Seems like so many foreigners are having a hard time.

[hanasims]

What is the most stressful aspect of living in Japan. Being treated unfairly? Not being familiar with the culture? You guys are a really big help.

[jim katta]

I don't think there's one answer to that question. Everybody has different stress points. From what I've seen, the gaijins who get the most stressed out are the ones who don't speak at least decent japanese. Knowing how to speak japanese can often be the difference between having a great time in japan, or just surviving and then becoming embittered with the country. Just my view, I'm sure there are other stress points that can be pointed out.

[Steve Bildermann]

[gpvillamil]

First of all: I'm having a great time in Japan. I really enjoy the culture, the lifestyle, the food and the people. Pretty much everyone I've come across has been unfailingly friendly.

I think the key is to act as Steve says in the previous post: accept the culture for what it is, don't expect things to align with your expectations, but don't do violence to your own identity either. Japan has a long and colorful history of finding a role for foreigners (and this role can often be rewarding) but it's no melting pot. Gaijin who try to carry their home culture around with them, and live in a bubble, will have problems. Those that try to become "Japanese" have problems too, though subtler. Accept that you are a foreigner immersed in Japan, and things will go better.

Knowing some of the language and culture is key to understanding what is going on, and will enhance your quality of life immensely. When in doubt, be polite and friendly - 99% of the time people will be trying to help you out, though they may be acting in apparently bizarre ways.

You should definitely come here - if you truly engage with the experience, it will teach you a lot, possibly more than almost any other place on Earth (except India...)

[Steve Bildermann]

Gaijin, who are you calling a GAIJIN!

Kampai!

[maraboutslim]

Once again the PimpDaddy has spoken the truth. Great post Steve.

I think stress-level in Japan comes in cycles. It is similar to how one's viewpoint of Japanese society comes in cycles too. You know, when you first arrive the place seems totally unlike where you came from. Then a short time later when you are able to do your daily routine you start to think that it's really not all that different from your home country since you can do pretty much all the same stuff (drink guinness, watch the same movies, date beautiful women, whatever). Then a little while later as your Japanese language skills improve even more and you get into situations in business or personal life that you weren't able to before, you start to see a deeper level and are back to thinking it is just a totally bizarre place. Then you learn how to handle those situations and even thrive on that level and you go back to thinking again that people are people and women are women and business is business and Japan is not all that different from how things work at home after all. Then you get to a deeper level and... the cycle continues! I've seen this cycle in action in various gaijin I knew over the years, watched how their opinion of the place changed in this manner over time, and I also remember when it was happening to me.

Each of these levels kind of brings a level of stress. So does simply getting older and going through lifestyle changes. You have deeper responsibilities at work, you have a steady girl, you get married, you have kids, the kids have to go to school, etc. Suddenly you are dealing with more and more things: landlords, employees, in-laws, teachers, immigration people, etc. Each time one of these things hits you, it's stressful. The second time around it's like no big deal and no stress at all (but there is always something else to take its place!).

-Slim

[jim katta]

I'm gonna have to say also that steve's klingon picture post is perhaps the best answer ever to 'what's it like to be a gaijin in japan.'

[GomiGirl]

[Naniwan Kid]

Steve and Slim, you have said it at least as good, if not better, than I can.

Perfect!

I think one of the hardest things is when people put a plate of food in front of you you find disgusting. There are several types of gaijin, and different ways to deal with it.

1) Eat it and smile. Don't think about what you are putting in your mouth, just consume.

2) Eat it and convince yourself that since your hosts consider it delicious, it must be delicious. The reason you don't initially think it's delicious is that you haven't properly discarded your previous cultural identity.

3) Eat the good stuff and scoot the yucky stuff into a eki-mae kleenex and excuse yourself to the bathroom.

4) Eat nothing, say "I'm fine, I'm fine" and wake up to your grumbling stomach all night.

None are right, and none are wrong (well.....), but my point is that COMMUNICATION is as vital in Japan as it is anywhere else.

No one will be offended if you don't want to eat raw quail eggs, as long as you tell them that BEFORE they order you raw quail eggs, and you saw "Sure, I'll eat anything".

I couldn't imagine living in America and not knowing English, so I wonder why people think they can live in Japan and not know Japanese....

[Big Booger]

make the most out of what you can, screw the rest.

[Kurofune]

It didn't take long for me to realize that acceptance and integration wasn't my concern. In fact, I kept things at arm's length because I didn't want to be sucked into neighborhood groups, pressed to go drinking, and be obligated to other such things. Regardless of where I am, I need my space.

My concern was security. I wanted a reasonable measure of assurance that I wasn't going to lose my job because I was no longer gaijin enough or was getting too old. I didn't want to blow my money on rent, and getting raped for a house wasn't much of an alternative. And now that I have a son, I wouldn't want him going to a run-of-the-mill school. In Japan, it's tough even for a native to make all those ends meet.

[devicenull]

The double standards, the inability to take criticism when it is constructive, the insistance on using WRONG and horribly constructed English when Japanese might actually result in a meaningful conversation. The price-fixing, the bland crappy food... the list just goes on and on. I fixed a bike with duct tape the other day, this idea was completely beyond the owner of said bike. 4 more months till freedom

[AssKissinger]

It didn't take long for me to realize that acceptance and integration wasn't my concern. In fact, I kept things at arm's length because I didn't want to be sucked into neighborhood groups, pressed to go drinking, and be obligated to other such things. Regardless of where I am, I need my space.

My concern was security. I wanted a reasonable measure of assurance that I wasn't going to lose my job because I was no longer gaijin enough or was getting too old. I didn't want to blow my money on rent, and getting raped for a house wasn't much of an alternative. And now that I have a son, I wouldn't want him going to a run-of-the-mill school. In Japan, it's tough even for a native to make all those ends meet.

So, are you still in Kanagawa then?

4 more months till freedom

Praise God! Me too, my man. Maybe I'll run into you at Narita and we can moon Japan together on our way out the door.

[FG Lurker]

It's good you guys are getting out of Japan. If you hate somewhere so much then don't punish yourself by staying. Life is short.

[devicenull]

It didn't take long for me to realize that acceptance and integration wasn't my concern. In fact, I kept things at arm's length because I didn't want to be sucked into neighborhood groups, pressed to go drinking, and be obligated to other such things. Regardless of where I am, I need my space.

My concern was security. I wanted a reasonable measure of assurance that I wasn't going to lose my job because I was no longer gaijin enough or was getting too old. I didn't want to blow my money on rent, and getting raped for a house wasn't much of an alternative. And now that I have a son, I wouldn't want him going to a run-of-the-mill school. In Japan, it's tough even for a native to make all those ends meet.

So, are you still in Kanagawa then?

4 more months till freedom

Praise God! Me too, my man. Maybe I'll run into you at Narita and we can moon Japan together on our way out the door.

Not a clue as to how I am leaving yet though... Either on a plane out of Chubu to Beijing, or on a slow boat to China with my friends. Either really late July or early August

[Kurofune]

So, are you still in Kanagawa then?

Oops. Location updated.

[rooboy]

Steve and Slim, you have said it at least as good, if not better, than I can.

Perfect!

I think one of the hardest things is when people put a plate of food in front of you you find disgusting. There are several types of gaijin, and different ways to deal with it.

1) Eat it and smile. Don't think about what you are putting in your mouth, just consume.

2) Eat it and convince yourself that since your hosts consider it delicious, it must be delicious. The reason you don't initially think it's delicious is that you haven't properly discarded your previous cultural identity.

3) Eat the good stuff and scoot the yucky stuff into a eki-mae kleenex and excuse yourself to the bathroom.

4) Eat nothing, say "I'm fine, I'm fine" and wake up to your grumbling stomach all night.

None are right, and none are wrong (well.....), but my point is that COMMUNICATION is as vital in Japan as it is anywhere else.

No one will be offended if you don't want to eat raw quail eggs, as long as you tell them that BEFORE they order you raw quail eggs, and you saw "Sure, I'll eat anything".

I couldn't imagine living in America and not knowing English, so I wonder why people think they can live in Japan and not know Japanese....

Yeah,yeah. Takes the empty VB bottle for the most inane post I've seen this month. What a fucking tragedy that this insightful poster aint around these days.

[tone]

the hardest thing is stopping at a reasonable number of those almond chocolates. the box just eats itself

[6810]

Yeah,yeah. Takes the empty VB bottle for the most inane post I've seen this month. What a fucking tragedy that this insightful poster aint around these days.

Hang on... since you had to actively resurrect this zombie thread are you sure the VB is going in the right direction? 2005, mate, 2005!

[rooboy]

I know, I know, but it was such a bloody insightful post I had to resurrect it for posterity to admire.

[wagyl]

I had to resurrect it for posterity to admire.

However it still took you more than five and a half years from your join date of Feb 2005 to do so. About the only dish I choose not to eat is brains rejected by a zombie thread, in which you yourself acknowledge that the poster you want to reply to is no longer a member. All it does is stroke your ego, allowing you to make a noise to remind yourself that you exist.

Sadly, everything you write here on the internet is recorded and kept as part of the sum of human knowledge. I think it is best not to say anything unless you are adding to that sum of human knowledge. Otherwise, your descendants will curse you to eternity for having increased the noise to signal ratio, and for making them wade through masses of dreck to get to useful information.

[rooboy]

Yeah, yeah, sorry I forgot that fuckedgaijin is part of 'the sum of human knowledge'.

[IparryU]

Yeah, yeah, sorry I forgot that fuckedgaijin is part of 'the sum of human knowledge'.

damn skippy! best learn your shit while you are still alive.