JapanProbe/Hoofin: American Parent Reunited With Abducted Daughter/Denounces BACHome

[TennoChinko]

[TennoChinko]

[gaijinpunch]

Interesting stuff there. Sucks that not all of the details were out... also sucks that the Japanese courts side with him but prove how fucking useless they really are.

[legion]

Mind boggling stuff, it's wheels within wheels within wheels.

I asked my wife about the sole custody thing a while ago, basically in her opinion the basic idea is if one parent is going to do all the difficult stuff, why should the other parent have the option to be the "fun" parent, taking the kid to Mickey D's, showering them with presents, then delivering them back home full of mania inducing food additives. I can see her point.

[Mike Oxlong]

Mind boggling stuff, it's wheels within wheels within wheels.

I asked my wife about the sole custody thing a while ago, basically in her opinion the basic idea is if one parent is going to do all the difficult stuff, why should the other parent have the option to be the "fun" parent, taking the kid to Mickey D's, showering them with presents, then delivering them back home full of mania inducing food additives. I can see her point.

That argument is all about one parent or the other, and not about what's best for the child. While the "other" parent might get the odd fun trip to buy a Happy Meal together, they miss out on all the other daily pleasures of raising a child.

[legion]

That argument is all about one parent or the other, and not about what's best for the child. While the "other" parent might get the odd fun trip to buy a Happy Meal together, they miss out on all the other daily pleasures of raising a child.

Talking of what is good for the child, what does the child miss out on?

[Mike Oxlong]

Not much, apparently.

Edit: Nothing against you or your wife, Legion. I just don't care for the argument. Of course the other parent is going to do something fun together with the child when they get one day a week/month visitation. The other parent is not shirking all the difficult stuff. They were not awarded custody, so have no opportunity to be around to share the hard work. They do the best they can with the time they have. I don't see how that is a good reason not to allow visitation rights to both parents in a divorce.

[Tsuru]

Mind boggling stuff, it's wheels within wheels within wheels.

I asked my wife about the sole custody thing a while ago, basically in her opinion the basic idea is if one parent is going to do all the difficult stuff, why should the other parent have the option to be the "fun" parent, taking the kid to Mickey D's, showering them with presents, then delivering them back home full of mania inducing food additives. I can see her point.

Wow.

I sincerely hope people who sincerely hold this view with regards to parenting never actually have kids.

Me me me me me it's all about me.

[gaijinpunch]

Mind boggling stuff, it's wheels within wheels within wheels.

I asked my wife about the sole custody thing a while ago, basically in her opinion the basic idea is if one parent is going to do all the difficult stuff, why should the other parent have the option to be the "fun" parent, taking the kid to Mickey D's, showering them with presents, then delivering them back home full of mania inducing food additives. I can see her point.

That justifies joint-custody. Neither parent should get to do that.

[Coligny]

Wow.

I sincerely hope people who sincerely hold this view with regards to parenting never actually have kids.

Me me me me me it's all about me.

Welcome to earth dood...

[legion]

Wow.

I sincerely hope people who sincerely hold this view with regards to parenting never actually have kids.

Me me me me me it's all about me.

Or practicality, maybe the "me me me " bit applies to the jilted daddy.

Though we shouldn't sit in judgement on individual's paths to such a sad conclusion, surely the prospect you would be separated from your kids would be an incentive to make the effort to put aside your egocentricity in the first place.

I think the idea of dual custody, even visitation rights is a bit idealistic, in reality how many people are going to maintain regular visits, especially in a city like Tokyo?

Kids adapt a lot quicker than we give them credit for, so long as they have a stable environment to live in. If that environment doesn't include daddy that might just be tough on daddy.

[Tsuru]

Remember you said this if you ever get into this situation. Oh but wait, you are never going to have kids right? Good.

As much as I hate to be "that guy", I've heard this same argument before on here from some worthless piece of gaijin shit who got 3 J-chicks pregnant, and each time he fucked off to another city never to be seen again... where the fuck did some of you people get the idea that kids from single parent homes will probably be A-OK?

[legion]

I have two kids & a mortgage.

I think you are conflating random gaijin with the majority Japanese. The underlying assumption is not a single parent family but a family consisting of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. The Japanese system does not give custody to one parent, it recognises the child as a member of one of the two families.

[Coligny]

where the fuck did some of you people get the idea that kids from single parent homes will probably be A-OK?

Iceland...

Definately Iceland...

[matsuki]

[Guest]

I asked my wife about the sole custody thing a while ago, basically in her opinion the basic idea is if one parent is going to do all the difficult stuff, why should the other parent have the option to be the "fun" parent, taking the kid to Mickey D's, showering them with presents, then delivering them back home full of mania inducing food additives. I can see her point.

Sounds like an average Japanese parent who sees no problem in sending the other parent away just because the situation has gotten to be mendokusai.

Yeah, it is all about the welfare of the kids.... Anyone who believes that anything Japan does concerning children is about the welfare of the kids needs to take a long look at the situation in Fukushima and the fact that the Japanese themselves are deciding it isn't wise to have children in Japan anymore.

legion, think long and hard what your life and your kids lives would be like if your wife took them away from you.

[Coligny]

[6810]

[maraboutslim]

I have two kids & a mortgage.

I think you are conflating random gaijin with the majority Japanese. The underlying assumption is not a single parent family but a family consisting of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. The Japanese system does not give custody to one parent, it recognises the child as a member of one of the two families.

Exactly. And anyone marrying a Japanese female should understand this before they have children. And dare I say, they should also accept it as the way things are, as well. Makes a lot more sense to me than going ahead with having kids, then for whatever reason not being able to keep your family unit together or work out an arrangement with the wife, and then expecting laws to be changed to solve your custody problems in a way that conforms with your own expectations and not the rules that were in place when you started the game!

My kids are now 13 and 16, and we are all still together. But I can honestly say that I could sacrifice seeing them and having "shared custody" if it meant a more stable environment for them to grow up in than being shuffled back and forth between countries, or requiring their mother to continue to live in a country she no longer wanted to be in (since that fact would negatively effect how the kids were treated by her). My loss, but their gain. And that's a sacrifice every real father should be willing to make.

[Coligny]

Although Coligny's zeitgeisty/meme-ified spelling earns my ire, s/he has a sense of humour and a degree of self-awareness...

I pee standing up...

So either I have a gigantic clit a really good aim and weapon grade lesbians affinities...

Or I'm a "He"...

[legion]

[Samurai_Jerk]

I think the idea of dual custody, even visitation rights is a bit idealistic, in reality how many people are going to maintain regular visits, especially in a city like Tokyo?

I don't understand your point. Why would people in a city like Tokyo be less likely to maintain a relationship with their kids?

[Coligny]

What kind of activities with kids can you have in Tokyo ? Not much park to throw a ball... beach for a swim or fishing...

[Samurai_Jerk]

What kind of activities with kids can you have in Tokyo ? Not much park to throw a ball... beach for a swim or fishing...

There are beaches within a 60 min train ride of central Tokyo and I see people playing ball with their kids all the time in parks or on quiet residential side streets. I also see people taking their kids to movie theaters, amusement parks, museums, galleries and major shrines and temples. Imagine how horrible it would be for those kids to live in a shitty underdeveloped rural area with no access to culture, the arts or fine food.

[legion]

There are beaches within a 60 min train ride of central Tokyo and I see people playing ball with their kids all the time in parks or on quiet residential side streets. I also see people taking their kids to movie theaters, amusement parks, museums, galleries and major shrines and temples. Imagine how horrible it would be for those kids to live in a shitty underdeveloped rural area with no access to culture, the arts or fine food.

I'm not saying it can't be done, I am saying to do it well would require a lot of work on both sides.

Kids generally enjoy activities which involve hanging out with other kids, and they are happy doing so wherever they are, town or country, I would guess the first job for the single parent with visitation is to maintain those relationships. However, I suspect that a return to bachelorhood would mean a return to an adult orientated world, and the kids would find themselves in a restaurant with a PSP for company while dad drinks beer, talks to his mates, and tries to flirt with the waitress.

I'm sure there are dedicated dads out there who could prove me wrong, but I know there are those that prove me right.

[Mike Oxlong]

I'm sure there are dedicated dads out there who could prove me wrong, but I know there are those that prove me right.

Ah, so this is one of those deals where some guys not playing "ideal dad" get to ruin it for everyone? Perfection or nothing, eh.

[Samurai_Jerk]

I'm not saying it can't be done, I am saying to do it well would require a lot of work on both sides.

Kids generally enjoy activities which involve hanging out with other kids, and they are happy doing so wherever they are, town or country, I would guess the first job for the single parent with visitation is to maintain those relationships. However, I suspect that a return to bachelorhood would mean a return to an adult orientated world, and the kids would find themselves in a restaurant with a PSP for company while dad drinks beer, talks to his mates, and tries to flirt with the waitress.

I'm sure there are dedicated dads out there who could prove me wrong, but I know there are those that prove me right.

You don't seem to understand the bond between parents and children very well.

[Sa_Race]

It's ok to be a crappy dad as we don't give them our precious mitochondria.

[Coligny]

It's ok to be a crappy dad as we don't give them our precious mitochondria.

I knew I should'nt have slept during this lecture...

[Guest]