J-wife and FG-Family

[Big Booger]

How do you cope? I have a family member visiting and it is hectic dealing with both.. one bitches about the other and I am caught in the middle.. this is just too much.

Any advice?

The FG-Family member is kind of nuts.. but the J-wife is running me through the shitter about it..

Whatever ever happened to gamansuru? I guess the J-wife has forgotten dem days.. LOL

[Jack]

I have no such problems. My family loves my J-wife and her family really likes me. When we get together with our families we actually have a great time.

It's not my place to comment as I do not know the specifics but in my situation, if the J-wife is within my blood family by way of a visit, then it is my family's responsibility to be nice to my wife. I would expect my family to bend over backwards to make my wife feel welcome. If they don't do that, then I leave and remove my wife from that environment.

[Big Booger]

The family is visiting us in Japan.. and the wifey is getting rather bitchy about it...

[AssKissinger]

Let's get some info...you have one visitor right? How long is he or she staying? How big is your pad? How many people total are in there? You don't have any kids do you?

In the mean time I'll give you this advice. Take a little extra time in the sexual department with your wife (not your family member lol). Maybe spend a little extra time down there chewing her out. That should chill her out. Or is it because your place is too small you haven't been able to screw during the visit? That will make a lady cranky.

[kotatsuneko]

my jp family treated me way better than anyone else i met

[Big Booger]

1 family member
2LDK
20 days (rather lengthy stay)
3 total people
no kids


We worked on the sexual thing last night LOL hehehe But it is hard getting the groove on with a family member in the next room LOL kind of sick...and wierd.

The wife is just used to space and now that family member takes up all the extra time we had together.. it is not so bad IMHO. BUt I can see her side of it. 20 days is a bit extended for a visit.. but there were several places on the agenda to visit with them.

My US-family treats the J-wifey like gold. No worries at all there.. they know I'd torch their fucking house if they ever did anything out of spite or evilness to my wife.

My J-family treats me better than gold considering I helped the J-pappa out with a financial situation, home improvements and so on...

Ode to being in the middle of two sharks and wondering which to try to attack LOL

[ramchop]

I thought you lived out in the sticks. Is the FG family member going to see anything else of Japan or just your handsome self? She must be awfully fond of you. Any chance of a big inheritance if the angry wife knocks her off?

[Big Booger]

The J-wife just gave me more moaning.... Anyway to knock her out without going to jail? Maybe use Spock's Vulcan touch ???


We live out in the boons.. but we usually go places on the weekend and when I return home from the daily dose of work...



Heading to a kaiten right now.

[cstaylor]

Ever been with your wife to visit her ancestors' ashes? Maybe you can ask her to show you the same respect for your kin?

[Big Booger]

We went during the last anniversary of one of her ancestor's death. Very morbid, praying, flowers, incense the works.

My J-wife is a fireball... tongue like a dragon, mouth like a bosozoku parade, etc..
LOL

Well maybe she can shut her hole for a while. I went and got her her favorite baby squid snack.. the one with the guts inside called hotaruika in Japanese.


Maybe that will satisfy her.

[Jack]

BB,

I feel sorry for you. My ex-wife was like that and I tolerated her for 9 years before giving her the boot. From then on I made a promise to myself that I would not allow any woman to raise her voice or to be upset about silly things, not even once. It took me a long while and many girls but it seems that I found one in this J-wife of mine. We are still new and things may change but so far so good. All this to say, you have a duty to maintain manhood to the height of expectations that it deserves. Don't take any bullshit from a woman.

Before you flame away, I'm just kidding in the last part.

[duke]

Bitches be schemin, I kid ya not
That's why I keep my windows locked and my Glock cocked

You know that ain't right
With a friend of mine

[Caustic Saint]

Don't take any bullshit from a woman.

Before you flame away, I'm just kidding in the last part.

Why say you're kidding?

Nobody should have to take any bullshit from anybody, male or female.

[Shinigami]

I hate to say it and I hope I'm wrong but is sounds to me like, unless your J-wife gets off the rag at sometime in the future you two aint gonna last.

I mean if your fam treats her like gold and her fam treats you like gold but she gets all bent when just one of your family members stays with you, then she's got some issues. She may think 20 days is a long stay but maybe she needs to think about this.

A trip to japain takes alot of money. It takes close to a week to get over the jet lag. When you get over the jet lag you want to have some time to go out and enjoy all the burning garbage. And it's going to take at least two weeks for the nipponese to fill him full of how "wonderful, perfect, safe and unique" the nipponese and their country is/are.

Anyway you might want to think about at least one part of what Jack said..

I feel sorry for you. My ex-wife was like that and I tolerated her for 9 years before giving her the boot.

The other part of what he said is just pure canadian macho silliness.

I would not allow any woman to raise her voice or to be upset about silly things, not even once. ,,,,,,All this to say, you have a duty to maintain manhood to the height of expectations that it deserves. Don't take any bullshit from a woman.

In my experiences in dealing with my j-Wife of close to 30 years, you have to take as much bullshit as you dish out. It takes TWO to make a marriage work.

I think you need to tell your wife that "Your family member is going to be staying for 20 days and she needs to grow up and deal with it" I mean it's only 20 days forkristsake. How old is she? I could understand her thinking that 20 days is a long time if she's only 8 years old but if you're over 23 or 24 then 20 days is nothing. Unless that is if you're in a POW camp someplace.

Addendum: I know Jack. You were just kidding. So was I.

[Jack]

The other part of what he said is just pure canadian macho silliness.

Addendum: I know Jack. You were just kidding. So was I.

You seem to have a problem with Canadians, undeniably, the most insignificant of countries, save for G-7 membership, and on par with New Zealand.

Man, it doesn't take much to be disliked by you then?

[Shinigami]

The other part of what he said is just pure canadian macho silliness.

Addendum: I know Jack. You were just kidding. So was I.

You seem to have a problem with Canadians, undeniably, the most insignificant of countries, save for G-7 membership, and on par with New Zealand.

Man, it doesn't take much to be disliked by you then?

Come on Jack. I never said that I didn't like you. I think you're funny as hell.

Can't we all just get along?

[AssKissinger]

I hate to say it and I hope I'm wrong but is sounds to me like, unless your J-wife gets off the rag at sometime in the future you two aint gonna last.

Lame comment of the week right there. Nobody here, from reading a couple light-hearted posts from BB knows the first thing about his marriage. To suggest it may be in jeopardy is wildly presumptive. Any of you who are looking for the perfect person ain't gonna find it. And if you'd give-up a marriage over the minor stuff BB is talking about you got no business getting married in the first place. Jack and Shini, yall are taking this shit the wrong way.

Boogs, maybe a little time with your wife and family member just the two of them and few beers. See if they can't get to be friends before it's over. Either way, 20 days will be over before you know it. Your family member will be gone but the wife will still be around so I'd make sure you get the quality time with the fam. You know that's really important when you're a long termer or a lifer here. Have fun, dude.

[Big Booger]

I told her to just suck it up. That we'd have a whole rest of the year to recoup. She's still bitchy, but I think she is just stressed out over work, the FG family member, etc...

Hopefully she can deal with this situation. I would assume that she could seeing as she is always talking about how self-actualized she is.. hehehe

[GomiGirl]

She's still bitchy, but I think she is just stressed out over work, the FG family member, etc...

BB - I don't know you or your wife from Adam.. however, she may just be venting and not needing you to do anything other than hear her.

Sometimes there is nothing that needs fixing except just to hear her bitchin' and let her get it out there.

I learnt this trick from my Japanese secretary.. she treats us as if she were a wife. Whenever she gets a bit stressed, all I do is take her for a coffee and let her get it all out and I make sympathetic noises and make sure she doesn't run too far off on a tangent. I agree with her that all the men in our office are too quiet and don't communicate enough. Then she is fine again. I don't need to fix anything for her - just listen and make sure she feels that I have heard her.

It'll blow over. As long as she doesn't make comments that are nasty and personal about your family member then that is fine.

[Big Booger]

She's still bitchy, but I think she is just stressed out over work, the FG family member, etc...

BB - I don't know you or your wife from Adam.. however, she may just be venting and not needing you to do anything other than hear her.

Sometimes there is nothing that needs fixing except just to hear her bitchin' and let her get it out there.

I learnt this trick from my Japanese secretary.. she treats us as if she were a wife. Whenever she gets a bit stressed, all I do is take her for a coffee and let her get it all out and I make sympathetic noises and make sure she doesn't run too far off on a tangent. I agree with her that all the men in our office are too quiet and don't communicate enough. Then she is fine again. I don't need to fix anything for her - just listen and make sure she feels that I have heard her.

It'll blow over. As long as she doesn't make comments that are nasty and personal about your family member then that is fine.

Best advice yet. Thanks GG. I'll just listen and hope it works out.

[GomiGirl]

Best advice yet. Thanks GG. I'll just listen and hope it works out.

Of course.. you guys have to stop trying to "fix" things for the women in your lives... just listen and make sure she knows you are listening. That is all we want sometimes.

When she asks you to act on something then perhaps you should fix something but if she is just bitching, let her go. 'tis just girls talk.

I do this with my secretary and I just have to make sure she doesn't go off and say things like "gaijinga dame yo" for obvious reasons. I remind her to keep her venting on topic and directed at the individual rather than the collective and she is fine.

She does pay me the highest respect in that she doesn't think of me as a gaijin anymore..... but that in itself has pitfalls.

[AssKissinger]

I make sympathetic noises and make sure she doesn't run too far off on a tangent.

I just have to make sure she doesn't go off and say things like "gaijinga dame yo" for obvious reasons. I remind her to keep her venting on topic and directed at the individual rather than the collective and she is fine

It sounds like you're a really good person to talk to as long as you control the conversation.

[GomiGirl]

I make sympathetic noises and make sure she doesn't run too far off on a tangent.

I just have to make sure she doesn't go off and say things like "gaijinga dame yo" for obvious reasons. I remind her to keep her venting on topic and directed at the individual rather than the collective and she is fine

It sounds like you're a really good person to talk to as long as you control the conversation.

Did I say you were allowed to comment???

Jokes!!

[American Oyaji]

It would take a woman to make a comment like Gomi's....

but oddly enough, she is probably right. Its something I don't understand. Among men, a comment is a call to action. A tirade is a call to arms. So for one's wife to go on a tirade makes a guy feel like he has to do something.

Thanks GG.

[cstaylor]

So for one's wife to go on a tirade makes a guy feel like he has to do something

AO left off the important part:

So for one's wife to go on a tirade makes a guy feel like he has to do something to make the tremendous ear pain stop

Women sometimes forget that we aren't walking Wailing Walls.

[American Oyaji]

AO left off the important part:

So for one's wife to go on a tirade makes a guy feel like he has to do something to make the tremendous ear pain stop

Women sometimes forget that we aren't walking Wailing Walls.

Bloody good point CS. I have given up cussing so I'm at a bit of a loss to say how good of a point I think you made. Sugoku good point.

[tonikoro]

Ever been with your wife to visit her ancestors' ashes? Maybe you can ask her to show you the same respect for your kin?

Taylor, I had just been thinking of this before scrolling down.

LOL -seems I've been so busy, I've missed out on this thread.

Booger
I feel you man.
Me, I'd maybe think about a nice big bottle of Kubota and get eveyone drunk. *'specially the wife.

Although, I guess I lucked out in a few ways when I had my Mom here in Japan. One, my place is big enough to have a Washitsu that can have guest. but things got edgy around the rather flakey friend that my mom let tag along, who pissed my Mom-in-law off at every turn with fickle americanisms and self-centered bullshite. Might also be good to inform the family guest in ever-so-slight ways of the sensitive nature of the extended stay. Making things understood as a buffer between the two for the duration of the stay could make for a better environment (without making that sound too cheesy). Best advice I can offer is don't let the family member make a hotel situation of your place, because if your wife is anything like mine I'd guess trying to capacitate a guest makes stress for hospitality/housekeeping. (i.e. Shopping, meals, making the other person feel comfortable, blah blah blah)

anyway, good luck.

[AssKissinger]

BB, post a picture of your wife and I'll let you know if she can stay at my place or not.

[American Oyaji]

You deserve to be smacked in the face with a wet fish for that remark.

[GomiGirl]

BB, post a picture of your wife and I'll let you know if she can stay at my place or not.

Your wife would let you know if you were allowed to have a house guest or not!