WHAT DO U HATE ABOUT FELLOW GAIJINS ????

[FG Lurker]

Generally speaking [Edit: around Kansai] it seems to be 10,000, 30,000, or 50,000yen.

20,000 is bad because two bills can be divided easily signaling separation. 40,000 is bad...well, I don't think I need to comment on "4"!!

10,000 is for students. 30,000 for single friends. 50,000 for couples. As someone mentioned it really hurts if you have several in a year!! Or two in a month.

[maraboutslim]

Now that sounds more like it. We can't have the newbies reading this and thinking people give up ten times that much.

(canman, you gotta be careful when you use the word "man" man - it's 10,000 not 1,000).

[canman]

FGL It all depends how much the couple put in the invitation. A lot of people here ask for 20 000 and get it. But you should give one 10 000 thousand yen bill and two 5000 bills. That is the rule up here.
But as for the invitations with no price you are right.

[cstaylor]

Some advice about giving money for weddings: never give even numbers of bills (considered bad luck, because the couple can divide them equally), 1man is too low if you are attending the actual ceremony and party, so the smallest amount you should give is 3man.

If you are related to the bride or groom, you should give a minimum of 5man, especially if you've travelled to the wedding, because the bride or groom's family will be paying for your hotel and/or travel expenses.

I think a lot of foreigners get confused. The money is *not* a gift: you're subsidizing the wedding and food. Think of it like an entrance fee and support for the wedding couple.

Finally, you will receive a gift for attending the wedding, usually on the order of 1/5th to 1/3rd the amount you paid to attend (so ~5000yen). This is the "thank you for attending" gift, which does not need to be answered with yet another gift.

If you cannot afford the entrance fee, and the bride or groom are not family, you can politely decline the wedding invitation due to prior engagements, and offer to attend the after-wedding party. The entrance fees for those are ~5,000yen, including food and alcohol.

[cstaylor]

FGL It all depends how much the couple put in the invitation. A lot of people here ask for 20 000 and get it. But you should give one 10 000 thousand yen bill and two 5000 bills. That is the rule up here.
But as for the invitations with no price you are right.

FGL, look where canman is posting from. Maybe the rules in the sticks are different?

[maraboutslim]

I can't believe people actually state the amount they are asking for! When did that start? Or is that just an inaka thing? We did nothing of the sort in our Tokyo wedding 12 years ago and wouldn't have dreamed of it.

Only family and a few close friends were invited to the actual shrine ceremony due to space restraints, and others came afterwards to the reception on a cruise around the harbour - french meal, lots of drink and the like. I think most people gave 5man per couple, family a lot more of course, and some of my friends less which was fine because they were young and broke so no problem. Considering the cost of the wedding ceremony itself as well as the reception, we pretty much broke even. Well, I pretty much broke even (we each paid half the costs) - I let my wife keep the extra since it came from her family members. We didn't (and still don't totally) co-mingle our finances.

[FG Lurker]

FGL It all depends how much the couple put in the invitation. A lot of people here ask for 20 000 and get it. But you should give one 10 000 thousand yen bill and two 5000 bills. That is the rule up here.
But as for the invitations with no price you are right.

FGL, look where canman is posting from. Maybe the rules in the sticks are different?

I was just stating what happens around here (Kansai)... Everywhere is different, true.

Nagoya seems to have the weirdest customs...but that's not really any surprise!

[AssKissinger]

My wedding ceremony was is Aomori. We had a set charge which is often the custom up there. Everyone paid 15,000 which was just enough to cover the food and the nomihodai and a couple of gifts. It may sound tacky but we actually did it like that (besides it being a tradition with at least a lot people up there, can't say everyone though, don't know) to save people money. If we didn't have a set charge then most people probably would have given 30,000. We wanted people to be able to afford to come with their spouse or a date so we did it the way we did. We paid travel costs and hotel fees for out of town friends but didn't accept gifts of cash in return. That's how we did it up there. I actually didn't invite any gaijin so I was the only one there.

[canman]

Dead on AK. I know it seems weird to put a price in your wedding invitation, but it saves people a lot of money. If there is no price, then as CS wrote people feel obliged to give at least 30 000. And yes from what I have heard weddings up here are much bigger and a lot more expensive than in most places, other than Nagoya.
And CS I take umbrage with your sticks comment. We are "naive" that is all.

[AssKissinger]

I have heard weddings up here are much bigger and a lot more expensive than in most places, other than Nagoya

That's funny because we were actually living in Aichi and organized a lot of the stuff in Nagoya. Like the photographer, wedding gifts for our guests, my wife's hair set thing- Jesus all that shit was expensive. And every weekend we were in Nagoya shopping around for shit. Man, it was like having an extra job! Brings back nightmares, but my wife loved it.

[cstaylor]

And CS I take umbrage with your sticks comment. We are "naive" that is all.

Anyplace where your neighbor is the county Mayor *and* a second-cousin... them's the sticks.

[FG Lurker]

When I got hitched we did the ceremony in Canada. Entire thing was about 400,000yen. Bought the dress my wife chose, rented tuxes for me/best man/ushers/fathers, paid for the chapel & the celebrant, and covered the cost of the catered reception at my parents' house. I think we had about 60 people at the party, maybe more.

My parents make beer that everyone raves about, so we used that. Can't remember what we did for wine in the end. No hard liquor.

Then of course we had to do a party and some photographs in Japan. The hakama/kimono rental/photos were 400,000 on their own. What a scam.

[Papa-Lazarou]

I hate it when they poke their erections in my back when i'm dancing............

[NeoNecroNomiCron]

Being-a-broad.com

[NeoNecroNomiCron]

Dumb fucks who actualy buy, then try to sell an NTT phone line.

[FG Lurker]

Dumb fucks who actualy buy, then try to sell an NTT phone line.

Some of us have been here long enough that we had no choice but to buy an NTT line...

[NeoNecroNomiCron]

Dumb fucks who actualy buy, then try to sell an NTT phone line.

Some of us have been here long enough that we had no choice but to buy an NTT line...

But try and sell it for full price. What fucktard would fall for that? ( plenty of people on being-a-broad.com)

[FG Lurker]

Dumb fucks who actualy buy, then try to sell an NTT phone line.

Some of us have been here long enough that we had no choice but to buy an NTT line...

But try and sell it for full price. What fucktard would fall for that? ( plenty of people on being-a-broad.com)

Yeah, that's true. What are you doing on being-a-broad though? Is there something you haven't told us necro?

[emperor]

I can't believe people actually state the amount they are asking for! When did that start?...

We have wedding lists]Dumb fucks who actually buy, then try to sell an NTT phone line...
But try and sell it for full price. What fucktard would fall for that?[/quote]

I think they do that with a lot of items you see in saionara sales - 4 year old tvs and ricecookers - going for basically what they originally costed

[Mike Oxlong]

Extremists -
The apologists that excuse everything vile, evil, bad, dodgy, etc. here as ancient culture and off-limits to constructive criticism. And the opposite, those that say all is woe here, and this county will self-destuct presently.
Barstool prophets -
Newly minted B.A.s in Asian Studies who take it upon themselves to lecture old Japan hands on all things Japanese.
Zenophobes -
The imported variety rivals the home-grown type here.

[dimwit]

Now that sounds more like it. We can't have the newbies reading this and thinking people give up ten times that much.

(canman, you gotta be careful when you use the word "man" man - it's 10,000 not 1,000).

There are times, living here 'man' feels like about ten dollars.

[IQ<14]

I don't really like the "Attention Whores."

[dimwit]

My wedding ceremony was is Aomori. We had a set charge which is often the custom up there. Everyone paid 15,000 which was just enough to cover the food and the nomihodai and a couple of gifts. It may sound tacky but we actually did it like that (besides it being a tradition with at least a lot people up there, can't say everyone though, don't know) to save people money. If we didn't have a set charge then most people probably would have given 30,000. We wanted people to be able to afford to come with their spouse or a date so we did it the way we did. We paid travel costs and hotel fees for out of town friends but didn't accept gifts of cash in return. That's how we did it up there. I actually didn't invite any gaijin so I was the only one there.

We did almost the same thing. We had everyone pay at the door, and since the minister of the church was a very good friend, the service didn't cost that much. I figure in total we probably spent about 150,000 yen altogether. We did have a number of gaijin friends at the wedding but in general they were much happier with the pay-for-the-reception style.

[NeoNecroNomiCron]

Barstool prophets -

And armchair generals, I hate them to fucking high heaven.

Especialy online, they expect that everybody holds their opinion as valid, the seem to swarm together to validate their opinions, groupthink in action. No arguement which does not fit into their perception is shouted down.

[Andocrates]

[quote="&quot"]I don't really like the "Attention Whores."


fuk you newbee take your shit somewhere else.

[hakuman]

When I got married, I made it clear to all foreigners that were invited that they had to pay 3 man for the wedding, and if it was too much, I wouldnt be offended if they didnt come.

They all came, and they all paid.

I hate foreigners who whine about other foreigners because they have hotter women then they *should*. What a waste of time. Spend your energy finding your own hot woman, and quit whining about some other dudes hot women like a little bitch.

[Charles]

When I got married, I made it clear to all foreigners that were invited that they had to pay 3 man for the wedding, and if it was too much, I wouldnt be offended if they didnt come.

They all came, and they all paid.

I was just in the opposite situation. A friend of mine wanted me to come to his wedding, I was pretty broke, I had just enough money to take the trip over, but no money for the gift. I told him I could make a gift of the appropriately symbolic money, but he'd have to give it right back after the wedding, or else I'd have no money to pay my hotel bill. He said to just come and don't worry about the gift. Then a couple of weeks after the wedding, I got an email asking if I put a card in the money box, they couldn't find it. Oops, I figured that since I'd discussed my lack of a money gift in advance, I better stay miles away from the donation box. It never occurred to me to just write a polite congratulatory note on a card and drop it in sans cash.

Anyway, somewhere in my voluminous piles of crap, I have an ettiquette booklet with a whole chart of suggested monetary donations at weddings. It isn't just one flat fee for everyone, the amount depends on your relationship to the bride and groom or their families. For example, the groom's boss pays a lot. Co-workers pay less. Family members pay a lot depending on how direct the bloodline is, whether they are older/younger, etc etc. It was all quite complex, I'd go to the trouble to look it up except the booklet is old and the data would be obsolete due to inflation.

[jim katta]

man, I gotta admit I don't like this wedding custom thing. it basically says, "If you are a friend of the groom and can't come up with $300 bucks for the wedding, you are not only a loser, who is not welcome at the wedding, but from this day forth we don't expect to see you hanging about..."

kind of passive agressive to me....




ah! very japanese!

[ketchupkatsu]

man, I gotta admit I don't like this wedding custom thing. it basically says, "If you are a friend of the groom and can't come up with $300 bucks for the wedding, you are not only a loser, who is not welcome at the wedding, but from this day forth we don't expect to see you hanging about..."

kind of passive agressive to me....




ah! very japanese!

Everyone has an out if they can't afford. All they have to do is basically say that they have a prior engagement and can't make it.

Yes you will miss the ceremony, but at least you will save face by not admitting that you couldn't afford the "goshugi"

[AssKissinger]

I've been in debt for ages but I can't imagine not being able to come up with 30,000 yen for a good friend (especially with an advance notice).

I do think that, in Japan at least, the hosts should pay for the hotel and travel expenses, however. At the very least, half.