned for whatever reason.
Someone told me that it was O.K. to pick these up and use them. My friend intimated to me that it wasn’t quite legal, but everyone seemed to do it, including the Japanese, so I thought it was fine.

Like the way that, twice a year, when everyone receives their bonasu, or seasonal bonus, families put furniture and TVs out on the street. Lots of foreigners I know get stuff that way.
What year is it?
Anyway, last December, I decided to pick one up.
Exploring the usual mountain of bikes near my subway station, I saw that some were little more than rotting metal skeletons; others were bent or missing saddles. But then I found a nice shiny red one with beige handlebars and a basket. It looked brand-new. Even the key was there in the open lock. I could hardly believe that someone didn’t want it. I took the bike and rode away.

I cycled around on it for a couple of weeks. One afternoon when I came out of the subway, a Japanese man was standing near the bike. Thinking nothing of it, I bent to unlock it and the man started shouting and taking photos of me with his cellphone. He was talking so fast that I couldn’t understand what he was saying. Finally he began shouting an English word that I understood well enough: ‘‘Thief!’’
Suddenly, the police were there. The man spoke to them and gestured toward the bike. I was ushered into a police car and taken to the station.
For the record:
Sarah Lewis, 29, lives in Kyoto and teaches English in Osaka. She is originally from London.
My God she is beyond dumb. How the fuck did she survive till age 29?