Why Japanese people can't speak English

[Samurai_Jerk]

I saw this banner ad on a website.

engrish.png

It led me to this video with a somewhat bizarre theory as to why Japanese people can't speak English well.

Apparently it's because of 白人崇拝病 (Caucasian-philia). In other words the worship of White people makes Japanese people tense up when they try to speak to foreigners.

[kurogane]

I tried, but I just couldn't take it. If it helps ease the brain pain the comments are not kind, and the second one nails it to a T. I am quite sure anybody that has learned a foreign speak already thought that when he heard that glorified profundity (in the new sense, as spoken of yesterday). Twitter will love this crap.

Hilarious that a teacher with his own method would try to complicate the issue so fruitlessly, though I suppose he knows as well as anybody there is no substitute for the two sufficient but unobtainable conditions: study and opportunity. Discounting natural genius like that crazy video chick Reiko Ozeki.

[inflames]

If that were true, wouldn't most people be really good at Chinese and Korean then? After all, if you hate them you should be good at their language then (and won't tense up when speaking to them).

[kagemusha]

If that were true, wouldn't most people be really good at Chinese and Korean then? After all, if you hate them you should be good at their language then (and won't tense up when speaking to them).

Since adoring and hating are two very similar feelings the result is the same. The secret is to learn a language of a culture or country you don't give a crap about...

[kurogane]

If that were true, wouldn't most people be really good at Chinese and Korean then? After all, if you hate them you should be good at their language then (and won't tense up when speaking to them).

Yes, but NO!!!!!!!! You're missing the cause/effect aspect of this Profound Theory. One would get good at a language of the hated because you won't tense up when speaking to them, not simply because you hate them or look down upon them.

Even Japanese that don't like Koreans know damn well they could learn decent Korean in 6 months. It's plug and play. Unless they're really dumb to boot. Which, sadly, is not always the case. Yoshiko Sakurai might be a shameless whore, but stupid she isn't. Chinese is a different ball game altogether. Tonal languages just aren't easy to pick up unless you have the knack. I have been told that I could learn Chinese in a week, but that's from people that either Love Languages! (gush) or think that Chinese and Japanese are identical when written.

Kagemusha,
Dude. That was so deep it was shallow

[Takechanpoo]

difference of grammer and syntax, inaudiblity of the consonant-centralized pronounciations, fear (not worship) toward fuckin gaijins who have uselessly big smelly body and overbearing atmosphere. all of them are nothing more than sub-reasons to explain it.

the most essential reason japanese cant speak english is that generally j-thinking circuit doesnt have the XOR gate to skip evaluations from others. most of japanese dont know how to relativize or transcend the others eyes. others eyes has absolute power here in japan, instead of one God. as you gaijins do know, most of them dont even express their own opinion in public without forming a over-3-or-4-members group and draping all over each other. "TOGETHER WITH EVERYONE!"
so the most efficent way to make japanese speak english is just to ban to use japanese in your office. plain and simple

[Russell]

difference of grammer and syntax, inaudiblity of the consonant-centralized pronounciations, fear (not worship) toward fuckin gaijins who have uselessly big smelly body and overbearing atmosphere. all of them are nothing more than sub-reasons to explain it.

the most essential reason japanese cant speak english is that generally j-thinking circuit doesnt have the exclusive or circuit to skip evaluations from others. most of japanese dont know how to relativize or transcend the others eyes. others eyes has absolute power here in japan, instead of one God. as you gaijins do know, most of them dont even express their own opinion in public without forming a over-3-or-4-members group and draping all over each other. "TOGETHER WITH EVERYONE!"
so the most efficent way to make japanese speak english is just to ban to use japanese in your office. plain and simple

I think there is a lot of truth in this.

[Coligny]

Kagemusha,
Dude. That was so deep it was shallow

Psycho 101: the hardest wall to break is indiference. Once you get people to care, you're in...

[wuchan]

smelly body

that's usually a Japanese dude. Sweat from wearing the same suit all week combined with cigarette smoke and the smell of rotten teeth.....

so the most efficent way to make japanese speak english is just to ban to use japanese in your office. plain and simple

The companies that do end up with very high turnover because an all English work environment comes with a requirement to do some work.

[matsuki]

OMG! Hakujin conspiracy! Straight, white, teeth!!

I also just found out a dude I know went to the dentist for the first time in 10 years...not too surprised as he isn't the first J-person I met like this and I know the common excuse is "Japanese don't care about teeth" but it seems to go against the laws of nature to choose a rotting snaggle tooth smile over a straight set of pearly whites...all other things being equal.

And for good measure, I think this vid is a nano-penis man's cry for help.

[Samurai_Jerk]

The main reason Japanese people can't speak English is simple: they don't need to.

[Takechanpoo]

smelly body

that's usually a Japanese dude. Sweat from wearing the same suit all week combined with cigarette smoke and the smell of rotten teeth.....

so the most efficent way to make japanese speak english is just to ban to use japanese in your office. plain and simple

The companies that do end up with very high turnover because an all English work environment comes with a requirement to do some work.

everyone dont know their own smell enough. its just like cow and horse dont know their own smell but humans cannot help but detect the smell.
just face a realness.
Apocrine sweat gland

deo-abcc11-2013-07-25-13-42-28.png

Sweat from wearing the same suit all week

its not the smell of sweat, but the smell of bacteria adhered a suit.
well...i honestly admit not a few j-dudes mouths smell like hell because of the combination of tabacco and canned coffee, though.

[Wage Slave]

Is is ever the smell of the sweat? Or the smell of the bacteria that thrive in the sweat?

[Grumpy Gramps]

It could be the Japanese toilets that no-one wants to use, so everyone holds it in until a western toilet can be found. Same effect as --> constipation?

The polluted environment in the colon may be killing off the beneficial bacteria and allowing an overgrowth of the harmful toxic bacteria. This can produce an incredibly strong smell. You may also notice strong body odor or bad breath even if the person just took a shower or recently brushed their teeth.

[wagyl]

Apocrine sweat gland

deo-abcc11-2013-07-25-13-42-28.png

Is Take saying that ethnic Koreans have no body odour? Am I reading that right?

[matsuki]

Is is ever the smell of the sweat? Or the smell of the bacteria that thrive in the sweat?

Exactly....and after a week of not washing it, does it really matter?

[Samurai_Jerk]

Apocrine sweat gland

deo-abcc11-2013-07-25-13-42-28.png

Is Take saying that ethnic Koreans have no body odour? Am I reading that right?

Not only that but he's saying the Japaneses stink more than the Chinese or SE Asians.

[matsuki]

...so Koreans don't understand "sweaty balls?"

[Takechanpoo]

fgene-03-00306-t002.jpg

maybe the same one i posted above. j-testees are not such a main stream japanese...

[Russell]

fgene-03-00306-t002.jpg

maybe the same one i posted above. j-testees are not such a main stream japanese...

So, in what aspect did J-testees differ from the general J-population?

[Takechanpoo]

its often said that in japan the ppl, who have a wakiga(body odor), often have jomon features. unflat face, hairy body, moist earwax etc.
okinawan and ainu are pure types of jomon descendants

[Mike Oxlong]

its often said that in japan the ppl, who have a wakiga(body odor), often have jomon features. unflat face, hairy body, moist earwax etc.
okinawan and ainu are pure types of jomon descendants

Oh, just like the samurai.

http://www.nytimes.com/1989/06/06/scien ... roots.html

[kurogane]

fgene-03-00306-t002.jpg

maybe the same one i posted above. j-testees are not such a main stream japanese...

So, in what aspect did J-testees differ from the general J-population?

Wow. I actually guessed he was going to say he heard from his Mommy that they must exhibit significant ethnic differences because they smell even though they're considered Japanese, because anybody that knows knows that Japanese don't smell. And he did. The key is to sledgehammer and crowbar the evidence to fit the unquestionable (because unexamined) facts. And people claim Japanese aren't religious. I'm starting to get why Matuski gets so hinky about the We Japanese BS. It's like discussing microparticle nuclear physics with a dull 8 year old, or anthropology with a complete fool.

[matsuki]

You get all that Take? Either you smell and are descended from Ainu...or you don't and you descended from your favorite people in China and Korea

expected to provoke spirited controversy in race-conscious Japan

Is that polite speak for "racist Japan?"

I'm starting to get why Matuski gets so hinky about the We Japanese BS. It's like discussing microparticle nuclear physics with a dull 8 year old, or anthropology with a complete fool.

I never used to give a shit and just laugh about it but it's hard to not want to vent here when that "We Japanese" or "日本では" shit is thrown at your so often.

[Samurai_Jerk]

I never used to give a shit and just laugh about it but it's hard to not want to vent here when that "We Japanese" or "日本では" shit is thrown at your so often.

It's easy to avoid if you don't watch TV and don't associate with morons. It works well for me. I hardly ever hear that "we Japanese" shit. Sometimes at work and I just immediately break balls and everyone laughs and admits they're being dummies.

[Takechanpoo]

mainstream japanese is a hybrid of jomon(emishi) and ancient "korean". its no problem to say that okinawan and ainu are not a mainstream of contemporary j-ppl. the sampling of the armpit research i posted above is apparently biased.

[matsuki]

I never used to give a shit and just laugh about it but it's hard to not want to vent here when that "We Japanese" or "日本では" shit is thrown at your so often.

It's easy to avoid if you don't watch TV and don't associate with morons. It works well for me. I hardly ever hear that "we Japanese" shit. Sometimes at work and I just immediately break balls and everyone laughs and admits they're being dummies.

I hardly watch J-TV. Morons...well, it's mostly people I don't really choose to associate with....work, customers, suppliers, etc. but every once and awhile a friend or acquaintance that is otherwise level headed pulls that shit out when there is opportunity that is too irresistible for them to comment on. I ignore most of it except the really unnecessary and absolutely absurd shit.

mainstream japanese is a hybrid of jomon(emishi) and ancient "korean". its no problem to say that okinawan and ainu are not a mainstream of contemporary j-ppl. the sampling of the armpit research i posted above is apparently biased.

So you're admitting to being a mixed up mutt of all your favorite people? Chinese, Koreans, and Ainu?

[kurogane]

I never used to give a shit and just laugh about it but it's hard to not want to vent here when that "We Japanese" or "日本では" shit is thrown at your so often.

Here, by all means.......go nuts, man. The creeping death of BBS' will leave a serious hole in long term FG's mental health I fear, especially the ones living in deep cover. But I find it crass when foreigners feel the need to lecture back when actually out and about, especially if their Japanese isn't Absolutely F'in Amazing, and it often leads to uncomfortable situations, especially when I get roped in to mediate, because the pointless presumption of it usually makes me Go Native. Being snicky about it is tiresome, pointless, and counterproductive: it only reinforces the pseudoreligious faith in that sort of BS by strengthening the sense of distinction and difference. It's differential segmentary opposition in action. And it's mostly just polite barroom pseudo profundity anyways. The key to handling it is to go native and be euphemistically platitudinous almost beyond belief. The nice well-intentioned people get deliriously wet that We get them, and the Takechins hate it when you turn the tables on them. Look how oblivious he is to the trenchant criticisms of his schoolboy level analysis. If I wasn't convinced he's actually a spotty faced Eikaiwa teacher named Brandon Longstockings I would fear for Japan.

But if you don't get at least a little tired of it you might a case of the Havills, so do be careful out there

[matsuki]

Exactly why I choose to vent here rather than out in the real world. Even with legit gripes, it's not to fun to be around someone moaning and groaning all the time.

As to being roped in to the assumed ill intentions or misunderstood situations, I'm pretty sure most of us have been there once or twice and had to give the "they're not picking on you or trying to fuck you over, you just don't understand what they said" explanation.

[kurogane]

Yes to all that, except in my case it's half a lifetime of getting yanked into that BS, and it can be really hard to pull rank over language ability without the long term whiteys getting seriously frothing pissy. Because now that the Oprah Care Bears have taken over social etiquette it is apparently elitist to assume that people that speak crappy mispronounced Japanese don't speak it as well as those who speak it well. That has always been one major motivation for keeping one foot off the FG Twister board, which has always saddened me because a lot of those guys (and esp. the pissy power white women) are actually really nice and interesting people until their laughably bad Japanese language and social skills get exposed for what they are, and then they're like a hive of killer bees. And I don't play How Many Kanji Do You Know, btw, or even go very Havill, but when somebody is that far off the mark I don't see why I should have to agree with their mistaken BS just to soothe their sad, fragile egos.

Are these people you are correcting good enough friends that they can take it? I only have 2 or 3 like that in Kyoto that will actually STFU and listen to me, and Kyoto FGs are famously bad at Japanese (as in Farooking Tragic). I was astounded last summer at how good a lot of long term Tokyo FGs are. It makes mixed social scenes so much more enjoyable and smooth it took me a few times to relax and enjoy the groove of it.