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  • fuckedgaijin ‹ General ‹ Gaijin Ghetto

Birth of a (Pongi) Nation

Groovin' in the Gaijin Gulag
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Birth of a (Pongi) Nation

Postby mr. sparkle » Wed Feb 18, 2004 9:39 am

oh, so you wanna know about the birth of rob pongi and his band of "friendlies"? You GOT it!

rob was visiting me in SF and the dot com krap was blowing up (probably around 2000). rob came into my office and saw what i was doing with a Mac G3 tower, a little DV camcorder and final cut pro, he flipped! he goes, "dude, i wanna do that!" so i told him to get a little DV cam and then a mac and suggested he videotape his antics with his friends down in roppongi or wherever he was (one example:rob dressed as ELVIS doing karaoke on the street singing REALLY freakin' loud with this outdoor battery powered annoyance machine).

i think he started doing that, like, 4 years (and over 150 tapes-each a full hour long) ago. back in the day, he'd send glitter and japanese sticker covered tapes back (FOLLOW ME LOOKING MY ASS was my fave sticker!) and his costume would evolve and he'd do sillier and stupider stuff. my roomate freakin' HATED it. me, this girl and my old college radio buddies LOVED it. so we told him what we wanted to see more of (girls) and less of (rob drunk) and the show got pretty slick. rob's "superman suit" evolved and he even stopped drinkin' until AFTER the camera was off (however, drunk rob pongi is kind of funny, just **a different kind of** funny).

me and all my homies would just be totally crackin' up as the tapes rolled in. but the bits were interspersed with boredom and our fair pongi needed me to unleash a can of whupass on the ol' boy so he could become a full-fledged video editor final cut pro NINJA. (i wrote a book and teach this stuff in a trade school, at apple and at pixar). he succeeded because he not only sucked my brain dry, he actually worked his ass off learning all the shortcuts and now owns his very own case of whupass cans.

to do this, he flew me out a ton of times to the big T (decimating the pongi fortune :roll:) between 2000 and now. early on, i taught both he and Freedom (of TokyoDV) a krapload of final cut pro and they both just went OFF!! before long, rob was yelling at me because he could cut stuff faster then the sensei! 8O

BTW, did you know that rob has literally hundreds of bits that have never been seen on his site? do you know that he has like 5 half hour shows and an hour long rob pongi extravaganza called "Rob Pongi's Cherry Blossom Special"? i am looking forward to the day when rob UNLEASHES the full gnarlyness of what i call the "pongi national archives".

this year, we plan to make a DVD on par with the "monty python and the holy grail" nuttiness to it with lots of twists (great DVD if you don't have it).

all i can say is one thing:

i can't wait to do more happy hour stuff with Rob. after spending a year writing a book, i am ready to help Rob shoot new material and we are talking about shooting a DV Movie. Just need the right sugar daddy...and we know a few.

if any of you have an idea for a story, i'd love to hear it. a melange of "lost in translation" and "seven samurai" would be a heady mix.

i've got WAY more pongi stories and escapades rob and i have gotten into (ask me about hiroshima some day :twisted:). so stay tuned!
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Re: Birth of a (Pongi) Nation

Postby Taro Toporific » Wed Feb 18, 2004 10:53 am

mr. sparkle wrote:oh, so you wanna know about the birth of rob pongi...
i've got WAY more pongi stories and escapades rob and i have gotten into (ask me about hiroshima some day !


Stories? Sheeeeee-it yes we want stories.
What about the AFTERbirth of Rob Pongi?

Speaking of stories and Hiroshima ....Here's a reproduction of the jacket I had hanging in the office when I was working Harajuku during my first Hiroshima Day in Japan. :twisted:

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Postby Big Booger » Wed Feb 18, 2004 12:11 pm

Does Rob wear that costume all day? In the shower?

:lol:
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Pongi Showertime: Don't drop the soap.

Postby Taro Toporific » Wed Feb 18, 2004 12:26 pm

Big Booger wrote:Does Rob wear that costume all day? In the shower?


So now you wanna shower with Pongi?

Wait, wait, Pongi Showertime(tm) ...now that a high-concept pitch I could make to the Man Show! :P

Gee that's almost as good as the BATH PONGI in the "PONGI-CLUB"
ImageImage
"The little ones" are really important - in the PONGI children's club in Dorf-ga-stein

Hey Kids! In Dorf-ga-stein you can have a really great time - with lots of fantastic adventures. While mum and dad are relaxing or enjoying their sightseeing trips, it's all happening in the Pongi Children's Club. Have you ever tried mixing cocktails or met a real ghost?...we tell fairly tales, do handicrafts and play. All children over the age of 3 who are staying with a Pongi host are welcome to join.

See you soon,
Best Wishes from PONGI
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Postby mr. sparkle » Wed Feb 18, 2004 1:43 pm

BB,
Does Rob wear that costume all day?


the sweat stains would be from here to hotlanta if that were true! to answer your first question, no not all the time. as of late, it only comes out for special occassions and when he gets paid to do it. he actually has several get-ups he rotates through in the off season. in the summer, there is the summer pongi get up with shorts and suspenders, with a "wifebeater" but you ain't never seen that. trust me, it's awesome.

he's running out of those glow in the dark glasses though. if anyone knows why "za roft" (loft) discontinued production, i'd like to find out. we need a few more grosses to keep the pongi army supplied.

In the shower?


no, but that's where he steam cleans the jackets. didn't you ever notice that he has several different combos of helmets, bow ties and jackets?

i'm sure a few pongi gals have requested that he "leave the helmet on" while showering though. 8O
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Postby mr. sparkle » Thu Feb 19, 2004 12:28 pm

that yellow tape looks hokey. man i like those plastic brackets way better.

so my request is "halloween elvis" from the pre-pongi era, where you sing, a madonna song, i think, is it?. can you oblige? :bowdown:
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Postby Big Booger » Thu Feb 19, 2004 12:36 pm

mr. sparkle wrote:that yellow tape looks hokey. man i like those plastic brackets way better.

so my request is "halloween elvis" from the pre-pongi era, where you sing, a madonna song, i think, is it?. can you oblige? :bowdown:


Like a Virgin would be a welcome Pongi Tune.
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Postby mr. sparkle » Thu Feb 19, 2004 12:40 pm

tories? Sheeeeee-it yes we want stories.


well, let's just say that rob got a little "tied up" down in hiroshima.
:twisted:

no, the classic stuff is where rob gets shut down by the police and rob somehow talks them out of arresting him every time. this is before you had to have a street permit in roppongi and we just busted out "the show" on the sidewalk. i don't know how the guy does it (and i don't understand nihongo well), but before long the cop just yells at him and tells him to pack up his "bag of tricks" and go. :biggrin2:

the sushi guy next to the hideout was usually the culrprit. he just didn't want us blocking his door, which we were careful not to do. now if it is just a "rent-a-cop", my man just descalates the situation and turns it into a "bit".

another funny thing that springs to mind was the "new half" who fully flashed us on camera and then later seeing "her" in mo-2 picking up on some unsuspecting sailor. that was a good laugh.

you know...priceless little gems that are so numerous, it's hard to remember them all. prob'ly due to "drinking japanese beer".
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Postby mr. sparkle » Thu Feb 19, 2004 1:27 pm

Like a Virgin would be a welcome Pongi Tune


i got video of rob and me doing karaoke in '95! i was the one who sung "like a virgin" actually. rob did "all my lovin'". we were on a double date. i remember that was the hottest summers in like 75 years.

we totally struck out with the dames, o' course. :?
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Postby mr. sparkle » Thu Feb 19, 2004 2:35 pm

but there is now, in fact, a law against what we used to do almost every weekend for a few years.


that totally sucks man. it was like the day they "shut down" yoyogi park. too damn bad you need to be sanctioned performers.

but yes, we should do a comeback show this year, man. we can put it together when it gets a bit warmer, right? hell yeah! :twisted:

'Rob, you know why they made that new law don't you'


the call it "pongi's law" i guess.

and they too are eagerly looking forward to our triumphant return one day and they have assured me that we will be taken care of in many ways


COOL! so i get a rider? a coupla "massaji 4 U?" gals, a case o' diet pepsi and 6 bite sized burgers from "Freshness Burger" please!

Many have asked me, even begged me many times to bring back the show, but I have told them everytime, that we really need all of the above in order to really do it again live on the strip in Roppongi. Seriously, its the only way.


let's put "the family" to work then!

pongi army...full steam ahead!! we WILL NOT be stopped. :shroom:
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pongi

Postby turnback » Fri Feb 20, 2004 6:50 pm

just gotta say i stumbled across the pongi site there this morning after no sleep last night and I nearly shit myself laughing.
Well done and keep it up
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Pongi nation

Postby subgenius » Fri Feb 20, 2004 11:35 pm

Rob,

Just checked out your site for the first time. Fucking hilarious!!! Great footage.

After watching"Grapes of Love" I've decided that I'm going to turn into a communist because Kim Jong Yung has Delicous grapes the size of big candy! He gives them to us out of love! So what if he has a few nukes, he has bananas, apples, and apricots! Yum yum yum! :lol:
A signature should say something interesting, clever, and original, mine says boobies.
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Postby DjMitch_UK » Sat Feb 21, 2004 6:10 am

Oh great, thanx alot I have that tune stuck in my head now :evil:
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Postby Caustic Saint » Sat Feb 21, 2004 8:25 am

Rob Pongi wrote:1. The Genius Kids (DO NOT LOOK AT THE GIRLS EYES! FOCUS ON THE HAPPY FACE ONLY)

2. Mo Kin - Smiling (AGAIN: DO NOT LOOK AT THE GIRLS EYES! FOCUS ON THE HAPPY FACE ONLY)

3. Bobby (FOCUS ON THE DOG)

Nah, there's nothing wrong with Mo Kin's eyes (or Bobby's). Just that freakshow in the Genius Kids video.

Actually, I'm starting to wonder if there might not be some distant familial link between Mo Kin and the kon-NEE-chi-waaaa girl in your Cherry Blossom outtakes video.
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Postby DjMitch_UK » Sat Feb 21, 2004 9:30 am

You'll also notice that the infamous Evil Pongi is also in the Cherry Blossom outtakes video and that field reports keep coming in that he now has crossed over the North Korean border into Pyongyang with his army of 'Pongiyangs' who worship the man, like a god, and follow his every order however ridiculous.


You should really try sticking up to that guy! :P
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Postby mr. sparkle » Sat Feb 21, 2004 12:06 pm

rob,
he ain't so bad. one time in kabuki-cho he got me all wasted
and then set me up with this babe!

Image

i didn't go "all the way" with her, but she looked pretty good to me.
funny though. evil was chuckling a little under his breath. i wonder why?? 8O

yeah baby!
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Postby Kanchou » Sat Feb 21, 2004 12:15 pm

*snort*

*giggles*

BAHAHAHAHAHA...


I couldn't help but burst out laughing after I noticed the title...
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Postby DjMitch_UK » Sat Feb 21, 2004 10:24 pm

If only evilpongi had a weakness of some sort, we could be saved!
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Postby altar » Sun Feb 22, 2004 11:31 pm

Does Pongi himself do the Japanese and the Korean translations!?
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Postby altar » Sun Feb 22, 2004 11:49 pm

and what does he actually do for a living? (I don't mean to be rude or anything, just curious...)
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MIRTH and MERRIMENT!

Postby Taro Toporific » Sun Feb 22, 2004 11:58 pm

altar wrote:and what does he actually do for a living? (I don't mean to be rude or anything, just curious...)


Spread MIRTH and MERRIMENT!! Like all FGs he does as little as possible .... sometimes he does B&D to MS networks, but that just another humor gig, ain't it? :P
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Postby mr. sparkle » Mon Feb 23, 2004 8:03 am

rob has a don't ask-don't tell job and is employed by "the family" so that's as much as we can tell you - or we'd have to kill you. best not to put the words - rob pongi and north korea ever again or spontaneous combustion **may** occur.

his purpose? to bring great happiness and great joyful to all of "the friendlies" AKA the pongi army. the thousands of tokyo-ites that each own a helmet with 2 flags waving in proud support of the grand pooba pongi - mr. rob pongi.

it is written in the ancient sanscript that the original col. pongi, rob's great-great uncle (i believe) is the one who invented roppongi - the popular niteclub area of tokyo. rob's legacy are the streets of roppongi where he brings japanese and foreigners together "for fun and games". "the family" is largely made up of pongis who run the show down in 6 trees.

rob does have a public front though. he recently won the election as
the malted beverage inspector of musashino-shi.

Image
Our Fearless Leader wins the election as
the new Musashino-Shi Malted Beverage Inspector!


daijoki inspection takes place at the hub every friday nite. 8O

Join the Pongi Army today!
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Holy History of the PONGI

Postby Taro Toporific » Mon Feb 23, 2004 9:10 am

mr. sparkle wrote:it is written in the ancient sanscript that the original col. pongi, rob's great-great uncle (i believe) is the one who invented roppongi - the popular niteclub area of tokyo. rob's legacy are the streets of roppongi ...


Here's great-great-great-great uncle Pongi Valli Malai Balananda Sadhu :arrow: Image
Pongi Sadhu wrote the Pongi Gospels before leaving the Asramam to save the Japanese from their inner mirthlessnes. Did you know that in sanscript Pongi literally means 'bubbling over', i.e. with joy? (True, no BSing!)

ROB PONGI, the man who brought the PUNG to Roppongi!
Seen here doing the Pung 64 Cholom dance.
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Postby altar » Mon Feb 23, 2004 3:12 pm

"P.S. OK, there are some 'hidden' clues here:
Who is Rob Pongi? "
???They're indeed very hidden!!
Ok, so your day job is teaching English, what's wrong with that?
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Postby mr. sparkle » Mon Feb 23, 2004 4:40 pm

altar wrote:Who is Rob Pongi? "
???They're indeed very hidden!!


the question, dear altar, is not **WHO** mr. pongi is, but rather what WHAT pongi is---

it's really a state of mind baby!

pongi is what happens to you if you go beyond the fucked stage of being a fucked gaijin.

allow me to explain:

this is an altered state of conciousness called "PONGI" caused by a combination of SSS--soft skull syndrome (which was caused when he and his siamese twin,evil pongi were separated at birth) and spending more than 10 years inside the buddha with little hope of ever returning to your home country, "normal".

look out, 'cause BOOM! once your brain has kicked into "PONGI" mode - you're basically history.

Image
The advanced "PONGI" trance state

once you've gotten P O N G I on the brain (and trust me, you will) in this strange land, your only hope is to try to bring happiness to others, before you, yourself, become **TOTALLY** insane.

there's a japanese version of this disease for nihonjin that spend too many years in america. it's called "tenacious-Dism" a horrible case of idol worship that they can never come back from.

so who is Rob Pongi? he was a fucked gaijin - just like you. that is, until he reached a higher state of P O N G I conciousness (IOW - beyond "fucked"). you know, his disciples now come from miles around, just to carry his prop case.

altar wrote:Ok, so your day job is teaching English, what's wrong with that?


altar, you can't assume that "the pongi" is a mere teacher of english, can you? LOL.

he hasn't taught english since long before the bubble burst. in fact. he's been living "off the grid" for quite some time now! the "family" is now "taking care" of our lord pongi - but he does not "work" in the sense that you and i know.

how he makes his living or how he can afford his swank "pongi palace" (AKA the hutch) is not important. what is important is that, like rob, you should not take being in japan too terribly seriously and to enjoy yourself as much as possible while you live there. but don't stay too long, unless you want to reach higher P O N G I states of conciousness, and you gotta be really careful with that! :cool2:

YOU MUST SUBMIT TO THE PONGI ARMY! 8O
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Postby Kanchou » Mon Feb 23, 2004 5:09 pm

Hey, don't worry, no one cares that Rob is an oyabun of the Yamaguchi-gumi :D. It's good to see some diversity in the yaks these days.
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Postby altar » Mon Feb 23, 2004 5:31 pm

"you should not take being in japan too terribly seriously and to enjoy yourself as much as possible while you live there"
good words!
actually, I'm no longer in Japan and it's been years since I last haunted shimokitazawa. I mutated from being a fuckedgaijin to becoming a fuckedwegugin.
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Postby Caustic Saint » Mon Feb 23, 2004 5:42 pm

altar wrote:actually, I'm no longer in Japan and it's been years since I last haunted shimokitazawa. I mutated from being a fuckedgaijin to becoming a fuckedwegugin.

Nah, the appropriate term for a fuckedwaygook is "ESL teacher." :rofl:

I'll be doing the opposite hop later this year. No mo' Korea fo' me! :D
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Postby mr. sparkle » Mon Feb 23, 2004 5:57 pm

no mo ko fo yo? ho ho! :lol:
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Postby altar » Mon Feb 23, 2004 6:25 pm

"Nah, the appropriate term for a fuckedwaygook is "ESL teacher.""

Oh...so I am not a fuckedwegugin then. OMG! What am I??
So Caustic, moving from Seoul to Tokyo?
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